A/N: A long-ish couple to chapter nine. This doesn't have much of a dialogue. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm sorry.

Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter ten:

Lucy was practically steaming when she first entered the kitchen. It had been a long time since she last lectured at somebody like that. She is normally patient but something in her just snapped. She just couldn't take Gray's attitude. Forget that he had dared to get personal with her, it was his nonchalance at the people's concern for him that annoyed her. Lyon sounded extremely worried when he had called the night before. He rambled a little bit before Lucy could explain that Gray was sleeping in his room with no incidents at all. That was when his tense voice relaxed and he sighed. But that damned Sadist! He obviously wasn't very aware of Lyon's concern.

He was also surprisingly masochistic, even if unintentionally. From what she could see, Gray actually wanted to suffer. He wanted to stay in his little portion of hell like it was some sort of way to make up for Juvia's death-as if Juvia or anybody asked him to do it! As if nobody was aching for him while he was hurting himself! As if it was-as he so egotistically believed-his fault! That someone so smart could actually be so stupid annoyed Lucy.

Lucy snapped at the next person who had tried to talk to her. The innocent housemaid was asking for confirmation about whether or not to serve dessert yet. Seeing that she was not in the mood to talk to anybody, Lucy retreated to her room for a good ten minutes to calm herself down. When she had gone back to the living room, the party was at its peak. The chattering was loud, the laughing was almost lyrical in her ears, and the karaoke machine they rented was booming with off-tune singing.

The crowd from earlier had grown at least twice in number compared to ten minutes ago. How that was even possible eluded her. The guests were scattered around the living room, and on the front lawn, chatting and eating in small groups. Most were workers from the farm and neighbors around the vicinity of the villa. It surprised Lucy that everybody seemed to know everybody. Back in her hometown, during birthday celebrations, it would just be a small party with her circle of friends. Presently, it was like the entire town had gathered to celebrate the birthday of one little girl. It was a bit weird to Lucy but at the same time she marveled at the intimacy of the neighborhood. They were friendly, and welcoming, even to a foreigner like her.

However, there was one person she could not see. She scanned the crowd but found no sign of the Sadist. Maybe he's still eating out there, she thought. It looked to Lucy as if he didn't even remember what the occasion was, and gave up on looking for him. Sighing, she straightened her white floral dress and joined the guests in the living room.

She had been talking to two teenagers when a tug on her dress made her look down. A little girl with black hair in two pigtails smiled expectantly up at her. The white dress she wore fell just above her knees, waist lined with pink lace, sleeves puffed. Juvi had the widest and happiest smile Lucy had seen her don. Lucy's gaze softened and she knelt in front of the young girl to see her eye to eye.

"Hi, happy birthday! Did you need something?" Lucy asked. Juvi raised her hand and showed Lucy a common flower that the villa grew on the bushes outside the house.

Juvi held it up to Lucy's face, close enough to touch the tip of her nose.

"Is this for me?" she asked. Whether or not the young girl understood, Juvi did not reply. Rather, she tucked the flower neatly behind Lucy's ear, and kissed her cheek. Lucy blushed. Smiling rather shyly, Juvia turned her back and ran to her mother, who picked her up and then carried her off to the center of the living room.

A lone round table lay there covered with a white cloth. Balloons were on each side of the table, tied to clay pots. Cupcakes with pink, white, and yellow frosting covered the table. But the most eye-catching piece was the marvelous three-layered cake that was themed to a famous Princess movie.

One of the louder housemaids, a large woman with an equally big voice, shouted something that Lucy could roughly understand as, "Everybody sing!". On cue, the people started singing the Birthday Song. Lucy joined in on the singing, clapping her hands in time with everybody.

While singing grew louder, Lucy saw from her periphery the back door of the kitchen open and close. Instinctively, her head turned to look. It was the Sadist looking at the crowd, confusion painted on his face. In no time at all, his eyes widened and his lips pursed, as if he had finally remembered what day it was.

How helpless can you get, she thought to herself. She slowly detached from the crowd and approached the kitchen counter where she had prepared her gift for the birthday girl. It was a small, silver tiara that she had especially ordered from one of her designer friends. It was her personal belief that every girl should wear a tiara at least once in her life-this one was Juvi's. She looked at the tiara, the Sadist, and sighed.

The Sadist jumped as Lucy appeared suddenly in front of him. It didn't look as if he noticed her walk from the counter to the kitchen door.

"What?" he asked, annoyed.

Lucy rolled her eyes and shoved the tiara into his unwilling hands. Then, she grabbed him by the sleeve of his shirt and dragged him toward the living room.

"What are you-let me go!" he protested. "I'm perfectly capable of walking."

She did not answer. Instead, she released him when he was face to face with Juvi's mother. The woman's face brightened and greeted him.

"Found him," Lucy said to her. "He was skulking around the kitchen."

"Kuya* Gray!" squealed Juvi, raising her arms at the newcomer. Gray zoned in on the girl and gave her what seemed to Lucy his most mechanical smile yet.

"Happy birthday," he greeted as if he had remembered all along. Juvi gave him an almost expectant look, and he stiffened. Unless Lucy's eyes were tricking her, she could have sworn Gray was sweating bullets.

"He has a gift for you," she told Juvia. Gray stiffened and gave her a questioning look.

The mother's eyes brightened and aptly translated for her daughter. Juvi beamed and was let down. On her feet, she gazed up at Gray, the same look of expectation on her face.

The Sadist's look softened and he smiled a sad smile. "I'm sorry I forgot."

He knelt on one knee to look at Juvi eye-to-eye and then showed her the tiara which was resting on his right hand. As Juvi's smile widened, Gray placed the tiara on her head hesitantly. In fact, the tiara was skewed that it was in danger of falling off to the side. Juvia didn't seem to mind, though. The girl smiled appreciatively. Lucy had never seen a more earnest smile in her life.

It turned sad the next moment. Lucy leaned in to see that Gray's eyes were brimming with tears. He clenched his jaw as if he was fighting back the urge to fall apart. It was probably their previous conversation, or something else Lucy did not know, but Gray got emotional.

As if she knew exactly what to do, Juvi put a small hand on his cheek and smiled encouragingly at Gray. Lucy could see him blink back the tears that pooled in his eyes. They widened, as if there was a secret message that Juvi telepathically passed on to him.

Gray held out his hand, put it over the smaller one on his cheek, and smiled a smile that held a thousand meanings. He carried Juvi in his arms and gave her to her mother. People clapped and sang the Birthday Song in an even louder and merrier way.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you~~!"

In the chaos of people crowding over the birthday girl and the enormous cake, nobody noticed the Sadist slink away to the back row. Lucy's eyes tried to follow his movements but failed. He vanished into thin air, as if he had made himself invisible.

I'm sorry.

"There is nothing to forgive," she said with a smile on her lips-a smile I had missed so much it ached. "It was not your fault. It was nobody's."

If only-

"You're so stubborn." She pinched my cheek, laughing now. Then, her hand rested beside my face, warming my heart in the process. "Please believe me when I say that it was not your fault. You could not have done anything about it."

I'm sorry.

"You have loved me, even now you do. For that you do not need to apologize. I am forever grateful to you, Gray."

You're fading. Please don't go. Don't leave me. I need you here.

She giggled. "Remember that time when you were going to defend your thesis? You also said you needed me there. I didn't make it, but you still succeeded, didn't you?"

This and that are two very different things.

"They need you here. 'Here' is not my place. Stay here with them," she said. "Where I am is not some place you should go yet."

For the first time in a long time, Gray woke up crying. But it was not a painful kind of crying. It was gentle and relieving, as if he had needed that all this time. He remembered that whenever he woke up the night after 'celebrating' Juvia's death, he would wake up screaming. He would relive every scene of what happened.

It was different today, though. Juvia had… Juvia said… he was forgiven. No. She said there was nothing to forgive. He still did not believe it, but hearing her say it made him feel like maybe someday he one day could.

"I'm so-" he started to say, but stopped when his voice broke and he whimpered. He smiled and cried at the same time, and then said, "Thank you. I love you."

He did not know how long it took him to finish crying, laugh at himself, take a bath, and then get dressed, before going down for breakfast. He wasn't sure he wanted to see anybody yet. Like every year, he must have made a spectacle of himself two nights ago. People would be smothering him, especially Aling Rosa, asking him questions he was not too keen to answer. Although there was a weight that had been magically lifted at the pit of his psyche for some reason, he was still not sure if he was 'fine' or 'over it'. He was not even sure he understood what was happening.

It was already eight in the morning, past the housemaids' schedule for morning cleaning. Maybe that was the reason why he didn't pass anybody by. Sounds coming from outside the main door told him people had already started working. It was Monday, after all. Life outside of himself was merrily passing by. Everybody was moving on from yesterday.

Maybe he should be, too.

Don't drag those who have moved on back with you.

In his mind, Gray was about to apologize for the umpteenth time but stopped himself. He was not sure when it was, but his 'I'm sorry' had turned into 'I'll do better'. This time, he was sure, was going to be different. He would try to move on.

When he entered the kitchen, his blond Heartfilia guest looked up at him, surprised. She probably didn't expect to see him that early on in the day. She quickly returned to eating breakfast at a quicker pace as he sat down. As he was putting food on his plate, Aling Rosa placing a warm cup of coffee on cue to his right, Lucy stood up carrying her plate.

"Wait, please stop," he said. Lucy stopped and looked at him. Her lips were pursed into a straight line. "Don't… go yet."

It looked to him as if Lucy was debating it for a moment before she finally put her plate back down and sat silently across him on the circular dining table.

"This will be the last time, but…" he started, paused, and continued, "I'm sorry."

At a loss for what to say, she asked him, "What for?"

"I've troubled everyone here with my behavior these past few weeks. You, especially, who seem to be my self-proclaimed guardian."

"Well, I'm not really self-proclaimed. Lyon did ask me to do it."

"Yes, I know," he answered. "So I'm apologizing to you first. I have said inappropriate things to you yesterday. They were insensitive and said out of anger. I know you were just trying your best to make sure I was okay. You're right. I'm miserable and have been making everyone else miserable as well. I will tell you only this… I do blame myself."

Lucy looked as if she was trying hard not to look surprised. She was failing miserably, however. "Yeah, sure… Uhm…"

"I would like to thank you, as well, for your assistance for the past few days. You may be tactless and lacking in any form of subtlety but all of it is greatly appreciated."

"You're… welcome…" she said hesitantly, clearly uncomfortable. Lucy was now starting to go red in the face.

"I would also like to tell you," he started, as if declaring very important news, "that I have decided to seek professional help regarding my… issues."

From surprise to disbelief to teary-eyed excitement, Gray watched Lucy shift expressions in a short span of time. He was amused at her reaction; it distracted him from the anxiety and doubt he had been feeling since the moment he decided on seeing a therapist. He had always noticed but he was reminded then that Lucy truly was a bright burst of sunshine. She was always happy and outgoing; she had a strength inside her that betrayed her sweet and innocent face.

"I'm-" she squealed halfway, "-I'm very proud of you, Gray. I mean, I'm happy for you. Congratulations, if it's even appropriate. Or… good luck, I guess? I mean-"

Gray also found she was very easy to manipulate.

"It's not that it concerns you, though," he said. "I only told you because it would be annoying if you found out from someone else and then nagged me about it."

From excited to dumbfounded to scrutinizing to annoyed, Lucy went. She was truly easy to manipulate but not very predictable.

"Well, I see you're back to normal now, seeing as you can be poison-tongued again. Who exactly doesn't have subtlety between the two of us?"

He smiled. He was not looking at her but he could tell Lucy was smiling as well.

She grabbed her plate and stood back up again. "I'm going on ahead."

"Lucy…" he called out when she had taken two steps forward. She looked back at him. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Lucy replied. "I will send you the bill in a few days."

Gray had to stop himself from laughing while gulping down his coffee. When Lucy was completely out of sight, he let out a chuckle. His heart felt quite light, lighter than he had felt in years. And he was not alone. It was an uncomfortable idea, but he welcomed it. There were still demons and nightmares in his mind, but he was going to face them-properly, this time. That thought alone was enough to chase away the anxiety and doubt he was feeling in the meantime.

*Kuya - this would be the equivalent of the Japanese title "onii-san" in the Filipino language

A/N: It's hard to up and decide that you need therapy. Most people just deny they have a problem or they think that seeing a counselor won't be enough. However, there are some things that even talking doesn't cure.

Anyway, about this chapter, I didn't want to rush into Gray finally considering the possibility of moving on and forgiving himself of what had happened to Juvia. The way I originally thought about how this would go felt like it was cliched and too hurried. So I guess Gray's road to forgiveness will only be beginning with this chapter.

I hope you enjoyed this. Now, on to Going, Going, Gone!

R&R!