Author's Note: Hello, all! I hope you had a wonderful winter break/holidays! Sorry this story hasn't been updated lately. I have been dealing with a lot of life changes these past six months and they kind of all just hit me like a train! I was intending to get this up before Christmas, but ah, well. Happy belated Christmas to you. I hope you enjoy. And, as ever, I appreciate your continued reviews and favorites. They really do make my day. I love you all. Alright, commence with the reading!

Elsa had woken up later that night, but to both Ryia and Anna's concern, she had remained unresponsive. Her eyes simply gazed at the ceiling above her. It was obvious to them both that Elsa was not just ignoring them, there was an actual problem somewhere within her, blocking her ability to comprehend or respond. Despite her unresponsiveness, the queen was not completely vague; there were very real tears in her eyes, that seemed to be ever-present, which ran down the side of her face and wetted the small hairs by her ears.

Ryia was dutiful to the queen, having been assigned as Elsa's personal physician by Anna. She had determined that it was more appropriate for Elsa to have a female physician, especially since she had seemed to make a more sincere connection with Ryia in a few days than she had with the court physician in all his years in the castle. If Anna were to be honest with herself, she was also keen to assign Ryia to Elsa's case because a couple days had passed since Elsa's breakdown, and Anna had to get back to important matters. She trusted the young servant to care for Elsa with compassion and to come to Anna if her status changed. Anna admitted to herself that assigning Ryia to watch over the queen helped to assuage her guilt at having to leave her sister's bedside.

Not much had changed in the few days since Queen Elsa had been injured. She was still unresponsive. Ryia dressed her wounds daily, sometimes even a few times a day. Elsa hadn't been able to eat, but Ryia had managed to force water into the still ruler by soaking a sponge and holding it to her lips.

"Why is she like this?" Anna asked one day, appearing frazzled after a meeting. She'd obviously rushed to the room, which Ryia had started to put back together once she was sure her patient was taken care of.

"It could be shock," Ryia answered while folding some clothes. "Whether emotional or physical, I'm not sure. Could be both, I suppose, considering we don't know what happened to her."

Anna had done some thinking, trying to piece together the events that had led up to Elsa's breakdown. It had occurred to her that they had been talking about Olaf before she had left her sister. If I hadn't left you, maybe this wouldn't have happened.

Anna sat in the chair that was now waiting for her by the bedside and placed her head in her hands, her elbows on her knees. Ryia took note of the Princess' posture, and turned back to the armoire, placing a dress upon a stack of others. The broken drawer still lay shattered against the wall opposite.

Anna dug at the hair on her scalp and stared at the pattern in her dress. She said emotively, "Please, Elsa. I need you right now. I don't know what to do. I need you." The Princess looked up, still hunched over, and saw no change in her sister's behavior.

"Please, Elsa."

The Queen lay motionless.

A breath of air escaped Anna, sounding like someone had kicked her in the stomach. "I need your help." She leaned forward, shaking, and clutched the bedsheet in a clawed hand. "You said you wouldn't shut me out again!"

A hitched breath came from the queen.

"You heard that?" The question came out more like a command. "Elsa, answer me."

Elsa's chest started heaving. Ryia jumped and came toward the bed. "She's waking up," she said.

A drawn-out "Ow" left Elsa's lips, and her right hand found her bandaged left and cradled it.

Ryia started to ask her if she needed anything for the pain, but Anna leaned against the bed, trying to capture Elsa's gaze, and asked authoritatively, "Elsa, what happened?" Ryia looked as if about to argue with the redhead, but with a firm look Anna reminded her of the pecking order in the castle.

Elsa's eyes were still largely unfocused, but they were becoming clearer with each passing minute. "I- I," Elsa started. She swallowed and licked her lips. Her voice cracked and her mouth was dry. Elsa's eyes finally met Anna's with clarity, and then the elder sibling retreated, searching the younger's gaze.

"What? What happened, Elsa? Did someone get in your room and attack you?"

Ryia knew the answer. She'd known it ever since she'd seen the queen's swollen and cut left hand, broken from punching the mirror. Elsa shook her head, looking into Anna's eyes in such a way the younger had never seen before. The piercing look caused Anna's heart to hurt, though she couldn't explain why.

Anna felt tears gathering at the corner of her vision. Still unsuspecting, she managed a thick, "..why?"

Elsa's face broke and a clenched sob burst from her throat. You don't know, still? Anna, I've killed your friend.

"I'm so sorry," she said instead.

There was a certain look that Anna had come to know, starting from the time she was fifteen. It was a certain mixture in the eyes that never showed for any reason except to break the news of death. It was a haunted look. It was often scared of the recipient's reaction. It was a look offering weak comfort, like a sandstone pillar, because the person bearing the news hardly knew how to get on without their loved one, but they still offered comfort to the other. For a split second, that struck Anna as such an Elsa thing to do - for her sister to be the sandstone pillar holding Anna's marble roofing. Surely the pillar would collapse, but the roof would fall to the ground without sustaining much damage. It was a look of pity because one person knew something the other didn't. Most of all, it was a look that showed that somehow, time had stopped. Maybe not forever, maybe not to everyone. But time, the most counted on thing in the universe, something that was a constant, had certainly stopped for one person.

It was all swirling there in the queen's blue eyes. Anna recognized that look in Gerda and Kai, who had been the ones to break the news of her parents' death to her. She had seen fragments of the same look in the priest who had overseen her parents' funeral and in the guests who had attended wearing black. She had never seen it in Elsa's eyes until now, having not been privy to seeing Elsa's mourning process. In hindsight, she realized why her sister had not mourned with her; surely Elsa's powers had been too unmanageable back then, and especially when under such grief.

Anna had been still the last several seconds as she processed this. "I'm sorry," Elsa repeated, praying Anna would understand what she was trying to convey. Don't make me say it. Don't make me say it out loud. I can't.

In a choked voice, Anna finally asked, "Olaf? ...What? How?"

The last reserve of disciplined strength Elsa had managed to hold onto during the last few minutes dissolved. She cried with her hands to her eyes while Anna sat there stiffly.

The younger pulled herself together and scooted toward the injured ruler. Ryia made her way out the door.

Elsa was starting to acquire that vague, haunted look again. "Elsa, please, stay with me," Anna said quietly, putting her hands on Elsa's cheeks. "Tell me what happened. It's okay."

"It's not okay," Elsa growled, curling her fingers against her thigh. "Nothing about any of this is okay."

"Tell me what happened," Anna pleaded. "Don't keep this inside yourself, Elsa, you know that's bad for you."

The allusion to her powers made a harsh laugh escape from the Queen.

"Why are you laughing?" Anna hissed. "Goddammit, tell me what's going on!"

"I- I can't, Anna," the brunette replied. "Everything is... falling apart around me, and Olaf is dead because of me. You really shouldn't care about what happens to me. You should just leave me here to rot. I am inept to rule. I am the complete failure of our parents. You... you are the epitome of what every parent wants. You'll grow into grace. You will learn how to rule -"

"Stop," Anna snapped.

"- and govern. You've always been bright. I know you will do a better job than I ever could. You connect with people more, you enamor people with your bashful elegance. I have only ever pushed away, been the 'ice queen' who no one feels they can crack. Our own parents were afraid of me, as they rightfully should have been."

"Stop it, Elsa."

"After all, they built those chains in the dungeon. They were right to fear what I could do, what I couldn't control. They needed a back-up plan because they were too kind to put me out of my misery."

"Dammit, Elsa, stop it!"

"I guess everyone else has won, though-"

"Please, Elsa-"

"-because there's no need to fear me anymore. I'm useless. The one thing I could count on. The one thing that ensured I was useful to this kingdom was my ability to defend it. I may not have the best relations with neighboring kingdoms, or even with my subjects. I am cold and reserved, even to you. Why would anyone want me as a ruler? Certainly not for my people skills. I was good for Arendelle because above all else, everyone knew I would defend it with my life. I am frightening to other nations because they don't understand my powers. If nothing else, I was good for Arendelle for this reason. But now, I am useless."

"Elsa, what happened to your powers?" Anna squeaked.

"I'm useless. They're gone." Elsa ripped the blankets off and started pacing the floor rapidly across from Anna. With each hurried step, Elsa breathed heavily and limped.

"You shouldn't walk on that," Anna murmured, her face pale.

"The one thing," Elsa started, whipping to look back at her sister, "the one thing I could count on all my life is gone. Anna, what was the reason, then, of all those years of solitude? What was the reason?" The queen looked as if she wanted to break something, but knowledge of her condition and her desire to not make any more injuries for herself made her pause. Her hands shook at her side, desperate to grab anything and hurt it. It's not fair! She wanted to make something externally look as bad as she felt internally. She wanted to show her sister how sick, how hurt she was. She was tired of trying to explain things - she wanted to show them, she wanted others to see.

"Even if I hated them at the time, I could always rely on my powers to be there. When papa wasn't, when mama wasn't, when you weren't there, I had one thing I could count on. And even though they taught me to fear them, my powers were still a part of me, Anna."

Anna was too frightened to move toward her sister, who was clearly on the edge of a hysterical fit. However, the queen's rapid pacing was starting to slow, no doubt from the pain emanating from her knee up to her thigh and hip. There was a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead and she was looking a little green.

The queen stumbled and fell to the floor, cursing when she landed on her knee. This prompted Anna to rise hurriedly from the bed and go to her sister's side. Elsa sat in an unnatural position on the floor, favoring her injured limbs. Anna knelt down but made no move to touch her. When the queen finally looked up to Anna's face, there were tear streaks on her cheeks and she confessed, "I don't know who I am anymore, Anna."