BONUS STORY!

Jason in Charge

"Jason, what did I specifically tell you?" "Not to raise the dead." "What did you do?" "Raise the dead." Don't ever put Jason in charge of the Wayne household. EVER. 'Cause he's an idiot.

So here's a short little bonus for you all, this time about Jason Todd/Red Hood. Once again, Jay and Batman/Bruce are OOC (out of character), and I usually hate that, but what the heck. Inspired by my weirdo brothers (who I still love despite their stupidity).

"Jason, while I am away, you are in charge of the Wayne household, and all things concerning Gotham."

"WHAT?!" The shrill voice of three teens – two male, one female – all echoed through the Batcave while Jason Todd smirked triumphantly and Batman felt the sickening sensation he was going to regret all of this.

"Why the heck is he in charge?!" Tim demanded. "You do realize he'll use the advantage to BURN this city to ashes, right?"

"Hey, hey!" Jason defended himself. "I believe I have proved myself worthy of this honor."

"He has," Bruce said reluctantly. "And Dick can't lead because he broke his leg. So Jason is next on the list. It's been almost a year since his last 'crazy episode'. He'll be fine."

And then the Bat's face was in that of the former Robin. "I want everyone alive, Jason! No killing!"

"But…"

"NO KILLING! From the human, to the dog, to the flea, I want everyone alive! That includes your brothers and sister. Got. It?"

"auuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggg…

… fine."

"And Jason?"

"Yes?"

"No raising the dead. Because there should be. No dead."

"Got it."

"Do you?"

"I got it!"

"Alright then." Bruce gave him one more hard look, and then walked backwards out of the cave.

Jason stood there, smugly. A fly buzzed around his head. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

"Gah, stupid fly!" He swatted at it.

"I want that fly alive, Jason!" came Bruce's voice from the intercom.

"Come on!"

THREE DAYS LATER

"Welcome home, Bruce!" Jason's voice called through the house. "How was your trip was it okay see everything is a-okay here see nobody is dead and everyone is alive tada!"

"Jason?" Bruce glared at him, eyeing the Manor critically.

"Yes, Bruce?"

"Something's different…"

"Yeah we repainted the kitchen a new color you likey?"

"Jason?"

"Yes, Bruce?"

"I sense something. Something died."

"What?! No. No! no, no, no, no, no…"

Bruce looked around the house, then stared at his children. "One, two, three, four… wait. WHERE IS TIM?!"

"Oh! Gah, he's at the cemetery…"

"WHAT?"

"He's VISITING the cemetery!" Jason corrected, eyes widening. "He is VISITING the cemetery."

"Oh. Okay…"

"He's vising Stephanie."

"Batgirl?! What happened to Batgirl?!"

"Okay, see, what happened was yesterday she was cooking dinner for all of us, and she was frying this vegetable stir fry thing but the demon spawn (Damian) wanted something besides the crap she was cooking. He said he wanted something greasy, I wanted something greasy, Tim and Dick were fine with the vegetables but that's because they're sissies anyway…"

"Hey!"

"…so I thought 'I'll make the food greasy'! So I poured some more oil onto the stuff and I forgot our stove wasn't electric and that it had the flame. That's when Stephanie came in and the whole thing blew up and she sort of… I dunno… died."

….

"Jason! What am I supposed to do now?!"

"Two words, pops: Lazarus. Pit."

TWO DAYS LATER

"Jason." Batman glared at the ash-covered young man before him. "Where the hell are your brothers?"

"Funny you should ask, Batsy.

Okay, so I went to go bring Batgirl to the Lazarus Pit like I said I would, right! To bring her backt o life and all. And see, I thought that the Pit was still being guarded by good ol' Ra's Al Ghul. But it's not! See, Ra's got smart and now the stupid thing is being guarded by Bane."

"Damn it, Jason, where are your brothers?!"

"I needed backup. So I called Replacement (Tim) and demon spawn and Dick."

"You called Dick?! He has a broken leg, you idiot!"

"He fought well, Bats."

"What do you mean? Where are they?!"

"Okay, so there was this huge, and I mean HUGE battle between me and Bane and his buffoons and my buffoons and there were bullets and wing-dings and birdarangs and more bullets all over! I took on Bane, and I have to admit, for a few very few very, very maybe-imagined seconds I might have been perhaps possible highly-unlikely but still quite possibly teeny eenie bit scared. But then I got that shot, I made my move, I triumphed like a god over that bully and I shot him dead!"

"Jason! I said no killing!"

"Hey, hey, listen to the story! And once I stood above that giant's limp carcass I shot all his other men dead and I had won! And see, it was only when my adrenaline died down did I realize all the other Robins were… dead."

Batman looked like a volcano.

"But hang on! I'm not done! See, I realized they were dead but then I also realized that we were near the freaking Lazarus Pit! But there were more bad guys coming, I could hear, so I needed to hurry up so I grabbed this nearby bulldozer and shoved all the bodies into the Pit and…"

"You did what?" Bruce glared at him, eyes red. "You took your brothers, your dead brothers, who had given their lives to save your stupid ass, and you dumped them in a pit?!"

"Yeah, but they're alive again!

Oh, but I also brought the other bad guys back to life so Bane's not dead anymore and neither are his goons."

"You couldn't even sort out the bodies, you just dumped them all in a pit!"

"Hey, they're all alive, and the others are upstairs all huddled in the corner of Dick's bedroom freaking out or dealing with trauma or something, but they're alive!"

"Jason, what did I tell you?"

"Not to kill."

"And what did you do?"

"Uhh…"

"What else did I tell you?"

"Not to resurrect the dead."

"And what did you do?"

"Resurrect the dead."

"Exactly. Get out of my Manor Jason."

"Got it, pops. Hey, do I still get paid for babysitting those…"

"GET OUT!"

"Alright, alright, sheesh.."

*end*