Author's Note:
Hi, this exists again. Sorry it's been like a year; I suck.

XV.

First dates were supposed to be such magical, nerve-wracking experiences; filled with shy smiles, hesitancy, and butterflies, the whole point of them is to get to know one another and see where you might fit in each other's lives. Or, at least, that seemed to be the theme of them in the romance novels that Miranda had read; to be honest, she didn't have much personal experience in that area to make an accurate comparison.

Still, with Jack though, it was nothing like that.

While that may have been their first official date, they had been together for quite some time before; they already knew one another, already felt comfortable with each other, and had already found that they both could and wanted to fit into one another's lives. As such, it kept the pressure off of the night, and Miranda began to realize that they seemed to have skipped a few steps in what's usually considered to be the normal progression of a relationship. Still though, she didn't mind; in fact she found she rather preferred it this way, as it made being out with Jack that much more comfortable. It was almost like they were just two friends casually hanging out; although in the end a friend probably wouldn't whisper dirty things in her ear all night and sneakily fuck her right up against the bar just to see if anyone would notice.

Which someone did, and then they got kicked out. Oh, but it was so, so worth it.

They had decided to make Fridays their official date nights, as with their jobs, they barely got to see one another during the week outside of the occasional visits during lunch breaks. The new Grissom Academy was almost completely built, and Miranda constantly had her hands filled at the research facility as she tried to get it up and running as soon as humanly possible.

While she had opted to give Liara her research on the Lazarus Project in order to help Shepard, the doctors at the hospital still couldn't seem to do much more than keep the woman stable within her coma, which was causing the asari to become desperate, as it had been almost two months now since Shepard had been admitted with no foreseeable change. Miranda swore to her she would help in any way that she could once her facility was operational, and eventually Liara agreed that it might be their best option. The pressure was almost unbearable to deal with, and Miranda constantly found herself stressed out as she found she quite literally had her friend's life in her hands. And God, she prayed that at the end of the day it would work, because it didn't they would be truly out of options, and all that would be left was to pull the plug on Shepard's life support. She couldn't—that couldn't happen; not after everything.

As such, Miranda often took her work home with her. It was early Friday afternoon when she was pouring over a datapad in her new apartment, so absorbed with what she was reading that the frantic knocking sound on her front door almost made her jump out of her skin. After taking a breath and placing the datapad on the coffee table, Miranda's brow creased as she got up from the couch, tying her robe together before fiddling with her reading glasses on the bridge of her nose and heading towards the door. She wasn't expecting anyone; at least not for a few hours anyway, so she wasn't certain who would come calling right then, as in all honesty, she barely saw anyone outside of Jack nowadays. Her work kept her far too busy to entertain much of a personal life, and what little time she did have, she specifically reserved for either the occasional visits from her sister, or her girlfriend.

Who, in the end, was the person on the other side of the door.

"Jack, I thought you weren't picking me up for a few—" Hours, Miranda tried to finish, but the rest of her words were lost to her as Jack practically pushed her way into the apartment and started pacing like a mad woman.

"I need to—I need to talk to you." Jack was already wearing a hole into her carpet as her nails scraped over her scalp and, Jesus, she was making Miranda a little dizzy.

"Alright, slow down," Miranda tried, placing a hand on Jack's shoulder to try to get her to stop pacing. "Tell me what's wrong."

The woman stopped and looked at her then, and apparently seemed to get jerked out of her anxiety for a moment as her brow furrowed and she asked suddenly, "The fuck are you wearing glasses for?"

Miranda's brow rose, not really expecting that question or the sudden change in topic as she stumbled a little over her answer. "I… I need them to read." Why, did she look awful in them or something? Feeling a little self-conscious, Miranda made to take them off, but Jack stopped her.

"Nah, don't do that; you look sexy in them. Like some hot for teacher bullshit and—shit," Jack's anxiety seemed to be back full swing as she started pacing again, her fingers fisting in her hair. "Jesus, I don't—I don't know what to do. I need to talk to you, I gotta—"

"Okay, hey… hey," Miranda gently encouraged, placing her hands on Jack's forearms to get her to stop pacing and look at her. Jack exhaled a frustrated sigh, looking so incredibly helpless and lost and Miranda gently tried, "Just take a breath and talk to me, alright? What's wrong?"

"I… I fucked up," Jack told her, her tone high pitched and frantic as she looked at Miranda like she was trapped in her own head; trapped in her own memories, her own fear. "Shit, Miranda… I fucked up, and they still want me to—what if I fuck up again; how can anyone trust me?! I don't even trust me!"

Oh.

Miranda had been expecting this conversation for a while now, ever since she noticed Jack's unwillingness to put down roots in a place that should be home for her, because she knew exactly why she was hesitant to do so. "Jack, Jack," she tried, needing the other woman to stop panicking and just take a second and listen to her. "Jack, I promise I understand what you're—look, just… just please take a second and breathe okay? Then we'll talk."

Jack exhaled a long, shaking breath at that as she nodded her understanding, wringing out her hands as she bounced a little on the balls of her feet. Miranda nodded encouragingly to her, demonstrating another deep breath as Jack followed suit. "Good," Miranda responded softly, keeping her tone rather quiet to try to instill a sense of calm in the other woman. "Good. Just keep breathing for me; I promise I'll help you figure this out."

"I'm fucking trying, okay? I just—!"

"Jack," Miranda interrupted pointedly, not wanting her to speak right now; she still wasn't in the frame of mind to do so. "Just breathe. That's all I need you to do for me right now."

Jack chewed anxiously on the inside of her cheek, her eyes still wide with panic and fear over being offered a position of control and authority that she didn't believe herself suited for, but she at least did what she was told and finally stopped talking, allowing Miranda to coach her through a few more deep breathes.

Eventually Jack's breathing began to regulate, and Miranda pursed her lips in sympathy as she drew the other woman into a hug. "The school is going to reopen again soon, isn't it?" she breathed, figuring that was what drove Jack to the precipice; before, when she was just rebuilding it, she hadn't been forced to face the possibility of retaking her old position. Jack knew that she would have to face it eventually of course, but it made it easier to ignore when the school wasn't even built. Now, construction was nearly complete, and the school no doubt needed to know if she was planning on coming back. Now, Jack needed to make a decision, and clearly she didn't feel as though she was ready to.

"They need an answer by Monday," Jack responded softly, although didn't sound surprised that Miranda knew what was bothering her before she spelled it out for her. Her words were muffled, lips pressed against the older woman's shoulder as she fisted her hands in Miranda's robes. "Fucking Monday, and I don't—I don't even know what I…!"

"Hey," Miranda interrupted softly, pulling away from her a little in order to look the other woman in the eyes. Gently cupping her face, she encouraged Jack to look at her as she told her, "Jack, what… what happened during the war, it wasn't—it was in no way your fault. Not at all. If you need to blame someone for it, then blame the Reapers; they're the ones who killed your kids, not you."

"But they wouldn't have even fucking been out there if not for—!"

"For their desire to help," Miranda interrupted pointedly, needing Jack to realize that she didn't force anyone to follow her. "They wanted to fight; they wanted to protect humanity, to protect all of us, and they did. They made their choice; all of them, they made their choice, and you shouldn't be anything but proud of those kids, because we couldn't have succeeded without their help. You gave them strength, Jack; you gave them conviction and you taught them to be brave, to fight for our survival, and I think… I think they would thank you for that."

"Thank me for getting them killed?" Jack snapped, her eyes welling up with furious upset as she pulled away from the other woman. "The fuck's wrong with you? They're dead, Miranda; that's not—!"

"Not all of them," Miranda countered, and Jack's words stuck in the back of her throat then as she looked away from her. Peering up at her, the operative took in the expression on her girlfriend's face before she asked softly, "The two of your students who survived… have you spoken to them?"

Jack pursed her lips, momentarily silent as she shifted the weight between her feet. "—Yeah," she admitted after a moment. "They're… helping with the reconstruction and all that shit. Gonna be teachers themselves now, I guess."

"And have they said anything about you coming back to teach?" Miranda inquired, although already knew from the look on Jack's face that they had; just the mention of it made the other woman look frustrated, as it would no doubt illegitimize her own fears. She watched Jack run her hand through her hair, pacing a little anxiously as she shook her head.

"I mean, yeah, they've fucking—they said something to me about it, yeah. But that doesn't—!"

"And what did they say?" Miranda asked patiently, not allowing Jack's frustrations to get to her; it was obvious the other woman wanted to move this conversation into the direction where her fears would be validated, maybe so she could feel okay about walking away, but Miranda wasn't going to let that happen. Becoming a teacher was the best thing that had happened to Jack, and she wasn't about to just let her throw that away; it was obvious it made her happier more than anything else ever had before.

"They said they wanted me to come back, okay?!" Jack snapped, rounding on her. Her eyes flashed, like she blamed Miranda for making her admit something like that when it didn't fit into her mental breakdown. "But they're not the ones who are dead, Miranda; they're not the ones who are—!"

"No, they're the ones who survived," Miranda interrupted strongly, needing Jack to see a different view of things. "They're the ones who lived to see another day, because of what you taught them. Do you think they would have made it through the war if it wasn't for you? When you met them they were just confused, angry kids, and you turned them into capable adults; you turned them into heroes, Jack, and now you've inspired them to become teachers as well, so they can pass what you taught them down to others. Can't you see how amazing that is?"

"Yeah, well… if they're teaching other kids what I taught 'em, doesn't mean they fucking need me then, does it?"

"Jack, you and I both know that if you didn't desperately want to go back, then you wouldn't be here debating whether or not you should," Miranda interrupted, gently placing her hands on the other woman's forearms as she looked up at her. "You loved teaching, and you were good at it. And yes, terrible things happened during the war, and you lost people that you cared about; we all did. Nobody, and I mean nobody who led a squad against the Reapers, came back with a zero percent mortality rate. We all lost people we were meant to be leading, Jack… myself included."

Jack pursed her lips and glanced down at her then, looking as though she wished Miranda could relate to her, yet in the end knowing that despite the similarities, they still weren't the same. "You didn't know them," Jack responded softly, solemnly. "You didn't teach them; spend every fucking day with them for nearly a year. They were just assigned to your unit, Miranda; it's not—"

"Do you think I like knowing I led people to their deaths?" Miranda countered angrily, her chest constricting with emotion as she remembered watching people around her die. "I gave the bloody order, Jack; I might not have known each and every one of them personally, but I'm still partially the reason why they aren't here to experience and enjoy the victory that we fought so hard for, and believe me, that cuts me. But it was a war, and hard decisions had to be made. And yes, it was terrible, and yes the deaths we oversaw will no doubt haunt us until the day we die, but it's over now. When you step into that school, you won't be training soldiers anymore, Jack; you'll just be teaching kids how to control the powers they were gifted with. It's not the same."

Jack was silent for a moment, swallowing hard as she shoved her hands into her cargo pants pockets and leaned up against the arm rest of the couch. Staring at an imperfection in one of the wooden floor panels, she chewed on the inside of her cheek for a moment before finally responding, "Thought you were like… 'bigger picture' type of bullshit; 'the ends justify the means' or however the fuck that saying goes. Why do you even care about people you don't know, if it meant that we kicked the Reapers' asses?"

"Because it seems Shepard screwed me up just as badly as she screwed you up," Miranda admitted, using Jack's words from that day back at her, as she knew the woman would understand what she meant better that way. "And a part of me— a part of me hates her for that too, because it was… easier, not to care. But you know what? We might… I think we might actually be better people for it. It hurts; it fucking hurts to feel like you failed, but that's what… it's what reminds us that we're human, Jack; and I think for people like you and me… we need that reminder more than most."

Jack's brow crinkled, her arms wrapping around her waist as she looked at the woman across from her, like maybe she was finally realizing how alike the really were. "You don't… feel like you're human?" she asked softly, because it was obvious she struggled with that herself; and with the way she grew up, Miranda knew it would be difficult for Jack to see herself as anything other than a monster of someone else's creation.

"I was born in a lab, Jack," Miranda responded softly, sadly. She hated that she sounded so self-loathing about it, but it was something she still, even after all these years, had a hard time seeing past. "What do you think?"

Jack swallowed hard, but nodded her understanding as she looked down at the floor once again. She might not have been born in a lab herself, but she was created in one all the same, and maybe, for the first time, she was realizing that she wasn't quite as alone as she once believed herself to be. It was something Miranda saw in her since the beginning, a kindred spirit of sorts, and while Jack may have understood that Miranda was in an abusive environment as a child as well, it was obvious she never realized that despite their very different situations, they still came out of them with relatively the same mindset.

"And those kids that you taught," Miranda continued, needing Jack to see how important it was that she continue her work, "some of them were in bad situations, just like you and I were; that's why you were chosen to teach them, weren't you?" Because Jack's students were not well-adjusted at all; at least, not at first. Her class… they were made up of biotics who were angry, violent, and blameful. In the end, Jack wasn't chosen to just teach them to how control their biotics; she was chosen to rehabilitate them, because she was the only one who could. "You could relate, you could… you could make them see that despite what they had gone through, that they could still become something more, something better. Abuse doesn't define a victim, Jack; you're living proof of that. Don't you think those kids need someone to remind them of that too?"

And it was that, more than anything else, that ended up speaking to Jack. She spent so much of her life thinking she wasn't worth more than what she was built for, what the abuse that she was dealt as a child shaped her into, and was constantly filled with anger and self-loathing because of it. But things had changed; Shepard had showed her that she was more than what Cerberus had forced on her, and it finally allowed Jack the freedom to live; to grow and shape herself into the person she wanted to be, and not what others had dictated she become. It had made her happy, and because of that Jack couldn't bear the thought of leaving other kids to a life and mindset that had nearly destroyed her.

She needed to show others that there was hope, because she herself had never thought that there would be for someone like her. Jack had believed that she would never be anything more than a victim, never anything more than the scars that littered her body and her soul, and yet she turned out to be wrong. She made more of herself, made more for herself, and now, surprisingly, she almost resembled a well-adjusted human being, with a stable job, a stable relationship, and a stable place to call home. And Miranda knew, if you had asked Jack two years ago if she thought she would ever have those things, she would have laughed in your face and told you that you were fucked for ever believing she could be someone 'normal'.

But she was. She was almost downright boring, with her nine to five and the distinct lack of gunfire in her life, yet Jack loved it. She smiled so much more now, finally feeling as though she fit in somewhere, and Miranda found that she loved watching her grab onto a life that she never thought she would have with both hands and making the most of it.

[x]

Miranda nearly jumped out of her skin when a hand slapped against the door frame of her office, forcing the person who was practically barreling through it to stop suddenly. "Damn, Cheerleader, you really need to relax; you looked like you were gonna shit yourself," Jack noted, chuckling a little as Miranda shot her an exasperated look as she attempted to put her papers back into order; when the other woman had startled her, they had practically gone flying.

"I can't relax, Jack; I have far too much riding on me right now," Miranda responded tiredly, briefly fiddling with the glasses on her nose. "You can't imagine the pressure of trying to save the galaxy's greatest hero; the press alone is maddening, and I wish everyone would just bugger off and let me do my job in peace, because having the entire world watching is not bloody helping." Her hand slammed on her desk then as she violently added another paper to the pile, taking her frustrations out on her work.

"Miranda, you rebuilt Shepard after she got thrown out of a burning fucking space ship; you'll get it done," Jack responded as she moved towards her from the doorway, sounding as though any other option was completely unfathomable to her. She had complete faith in her and despite that not making it any easier, Miranda appreciated it all the same and shot her a tight lipped smile in response.

"It's just difficult; Liara is insistent about doing this in the least synthetic way possible, but organic matter takes so much longer to grow and has the possibility of rejecting. We've already tried two lungs and neither have taken; her body's cells just keep attacking them," Miranda told her, placing her elbows on her desk as she massaged her temples. "Thankfully the debris she was trapped under only managed to collapse one of her lungs, but Shepard will be hooked up to breathing tubes for the rest of her life unless I get her body to take a lab-grown lung or we fit her with a synthetic one, because the other one that she has left isn't strong enough to be solely relied upon."

"You'll figure it out," Jack responded, leaning on the desk across from the other woman. "I mean, this is the kind of shit you're actually good at." That sounded a bit like a backwards compliment and Miranda narrowed her eyes at her in response, but Jack just pushed past that and invited, "Come on, it's lunch time and you seriously need a break before you pop a fucking aneurism or something. Burgers?"

Miranda sighed heavily, running a hand through her hair. "I can't; I'm supposed to oversee her skin cell regeneration treatment in like an hour and a half and I have a mountain of paperwork to get through before then. Believe me, if I could—"

"Uh… correct me if I'm wrong here, but aren't you the fucking boss?" Jack interrupted, looking at Miranda like she was stupid for following restrictions that she herself had set. To her, it was as simple as lifting those restrictions and doing whatever it was that she wanted. "Just push the shit back or something."

Miranda shot her a chiding look. "That's so terribly inconsiderate of other people's schedules—"

"I meant the paperwork, dumbass," Jack responded, rolling her eyes. "Does any of it need to be done before the treatment shit, or can you do it after?" Miranda pursed her lips, which was enough of an answer for Jack; in the end, she didn't need to do anything right away, but she just detested feeling swamped and so she tried to get things done as soon as humanly possible. "Alright, so… burgers? Or tacos; I could go for some tacos."

Miranda exhaled a helpless sigh, looking up at Jack who was now holding out her hands and encouraging her to take them by wiggling her fingers. It was… actually rather adorable, and so Miranda lightly rolled her eyes in defeat as she took her girlfriend's hands in her own, allowing Jack to help her up as she responded, "Burgers. But we have to be back in forty five minutes, Jack; I mean it. So no sex after we eat."

"You realize I came from work, yeah?" Jack responded, looking at her like she was ridiculous for thinking she had more time than she actually had. And, oh right; it was Thursday. Lately, Miranda seemed completely oblivious as to what day it actually was. For some reason, she had thought it was the weekend. She worked through most of them lately anyhow. "I got a half hour, Princess; so let's get a move on."

Miranda was about to follow her out the door, but Jack stopped and used a solitary finger to gently nudge the glasses that were resting on her nose. "Forgetting something?" she said, smirking as Miranda looked a little flustered at how disorganized her life was as she removed the glasses from her face, resting them on the desk.

"Sorry, I'm a little spaced right now I suppose; my head is going in a thousand different directions."

"Hey, not like I don't like them; but with the way you are right now, you'd probably forget they were on your face until you realized you couldn't see more than two feet in front of you," Jack responded, looking a little amused. But then her expression turned serious as she continued, "Hey, I meant to ask you about that actually. Like I thought you were supposed to be built genetically superior or some shit—shouldn't you have twenty/twenty vision? You used to."

"I did," Miranda confirmed as she fell into step with her, walking from her office. "But regardless of my father's pursuits of 'perfection', he still didn't get everything right. My vision isn't the first defect to surface, and I'm sure it won't be the last; right now all I can hope for is that if anything else deteriorates, it ends up being rather minimal."

"Wait," Jack said, stopping mid stride to turn to look at her, her expression masking over with concern as she reached out, clasping her hand around the older woman's forearm. "What the fuck do you mean, deteriorates? Like are you gonna go totally blind or something? And what the hell else is defective; why the fuck didn't you tell me any of this before?"

"I didn't… I don't know, I suppose I just didn't want to worry you," Miranda lied, stumbling a bit over her answer because honestly, it hadn't… really occurred to her to share those things with Jack. It wasn't anything serious or life-threatening, after all. "I don't think I'll go completely blind, no; I think it was just a genetic imperfection that my father failed to weed out of his strand of DNA. He had to wear contacts for most of his life, and I suppose it's just catching up to me now."

That seemed to relax Jack a bit, but she still looked a little bristled by the information. "…And the other shit that's wrong with you?"

"It's just… one—one thing," Miranda responded, suddenly very uncomfortable with this conversation, because she had never told anyone this before. She still didn't know if she wanted to; mostly because she still hadn't determined whether it was a concern of hers or not, and was unsure what she would do with whatever reaction her condition presented her with. "I didn't tell you because it wasn't—well, it isn't very relevant, given the kind of relationship we're in."

Jack just stared at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue.

"I—" Miranda began, twisting her hands nervously. She didn't know how Jack would react, and that seemed to make her anxious; mostly because she found she very much cared about how the other woman would respond to it, but was unsure of what reaction it was that she actually feared. "I'd rather not do this here, if you wouldn't mind. It's deeply personal."

Jack looked confused, yet still concerned, however allowed the subject to drop as she realized that whatever it was, the last thing Miranda wanted to do was talk about it in the middle of her hallway at work. "Yeah… yeah, we don't gotta do this now. But it's not—it ain't life-threatening, right?"

Miranda shook her head, wanting to alleviate the other woman of her concerns; at least on that front. "No."

Jack looked much more relieved after that, which allowed her to drop the subject without a hassle as the two women left the building and walked side by side down the road towards one of their favorite fast food places. Miranda knew Jack wouldn't leave it completely though, and perhaps Miranda did owe her the truth, given their romantic relationship; if it ever progressed to something entirely more serious, after all, then it would be a subject that would need to be broached. Jack deserved to know that she couldn't entirely promise her everything, should the woman ever want something like that.

"So how are things going at work?" Miranda asked once they had left the building, happy to change the subject. "I'm sorry we haven't had much of a chance to catch up; my own job seems to have… well, seems to have rather consumed me. I promise I won't miss our date night again this week though; and I really do apologize for canceling the last two times on you. Believe me, it wasn't something I wanted to do."

"S'fine, I get it," Jack responded, not seeming put out in the slightest by Miranda having cancelled their plans two weeks in a row. "You're under a lot of pressure and shit; can't be easy." Miranda shot her a grateful look at that, glad that she understood and wasn't angry with her about it; she couldn't bear to have Jack irritated with her on top of it all. Things were difficult enough as they were.

"And work's good," Jack answered, her fingers tangling in Miranda's hand as they walked down the sidewalk. "Kids're good; they're little shits, but they're good. Fucking Prangley though thought it would be hilarious to put this huge ass, genetically altered spider thing in my desk; the thing's harmless I guess, but I screamed like a little bitch when I opened the drawer. Asshole's been laughing about it for the past few days, but we'll see who's laughing once I get my revenge."

Miranda smirked, amused. "Are you sure it's wise to get into a prank war with one of the other teachers?" she asked, knowing that Prangley was one of Jack's old students, one of her surviving students, who came back to Grissom Academy to teach after the war. "I'm sure that can't be a good example for the children."

"Shit's harmless," Jack responded, waving off the other woman's concern. "Besides, gives them something else to focus on; something else to enjoy. These kids – my kids, anyway, since Prangley's got a bunch of well-adjusted ones – they're always pissed off about something or another; this makes them laugh. That's something they need."

Miranda smiled, happy that Jack cared so much about her kids' well-being; not that it was a surprise, as she had cared quite deeply for her old students as well, but it was nice to hear. It gave her a sense of purpose, and that was something the other woman needed. "Well I'm glad you're happy there," Miranda responded as they entered the fast food joint. It had only been a few weeks since the school had reopened, but even after Jack had agreed to take the position, she had seemed rather hesitant about it. Now, at least, it seemed those worries had dissipated, and she was adjusting to a position of authority again rather well.

After they had ordered their food they sat down in the patio area outside, beginning to eat their meals. "Oh," Jack mentioned through a bite full of burger. Miranda shot her a look, and Jack at least swallowed it before continuing. "Forgot to mention something to you. You know how like… my kids are all pretty much older? Well the other teacher who was handling some of the younger students with issues I guess was having a hard time controlling them or something, so a few of my classes got shuffled around so I could take them on for about half the day."

"You're teaching children?" Miranda asked, surprised; while she assumed teenagers would be easy for Jack, as she was rather laid back and kids that age appreciated something like that, younger children needed a bit more structure and discipline.

"Ages eight to twelve," Jack responded with a nod, picking up another fry. "I mean, it's not bad, once you show 'em who's boss they generally stop trying to run around screaming and throwing their biotics around like fucking maniacs. Probably helps that I look a bit scarier than their other teacher, so they tend to not want to screw with me."

Miranda could believe that.

"Fucking sucks though," Jack continued through another bite of food, which Miranda didn't chide her on considering, in the end, she knew manners weren't exactly the other woman's strong suit. One day she might be able to encourage her to wait to speak until she had swallowed her food, but baby steps. "I mean, seeing some of these kids, knowing what kind of situations they came out of… they're all so fucking young, and some days it makes me just wanna jump on a ship and fly around the Traverse hunting down the assholes that hurt them, you know?"

Miranda pursed her lips in sympathy, understanding Jack's desire to protect them. After all, she hunted down and murdered anyone who had a hand in destroying her own life; it was only natural that her first instinct be to eradicate the subject of these children's nightmares in a more permanent way. But they both knew she couldn't; she wasn't that kind of person now, and Miranda could tell that Jack hated having to sit on the sidelines and do nothing about it.

"This one girl, Parke, she just turned eight… she doesn't even fucking speak; we don't even know if she can," Jack continued, her voice catching with emotion as the anger she felt towards whoever had hurt her began to consume her. "Fucking batarians," she spat, and Miranda's heart clenched in her chest, because she knew Jack had a history with them. "Some Alliance unit rescued her from a group of slavers a few months back; she's too young to sell, so no doubt they kept her to have their fun with until she was old enough to be of 'use.' I know how those bastards work, always preying on the young and the weak; shit makes me sick. A lot of them got taken into custody when the Alliance raided their camp; if you ask me though they should have fucking slaughtered them all."

Miranda reached across the table, comfortingly covering Jack's hand with her own. She knew how much the girl's situation hit close to home with her. "Do you think she'll be alright?" Miranda asked softly.

"Dunno," Jack responded with a helpless shrug, an expression of anger and blame still etched across her brow. "Parke probably spent most of her life in a biotic containment field – most batarians slavers had them, cause biotics tend to sell for higher prices, you know? So she hasn't had any practice controlling her abilities, and we can't fit her with an implant until she goes through puberty, so any time she gets startled or angry shit's always blowing up around her."

"She's that powerful?" Miranda asked, her brow rising. Generally, biotics without their implants aren't able to tap into how much power they actually have, as humans were never meant to be biotic in the first place. They could move a few things here and there and maybe even throw a low-grade warp field, but it was rare that any of them could tap into anything that was actually destructive.

"Yeah, guess she was exposed to a hell of a lot of eezo," Jack responded, before her lips pursed into a thin line. "Generally that amount of exposure can make a kid really sick over time though, so we're constantly monitoring her. Really hope she doesn't end up getting a fucking brain tumor or something; not after everything she's already been through."

"Sounds like you really care for her."

"Don't get all whatever about it," Jack scoffed, looking a little embarrassed because she knew what Miranda was implying; that she saw a part of herself in the girl, having been through horrors herself in her childhood that had nearly broken her. "I mean, I've only known this girl for like a week and like… I care for all my kids, you know? I'm not picking favorites or anything. I just hope she can come out on top of all this, is all."

"I don't know," Jack continued, rolling her eyes a little as she sat back in her chair. "Guess I'm a bit more maternal than I ever thought I'd be, you know? Which is so fucked, considering who I am and everything, but someone's gotta give a shit about those kids, cause no one else will. Most of them are orphans, or were abused by their parents or whatever. They got no one except us now."

At the mention of her maternal instincts however Miranda swallowed hard, averting eye contact. Jack's brow furrowed though, having noticed her change of demeanor. "What?"

Miranda was silent for a moment, wondering if they should even broach this subject; this wasn't the ideal place to do it after all, but the door had been opened. Perhaps she should just get it over with. "Do you… ever think that you would want children of your own?"

Jack looked surprised by the question, her brow rising slightly as she took in the expression on her girlfriend's face, seemingly unable to assess why it was that she asked. "I dunno," Jack responded after a moment's silence. "Never really thought about it, I guess. Why?"

Miranda pursed her lips, looking down at her hands that she had folded delicately together on her lap. She didn't know whether or not she wanted to tell her; this wasn't exactly a conversation one should have over lunch, anyway. "I was just… I was just wondering," she tried instead, finding it easier in that moment to lie, but Jack knew better and refused to let her get away with it.

"Bullshit, you wouldn't have that look on your face if that question didn't mean something to you." Miranda was silent though, and it took a moment, but Jack seemed to put two and two together rather quickly; although in the end that wasn't much of a surprise, given their earlier conversation. "Oh," she said softly, realization dawning on her features. "You can't have kids… can you?"

Miranda bit the inside of her cheek lightly as she shook her head no. She didn't trust her voice.

Jack was silent for another long moment then, just observing Miranda's demeanor until she finally asked, "—That bother you?"

Miranda exhaled a small sigh before she shrugged, unable to really assess her feelings on that matter. Once, she never believed that she would even have a life that allowed for children; being an operative for Cerberus didn't exactly leave room for child-rearing, after all. But now she had a job that didn't put her in danger every other week, with a stable home and even a stable relationship – another thing she never believed she would have – and of course it… it made her wonder, if she would ever want something like that in her future. She still had yet to decide on an answer though.

"Well," Jack continued after her girlfriend was decidedly silent, realizing Miranda wasn't ready to talk about it in depth yet, "I mean, it's not like you're the only fucking one with a uterus here." Miranda knew Jack was only trying to make her feel better, to make her feel like she had options should she ever chose to go down that route, but the offer – despite not being something entirely serious nor thought out in the slightest – still made Miranda look up at her sharply, surprise coloring her features because the magnitude behind it was startling, and yet was said with such ease.

"No, I didn't mean—" Jack tried, suddenly looking very flustered, embarrassed, and defensive. "I'm not fucking saying I want to have your babies, Cheerleader—screw you, just that if there's two chicks in a relationship and one of their hardware isn't working, then it isn't like you're shit outta options or anything. I'm mean, I'm not— I'm not fucking proposing we have kids right now or anything, Miranda; stop looking at me like that!"

"No, I…" Miranda tried, although still seemed a bit shell shocked by the other woman's offer; because even if Jack wasn't proposing that they have children now, she still very much was telling her that the option was open, should they ever get to a place where they wanted to discuss it. And that was… that was more than she would have expected. "Jack, please don't get all—I know you weren't offering to have my children right now, alright? I do know that. But it still… it surprised me, is all."

"It's just common fucking sense, alright?" Jack snapped, still very much embarrassed by what she had said; Miranda assumed that was because she hadn't ever expected that she would, and yet it popped out of her mouth anyway. "Two chicks in a relationship; one of their shit doesn't work, so you use the other. I'm saying in general, dumbass, not for us."

"…Of course." It was merely placating, as clearly Jack's wording indicated she very much was talking about them, as they were discussing Miranda's infertility and the fact that she wasn't the only one in the relationship with a uterus, but she didn't want to push the woman any more, as Jack seemed incredibly embarrassed about what she had said. Still, Jack seemed to know that she was being placated because she shot her a glare.

"Screw you."

"Jack."

"—What?" Jack bit back defensively, no doubt wishing her cheeks weren't turning this awful red color. She looked positively murderous, but Miranda just gave her a small smile and reached across the table to cover her hand with her own.

"Thank you."

Jack pursed her lips into a thin line, but said nothing.

"I don't… honestly, I don't even know if I want children," Miranda told her, gently running her thumb over the back of the ex-convict's hand. "And I know you're undecided as well, and so maybe… maybe if we do end up getting to a place in our relationship where that subject should be broached, we won't even decide that we want them. But… I do appreciate it; you telling me that that option is out there, even if you didn't entirely think it through and even if you decide later that that's something you wouldn't want to do. It's the fact that you even said it at all that means something to me, Jack."

Jack still looked a little irritated with the remnants of her embarrassment, but she seemed to get that Miranda understood what her offer had meant, and what it didn't mean. It was still far too early in their relationship for something like that; they hadn't even said the 'L' word to each other yet, and with the kind of people that they were, they would no doubt skirt around the issue long after they felt it anyhow. So if something like that was to ever be in their future, it would no doubt be a long time off.

Still, as Miranda looked across the table at her girlfriend, she finally allowed herself to consider what kind of future she might want with her and she realized that, perhaps, allowing Jack to become her 'end all, be all' might not be such a ludicrous scenario as it had once seemed to be.

TBC…