Epilogue:

Teague walked into his room ready to collapse onto his bed, exhausted after his first day back at work. To make matters even worse, Jack had run off again, no doubt. Teague had been worried all day, Jack would normally be up by eight every day but today just like before he hadn't been seen, his only trace a few broken window panes.

"Curse Jack and Damn him!" Teague shouted walking out of his room to the kitchen to find some food but just as he walked past Jacks door he stopped, was that a cough? He threw open the door to find Jack coughing and clutching his stomach, his nose was a bright red colour.

"CAN YOU NOT KNOCK?" He croaked, obviously losing his voice,

"Where have you been all day!?" Teague asked Anger masked by relief.

"In here. Coughing up my lungs. Filling every possibly tissue with so much snot I'm surprised there is any left in there and feeling like someone is twisting my guts so much that I can barely breathe. Thanks a bunch!" he exaggerated.

"What have I done?" Teague demanded, offended,

"Only given me your disease! I'm probably going to die!"

"Oh..."Teague said sheepishly, suddenly feeling bad about damning him, "sorry about that. Hey, Jack, we need a little chat." Teague said awkwardly sitting on a chair covered in tissue,

"No no no no no no no no no!" Jack said remembering with terror the time a week ago when Teague had asked to have a little chat and how that had ended.

"Relax!" Teague sighed, "Only I've heard some interesting things about you and Diego, from Brannigan. I want you to know that I'll love and accept you whatever lifestyle choices you make." Teague insisted, not making eye contact.

"What?" Jack spat,

"I heard that you had a domestic with diego." Teague continued, dying of embarrassment,

"So...the sex talk a bit different to what I thought it was going to be but still," Teague continued, taking a deep breath,

"Just because you can't get pregnant, it doesn't mean you don't need to use protection! Oh! And be careful not to rupture your buttocks." Teague sighed...It was over, Jack stared at him in complete shock and horror,

"Ok! Firstly: GO! Secondly: I'M NOT GAY!" Jack screamed.

"It's alright, Jack. I'm your dad. I'll accept and love you, whatever life choices you make."

"Did you read that in a Good Parenting Guide?" asked Jack incredulously. "What do you actually think?"

"I think you're gross!" Teague cried. "Repulsive! And I hate you and I disown you and I never want to see you again and-"

"It's a shame I'm not gay then..."

"You're damned! Wait, what?"

"I'm not gay! Diego and I are just friends, whatever else he might want, and if you don't know that I'm the biggest man-slag this side of the equator and the provider for the majority of the whores down at the Rising Sun then you don't know me at all! I have a girlfriend and a couple of weird stalker-whores on the side. I'm as straight as spaghetti!"

"I hope you mean raw."

"You cook spaghetti?"

"Yes..."

"Oh," Jack was puzzled. "Well, straight as straight spaghetti!"

"Thank god!" Teague cried in relief, spontaneously pulling Jack into a bear-hug and scarring them both for the rest of their lives.

"I'm ill," Jack reminded him, trying to wriggle free. Teague leaped back, covering his mouth.

"Get well soon!" Teague said, "Now I have to go and sort out the mess I'm sure you've made of the pirate world in my absence."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me..." Jack wondered how to break the awful news, "Tortuga... is... under attack from... the Navy. And it's on fire."

"Jack, I leave you in charge for ONE WEEK and when I get back Tortuga's on fire? That hasn't happened in four hundred and twenty seven years and nine months. How did you manage it?!"

"Well I can't exactly help that they chose now to attack, can I?! Stupid!"

"Well whatever, I need to sort it out. But first, I need a drink..."

"Nope! No no no, no you don't! That would be the absolute worst thing for you to do right now. What did the doctor say? Don't drink anything! DON'T YOU GO WALK OUT ON ME!" Jack screeched hoarsely as Teague left the room.

"Get well soon!" Teague said, turning at the door. "Rum cellar, here I come!"

Jack braced himself, savouring his last few minutes of life as Teague tore down the stairs. Then the inevitable happened:
"JACK!" Teague screamed. "What THE HELL have you done to my rum cellar? You are DEAD!"

FINISH