Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Inuyasha.

A/N: This is going to be a short outtake type serial derived from my Second Place, Either Way Universe, which is posted in my It's a Dog's World collection on Dokuga, and under its own name on FF. Thanks to the genius that is r0o, a mention of enjoying seeing Sesshoumaru suffer through the ills of Kagome's pregnancy in her review of the final chapter to that story led me to decide to try my hand at writing such a comedy. I hope we all enjoy the very wild and definitely ridiculous ride! Be warned... expect OOC, because a hormonal and over-emotional Sesshoumaru is definitely OOC. But then again, pregnancy made me really act OOC, too – it made me be nice to people. O_O

Chapter 1: Ignorance is Bliss

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Sesshoumaru strode through the halls of his palace, pleased with himself and with life. Finally, with the death of the old ball and chain, Tamiko, everything had fallen into place for him just as it always should - and would, of course.

His fractured mating to Kagome had healed, and now the last thing that had been holding up his vision of his perfect life had gone the way of Tamiko and become just as extinct – Kagome's refusal to bear him a pup.

She'd had good reasons, and he knew this. She'd explained what would have happened had she borne him a child as second mate, only to have her birth time roll around – again. Or for the first time... he pushed that thought away. Time was an annoying and confusing thing, and since it did not affect him any longer he didn't care to think about time and how it could have taken her away from him.

At any rate, when Kagome had come to their bed last night and agreed to give him a child, he'd sworn to her that she would be pupped by morning's light – and his word was still bond because lo and behold, as soon as he'd woken her scent was simply laden with new life.

But while that knowledge was enough to make him grin madly – inwardly, of course - for the next millennium, he realized something – he knew next to nothing about pregnancy and birthing. When Tamiko had carried his heir he'd cared nothing for her as long as she'd delivered him a living son, so he'd never spoken to the midwives here in the palace about what to expect.

Kagome was a different story altogether. He wanted to know everything that was about to happen – because he wanted to be a part of it as much as he possibly could. So he'd sent his little mate on ahead to the palace healer's rooms where the midwives would also be, so that he could give orders to his personal servant on a surprise gift for his mate before joining her.

Now that was done he was heading for Kagome and the head midwife with alacrity. He even pondered briefly on whether or not it would offend his dignity and damage his reputation were he to run. After a moment's thought, though, he regretfully decided that such an action would, indeed, bend his cold and deadly reputation just a little too out of shape for it to remain intact. No, despite his impatience, it was better to walk. Though there was nothing saying he couldn't walk fast.

By the time he arrived in the lower levels of the palace where the healer's rooms were, Kagome was already chatting quite amiably with the elder inuyoukai female who'd been the midwife here since before he was born, a happy smile on her face and her aura peaceful and content. It made him purr inside, and he simply watched her for a moment, enjoying the feeling surging through their bond before he moved to join them and their discussion.

"Oh! That was quick, Sesshoumaru," Kagome exclaimed, surprised he had arrived so soon. She was fairly certain that he had to have been close to running to get there that quickly after she did, but knowing his pride in his icy and deadly reputation she decided not to ruin it for him, and let it slide. She turned to the midwife, and said, "So, we were wondering on what to expect now that I'm pregnant. What can you tell us?"

At that, the midwife glanced at Sesshoumaru and chuckled, knowing he had no idea of what he was in for. If he had, he wouldn't have been so eager to pup his mate.

She was looking forward to the coming months being very entertaining.

"Well, you will carry for four months, my Lady. But those four months will not be anything like a normal human pregnancy in any way. You see, since your mate is an inuyoukai you will have a relatively easy pregnancy," she said.

Kagome smiled, happy to hear that the pregnancy would be easier than normal. She'd heard enough horror stories from her mother and some of her mother's friends that she'd been fairly wary about the coming months. "So... then what can I expect?"

Another chuckle wheezed out of the old inu female, and she shook her head. "Oh, it isn't you that has to worry about what to expect – it's your mate here."

Sesshoumaru frowned at that. "Explain yourself, old woman," he demanded, uncertain now as her unseemly humor began to make him just a tad nervous.

"When an inuyoukai's mate gets pupped the male's bestial side, wishing to be a part of the experience and also to care for his mate and keep her calm and happy, uses his bond to siphon off the unpleasant parts of the pregnancy," she replied, eyeing him knowingly. "It's completely instinctual, and you won't be able to stop it."

Kagome blinked, then blinked again. "Wait, wait, wait... you mean, he's the one that's going to get the pregnancy symptoms?" she asked, needing to be absolutely sure that's what was going to happen before she fell over laughing. Every woman since Eve had wished her male could experience the hell that pregnancy was... and she was actually going to get the chance for that to happen.

Life was just too, too good.

"Indeed," the midwife answered. "Inu are very protective of their females, after all, are they not, Sesshoumaru-sama? Are you not devoted to the protection of your mate – from anything that would make her unhappy or harm her in any way?"

Beginning to feel cautious but not certain why Sesshoumaru eyed her through narrowed, frigid gold eyes, but her bland expression gave nothing away, and so he answered her question reluctantly. "Of course I would do such. She is mine to protect," he answered, still suspicious.

Eyes wide and glassy, Kagome slapped a hand over her mouth as she valiantly tried not to burst into mad laughter at the visual that slammed into her mind with all the force of a ten-ton semi going seventy miles an hour... but, oh, it was so hard!

Definitely cautious now, Sesshoumaru glanced at his mate, who now had tears running down her face as she basically tried to suffocate herself to keep the laughter inside – he could tell that glassy expression was because she was imagining something that he was sure he would find very, very wrong and damaging to his dignity as an inuyoukai Lord of great power and refinement. He scowled at her.

"Tell me, then... what are the symptoms of pregnancy?" he asked, beginning to think he really didn't want to know and that he should have stayed out of a subject that was usually confined to the womenfolk. Perhaps human males have the right of it, staying as far from 'women's matters' as they can get?

The midwife blandly eyed him, though she was very aware of the Lady's inner laughter, she managed to keep a straight face as she answered his query. "Well, one of the first signs will come within a few days of conception – nausea, usually in the morning hours. That can oftimes be cleared up with a simple tea and unleavened bread before rising for the day."

Sesshoumaru frowned just slightly as he thought about that. Nausea, while unpleasant, I can easily ignore and go about my business. Maybe this will not be as bad as I had begun to fear. "Go on," he encouraged.

The old female nodded. "As the babe grows in the womb, there will be the urge to relieve oneself more frequently than normal," she continued, knowing that her Lord was beginning to think that it would all be fairly easy to handle. An old woman with a wicked sense of humor, she decided to leave the worst for last. With a glance at her Lady, she could see that Kagome-sama knew what she was doing, and would not give her away.

"Pay attention, old woman, and finish explaining, for I grow impatient. Speak!" he practically growled as she paused again. He ignored the elbow to his side with a sort of grand indifference, not looking down at his little mate as he tried to glare the elderly servant into submission.

She simply shook her head, not impressed. She had been the one to deliver him, after all, and somehow, being the first one to see a being naked, red-faced, and squalling after smacking them in the ass kind of took the fear out of a person. "There will be some weight gain as well, as her body grows in support of the babe. You might also find yourself craving odd things. That is normal, and all a part of being with child."

"Weight gain," he echoed. "Hn." That is annoying, but can be taken in stride. I will just spend a little extra time in the dojo to compensate. "Anything else?" he queried evenly, knowing there had to be for his mate to still be trying so hard not to laugh.

The elderly woman frowned thoughtfully, playing the forgetful old woman to perfection as her Lord began to quietly fume, and then said, "Oh, yes, I almost forgot. Mood swings. Expect mood swings, my Lord. Lots of them. It's the humors in her body changing to make her able to carry a child and birth it," she said, smiling almost absently up at him. "It affects the emotions, making them change rapidly from happy to sad to angry and back again – sometimes within seconds."

"Mood... swings?" he gritted, inwardly horrified as Kagome finally gave up the fight and burst out laughing almost hysterically. "This Sesshoumaru can assure you addled females that his mood will not... swing. And this one will also not be affected by something as petty as emotions," he snapped as he drew himself up, very much on his dignity. "It is ridiculous that you should think of such things-" he glanced at his mate with irritated eyes, "-as 'feelings' having any hold on this one at all."

Unable to stop her giggling, Kagome was by now holding her sides as she frantically drew air into starved lungs. Her mate was not impressed – especially as he took note of all the interested gazes around the room trying to act as though they weren't listening in.

"Come, mate. We will retire from this room, since it seems to be having a most detrimental affect on you. It appears to this one that you are already prey to these so-called 'mood swings', so I have no need to fear such myself," he said, growling low in his chest to establish the fact that he was still the killing perfection and that if anyone saw fit to laugh besides his mate, he would definitely take pleasure in running his claws through them.

Kagome watched him closely as they left the midwife behind, taking note of his seriously offended dignity. She would need to be particularly affectionate this evening to soothe that irritation, but she had no problems with that.

All of a sudden, he turned to her with an almost manic grin – the one that people always flinched from because it usually meant someone was going to die – and said, "A pup, Kagome! We will have a pup! I cannot wait to hold her. Perhaps we should begin thinking of names, yes? I myself am partial to Yuzukiko.* Have you thought of any names? And we should prepare a room for the pup, as well. No flowers and cute little animals, though, mate, I will not tolerate such. She will be bright and fierce, not gentle and... cuddly," he finished with an expression of distaste, not noticing the wary expression now on his mate's face.

Before he could say another word – though she wondered how he'd gotten all that out without even breathing in the first place, especially as he'd never been one to speak much – she took his arm gently and headed back towards the midwife's room with one question.

"Is hyperactivity and verbal diarrhea a part of pregnancy, too?"

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*Yuzukiko-superior moon child