A/N: OK, now for my happy story. It actually ended up getting rather long so I've split it into three chapters. This helps with the fact that I have a love scene in it. That will be chapter 2. So I will probably end up posting this as a T for today, then, when I post chapter 2 I will actually have two stories here by the same title, one T, and one M. I hope that makes sense. :)

A few things to note: 1) This is NOT in my headverse. This story takes place within current MCU shortly after TWS (which didn't happen in my headverse). 2) If you do not think that when Steve told Natasha, "That was not my first kiss since 1945...I've had some practice," my brain did not immediately jump to conclusions about him and Maria, you haven't been paying attention. :D 3) As I was writing out this story, I decided that the writers of TWS also ship Captain Hill. The coincidence I point out later in this story was too much for it not to be true. lol. Of course, they are beholden to the writers of Avengers 2 now, so...4) Please stop by my DreamWidth and chat writing, fanfiction, etc. I love to talk to others about this hobby of mine but I only have my kids to talk to because I have no writer friends at all IRL. (captainhillshipper dot dreamwidth dot com)

Please R&R (as usual, please sign in if you wish to leave a negative comment or it will be deleted)

That was not my first kiss since 1945. I'm 95, I'm not dead.

"I, uh, have something I need to do before we leave New York," Steve told Sam, almost hesitantly.

They were sitting at the table in their hotel room. They'd come to New York three days earlier to follow a lead on Bucky that, in the end, lead them nowhere.

"Sure," his friend said. "Need a hand?"

Steve felt himself grow slightly warm.

"Oh," Sam said, a knowing tone in his voice. "That kind of something."

Steve looked at Sam who in turn had a ridiculous grin on his face.

"No, not that," he started, and Sam gave him a dubious look. "OK, yes, sort of that."

He sighed.

"I don't know," he finally admitted.

"Complicated, huh?" Sam asked.

"You have no idea," Steve shook his head, then stood to leave.

"Coming back tonight or should we just meet at the airport?" Sam asked, apparently unable to keep a smirk off his face, and Steve felt himself grow warm.

Sam only chuckled.

"Radio silence?" he asked.

Steve furrowed his brows in confusion.

"You don't want me calling you and checking up on you just in case?"

"No," Steve said. "Please, no phone calls."

In mid-town, Steve Rogers read the numbers as he walked down the hall of the high-rise apartment, stopping when he arrived at 608. He raised his hand to knock, but the door opened before he had a chance. A benefit of living in a high security building, Steve supposed, was knowing when you had visitors. Steve thought it ruined the element of surprise he'd hoped to gain.

Maria Hill stepped back to allow him into her new apartment. There were still unpacked boxes stacked around the room. The sofa was still covered with a sheet, and set at an angle askew to the room. Obviously not where it would find its final resting place.

"Captain," Maria said, formally. "I see you're up and about."

She closed the door behind him then walked into the kitchen.

"You'll forgive me, I hope," again formally. "I was unpacking the kitchen. Stark wants me to start ASAP and I won't get a chance to get everything the way I want it if I don't get it done now."

Maria Hill's infamous OCD. Steve allowed himself a small smile behind her. He actually liked how structured and ordered she was in her private life. It gave him an extra sense of assurance when he was out in the field under her command.

"Sam told me you'd stopped by a few times while I was still unconscious," he said, leaning against the post that acted as a divider for the room, after refusing a chair she'd offered.

She stilled briefly. Another man might not have noticed, but Steve could catch things like that, as well as the slight hitch in her breath, before she replied.

"It was only appropriate," she told him, trying to act busy, but Steve could hear that her breath had become slightly more labored, as if she was trying to control it, without success.

"After what I did, I wanted to see if you would recover," she pulled the forks from the box she was unpacking and Steve watched her place them where he knew the knives should go.

He walked up behind her and looked over her shoulder into the drawer. She stiffened in reaction to his proximity, and even more as he reached around her and picked up the forks, placing them in the correct slot.

"You didn't do anything I didn't ask you to do," he said, quietly.

He watched as her arm goose pimpled and wavered in his decision to step so close. He didn't want to push her.

"You saved millions of lives, Maria."

Maria swallowed and gripped the counter. He heard her next words only because he was right next to her.

"But if I'd killed Captain America, they would have filleted me."

"Since when do you care what 'they' do or say?" he asked, then hesitantly placed his hands on her shoulders.

He was rewarded for his boldness by her involuntarily leaning into his touch. Taking that as a good sign, he decided to take it one step further and began to rub her tense shoulders.

"Steve," she said, and he knew from the sound of her voice it was a protest.

Pulling himself together he removed his hands from her shoulders and stepped back. He wasn't going to fight her over this again. He'd come to make his case and he could do that with only words.

"SHIELD is gone," he said. "I wanted to see how you were."

SHIELD had been Maria's life for so long, her answer to everything, too many of the wrong things, in Steve's opinion.

He watched as Maria took a breath, then returned to her unpacking.

"I'll live, believe it, or not," she said, the abruptness in her voice telling Steve she considered that none of his business.

He watched her as she removed the utensils from the box, this time placing them in the correct spots, then she took the empty box and began to break it down. She walked over to the door and set it in a pile she had already started. As Steve glanced around the room he knew she'd have everything sorted out this evening easily. Maria was not a woman who put stock into possessions. The few she had were practical. When he had asked her once if she considered books and music impractical, she had shown him her iPad mini explaining she had all her books and music on the device. He admitted having that type of access to books while he was away from home had been something that had almost made him break down and start using one.

She moved into the living room now and pushed the sofa across the floor, then examined it to see if she liked it there. Her desk was against the wall where most people would have their TV. But Steve knew that's what her tablet or laptop were for.

He continued to watch her unpack silently, as if mesmerized by her efficiency. He knew better than to ask if she needed help, that would have him out the door. And Maria had never taken issue with his quiet ways like so many people did, trying to make conversation to fill gaps. He knew that's why he was comfortable around her. When she finished the few boxes for the living room she broke those down and stacked them by the door with the others.

She turned back to him and sighed, brushing away from her face the hair that had fallen from her pony tail.

"Want a beer, or something?" she asked, and Steve relaxed at the tone of informality now in her voice.

"Actually, I was hoping I could take you out for drinks, or some food," he said.

She stared at him, her face revealing nothing, and Steve tried to look as nonchalant as he was attempting to make the invitation sound.

"I need a shower," she replied.

"I can wait," he told her.

She quirked an eyebrow at him and Steve fought his embarrassment.

"OK," she said, finally, still showing no emotion, then walked to the bath.

Steve listened as she shut the door, then waited to hear the lock click, but it never happened. Instead the water began to run. He could hear it hitting the tiles, then the absence of sound as she stepped under the water and her body took the brunt of the pressure.

The living room suddenly seemed cramped and Steve found it difficult to take regular breaths. He tried to shove aside the image of a naked Maria, water running over her skin, dripping of her curves, tried with more difficulty to not think about the fact she hadn't locked the bathroom door.

Maria wasn't an idiot or a fool. Steve knew that she had to understand why he'd come, now. To him, their history was incomplete, cut short by her attempts to hide behind her position at SHIELD, and SHIELD in general. She had to suspect, and Steve couldn't help but hope she desired, that he would want to try again, now that SHIELD was no longer an issue.

He walked over and sat down on the sofa. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back and tried to get his mind off the sound of the water, the sound of her movements behind the door. He had done an amazing job, he felt, of controlling himself over the past few months, but now that SHIELD was dissolved, and Maria could no longer hide behind it, Steve had to know one way or the other if there was any way to pick things up again.

Out of seemingly nowhere, his conversation with Natasha on the way to the base came to mind. When she'd asked if that had been his first kiss since 1945, he'd laughed. He'd had some practice, he'd told her, and that was no lie. Kissing Maria was like a drug that he had never been able to get enough of, and to have gone several months without it was almost unbearable.

On the hellicarrier, when he'd told her to fire the weapons, she'd said his name, his first name, and he wondered if she had thought the same as he, that this might be the last time he heard her voice. The moment had reminded him too much of taking down the Valkyrie, Peggy's voice the last thing he'd heard. But there had been more important things to consider than a relationship that might be love, but might not. He certainly had thought it was, or at least the start of love. It was hard to tell with Maria, she was so closed and reticent that Steve had a hard time figuring out exactly what she wanted or received from their relationship. He knew it wasn't just his body she wanted, or things would have escalated long before she broke it off, but beyond that, he had no idea.

The water turned off and Steve resisted the images that formed, once again, in his mind. He heard her start the hairdryer and leaned forward, resting his head in his hands.

She'd been plain enough when she ended it. SHIELD and a private life didn't mix for her. She had told him that it should seem obvious to him, the number of times their dates had been interrupted by some urgent SHIELD business. But he hadn't understood. They hadn't been in a war at the time, why should SHIELD take up anyone's life that fully? If he hadn't watched her for a year before he'd worked up the nerve to finally ask her out, and noticed just how much SHIELD took from her, he would have thought someone at SHIELD was watching them, waiting for the perfect opportunity to call her in.

The door to the bathroom opened and Steve's head jerked up in reaction. Maria stepped out wearing only a white terry cloth robe that fell to her mid thigh. His eyes skimmed over her and were drawn to her bare legs. He had to force them away so he didn't appear to ogle her. He listened as she quietly passed through the room to the bedroom. She shut that door, but, again, he did not hear her click the lock.

Turning to stare at the door, Steve couldn't stop the thoughts flowing to the last time he was in her bedroom; her skin beneath his hands; the taste of her as he demanded from her and pleasured her with his tongue; her pulse throbbing under his lips; her voice husky in his ear with whispered advice, pleas, his name; her hands on him, touching, exploring; how close he felt to her in that one intimate moment; the damned phone.

He rubbed his hands across his face in frustration, almost the same frustration as that night; then, he reached into his pocket. Sam had promised radio silence but Steve thought he'd better double check that the phone wasn't even on vibrate. He supposed at the time that he should be happy there were phones and SHIELD hadn't sent someone in person to summon Maria. That would have been an embarrassment she might never have been able to move past. As it was, she told him it was a wake-up call to her. She'd had a long list of reasons it wasn't working, none with which Steve agreed.

It had been shortly after that that Natasha had started bugging him about dating people. He wondered if she'd known, but he played dumb. His relationship with Maria had been a secret. Even he agreed that it had to be. She would be a target to anyone who wanted to get to him, and it would jeopardize their working relationship. He didn't want to hinder her career, nor see her hurt. But the secrecy didn't lessen the pain when it ended, he felt more empty than he had before it started.

Steve stood as Maria walked back into the room. She had dressed as casually as he, jeans with a white tank top under a light orange sweater. Her hair was pulled back again into a pony tail, there was no make-up on her face.

"You look beautiful," Steve said honestly.

His hands itched to touch her face, to tilt her chin up so he could kiss her lips. He stuffed them into his jacket pockets.

She smiled demurely and Steve felt relieved to see the color rise to her face. At least he wasn't the only nervous one.

"So," he said after he found his voice again. "Pizza and beer?"

She smiled a warmer smile this time and nodded. Then she grabbed up a small handbag off the kitchen table and lead them out the door.

It was a place she'd taken him to before when he'd visited her in New York. He had made DC his home early on because New York had changed too much, it was sometimes too painful to think about. Then, after the Battle of New York, he'd have liked to have stayed but housing was at a premium and he couldn't see taking an apartment someone else needed.

She ordered the Grandma Pizza again, as she had before, and he cocked an eyebrow at her.

"You know," he said. "The first time you ordered that I thought you were trying to tease me."

She tried to act offended but Steve could see the glint of humor in her eye.

"I don't name them," she said. "I just eat them."

They laughed and Steve felt himself relax even more.

The waitress brought them two beers and, after a long drink, Steve started.

"So, aside from saving the world through Stark Industries, what are your plans?" he asked.

"Are you mocking me?" she asked, but with a smirk.

"Never," he said, his voice rough enough with emotion to elicit a response in her eyes.

Score one for the neophyte, he thought.

She shrugged her shoulders.

"I suppose it will be similar," she said. "Maybe I'll have a little more control over things."

"Do you trust Stark?" Steve asked.

"Not as much as I trusted Fury," she replied. "But more than I did once upon a time."

"Will he help you with your list?" Steve asked, wondering how Maria planned to go after the remaining SHIELD traitors after they had scrambled for cover underground.

"He has the resources, and mostly the will to do so ," she told him, and Steve caught a sad look that flashed briefly across her face.

He leaned over the table and took her hand almost impulsively. He almost thought he'd regret it, but she looked up at him and he saw a slight smile.

"It can't be easy," Steve said. "Having to go after them."

She shrugged again.

"It's a job; it's what I've always done," she reminded him.

"Yeah, but this is different, and you must realize that?"

"It's personal," she nodded.

Their pizza arrived and they dug in. It was difficult to keep the conversation light. He knew one day it would be easy again, but too much had happened too recently.

"I saw you on C-SPAN," he commented after he washed his first piece of pizza down with a swallow of beer and waved to the waitress to bring two more.

Maria nodded.

"I think Romanoff took most of the spotlight," she said, and Steve was certain that was more a relief to her. "I was just facts and statistics and..."

She stopped, then schooled her face to hide the brief emotion he caught.

"It was a ridiculous line of questioning," he told her.

She shook her head.

"It might have been a line I took," she told him.

"You'd go after a person who'd just saved millions of people over the possibility that she might have killed one?" he asked.

"You're an important person," she reminded him.

"Not that important," he said, his face grim as he recalled how the members of the Senate panel tried to vilify Maria's decision to fire on the hellicarriers while he was still aboard, claiming she should have bucked orders to save Captain America.

"Obviously some people would disagree with you," she said.

"Would you?" he asked.

"Is this a test?" she rebutted.

He opened his mouth in surprise, then he laughed.

"What?" she asked, confused by his change in attitude.

"That's just something I used to say," he said. "I'd almost forgotten."

"Tell me," she smiled.

Steve's breath hitched at the words. Did she remember what those words meant to them? Had she put the same meaning behind them that they used to? Steve took another draught of beer and explained.

"It's nothing big," he said. "It's just that when I was trying to get into the army, and after I was in, it always seemed like I was being tested. It didn't bother me, then. I figured I was up to the challenge."

"And now?" she asked.

He gave her a puzzled look.

"Now, when it seems like everyone's testing you," she explained. "Do you think you're up to the challenge?"

He stared at her open mouthed for a moment, then shook his head.

"Someday I'm going to learn how you do that," he said.

She could read people so well. That had been just one of the many things that had attracted him to her. But as he stared at her now, her face changed.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I don't do it nearly as well as I thought," she remarked.

He reached over the table and took her hand back in his.

"It wasn't your fault," he assured her.

"I should have looked harder," she said. "I should have paid closer attention when things happened that I wasn't comfortable with."

Steve shook his head.

"If that was true, then I would have caught it," he told her. "I was paying attention. I was watching and scrutinizing."

He sighed, but it came out more as a groan.

"I thought HYDRA was gone," he said. "Even when I was first presented with the evidence, I couldn't believe it."

They lapsed into silence, eating their pizza, until they were interrupted by the waitress asking if they wanted another beer. Steve took one, but Maria refused and asked for some water.

Maria stared at the half-eaten piece of pizza on her plate and Steve tried to find a way to break her out of her thoughts.

"I could get you a fork, then you could pick at it," he joked, hoping for a smile.

She looked up at him, but her eyes bore into him with a question.

"How did you do it?" she asked. "How did you go on after you lost everything?"

Steve stared at a her and he realized that he'd been approaching the situation from the wrong angle. He'd viewed SHEILD as a barrier she kept between them, a wall she used to keep people out, and maybe it had been, partially. But SHIELD had been Maria's whole life, the people in SHIELD had been her family. Now, half that family had betrayed her, and she had betrayed the other half by helping to expose their secrets and helping him burn SHIELD to the ground. It had to be done, he knew that if he tried to apologize for his decision she would have none of it, but knowing that didn't make it any easier for her.

"It was difficult at first," he told her, and he fought the urge to move to the seat next to her and take her in his arms.

"Most days I have no idea how I functioned," he recalled. "I had nightmares, and flashbacks. The worst times were when I would see someone who would remind me of someone I'd known. For just a moment I would forget."

He swallowed down his emotion and shook his head.

"Honestly," he said. "The Chitauri couldn't have chosen a better time to invade."

He chuckled and she laughed with him. It was a real laugh, not just a relieved one, and Steve couldn't stop himself.

"The way your face lights up when you smile," he told her, as he took her hand to his lips. "It warms me more than anything."

She looked back at him, and for a moment Steve feared he'd ruined everything, but he held her gaze with the same look and slowly her eyes softened.

The waitress ruined the moment by bringing them their check and asking if they wanted a box for the leftover pizza. Steve sighed and nodded at her, while Maria snatched up the check before he had a chance to think about it.

"Hey," he said. "I suggested this, I'll pay."

She shook her head, and her eyes showed more than a hint of amusement.

"I'm the employed one at this table," she smirked.

"Oh, that was just low," he smiled back.

Steve watched as she took out her money and left the payment, along with her usual larger-than-necessary tip, on the table with the check. The waitress returned with a box and picked up the money. Maria told her to keep the change as Steve slid the leftover pizza inside the cardboard.

They left and started to walk the few blocks back to her apartment.

"Anything new on Bucky?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Not so far," he said. "Though Natasha sent us something that might help us. We got a flight to Denmark tomorrow at 1300."

"Let me know if you need anything," she told him. "I have the resources at my disposal, apparently."

She turned and smiled at him, and he thought that if they weren't on the street he wouldn't have been able to resist pulling her face to his for a longed for kiss. His feelings must have shown on his face because she reacted visibly, her eyes darkening, and her tongue darting out to wet her lips. But this was still too public a place and it was one thing for them to be seen eating together, and quite another to show their feelings.

Steve thought it somewhat comical that, in unison, they took a deep breath then turned away from each other to continue their walk. They were silent after that. Steve spent the rest of the time questioning his hesitation. He wondered if she would misinterpret his feelings. Maybe he should just say something. But things had been going smoothly to that point and he wasn't sure, now, what to say. He didn't used to be this nervous around her.

They arrived outside her apartment and Maria turned to him again.

"Do you want to come back upstairs?" she asked.

Steve took a steadying breath and hoped he wouldn't completely muck everything up.

"If I go upstairs with you," he said, giving her as meaningful a look as he could. "I'm staying tonight, and I'm coming back. It won't be a onetime thing."

She looked at him for a moment, her face guarded, and Steve feared she would refuse. Then she smiled slightly, as if she was relieved, and she held out her hand for him to take. He did, and she led him through the front door of her building.

As they rode up in the elevator, Steve hoped he could simply keep his palms from sweating before they reached the apartment. He still felt entirely unsure of himself. They had taken things slowly when they were dating. Each time together becoming more and more heated until neither could bear it any longer. If it hadn't been for the damned phone.

The ding of the elevator indicating they'd reached the sixth floor snapped Steve out of his thoughts. He followed Maria down the hall and slowly released her hand when she went to unlock her door. Following her into the apartment he swallowed down the fear that had crept into his throat. It shouldn't be this difficult, should it? Shouldn't they just be able to pick up right where they left off?

Maria closed and locked the door, then she walked over to the coffee table and set her purse down. She stood with her back to him and Steve realized she was waiting for him. He walked slowly over to her and touched her arm to turn her to face him. Then he placed his hands on her shoulders as he leaned in to kiss her slowly.

The kiss was gentle and, Steve felt, not just a little awkward. It reminded him of their first kiss, timid, questioning, unsure. At the time neither of them could even say if they were doing the right thing by getting involved, it had just become something neither wanted to waste the energy fighting anymore. It seemed strange to him that they had gone all the way back, but, then, he didn't really know much about relationships at all.

He felt Maria place her hands hesitantly on his hips and just that gentle touch made Steve feel warmer. He moved his thumbs between her shoulders and her sweater then pushed it down her arms languidly. He felt her muscles ripple beneath his fingers as she moved her arms to allow the garment to fall to the floor behind her and was reminded of the many times he'd watched her out of the corner of his eye as she worked out. Her body had always held an almost irresistible appeal to him, the way it moved as she walked the corridors at SHIELD, the dangerous weapon it became in a fight.

Steve deepened the kiss and spanned his hands across her back, bringing her flush with his body as her hands skimmed over his arms and to his neck, pulling him in closer. After that, nothing felt awkward.