So this one is for Kendra PJO. Thanks for requesting a Leo story! The world can always use more Leo Valdez. Also thanks to everyone who's reviewing/following! It really means a lot :')

Anyway, this one takes place in House of Hades, sometime before Calypso.

Leo and the Terrible Jokes

Leo Valdez was worried out of his mind. They were still nowhere near reaching Greece. He sighed as he checked keyboard monitor of the control room. Only several thousand miles left to go. He'd volunteered to take watch for the night. His friends hadn't protested. They knew not to mess with him these days. Since Percy and Annabeth had fallen into Tarturus, Leo had felt like it was his fault. He had to get them to Greece as soon as possible.

KA-THUNK!

Leo's thoughts were interrupted when something massive hit the side of the ship. He turned to Buford the table and handed him the Argo II's Wii controller.

"Take over the steering for me," Leo said as he exited the bridge. Buford saluted, which looked pretty funny since he was a table.

Leo dashed out onto the deck. What he saw was not something he expected to see. If it had been a monster or another crazy god, sure that would've been fine. A bunch of cameras and screaming fans weren't exactly what he was used to.

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY SHIP?!" Leo wailed. This was like a nightmare.

The entire deck of the Argo II had been completely redesigned. Instead of his beautiful wooden floors and a bronze hull, the deck looked like the set from a game show! This included two podiums for the host and contestant, a camera crew, and dozens of roaring fans…though most of them were literally roaring, Leo noted, as they were all monsters.

Suddenly, a crazy lion with wings crashed down in front of him. She glared sinisterly. More disturbing than the lion body and molting feathers, she had a human face. The first thought that came to Leo's mind was: Isn't that the Egyptian guy whose nose is missing?

"You…"the sphinx said dramatically, "Are the next lucky contestant on…GUESS…THAT…RIDDLE!" She waved her arms in a grand gesture to the cameras, as if she were speaking to the audience at home.

"Uh…" Leo said, "I'm the what now?" He was still more stunned by the change of décor on his ship than anything else.

The sphinx swished her tail excitedly and continued talking as if she hadn't heard him, "That's right! Our hit show is back after nearly five years! So let's review the rules!" The chicken-winged lioness grinned broadly as she read off some notecards. Leo could've sworn she hadn't had notecards before. He didn't wanna know where she got those from.

"The rules are simple!" she continued, "I ask the questions! If the demigod answers three incorrectly, I get to eat him! And since this is a special episode sponsored by Gaea, there's an extra special twist… If he answers all of the questions right a volunteer from the audience gets the honor of killing him on live television! Doesn't that sound like fun?"

The audience whooped enthusiastically.

"Um," Leo said, "How about 'no'?"

"First question!" The sphinx beamed, "Who was the first woman to appear on an American coin?"

Leo furrowed his brow, puzzled. "Wait, what kind of riddle is that?"

The sphinx huffed in an irritated tone, like she'd been through this before; "Everyone knows my riddles now, so we've moved on to trivia questions. Of course," she grumbled, "I have to grade the papers by hand now…just answer the question and clearly print the response on your test paper. Points will be deducted for spelling errors!"

Leo looked down at the podium in front of him. Sitting on the desk was a test answer sheet and number-two pencil.

"Dude," Leo chuckled, "Seriously?"

The sphinx frowned. "What is it?"

"The questions aren't even funny! Aren't riddles supposed to make you laugh or be clever or something?"

The sphinx's eyes flickered dangerously, "Just. Answer. The. QUESTION."

"Aw, come on," Leo moaned, gesturing to the audience, "The show's called "Guess That Riddle," right?"

"Right!" squeaked a little telekhine in the front row. He could see the other monsters shifting in their seats uncomfortably.

"Did you come here for trivia?" Leo asked the audience.

"No," a few monsters grunted from the stands.

The sphinx coughed uneasily, "Next question. What is the scientific name for 'bumblebee'?"

"HEY!" a cyclops shouted from the third row, "I came here for riddles! Not dumb facts!"

"BOO!" the crowed jeered.

"We want riddlesssss!" hissed a dracaena.

"RIDDLES! RIDDLES! RIDDLES!" the audience chanted.

The sphinx shook a little. She was old, and definitely no match for these monsters if they turned on her. "Bu-but I don't have any new riddles."

Leo knew that she was a monster. He knew that she would kill him without a thought. But watching the crowd turn on her like this was just…sad. He clapped his hands together and took a deep breath. He had work to do.

"Alright, let Master Leo teach you how it's done, grasshopper," he said, bowing ninja style.

The sphinx stared at him, still as a statue. Finally she said, "What…did you just say?"

Leo stepped down from the podium. "Come right up! Looks like you're the contestant on this show. From now on, I'm asking the questions!"

The crowd cheered, and an eager harpy pushed the sphinx up to the stand. Leo took the mike and grinned broadly. He was going to enjoy this.

"First question! What did Tantulus put on his Krabby Patty?" Leo asked.

"Huh? But Tantulas can't eat," the sphinx reminded him, "So he put nothing on his food-"

"Tarturus sauce!" Leo interrupted.

A few awkward laughs echoed from the seats. Man, these guys needed to loosen up.

"Come on, guys," Leo said, "That was funny!' He paused, "Don't worry, I've got more where that came from..."

"Why me?" the sphinx moaned. Leo decided to ignore her.

"Next question!" Leo beamed, "What is the Gods' favorite game?"

The sphinx shrugged, "Ruining our lives?"

The audience laughed. Leo grinned.

"Now you're catching on! But I'm afraid the correct answer is 'pick up Styx.'"

More laughter echoed from the crowd.

Leo paused to think of his next question, "Why did Aphrodite break her date with Ares?"

"Why?" The audience asked before the sphinx could respond.

"She had to go to a Hera appointment!" Leo joked. The audience guffawed. This was starting to be kind of fun.

"Why did the satyr's head hurt?" Leo asked.

"WHY?" The audience roared.

"He got hit in the head with a PAN!"

The audience was snorting with laughter now. Leo heard a monster cry, "HA HA! IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE I LIKE PAIN!"

Well. That wasn't creepy.

"More!" a voice called from the crowd, "We want more!"

"Okay, okay," Leo said, "Um…What is a monster's favorite instrument?"

"WHAT?" The crowd roared.

"A HARP-y!"

Silence.

Leo whistled, "Hey! Where's the fire? I was just getting started!"

The sphinx hunched over, like a cat ready to pounce.

"Hear me, Valdez," the sphinx growled, "You have no right to ridicule us."

Leo tugged at his shirt collar nervously. "Um, it was a joke…I'm not saying that all monsters like harps or harpies…"

The audience rose from their seats. A Cyclops cracked his knuckles.

"Uh, ya know what," Leo said, "I think that's the end of our show! See ya!"

He dropped the mike and took off running, but the monsters were on him in no time. Luckily for him, his friends heard the commotion. Soon all the demigods and one crazed satyr were battling a horde of monsters on a game show set aboard a flying ship. Even for Leo, this was a crazy night.

"What happened to the ship?" Jason asked as he reduced a monster to dust.

"Less talking," Leo replied, "More killing monsters."

It wasn't long before all of the monsters were slain (excluding the sphinx, who had elected to fly-the-Hades-out-of-there.) Much to Leo's delight, the "Guess That Riddle" set seemed to turn to dust with the monsters. His beautiful ship was back to normal.

"Well," Hazel panted, breathless from fighting, "That was…exciting."

"Care to explain what all this was about?" Frank asked Leo accusingly.

Leo sighed, "I do NOT wanna talk about it, man…"

Piper nodded, "You guys go to bed." They nodded, and headed back to their bunks. She turned to Leo, "You too, Leo. I'll take watch."

Leo was about to protest, but he hadn't slept in about 48 hours now…plus, he was starting to think there might not even have been a game show set. How sleep deprived did you need to be to hallucinate?

"Yeah…" Leo said, "I think that's a good idea…"

Sorry for all the bad puns and the ending. I am a horrible person. :P

I hope this story was okay! (crosses fingers)