AN./ I've had this chapter lying around for quite a while now but was uncertain about posting it because I wasn't sure which direction I wanted this story to go in... Still, it might just be time to commit :P - Bec xx

Chapter 5: JJ's POV

Emily emerged from the bathroom looking more confident than I'd seen her looking around me recently and, honestly, I was relieved. I'd half expected her to change her mind when she had some time alone to think but the first thing she did was kiss me.

I thought I was probably glowing walking down the hall holding her hand and I struggled to keep the happiness from showing on my face. I was supposed to be terrified. I was terrified. An extremely dangerous unsub had just threatened the woman I loved in the same way he'd threatened his previous twelve victims before torturing and butchering them. Yet more strongly than the fear I just felt blessed to be with her. I tried to rein it in. Hotch had told us we should display our relationship publicly for the unsub's benefit, but he'd also told us not to go suspiciously overboard.

Morgan was the first person to look up as we approached. He was standing outside the door to Emily's hotel room with Hotch and some crime scene technicians. I couldn't see the others but I could hear Reid talking to someone inside the room, out of sight.

"Lucky you weren't here last night," Morgan greeted Emily, nodding down at the letter he was holding.

Emily squeezed my hand and then let go, reaching for the letter. "It really is exactly the same as the others," she concluded, while I read over her shoulder. "You didn't find anything when you processed it?"

"Nothing," one of the techs confirmed.

"You know you're supposed to sleep in separate rooms while we're working," Hotch pointed out to Emily and I, as if this were a discussion we had regularly, "But in this case I'm glad you were together. We've organised to move to a different hotel tonight. Can I see that letter again?"

Emily passed it over and when Hotch returned it he slipped a small piece of paper into the corner. Emily read it silently and then met my eye to check I'd seen it too.

'Hotel cameras have been hacked; unsub probably watching. Ask which hotel.'

"Which hotel?" Emily asked obediently and Hotch recited the name and a few other details. Not long afterwards he received a text from Garcia to say that the cameras at that hotel were presently being tapped into. She was letting the unsub get away with it for now so he'd think he had the upper hand over us.

"You should be safe there," Hotch went on, although was patently not the case. "We'll move you quietly this evening and take precautions to make sure you aren't followed."

"Sir," I interjected pointedly. "I know it's against regulations but if my girlfriend's in danger, I want to stay with her."

Hotch nodded approvingly, while Morgan didn't react at all. He was being more quiet than usual and I took that to mean that there was a lot he wanted to say but couldn't. Until we had some privacy he was keeping his mouth tightly shut.

"I'll make an exception until we've solved the case," Hotch agreed. "But I expect you both to act as professionally as ever. This isn't a vacation."

I resisted the urge to meet Emily's eye. We hadn't exactly been acting professionally this morning…

"Of course, sir," Emily responded without missing a beat.

Rossi stepped out of the room then, followed by Reid. Those two were predictably worse at hiding their feelings than Morgan and Hotch had been. Rossi looked deviously amused while Reid's expression bordered on hurt and confused. I tried not to let it bother me. We could soothe his feelings once we were back in DC.

"The room's clear," Rossi announced. "We don't think the unsub was ever inside."

"We don't have video footage from the hallway?" It was more a statement than a question—Emily was covering her bases.

"The camera was hacked, like at the other scenes," Reid answered. "There are eight minutes missing from the tape of every camera in the entire building. At 9:59:06 the letter just appears on the doorway. No sign of who put it there."

"Somebody intelligent enough to hack security feeds yet non-threatening enough to move around hotel corridors, apartment buildings, and close-knit neighbourhoods without attracting attention. Maybe someone in uniform," Morgan pointed out, a little gruffly. "Let's get down to the precinct. Emily, JJ—I'll drive you two in."

His tone didn't leave room for argument.

I shouldn't have been surprised when Morgan called Garcia and put her on speaker the moment we climbed into the SUV. Of course it was going to be a double interrogation.

"They're here, mama," was the first thing he said and his voice was different now. More open, almost relieved.

"Alone?" Garcia confirmed and when Morgan hummed in response she let out a sigh that turned into a giggle. "Oh my god, are you two kidding me right now? Emily, JJ? You guys are an item?!"

"JJ referred to Emily as her girlfriend," Morgan teased and this did nothing to stem Garcia's giggles.

I could have protested that I'd said that for the unsub's benefit but, really, was it necessary? If you could call someone your girlfriend after a chance meeting and a few dinners you should definitely be able to do it after loving them for three years, nearly having sex on the job, and semi-agreeing to raise a child together.

"Why is this so funny?" I protested instead. "We're two adults who happen to be… romantically involved."

It sounded better to me than dating—especially as we hadn't actually been on a date yet—but only just. There had to be a better word for what Emily and I were.

"We're happy for you, dumbo!" Garcia laughed. "Yesterday we found out you were pregnant and maybe-getting-married to the biggest scumbag in New Orleans and today it turns out you're secretly with Prentiss? Sorry for being surprised!"

"I never said I'd marry Will," I pointed out sharply. "In fact, I told him several times that I wouldn't, not that it stopped him publicly implying that we were engaged." Then it hit me what she'd said about him. "Wait, you knew what an awful guy Will was? Why'd you pretend to like him?!"

Morgan took his eyes off the road briefly to shoot me a bug-eyed look. "JJ, literally every single one of us hates Will. We were just being good friends." He looked away then and a dark look crossed his eyes. I knew what was coming. "I overheard Hotch telling Rossi that Will smashed a mirror in your hotel room?"

"All it got him was a sore hand," Emily cut in for me. Her tone didn't invite any more questions on that subject and I was grateful. On the one hand, I was glad my friends recognised what an asshole Will had been—it made explaining the break-up so much easier—but on the other hand, I didn't need them profiling me as his victim.

"I'm having this baby with Emily, not Will," I added firmly.

Again Morgan took his eyes off the road and I had to nudge his arm to get him to turn back. Not that we were moving particularly quickly in this traffic… "It's that serious?" he asked and I was surprised when Garcia answered.

"Of course it's that serious," she sighed. "Morgan, you may be pretty but you can be pretty thick too. Emily's been keen on JJ since the moment she joined the team. I'm not going to lie, I thought JJ was straight as an arrow, but if she's even slightly inclined toward the fairer sex—which evidently she is—then her and Emily make more sense than Xena and Gabrielle!"

"Calm down, mama! I'm just asking! It's kind of a shock," Morgan defended himself.

"It's okay," Emily was quick to assure him. "It happened kind of quickly for us too…"

"Well it's about time you worked up the courage to kiss her, princess!" Garcia congratulated her and I couldn't help but scoff at that, given all Emily's pussy-footing around.

"Excuse me! What makes you assume she kissed me first?" I exclaimed.

"Oh my god," Emily whined good-humouredly. "They think I'm the man in the relationship."

"What, are you telling me you kissed her?" Garcia squeaked. "JJ, how was I not privy to the fact that you felt this way?!"

"Nobody was!" I answered. "And nobody would be if we hadn't needed to explain to Hotch why Emily never got back to her room last night!"

"About that—!" Garcia began in a high-pitched squeal, but thankfully we were pulling into the precinct parking lot by then and Emily cut her off.

"Sorry to interrupt your little gossip fest but we just arrived and have actual work to do," she interjected smoothly. "Been threatened by a serial killer and stuff. Have to work up a game plan."

She was being intentionally casual about it, but I knew she had to be stressing out underneath it all. Garcia got the message.

"Sure thing, princess," she replied. "I'm still working on tracking the IP he's using to hack the hotel cameras but he's a sneaky little bugger. I will keep you posted. PS – I'm also tracking you guys via security camera right now. Street cams and private ones too. I'll send you a text if I catch the unsub doing the same thing. Still, to be safe, the best place to have a private conversation is probably the car for now."

"Thanks for the heads up," I answered and then Morgan hung up.

"This is pretty amazing," he admitted, before we had a chance to get out of the car. "You two, as parents together... Let me know if I can do anything."

I could see from his expression that he was genuine and I did my best to smile. "First things first," I replied. "Let's catch the guy threatening the mother of my child."

Around 8pm, we left the station. Hotch drove us to the hotel via some utterly convoluted route designed to make the unsub think we were actually concerned about him following us, rather than luring him in. We made a false stop at another hotel on the way. It was a show, of course - the unsub had hacked into the security system at our new hotel that morning. He was going to have eyes on us the minute we walked in the door.

FBI agents from the local office had been checking into the hotel all day. Emily and I had studied their photographs on her tablet on the drive over. We wanted to recognise as many of our undercover allies as possible. There were eight, not including the rest of our team, but for appearances' sake, they were scattered across the hotel.

We had a map too, highlighting their locations. Hotch would be nearest - 6 doors down, then Rossi - 12 doors away. Morgan was third closest, nearby but on the next floor up, and from there it grew sparser. Reid was a good five minutes away - it was a big hotel.

When we walked into the lobby I spotted one of the undercover agents immediately - he was a large-ish , deceptively fit man, wearing a colourful Hawaiian print shirt. He was chatting excitedly with the concierge when we entered and I made no attempt to make eye contact. Hotch walked us to our door.

"You should be safe here," he told us, for the benefit of the unsub, watching. "I don't think we were followed."

"Thanks, sir," Emily replied. "See you in the morning."

We didn't watch Hotch leave. We knew exactly where he'd be tonight: in his room, watching the cameras in the hallway, monitoring for strangers lurking or electronic interferences. Camera failure was as good a cause to step in as any witnessed crime in this case but Emily and I had also had a recording device installed in our room by the 'cleaning service'. It made me feel uncomfortable (although I was thankful there was no picture recording) but I was glad that any sign of a scuffle would be picked up on by Garcia, monitoring the feed.

I looked around the room. It was swankier than the last hotel - we'd needed somewhere where a reasonably sized influx of FBI agents posing as guests wouldn't be noticed amongst all the usual comings and goings. There was a well-stocked mini bar (which Emily and I obviously wouldn't be touching), a magnificent looking king bed, and an excitingly large bathtub in the bathroom. I nodded toward it and gave Emily a cheeky wink. She pursed her lips at me in return, shaking her head and withholding a laugh.

"Hi Garcia," she said into the empty room and her phone beeped not long after.

"Hi there, cuties!" read the text message.

I wanted to put the TV or the radio on for a bit of white noise but we'd already been told not to. We didn't need the sound of violence on TV bringing eight agents plus the whole BAU to our door and we didn't want anything that could obscure the fact that we were actually in danger either.

Emily and I stared at each other briefly, unsure what to do. Then she shrugged.

"Hope you brought a book, Jen. Could be a few nights like this," she pointed out. This unsub was flexible with his timeline - he liked to make you sweat. The probability was high that he'd want to lull us into a false sense of security before he attacked. But we had the fact of his tapping into hotel security to assure us that he would, at some point, attack.

I dumped my bag down onto the floor near the foot of the bed and pulled out a few things. A change of clothes, a novel, face cream. Then I sprawled back on the bed with my book and snuggled into the pile of pillows at the far end.

"You gonna join me?" I asked, giggling.

"Let the record show that I am joining Agent Jareau on the bed with a Vonnegut novel and absolutely all of my clothes in place," Emily replied dryly. Then she did just that, kicking off her shoes and jumping up beside me. I gave her a quick kiss as she scooted into place.

We read for a few hours but the silence was so absolute that it was distracting. Finally we decided to change into our pyjamas (or, at least, t-shirts and sweats suitable for both sleeping and fighting for our lives) and passed an hour or so by writing notes. They started out innocent and then grew gradually less so.

So, this morning was fun... (Me)

Yeah, if waking up to your boss calling you freaking out that you've been abducted by a serial killer is your idea of fun. (Em)

Hotch was freaking out? ...Believe it or not, I was actually talking about what happened after that. (Me)

Yeah, when he first called, he was panicking a bit. ...Gee, I don't think I can remember what happened after he left! Want to enlighten me? (Em)

I bit back a laugh at that and tossed a nervous glance toward the television, behind which I knew the audio recording device had been installed.

Okay... What's the last thing you can remember? (Me)

Why don't you start with the part where you saw me start undressing and then became so overcome with lust that you- (Em)

I grabbed her hand, forcing her to stop writing, while I giggled uncontrollably. As soon as I released her, she started writing again.

...No? So how about we talk about you slipping your finger through my pussy and then licking it clean. (Em)

I spent a moment just taking in her glowing eyes and saucy smile before replying with a decreasingly steady hand.

You were so wet, I couldn't believe it. (Me)

So you thought you'd taste it to be sure? (Em)

Mmhmm... And that's not all I wanted to do. If only we'd had time... (Me)

What else? (Em)

I hardly dared look at her now. My breath was becoming shallow. We lay side-by-side on our stomachs, sharing a pad of hotel notepaper. We were inches from touching, the whole way down our bodies.

You know what else. (Me)

I want to hear it... Read it... (Em)

I swallowed hard, my pen faltering over the paper. But as I wrote, I grew in confidence. Emily's breath was quickening as her eyes followed the words on the page. At one point she let out a little sigh...

I wanted to lay you down and kiss your chest. To lick and suck your breasts like you were doing to me last night. To feel their soft, warm weight in my hands and have you beneath me, completely available to my touch. I wanted to kiss down your stomach, past your navel, to that patch of neat, dark hair I felt against my palm this morning. To wet my fingers in your juices and learn the patterns of your cunt - where I can touch to make you writhe and moan beneath me. I wanted to slide my fingers into your sex. You were wet enough, baby. How many could I have fit in you? It felt like you could've taken anything I gave you. You made me so horny... And then I tasted you on my finger and I wanted to lick you, Em. To lick all over your little clit and push my fingers in and out of you-

"Stop," Emily gasped suddenly, forgetting why we weren't making a sound.

Why? I wrote boldly. Are you getting wet again?

Emily's eyes met mine desperately and she nodded. For a second I thought she'd say something else but instead she reached for the pen.

J, you don't know how much you turn me on. This is dangerous... (Em)

No, what would be dangerous would be if I started doing all those things I want to do to you with Garcia listening in on the sounds coming from this room. Unless you're into that sort of thing. 'Cause I don't think you could keep quiet, Em. (Me)

I rolled onto my side and trailed a hand down her thigh anyway.

Don't you? (Em)

I shook my head but didn't write a response, setting for playing with the waistband of her pyjama pants.

Well, did you hear me fucking myself in the shower this morning? (Em)

I felt my whole body tense up at that and Emily looked satisfied. She kneeled to slip the notepad into her go-bag by the side of the bed (obviously deciding our conversation was over) and then started to stand but I pulled her back down. I leaned over her and kissed her lips, sliding my hand into her pyjama pants before she could protest. As I'd done that morning, I cupped my hand over her mound and squeezed lightly.

Emily opened her mouth but there was nothing she could say with Garcia listening in. I gave her an evil smile and began feeling her through her panties. Our lips met again and Emily only hesitated for the briefest moment before responding to me. True to her word, she made no sound, but I felt her body jolting and shaking beneath me as I played with her. When I slipped under her panties, she took a deep breath in and I wondered if she was going to break but she swallowed down whatever sound she'd been considering producing and nodded for me to continue.

"I love you," I whispered, close enough against her ear that I was confident the audio wouldn't pick it up. "I really, honestly, truly do love you..."

"But we haven't got time to be slow about this," Emily whispered back and I nodded understandingly.

We were on the job. We were really on the job. It mightn't happen tonight but we were expecting to be attacked by a bloody serial killer! This should've been the last thing on our minds. Yet it felt crucially important.

Soaking my fingers in Emily's juices, I began touching her again in earnest, climbing over her for a better angle. Our lips met and then our tongues as we kissed furiously. Her breath was coming hard into my mouth and I pulled a blanket over us, hoping to muffle any sounds she made. Then I slid that hand up beneath Emily's top and toyed with one of her nipples, the way she'd had me do this morning, her hand over mine. It made her gasp and I kissed her harder for a second before pulling back to hiss, "If you sound like you're being murdered in any way, this room is going to fill to the brim with agents before I can even get my hand out of your pussy. No moaning, no groaning, and definitely no screaming."

Even as I said that, I was speeding up my thrusts and although Emily kept quiet, her hips were moving frantically. I needed to get her off soon, I realised, or she was going to lose control.

"Keep your head, baby," I murmured, breaking our kiss. And with that warning, I slid down her body and slid my tongue down her slit. In my periphery, I glimpsed Emily's hand clap over her mouth. Her eyes were tight shut, her body shaking as I tongued her.

It was the most crazily erotic thing I'd ever done. Sucking off Will made me feel like a sex toy. Sucking off Emily made me feel... Wild, sexy, gorgeous, but also part of her; insanely connected to Emily and her every desire. I knew instinctively how to respond to her changing needs and movements and, as I felt her become more erratic and desperate, I doubled down. I licked along her lower lips and all through her pussy, loving the way it made her squirm. As she got close I focused on her clit and the hot flesh surrounding it. Occasionally I pulled back, running my tongue down to my finger, pressing into her hole, and then back up - easing off when I was afraid it was getting too much. Then I felt Emily's hands gripping my head, curling in my hair, and I wanted to tell her to be careful not to make a sound but I couldn't make myself pull away to speak. It felt like I was the one about to come - I was right there with her. I knew I couldn't stop. I needed to give her the release she deserved. So I kept licking, sucking, pumping my finger in, and I added another, scissoring and curling them, loving the way Emily's hips bucked in response.

Suddenly a loud gasp drew my attention and I could feel her orgasm. It was intense - Emily's hips raised and shuddered, the walls of her pussy contracted hard around my fingers, and she began to pulse like one big heartbeat. I kept licking her, half to prolong her orgasm and half because I just didn't want to stop. My mouth was filled with her incredible, musky taste and the tension of her hands in my hair told me she was still feeling it. So I licked her and thrust my fingers gently until I felt her relax. Then I shoved the blanket off and crawled up her body, giving her a long, languid kiss.

"That was the most incredible thing ever," I moaned, blushing as Emily nodded then raised a shaky finger to her lips. We were still being listened in on after all. We kissed again, even more deeply, and I enjoyed the mixed taste of Emily's mouth and her come. She stroked my cheek with her hand and seemed to pull me as close as humanly possible. Then I withdrew a little. "Go take a shower," I directed her softly. "Just in case something does happen tonight."

Emily nodded reluctantly and kissed me one more time, then I rolled aside to let her go. I was smirking to myself helplessly as the door closed between us.

Not bad for a first timer, Jareau! I congratulated myself.

My phone buzzed and I felt my heart, which had begun to slow, racing again as I struggled to locate it and then check my messages.

Message 1, from Penelope Garcia: Preface: I'm the only one monitoring the audio recording.

Message 2, from Penelope Garcia: Delete the previous text, this text, and the following ones as soon as you've read them.

Message 3, from Penelope Garcia: Which one of you just came?

Blushing furiously, I did a quick check of Emily's phone to make sure it was just me Garcia had texted (it was) and then, hardly believing myself, I tapped out a one-word reply: Emily.

I deleted all three texts and then giggled to myself giddily.

Garcia: Is she in the shower?

Me: It's kind of creepy that you know that...

Garcia: I can hear the shower going. Also, I think the mic in the room is better than you think it is... You guys are super hot! I'm kinda flustered now...

Me: Pen, please tell me there's something you can do to make sure that nobody else ever knows I ate Emily out in the middle of an investigation!

Garcia: Already done, you saucy minx! Will expect details in return the minute we get back to Quantico. DELETE THESE MESSAGES. PG out ;D

Again, doing as I was told, I took a bottle of water from the fridge, took a long drink, and lay back on the bed, waiting for Emily to return.

It was 3am when I was awoken by a call from Garcia.

"Show time, girlies! He's turned off the cameras," she exclaimed, her words coming out in rapid fire. "All the other agents are being alerted as we speak-"

"Em?" I called, finding the bed empty beside me. The bathroom door was closed. That had to be it. "Em?!" I called again, unable to keep the panic from my voice. I threw open the bathroom door - nothing. My heart dropped out of my chest. "P-Pen- Oh fuck, I- ...Em?!"

"Jayj, what are you- Isn't she with you?!" Garcia cried out.

I stared around the room desperately but there was nowhere to hide. "Pen, I've been asleep, I- How did I not-? How...? Call Hotch! Fuck, you need to- c-call Hotch!"

"I'm conferencing him in... Hotch, Emily's already gone!"

"Are you sure?!"

"I- I don't know how it happened!" Garcia sobbed. She was really crying now - I was in a daze. "Sir, the cameras haven't shown any sign of interference until like two minutes ago. It's just not enough time. I don't- Oh my god, I don't- I don't even know how he could've done this, sir!"

"JJ, are you okay?" Hotch asked and I couldn't answer. I just couldn't answer.

The world around me span. Next thing I know, Hotch is there, in the room, followed by Rossi and Morgan and ten other people, but there's nothing to do. Nothing at all.

She's gone.

And suddenly the faint taste of her that's lingered in my mouth makes me feel sick.

"Gumdrop, I know you're scared out of your mind - we all are - but you've gotta eat something," Garcia pleaded with me. Hotch had flown her in as soon as Emily's disappearance had been confirmed. He wanted as much help on the ground as humanly possible.

"Pen, there's got to be something you could be doing other than nagging me about stuff that's not important," I moaned, continuing the pace the precinct. "Have you figured out how he got her out yet?"

"I'm working on it, okay!" Garcia replied, sounding dangerously close to crying again. "But you haven't eaten all day and that is important, Jayj, whether you think so or not!"

It was 6pm. Emily had been missing for over 15 hours - at least. We knew this unsub - everything about him but how to stop him. She had to be going through hell. I reeled for a trash can. It wasn't the first time today. I kept one nearby now.

"Oh god, sweetie, it's okay, breathe..." Garcia soothed me shakily. Her hand appeared on my back but it was honestly the last thing I needed. I needed her to find Emily and that was all. "Honey, there isn't anything left in your stomach to throw up. I'm pretty sure you're onto major organs now... Is there something you can take? Maybe something to help you sleep-"

"Penelope, I love you, but if you think for one second I'm going to take anything until Emily is back with us, you're fucking crazy," I bit out. I knew I was hurting her. I was hurting everyone today. But some sadistic part of my mind found it justifiable because none of us could be hurting as bad as Emily. And she was alone and it was all my fault.

"I'm, um, going to get back to work..." Garcia replied defeatedly. "The cops have still got those two interns working. I'll send one of them to get you some soup or something easy like that. Try to eat it okay? And lay off the coffee - it'll just make you more upset, especially on an empty stomach..."

I waved her off, feeling broken and careless. When she was gone, I closed the door of the small meeting room I'd been occupying, sat down, and started to cry. I ran my hands repeatedly over my nearly flat stomach and cried for Emily and for our baby and, pitifully, for me too.

I let myself cry for all of fifteen minutes before forcing myself back outside to see what progress was being made. At this point I wasn't even trying to hide my red, swollen eyes. Who gave a damn what anyone thought of me now? I just wanted Em home. When I stepped back into the main room of the precinct, Garcia was talking excitedly. We all listened for a while, not really understand, but then she had a possible location up, blinking, on the screen.

The intern arrived with a covered plastic bowl - apparently he'd actually found takeaway soup somewhere - and I waved him off. Garcia thanked him and glared at me and Reid volunteered an empty thermos which was washed out and refilled for me.

"Stay here and drink your soup," Hotch told me firmly as the others all prepared to leave. It was the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard him say.

"What's everyone's deal with the fucking soup?!" I cried. "There's no way I'm staying behind!"

Hotch didn't back down. "The deal with the fucking soup," he replied, "Is that you haven't eaten all day, you're throwing up from anxiety every thirty seconds, you're swearing at me and everyone else you encounter - which, in case you don't realise, is ridiculously unlike you - and you are, right at this second, shaking. I don't know if its nerves or fear or anger but JJ, you need to be able to see that you, as you are right now, would be a liability in the field. And we haven't got time to argue."

I did argue but nobody listened. And not long after I was pacing the precinct once again. I threw the thermos at a wall and was angry when it didn't break open and spray everywhere. Goddamn brilliant design. Garcia was hard at work via her computer and I couldn't help but notice the address... I slunk out of the precinct, commandeered an SUV, and set off myself.

The ambulance beat me to the scene but both of us were disappointed. Emily wasn't there. There was no sign she ever had been, or so it first seemed. Hotch was furious to see me out of the precinct and this was definitely not improved when I began throwing up in the garden. Why were these people trying to feed me when I couldn't even keep my own stomach acid down? I was driven promptly back to the hotel.

During the night I developed a fever. This is what I realised in retrospect but, at the time, it felt very different. Flashes of memory interspersed with what felt like whole lifetimes I might have lived but didn't, playing before my eyes. Everything too bright, almost glowing, and odd - like a painting done from fading memory. I was hot and cold and in constant pain and I heard someone whisper - or scream, it could have been either - "JJ? JJ, are you okay?!"

Listen carefully.

What?

JJ, can you hear me? Listen carefully.

I didn't know who was speaking but I managed a nod. I think. Maybe I imagined the nod. Maybe I just sat there dumbly. Or lay there dumbly. Or even stood there dumbly. I don't know which.

JJ, you've been drugged.

No, no, no. I think I'd know if I'd been drugged. Where was Emily? Bring me Emily!

You have been drugged, JJ. The day before Emily was taken.

What did that make today?

Focus, JJ. We need to know everything you ate and drank the day before Emily was taken and where you got it from.

I don't know. I'm tired. Ask Emily.

Emily was taken.

What?

Taken-

Taken where? When? Where is she?

JJ, I need you to tell me everything you can remember eating or drinking the day Emily was taken...

"...she wakes up... see Emily..."

"Emily?" I croaked, peeling my eyes open. Even that hurt. "Wh-where is Emily?"

"We got her, honey. You just relax," came Garcia's voice and it took me an extra moment to see her. I had to squint in the bright light.

"Pen," I groaned, relieved. "Emily-"

"You don't wanna know what happened to you first, Jayj?" Garcia asked, smiling weakly.

I blinked up at her, trying to remember. "Drugged..."

"Yeah, Jayj, you were drugged," Garcia told me and, for the first time, I realised that Hotch was standing beside her.

"Does this mean I get off the hook for swearing at you?" I slurred.

Hotch didn't smile but he nodded. "Once we figured out which of the interns was slipping you dosed coffee, he confessed almost immediately and he told us how the man he was working for got in touch with him. We also checked the water bottle you drank from at the hotel and Garcia managed to-"

I waved details of the case away. "Emily's safe?" I sighed. My body wanted to go back to sleep but I needed to see her. "Is she here?" I'd already figured out that I was in hospital.

"She's here," Garcia breathed. "Hey, Em, turns out it's a good thing you didn't drink that soup-"

"Take me to her?" I didn't want to hear anything else but her voice. Hotch and Garcia said the case was over? I believed them. I could learn the details later. But they looked guilty, sad. "Why won't you take me to her? What's wrong?"

"S-she's pretty beat up," Garcia answered shakily. "But I know you need to see her, it's just... Jayj, there's something else we need to tell you. A-about the drugs they gave you... Jayj-"

I just nodded, trying to force sound through my tight throat. It took me a minute. "My stomach is killing me," I admitted quietly. "I know cramping like this is a bad sign..."

"I'm so sorry, JJ," Garcia wept. "You an Em were gonna... I can't believe..."

Hotch said something too but I tuned them both out.

Were we? Were Emily and I really going to have a baby together? It had been two days of love and hope and talking about futures and now it all seemed so far away. Had it even really happened? Where was Will now?

"I need to see her. Please. Just take me to Emily."

Emily was asleep the first time I saw her. She was a living bruise, interspersed with gashes and grazes. I didn't need to ask what was done to her. I'd worked the case - I knew. I made Hotch and Garcia leave me and they told me that they shouldn't, with me in my condition. Finally Hotch left, while Garcia volunteered to wait right outside.

"Don't bother," I answered dully. I gripped the arms of my wheelchair tight before letting go and lifting a hand to cover Emily's. "You'll be waiting all night. I'm not going anywhere."

My doctor was sent to talk to me in Em's room. She asked me if I wanted to go somewhere more private.

I told her I already knew what she had to say. I'd had a miscarriage before. The doctor spoke in a quiet voice while I watched Emily and thought of the adoring look she'd given me when we stood together in front of the mirror - the way we'd marvelled over the fact that there was a baby growing inside me.

'Yep, there's a baby in there all right...' I'd breathed.

She'd cried when I asked if she would raise it with me. I thought of her wet cheek pressed against mine, her mouth leaving kisses all over my neck and chest, as if she was helpless to stop. I thought of the way she'd lain against me the night she went missing, her body against mine, smooth and healthy and whole. How had I let myself rely on her so quickly? How could I love and need her so much after just a few days? The obvious answer was that I'd always needed her, I'd always loved her. It was just typical that the minute I realised how much I had, it was gone.

"Is this your partner, Agent Jareau?" The doctor asked gently.

God, it should've been a simple question but it wasn't. Would she still want me without the baby? Without the teasing, silly, sexiness that had become our norm out of nowhere? I couldn't be that person right now. Would she still want whoever was left behind?

I made myself nod. "I hope so," I whispered.

"I spoke to the doctor who treated Agent Prentiss when she arrived. He believes she will make a full recovery."

"W-when will she wake up?" I asked falteringly.

The doctor was quick to reassure me that Emily had had to be heavily medicated on arrival so that all of her injuries could be treated, but she was expected to wake up any time in the next few hours. "It's really up to your partner at this point," she explained. "Whenever her body has decided it's rested enough, she'll be back with you."

"Thanks, doctor," I replied and she tried to bring up counselling before she left. I'd heard it before, I reminded her sadly, and she nodded. When the door closed, I turned my full attention back on Emily. "Wake up soon, okay?" I asked. "I need you."

I felt much stronger in the morning. The drugs were clearing out of my system and I even let Hotch explain the outcome of the case to me. I was numbly gratified to learn that Morgan had nearly killed the guy on Emily's behalf. The others came by too, although I didn't feel a lot like talking to them and they respected that. I played a few games of cards with Reid in Emily's room, all of which he won. Despite what the doctor had said, Emily herself slept on.

"I'm going to get some lunch," Garcia told me around one, as Reid and I wrapped up the last game I could bear.

"Bring me back something?" I asked. My appetite, which had been so ridiculously paltry lately, was back with a vengeance. I was inhaling food and keeping it down too. Part of me wondered if I wasn't just desperate to keep the little belly the baby had given me. Until I flattened out again, I could pretend it was all just a terrible dream... That part, at least. Emily's condition was painfully obvious.

"What do you want?" Garcia replied

And although it was me she asked, it was Emily who replied.

"Want JJ," she croaked.

Garcia let out a loud gasp. "Princess, you're awake!" she cried and I was back by Emily's side in an instant.

"Em, I'm here," I answered. "Are you okay? How's the pain?"

"Not awful," Emily replied. Her voice was low and raspy. I signalled for Garcia to go and find some water. "From... your face... Guessing it's bad."

"You're going be fine, Em," I swore.

Garcia wasn't long returning with water. I adjusted the angle of Emily's bed so that she could sit up a little to drink.

"Slowly," Garcia warned. Then, "I let one of the nurses know you're up. Someone will be here soon."

Emily's eyes were set bravely on mine. "Jennifer, what's wrong?" she asked.

"N-nothing," I lied. "You're okay. You're gonna be fine, Em."

"Then how come you look like someone just died?" Emily asked and I felt my blood run cold.

"Jayj..." Garcia said softly. That's all, just my name. But I couldn't take it. Suddenly tears were streaming down and I lifted my hands to cover my face.

"I can't," I whispered. "I gotta go..."

I passed Emily's doctor on my way past and he paused, as if to say something, but I just walked faster. I needed to get out of here but where to go? I hadn't been discharged yet but I was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, I was wearing shoes, and I was stable on my feet. I wasn't about to leave against medical advice but I also needed more privacy than lying in a bed with my chart attached to it could provide.

I avoided the cafeteria. Every other member of the team was probably there right now - except Hotch, who was expected to tie up all the lose ends of the case, as usual. I opted for the garden, seeking out a secluded corner and sitting for a few minutes before getting back up to pace. My phone vibrated but I dropped the call. It happened three more times before I picked up.

"Jayj, where are you?" came Garcia's concerned voice.

"I'm still at the hospital," I sighed without getting any more specific. "Pen, I need some time. Can you tell Em I'm fine and I'll be back later?"

"Gumdrop, pretending everything's okay isn't going to change anything," Garcia reminded me, as if I didn't know that. "At some point you're going to have to tell her about the baby."

"I know-"

"She needs you, Jayj."

I swallowed hard. "I need some time. I-"

"I know you're upset but you know what Em's been through," Garcia pressed. "I mean, you don't - not exactly... But you know... You know what he did to the others." Her voice shook with grief. "She's being strong, Jayj, but she needs you."

"Not like I am now," I wept. I was beyond being ashamed of my tears. "She needs me the way I was before she went missing, when my baby was okay and we were so happy... I don't even know what we are now."

"She knows you're not okay, Jayj. She's not an idiot. She needs you to share it with her." Garcia paused, waiting for me to change my mind. "Jay-"

"I'm already walking back inside," I sighed. "Give me five minutes..."

"I said the exact wrong thing, didn't I?" Emily's voice was strained as I walked in.

I couldn't even reply, I just nodded, dropping into the seat beside her bed.

"Jen... I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't," I acquiesced, trying to calm myself. "Sorry I ran off."

"We can try again," Emily whispered. She almost look scared as my head shot up. "I mean, we can try... together... for the first time. If you wanted to." I couldn't reply and Emily's expression flew from fear to hurt to something I couldn't read. I could almost see her folding inwards. "You know what, that's stupid. Sorry. I'm fine. You don't have to stick around."

I didn't want to. I hated seeing her like that. And I hated her seeing me like this.

Where was the giddy blonde to whom evidently nothing had mattered more than exploring sex with another woman for the first time? Those two days in which I'd been so blissfully happy now seemed unpardonably trivial. I couldn't separate the image of Emily as she came from the horror of waking up and finding her gone. She'd been hurt and I'd lost my baby - what would've been our baby - and it all felt horrifically interconnected.

I had to force myself not to run away again, given the chance.

"I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant," I breathed. "I was terrified that I'd miscarry again. It's happened once before... Em, I'm terrified now. I can't go through that a third time."

"Would you let me do it?" Emily asked, running her hand over my arm uncertainly.

"Would I let you?"

"Would you want me to?" Emily corrected herself.

"Em, what's happened to you is going to have consequences," I cried, avoiding the question. "We need to be focusing on you. I'm still so furious that I let it happen. I don't know how you can stand me being in the room."

"I am focusing on me," Emily insisted. "Fear, anxiety - I can deal with those. I will deal with those. Losing the baby is devastating and it hasn't even hit me properly yet. But losing you, that's the only thing I could never recover from. And what happened to me doesn't change the fact that ever since you asked me to help you raise your baby, I've had this incredible feeling and I don't know if I can go back to living without it. I want a baby, Jennifer. I've wanted one since I was fifteen years old and I had an abortion that made me suicidal. And I want to do it with you."

"I- But- Em, we've never talked about this," I fretted.

"Jennifer, there are a lot of things we've never talked about," Emily replied. Her hand tightened on my arm. "But we can. And we will. I want to do this."

"Okay." My voice was less than a whisper. I swallowed tightly and tried to cough. "I- I want it... I do. Too."