Why Are You My Clarity?

Digidestend Angel

Summary: Beck was on the wrong side of the tracks after the gang started high school. He still kept a friendship with his best friend, Cat, until the fateful night when everything was put in perspective for him when Cat's life was almost cut short by a drunk...and it was his fault. Can he forgive himself? Will he sober up to help Cat through her hardships? Will the past come back to haunt him?

*I do NOT own Victorious or any song lyrics I'll be using*

Chapter One - 06/21

Chasing Relentlessly

…

"Thanks everyone for being here at this year's last pep rally for Hollywood Arts!" Tori Vega said into the mic in the auditorium. "Before I release you all back to your classes, I am bringing up Cat Valentine and Andre Harris to kick us into summer! Hit it, guys!" Tori clapped, along with the rest of the school. 5'1'' 16 year old Cat Valentine walked up onto the stage and behind her was one of her best friends and partners in the music business, Andre Harris, who stood 5'10'' and same age as her. "Good luck as always, guys." Tori told them as she walked off stage, leaving the mic for Cat as she adjusted it to her height.

Cat looked behind her a bit to Andre, who was singing backup and playing his acoustic guitar. "Hi everyone. We'll be singing the acoustic version of our new song, Summertime Sadness. Hope you enjoy." She said as she inhaled, preparing herself and letting her nerves settle. Andre started strumming on his guitar. "Kiss me hard before you go…summertime sadness…" Cat looked everyone in the audience, making eye contact. All eyes were on her. "I just wanted you to know…that, baby, you're the best…"

Then the contact was made…eyes to eyes…pouring into one another.

"I got my red dress on tonight…dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight…

Done my hair up big beauty queen style…high heels off…I'm feeling alive…"

She stared directly at him, into his deep brown eyes, as his 5'11'' figure stood at the very back of the room, by the doors. He came in late. It wasn't that big of a shock to her. She gave him a small smile and fluttered her eyes, where he smirked and gave her a wink.

"Oh my God…I feel it in the air…telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare…

Honey, I'm on fire…I feel it everywhere…nothing scares me anymore…"

Beck Oliver stood there, watching his only best friend perform beautifully on that stage and smiled. He loved her very much. He adored her. He wanted her to be his girl…but she refused. Not until he would get his act together. He took a turn for the worst when they all started high school. Beck's big brother caught him up in this party scene. He drank, did drugs, caused trouble, and disobeyed his parents. He lost all respect in himself, so did everyone else for him. Cat tried to help him, but he never listened to her.

She still was his best friend, thank goodness. He didn't even want to imagine what would happen if she gave up on him too. She was the key to his heart. She always knew how to break down the walls of his heart. What would he do if she wasn't around? He tried to never imagine that scenario. He couldn't bear it if Cat Valentine was no longer his lifeline.

…

Andre and Cat were talking later on, while cleaning out their lockers that were next to each other, when Beck showed up next to Cat. "You guys want a ride home today?" He asked, since he lived next door to the Valentine's. Andre was living with Cat's family, while his grandma was in a psychiatric ward…long story. "I was able to have the car today."

Andre glared. "That depends, are you sober or drunk today?"

Cat sighed. "Andre, be nice."

Andre rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I don't understand how you can be friends with that guy."

"Andre, you and I have been best buds since diapers." Beck said in a dull voice. "You're going to be a punk now?"

"That was before you went all drugged out on us." Andre grumbled and slammed his empty locker shut. "I'll walk home. See you later." And he looked Beck in the eyes. "You better be careful with her, or else I'll kill you." With that, he walked away.

"Sorry about him." Cat said to Beck as she shut her locker. "He's going through a rough time."

"I bet." Beck sighed, letting it go. "How's his grandma doing anyways?"

"Not responding to the medications or therapy." Cat told him. "It'll be a long time till she can get out, let alone even see Andre. No visitations until she responds."

Beck frowned, feeling horrible for Andre, but shrugged it off. "So, I was thinking, we can get some ice cream and then go to the park."

"Really?" Cat looked surprised. "You want to be seen with me?" She asked as they headed out to his car.

Beck was quite offended. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, Beck, you've only hung out with me in my room, your house, or in your car behind something. You've never taken me anywhere since you started hanging out with your new crowd." Cat told him simply as he opened his car door for her. Beck didn't answer that statement, since he knew it was true. He hated himself for it. He had been treating her like she was a sin for him to be seen with. He didn't want to, but it was also for her safety. He never wanted his other friends to meet Cat, because he didn't want them to know who she was or how beautiful she is…he was scared of what they would do.

He sat on his driver's side and started the car, pulling out of the parking lot towards an ice cream shop. "So how did you manage to get the car today?" Cat asked as she stared out the window. "I thought your dad said you were grounded for a month."

"I took the keys from his bedroom." Beck said.

Cat gasped. "Beck!" She was shocked, but in a way, it wasn't too surprising. "How could you? You're dad said you couldn't have the car for a month! What were you thinking?"

"Don't be such a good girl, Cat." Beck said smoothly as he maneuvered through the busy streets. "You're so overdramatic. Lighten up."

Cat blinked, wondering how he had the guts to talk to her like that. "The Beck I used to know would never talk to me like that."

Beck sighed. "Cat, I'm sorry."

"Forget it." Cat snapped quietly. "Just pull over. I'll walk home."

Beck's eyes went wide. "What? No, Cat, it's dangerous."

"Pull over!" Cat screamed, so Beck did quickly and then Cat jumped out. "When you learn to be a human being, maybe we can hang out. The only way you can do that is to be off drugs and to stop drinking, because your mind is screwed up from all these things! Just fix yourself!" Cat said with tears before she slammed the door shut, beginning to walk away.

Beck slammed his fists on the steering wheel and peeled out of his parking spot, into the busy road. He luckily dodged a few cars that almost hit him, but he didn't care. Cat was everything to him, and yet, look how he screwed things up…he was a mess.

When he went with his brother to a party when he was only 14 years old, he was offered beer and drugs…he was hooked. He was addicted to drinking and drugs, no, but he sure was addicted to the lifestyle. He had so-called friends. Now two years later, he was known as one of them. He liked it…or at least he thought he did. His brother had long gone to college and cleaned up. His older brother, Dean, urged Beck to quit the lifestyle he lured him into, but Beck never listened. Beck liked his new friends.

Was it worth losing Cat though?

No. Nothing was.

How could he stop?

He couldn't. Why? Well…that was something he didn't feel like revealing quite yet.

I'm feelin' electric tonight
Cruising down the coast goin' 'bout 99
Got my bad baby by my heavenly side
I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight

-Summertime Sadness, Lana Del Rey

Please review :) This story will be getting quite emotional.

-D-A-