Don't own South Park or Bewitched... Enjoy guyss Sally xooxo
Craig's POV: It had been quite the crazy ol' week... Cartman has been harrasing me to no end.. Seems like no one else would even humour his business interests...
I mean the only reason I am is because he could easily blackmail me and Tweek... Apart from that anything to make him shut up is good...
I picked up the girl he was on about from Denver who weirdly actually wanted to be a prostitute.. Even though she had no addictions or vices to pay for...
Speaking of addiction and vice; Butters nearly OD'd the other day in school.. Garrison found it to be really hillarious but like I say the Stotch boy is now up at Hell's Pass...
There was no police investigation because everyone is far too scared of the reprecussions...
I mean Cartman is the sort of guy who will disembowell you and eat you for breakfast... His madness is famed for at least 100 miles in every direction...
I did a few more jobs for him but donated what money I earned to charity or gave it to my Mom... Of course Tweek doesn't agree but he's a good kid.. It's not like I wanna sell drugs for Eric Cartman but it is way better than some of the crazy alternatives he could hand out...
I was walking home, it was 2:30PM and colder than ever... I just wanted to sit down and have a look at what was on the TV...
I came across Wendy and Bebe talking to some girls I didn't know... Well I did know of them but shit I didn't know their names or anything...
The only ones i recognised were Red and Annie Nelson, both real crazy bitches if you said the wrong thing... I decided to keep walking but girls being girls they shouted for me...
"CRAIG! OVER HERE!" Bebe screeched... It would be best not to ignore her... Only last night Clyde ignored her Facebook messages and she put a brick through his window...
"What do you guys want?" I asked quietly... "Did you hear about Butters? Oh my god it's crazy!" Wendy exclaimed... The other girls added a response of either 'yeah' or 'oh my god'..
Dont think 'oh my god' is a strong enough word for this situation... Maybe fucked up beyond all recognition; shit that's the right kind of word for this situation...
"Yeah man.. His own fault though... Aint nobody forced him to look for a vein..." I added honestly... They all looked at me as though I was some unholy demon...
"His own fault? Really Tucker? Jeeeeeez.." Annie Nelson muttered... "Craig it aint Butters' fault... It's that fat piece of shit Cartman's fault!" Wendy snapped...
Yeah sure it was Cartman's fault; but Butters had followed him blindly... A very stupid thing to do; Cartman is like Roger off American Dad... Sociopathic, Unbalanced and totally Unpredictable...
"I ain't disputing that ladies... But I gotta be on my way..." I plainly mumbled... They waved their hands at me and I carried on with my journey...
Wish i didn't live so far out from the centre of town... Fucking sucks man... I carried on walking trying to ignore the almost hypothermic weather...
Seriously and Bear Grylls complains about walking through Alaska? Try the Colorado Rockies then we'll see who's tough...
Unfortunately for me my day took a sudden turn... In the form of the four biggest douchebags to ever walk the earth.. Well Kenny not so much but yeah...
"Kiinny it ain't my fault! You guys I'm serious! I just got the dosage wrong!" Cartman whined... Trying to convince everyone it was all Butters' fault...
"Seriously Cartman just shut up... You've done some grossly offensive things in your time.. But this is just fucking unnaceptable!" Kyle barked...
"DAMN JEW! IT WAS HIS FAULT!" Cartman screamed... Unlike every other day though said Jew just carried on walking; ignoring the hateful words of his constant tormentor...
Unfortunately for me they caught sight of me and decided to stop for a chat... Damn if I had a gun I would so shoot myself...
I can deal with Kenny on his own... Same could be said for Marsh if he wasn't so annoying... Kyle is a bit of an uptight prick for my liking...
Cartman; shit man nuf said... But when they are all together I cant fucking stand it... You just know some crazy shit is gonna erupt right in front of you...
"Hey Craig!" Stan shouted... Damn should have worn my oversized hoodie... Guess I gotta talk to these assholes now...
"Sup Marsh..." I plainly replied.. Kyle and Kenny uttered their greetings yet Cartman was silent... He was far too busy texting someone...
"Say hello to Craig, Cartman.." Stan ordered, looking pissed off with the Fatass' antics...
"GOD! IM BUSY! HELLO! HELLLO! HELLO!" Cartman ranted, pissed off at having his important business disrupted...
"So what you doing Tucker?" Kenny asked, those dark blue eyes flirting as always... Damn if Kenny doesnt die of AIDS by the time he's 20 i'll eat my hat... Not that it would matter, You could kill Kenny a million times and he'd be back all fixed the next day...
"Casually walking home like? Are you guys gonna have one of your crazy adventures today or?" I mumbled sarcastically...
"Well we already got into a fight with Dick Cheney sooo... Yeahh..." Stan muttered...
See who else would that happen to? Unlike those guys I actually have the common sense that when something arises to just stay out of it...
But no those assholes are the type to annoy Barbra Streisand until she transforms into a huge robot dragon thing... The type to start war with aliens from a far off galaxy...
Annoying aint the word for that shit; let me make that quite plain... But seeing as how I'm stood here talking to them I guess I could ammend some of that statement...
"Look hate to sound grouchy and all but I got shit to do..." I muttered... I'd had enough of their mind-boggling conversations...
They said their goodbyes and went on their way, some random guy shooting Kenny in the face as they crossed the road... Wow dread to think how boring this place would be if it wasn't for those guys... Holy shit did I really just say that? Damn Craig you need to stop smoking weed dude...
I decided to take a quick walk to the Mall.. Seeing as how it's quite close to my house... Not that i'd shop anywhere I just like sitting in the food court looking miserable...
You can get a free bagel if you sit there long enough... As I walked through the doors I could see a lot of people doing their clothes shopping...
The goth kids were all walking in front of me, discussing who did the blackest eyeliner and the craziest footwear... Wow for people who are severely depressed they are obsessed with fashion... I thought that was non-comformist but not like I really care or anything...
And then the ultimate icebreaker, Sharon and Randy Marsh both arguing over something stupid... At least they weren't kicking the shit out of each other like my Mom and Dad..
I can remember when I was younger my Dad hit my Mom so hard she was unconcious for 5 hours... But they're both deeply in love so what can you do...
"Ohh come on Sharon! Gaaawdd!" Randy whined... "No Randy! I'm not buying that cookbook for you! I'm sick of waking up to a kitchen covered in gunk!" Sharon snapped...
"God Sharon! You're such a controlling bitch!" Randy ranted... "RANDY! Go and sit in the car! I'll get you some food... Just leave me alone..." Sharon sighed...
Randy Marsh then retreated out of the mall, his sick perverted pleasure for cuisine unsatisfied.. And people wonder why this town is so fucked up...
Shit I bet Stan will be twice as crazy as his dad in about 20 years time... Hopefully I'll be somewhere on the East Coast by that time...
After I was done loitering aimlessly I decided to walk home, there was nothing to interest me at this point in time... Only the casual boring conversations of those passing by...
Their undoubted resolve over what they disclaimed the harshness of live... Shit that's the understatement of the century... Sure life's a bitch and then you die...
I mean you only live once so you might as well be slightly happy.. That's what pisses me off about people who complain about their life all the time...
I mean if the Jigsaw Killer was real half the people in this town would be dead like...
The walk home was neither interesting or eventful... Which I can say is quite relieving; I mean any chance to escape the crazy nature of everyday life in South Park is something I am definitely willing to take... That just reminds me I should go see Tweek... Ha that's got me thinking about our little escapade in Nevada...
All I can say is Tweek makes Kim Kardashian look like an ugly pre-op transexual... Not to mention he can really work the motorbike...
We are both surely gonna have a lawsuit off Kanye West but whatever.. I mean I'm sure making love on a motorbike has been around since the invention of the combustion engine?
Okay I seriously gotta remember to type in 'Sex on a motorbike' into Google when I have the time... Not that i care about being one-upped by a douche like Kanye West but still...
I was walking down the street looking at everything in my peripheral vision... I think it's one of those situations where you see your hopes and dreams lying on the ground...
Things might just pass into the night as the years go by but I wanna hang on to everything.. If that makes me crazy or insecure then I don't know what to say..
When I got to Tweek's house I could see he was quite busy doing his coffee and his dinner... Well not that busy considering he just zapped it out of nowhere...
"Hi babe you ok?" Tweek asked... "Yeah I'm fine sweetheart, what about you?" I plainly replied, I was way too exhausted to make time for pleasantries and semantics...
"Umm yeah I-i'm fine..." Tweek mumbled... He got back to what he was doing and I decided to have a look what was on the television.
As usual nothing was really on.. More exagerated drama on the news and people worrying about things that probably didnt exist...
Let's just say Al Gore is still up to his old tricks... Crazy that guy is, absoloutely wacked out of his head...
"Damn when did TV get so crap eh?" Tweek mumbled, passing me a glass of water and some beef jerky... Way better than the stuff you can get at the shop I'll tell ya...
"Don't know about crap... maybe brain scrambling but not crap.." I silently muttered, I didn't feel in the mood for a real in depth sort of thing...
"So is Family Guy not on today or something?" Tweek asked curiously, truth is I hadn't actually looked.. But i'm kind of moody today so unfortunately even if it is I doubt Peter and Lois could lift my spirits... I mean I feel fine yet at the same time real lethargic and glib... It's weird man I dont know how to explain it clearly...
For a plain English explanation I dont think Family Guy will do it's job today... Which is really crap...
"Uhh no Family Guy isn't on today.." I lied, having checked that it was a few prior seconds ago... "Ohh right... Well why dont we like... Umm I don't know... Clean the house?" Tweek suggested... Wow dont know about cleaning, dont think im such a boring bastard that I'll clean the house out of choice just yet... Hell no maybe when I'm like 45 and life really starts to get boring...
"Tweekers you're mad... You are seriously OCD..." I giggled... Hmn well at least something lightened the tense arid atmosphere...
"No I'm not! Take that back Craig Tucker!" Tweek demanded, going red in the face...
"Shit dude I'm kidding... Come and sit by me; screw the TV! Tell me about your day.." I asked as politely as I knew how...
"Umm G-god... Errr... Not much really... I've just kinda been cleaning the house, cooked my dad's lunch for his big convention... Not a lot..." Tweek sighed...
"Not much over here either.. Just saw Marsh and his pack of idiots..." I seethed, damn maybe it's unhealthy how much I dislike Stan Marsh...
Believe me it gets a lot worse when you see your nemesis drunkly pounding your lover... But I'm an easygoing guy so I didn't say anything...
I'm sure fucking thinking something though I know that much... Damn I need to chill out, maybe smoke a doob or something...
"Oh my god! I heard about what happened to Butters! They should lock Cartman up and throw away the key!" Tweek yelped frantically...
"Haha yeah right.. Imprison Cartman? Fuck man that's science fiction that is.." I laughed, it was true though.. Cartman held the keys to a lot of doors in this town and people knew it...
He was like the silent overbearing enforcer waiting in the shadows... And just when you least expect it he'll drive a knife through your heart...
I mean if I had my way Cartman would get the lethal injection.. That fatass has made life miserable for so many people...
I guess maybe I was putting too much focus into how I disliked the three of them... Like I say Kenny is fine but he's kind of a sex maniac at times...
Many times I just think about the craziness that is slowly enveloping this whole place...
It's like a dark shadow hanging over your back, it can drive you crazy and it's cruel sometimes...
I mean I'm lucky to not be involved in most of the shit in this town, Yeaah I had my little adventure in Peru.. But apart from that I can avoid most of it...
But it seems with every passing year everyone in the whole town is getting more involved... Like a storm is heading this way... I don't know I just hope to god I'm not living in South Park in 10 years man...
"Yeah but Cartman needs to go to prison Craig! Seriously he is fucking mad!" Tweek protested... Not that I disagree with him whatsoever...
"And for fuck sakes stop working for him! I keep worrying about you... I can't just click my fingers if you get shot!" He continued...
"Babe I ain't gonna get shot... Even if I do i'd haunt ya cause I love you so much..." I replied lamely, I tried to work some sort of emotional value into my voice but it's very difficult...
I mean I've been a cold uncaring asshole for most of my life... I ain't an evil guy but I aint exactly the guy who's gonna care if your Mom died yesterday...
"Creeepy.. But thankss!" Tweek smiled, gettin up to go and put the dishes away... Why he bothers I don't know..
Maybe I should just allow his witchcraft? Shit might make things more interesting I don't know...
"Get me a sundae!" I shouted, Dog the Bounty Hunter was on and I ain't gonna miss that y'all...
Tweek came back into the room, snapped his fingers and two chocolate fudge sundaes were on the table...
"Oh my god... Dog the Bounty Hunter? Really? Like are you getting TV show advice from Cartman or something?" Tweek laughed, trying hard not to giggle...
Pfft whatever, Dog is cool.. Yeah he's a drunk prejudiced hick and his bitch Beth is crazy but he's funny man... I mean come on anyone who doesn't piss theirselves laughing at Dog the Bounty Hunter is a more boring asshole than me...
"Ohh come on Tweekers! Dog is awesome!" I fake cheered, not that my sarcasm was all too noticeable or strong...
"Okaay right. I'm sticking my headphones on..." Tweek giggled, aah well we all got different tastes in TV shows...
Dog and Beth arrested these two guys who were growing weed in a trailer... Numerous to say Dog beat the shit out of them.. His face turning a more dark purple shade with every blow... That guy is a fuckin' nutter! No wonder Cartman pretended to be him in grade school...
Soon after that the show was finished and I was left flicking around TV land trying to find something decent to watch...
Not much was on to be honest... Just Teen Mom.. Why do people actually make that shit respectable? If I was a chick I wouldn't have kids until I was at least 25 or 26...
Jersey Shore and the Hills was also on. But that's more my Mom's thing than anything... Not that her and Dad find time to watch it always struggling over their pointless domestic disputes...
"Soo about the other day.." I suddenly muttered... Tweek looked at me as though I was crazy.. "No way I ain't doing that again! If I was a mortal I'd be a paraplegic after doing that!" He protested...
"Naah man I was just thinking about it... Damn you and me sure gave Kimye a run for their money!" I laughed, Tweek started laughing too knowing now that I wasn't making another outlandish sexual request... Well I can't help it! If I could I would...
"Thank god they went back to LA is all I can say... Maybe Garrison will be quiet now..." Tweek mumbled...
For the rest of the night we just sat discussing life.. Talking about what had been, what could be, what might happen...
I mean the future isn't set... So many things could change something...
There ain't no fate whatsoever. I just believe it all kind of happens; maybe God or something else wants it to happen... I know that sounds super contradictory but it's just my beliefs.. I mean what is this NBC or something?
I was sat looking out the window for a long while, suprised that town is so quiet right now...
It's a very unnatural sort of quiet... Mind you a quarter of the perverts in Colorado are probably at Cartman's house right now plowing a Mexican hooker...
I mean if I could stop him I would... But it's one of those things that one person cannnot do alone... We'd need a whole fucking army to take Cartman on...
He's one of those people that can manipulate really well... He can darken anyone's mind granted that they are stupid or desperate enough.. If they are both then you can lose your soul to the Fatass.. I've seen it happen numerous times; Butters being the biggest example...
I mean I just don't know what to think about the whole thing... Maybe I shouldn't concentrate so much on it?
It's hard not to though.. I mean it's so in your face everyday it is mad...
I don't get how Cartman can be allowed to commit numerous crimes and just get away with it... He's been doing it for well over a few years now...
I mean at one point he killed every single dog in South Park when Stan and Kyle had a revenge scheme against him in the 5th grade...
But as usual he was just allowed to get away with it.. His perverse nature being allowed to roam free across the world... Darkening and poluting everything around it...
I mean Cartman is like a black hole; He'll suck you in and spit you back out as a blank piece of paper.. Ready to be shaped and perverted...
I was clever enough though to be able to work past his mind tricks, I might be quiet and slightly uncaring but I am nowhere near stupid...
I know for a fact I could resist Cartman's evil charms.. The shit that turns him on just doesn't turn me on I know that for a fact...
I just sat there observing the outside world... Knowing that at any minute utter chaos could be unleashed...
A dark murky shadow was hanging over this town; probably since it was founded over 300 years ago...
Greed and insurmountable corruption beyond surrealistic conception.
Most of that stuff could be ignored by some people... Some days I start to think I'm the only one who even notices it...
Maybe I am.. Just another fool in the void of Capitalism.. Just another idiot waiting for the Promised Land that will never come...
I don't know.. All I know is is that this town is one of the most fucked up and dangerous places on planet earth...
Shame I have the unfortunate pleasure of living here like but yeah... I just feel like I gotta devote my life to something... Looking after Tweek is obviously number one...
Number two god I wouldn't even know where to start.. The anarchic pit that this town has turned into can really drag you down you know?
I was just waiting for the right excuse I guess, the right calling card to just stand up and admit to the illusion...
Maybe i'm obssessed with the false concept of 'society'... Damn is there even such a thing as society any more?
The government abandoned everyone long ago never fucking mind South Park... And half the people in this town are too stupid, drunk or ignorant to know it...
About 15% of those mentioned are all three... An even smaller percentage are the people like Cartman and the sort he associates with...
Their number are slowly growing under his influence... I think I'm the only one who sees it all unfolding...
I just sat there by the window... All of it's curiosities and it's whimsical entities unfolding...
I just sat there watching my life ticking by second by second.. Well at least my mood has improved my earlier I suppose that's one good thing...
I just hope to god nothing crazy unfolds on Monday... That will seriously screw with my entire week...
But trust Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman to always make the school day interesting...
Fuckin' assholes they'd be exiled if there was any justice.. But hey I'm just a regular guy not a third term Senator so what are you gonna do?
I sat there staring out into the vast dark, looking at what was going by...
Seeing how thing were going on... Time accumulating as the minutes dragged by...
I just sat there examining my life, and I guess these are some of the best most intimate moments ever when you really think about it...
This is just the time when I'm alone with my head, I can think and not have to deal with the opinions and subjects of others...
A:N/ Sorry it took me so long to write! I had to prepare for my sister's birthday!
What are your thoughts? Reviews, Comments, Con Crit and Ideas greatly appreciated guys :D Lots of love you guys :') xxx Sally xxx