"You love him, don't you?"

Merlin paused, blinking, and turned to see Gwen behind him. "What?" He struggled to make sure his face didn't pale, that his heart didn't beat itself out of his ribcage. He had been prepared with a lie for her if she asked why Arthur hadn't returned to their bedroom until late, but she had bypassed it completely.

"Arthur. You love him, don't you?"

"Oh, Merlin…"

"I'm sorry, Arthur, I didn't… I don't…"

His face was blank. "You didn't mean it?"

Damn the wine he'd drank. "I meant it, Arthur. I meant every word of it…but I'm sorry because I shouldn't have…said it. You're married, happily married, to Gwen and—"

But Arthur surged up and he found himself with his back pressed against the bed, kissed fiercely and blushing at the feel of the King settling between his legs as if it was the most natural place for him. "Shut up and let me kiss you."

"But—"

"I love you, Merlin, but your mouth is just a bit too busy with words right now."

He gulped, but Gwen didn't seem angry. She just watched him silently, not a glare, not anything. After so many years, Merlin thought he should be an excellent liar and he had been…with his magic. With excuses. Yet now, when it mattered the absolute most, his mind was a complete blank. He looked away, out the windows of the hallway, and said instead, "I won't come between you two."

She stepped up next to him, looking down at the courtyard with him. "I love Arthur too, with all my heart…but I just can't compare to you. Not the way Arthur sees you."

He felt his heart break for her.

"I have never loved anyone more than I have you," Arthur admitted as his hands eased up his naked hips into his lap. The King seemed to struggle to say that and it was because it took him so much that Merlin knew it was true. "I just never saw it until I thought you would die."

Gently he felt Arthur ease inside and he gasped, toes curling into the blankets below him before he wrapped his legs around the man's waist. "Arthur…!"

"God, I love you."

"That's not true," he muttered. "Arthur loves you."

"Just not as much as he loves you." Merlin struggled to find something to say to that, a lie to stop this conversation even though Arthur had told him as much the night before. She continued on before he could decide on anything. "He didn't come back to our room until very late last night."

He quickly grabbed at the lie he'd formulated that morning. "He was really drunk, Gwen, and so was I. We must have fallen asleep and he woke up in the middle of the night—"

"Please, Merlin. Don't lie to me. Not when I know the truth." She didn't say it, but he could see the rest of the conversation in her eyes. She knew that Arthur had held him that night.

He arched his back with a soft cry, blunted nails dragging up the King's back. Arthur shivered heavily, pressing him into the bed as his movements sped up, became rougher and more passionate than before. "Arthur," he groaned out, the word being pulled from his very core and he had never felt so right about anything than he did this. He finally felt home, felt purely complete, and inside he wept because he knew this couldn't happen again. He'd rather it didn't happen the first time at this rate because now at least he'd know what he could never have.

Thumbs ran over his cheeks as Arthur showered attention on him, marking his neck low enough that his scarf would cover them. "Merlin," the man chanted, as if his name was a spell. Finally one hand eased between their bodies and he felt Arthur take hold of his erection.

"I'm sorry, Gwen," he whispered, wincing at how broken his voice sounded. "I…swear…it won't happen again. We were drunk and…" He bit his lip and lied, "It's not his fault. I used magic on him. Just once I wanted to know…what it felt like…to be loved."

But Gwen gave an infinitely sad laugh and touched his cheek softly. "Merlin, we both know that you'd never use your magic on Arthur like that. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but do you think I haven't known you long enough to know you're lying? Do you think I don't know my husband enough to see what he feels for you?"

"I'm sorry." It was all he could say, because it felt like a betrayal. He had revealed to them both almost the very day he'd woken up that what had happened with Lancelot had been Morgana's doing, but that didn't take away what had happened before and how it hurt both of them. All Gwen had been doing had been kissing the shade of Lancelot, not even under her own will, and Merlin had slept with the King without any enchantment placed on him. It was infinitely worse. "I'm so sorry. It's my fault, Gwen. I should have…I should have said no."

Her hand left his face and she braced her weight on the windowsill, opening the panes to let in the cool breeze. "Even if you had, it wouldn't change the fact that you've had his heart long before I ever did."

"That's not true. He loves you!"

"I know he does, Merlin. I don't doubt his feelings for me, but I also know that what he feels for me pales in comparison to you."

He felt Arthur shudder, heard his soft yell in his ear, and felt the King's seed pumping into him. Arthur hadn't asked and even if he had, Merlin would have told him that it was okay. His fingers carded through those golden locks as they basked in the aftermath of their orgasms. "Arthur…?"

"I have never…felt so good…in my entire life."

"Never thought I'd hear the day you praise me."

"Don't get used to it," the man teased with a soft grin before their lips met in gentle, chaste kiss after gentle, chaste kiss.

"I won't…do it again."

"Do you really think either of you could hold to that promise, Merlin? I know how hard it is to resist someone you love. Arthur and I had our…close moments before the wedding and it was a miracle that we didn't end up in bed before then. Do you really think, with how much he loves you, that he'll be able to stop himself? Even with the best intentions, it will happen again. I saw how much he cared the moment he returned to Camelot."

Merlin's fingers curled into a fist at his side, wanting to touch her shoulder, to apologize over and over, but not knowing if it would be welcomed or not. "What…do you want us to do?"

She sighed. "I don't know. I won't lie, Merlin: I'm jealous and I was furious last night. Even when Arthur came back, I didn't sleep at all." Now that she mentioned it, she really did look a bit sleep-deprived… "I realized in the morning, though, just how lucky I was. It isn't as if Arthur doesn't love me, because I know he does, and I love him more than anyone else in the world. If…If it makes him happy…"

"…No, Gwen, that isn't fair to you," he muttered weakly.

She actually laughed at him, even though it was resigned and sad. "You two really are…"

"…You've spoken to Arthur already."

"Yes. He said the same thing."

Merlin stared at her beautiful features, how despite their entire conversation she looked him directly in the eyes. He didn't see hate or resentment like he expected. He knew that she was angry with them still, how could she not be, but there was also a love there that seemed all encompassing. No wonder that she was such a good match to Arthur…

She touched his hand and said, "I love Arthur dearly, and I love you as a friend. If it would make you both happy…then I can live with sharing him with you."

He smiled weakly, still feeling as if he wronged her, and tried to joke, "I hope you told him the last two words. Wouldn't want him thinking he has free reign."

"Oh I made that very clear. Just you," she said with a smile. As she let go and turned to walk away he couldn't help it.

"Gwen!"

She paused, looking over his shoulder, and he said, "I don't think Arthur…or anyone…deserves you. You're too…good."

There was that laugh that made him smile, that had drawn them together as fast friends all those years ago. "You're right, I probably am," she teased and deliberately tossed her hair over her shoulder like a spoiled princess. As she had intended, Merlin laughed.

-0-

Merlin shifted his weight, his hips and back sore and really, sitting down at this chair at the round table and really, it was not meant for comfort. He paid little attention to what anyone was saying and he felt Arthur's eyes glance at him every time he moved. When the meeting was complete, he beat a hasty retreat and wondered if his magic would heal sore muscles.

Hands gripped him, pulling him out of the traffic of the hallway and he turned to see Arthur. "Are you all right, Merlin? I realize that not running your mouth is difficult for you, but I didn't think sitting still was also a problem."

The tease could not mask the look of concern in the King's eyes and he blushed fiercely. Those who passed them cast knowing looks at them, only making his blush deepen. Were they being that obvious? All Arthur was doing was holding his elbow…but apparently their feelings had been abundantly obvious since they'd returned from the battle of Camlann. "I'm fine," he muttered. "Really," he added to the skeptical look. "Gwen said…she talked to you this morning."

Arthur's eyes slid away from his briefly. "Yes."

"We can't do that again to her, even if she says it's all right."

"I know," was the whispered reply and Merlin wasn't even aware that somehow they had gravitated toward each other a little bit more in their quiet conversation.

"Even if it felt…"

"Right."

"Yes."

He felt Arthur run his hand through his black hair once. "God, I love you, Merlin and I'm sorry."

He blinked. "For what?"

"For putting you in this position. Gwen is your friend and I do love her…"

How similar this conversation was to when they'd spoken about magic, and of course Arthur felt that he should take the blame entirely on himself. "I understand, Arthur." Of course he understood. He was Arthur's other half, he understood. "No matter how much I love you or you love me…we have to resist."

Their foreheads touched and Merlin drank in the closeness, knowing that it wouldn't happen again. Even as he heard Arthur agree, he felt his own heart break. Never again.

They held out for a fortnight, never being alone in the same room together. Apparently it was highly amusing to their friends, the knights that at least one were required to be with them when they merely spoke to each other. Gwaine kept a running commentary when he was forced to be present, but at least Percival, Elyan, and Leon kept their mouths shut. Merlin had suggested that keep Gwen company in the stands as Arthur competed in the jousting tournament held for a visiting king, but it was the Queen herself that said that Arthur would need help. Faced with defying his Queen, who had said it in front of the advisers, knights and said king, and attempting to resist Arthur, he had little choice.

It was the second day of the competition as he removed the armor from his King that it happened. The flap had fallen closed behind them and he had just finished pulling the chainmail off when Arthur had spun on his heel, grabbed him tightly, and suddenly they were kissing like madmen. He felt hands on his thighs, lifting him, and he wrapped his legs around the strong warrior's waist. "We…can't…do this…" he moaned as he found himself thumped onto the nearby table he had set out Arthur's armor on, knocking it to the ground.

"I know," the blonde haired man panted in between kisses and yanking at his clothes. "I'm trying to stop. This is…your fault."

"How is it…my fault?!"

Finally the assault on his lips ceased and Arthur muttered, "You really don't know how sexy you are, do you? Fine…I'll show you."

The next time it happened, it was a mere four days. This time it was Merlin who broke, walking in with Arthur's lunch and setting it down on the table. He glanced over to the desk, the man leaning back in his chair with his crown still on, staring at a piece of parchment. Something about that contemplative face yet relaxed posture, the beauty that was just Arthur took his breath away. He really only went over to the chair intending on seeing what he was looking at. Really. That was all...

Yet he found himself crawling in the King's lap instead. The simple action stoked a fire in those sapphire eyes and they were kissing fiercely. Hands gripped his rear, pulling their groins close and he let out a throaty moan. "Arthur," he whispered, feeling hands slide down into the back of his pants. "Arthur, this has to stop."

Finally, finally, one of them admitted a very simple truth. "…I can't," Arthur whispered.

They just couldn't stop once it had been started. Even knowing what they were doing to Gwen, how the whole palace knew what they were doing, couldn't stop them. They'd tried so hard, done everything they could to separate, but short of one of them leaving Camelot entirely, they'd gravitate towards each other every time.

As Arthur made love to him at his desk, he wished he knew the answer to this problem. Magic could not fix this, could not stop their attraction and feelings for each other. All Merlin could do was offer up a silent apology, begging for forgiveness, as he gave in completely to the one thing that mattered most to him in the world: his King.

He slumped, remaining where he was as they panted from their high, and Arthur's hand tangle in his hair, urging his head to rest on his shoulder. "Merlin…"

"What?"

"You don't…mind?"

"Mind what?"

"That I…"

At the trailing off, Merlin straightened. "What?"

"Well, you're… I'm…"

Ohhh. "Arthur? Shut up. I don't care if you're the one doing the embracing, you clotpole."

Arthur laughed a bit and he pulled away to start yanking on his clothes. Hands eased to his hips, stopping pulling his trousers at his knees. Lips were kissing along the small of his back and rear, Arthur having not moved from his seat. "Arthur," he moaned, pleaded. "Arthur, please…"

"Please what?" Gently he was maneuvered back to sit in the King's lap, back to his chest.

He sighed. "I don't know, but I do have things to do today."

"Just…stay with me for a bit."

"…Always."

-End-