A/N: Well dear readers, what can I say? What indeed except thank you to each and every one of you who has followed this story from the beginning and those we've picked up along the way. I know that during the writing process I've laughed at myself as well as cried, and I can only hope to have evoked the same emotions in you too. Our favourite couple have come full circle, so this is where we say Adieu for the time being.
Big thank you must go to my amazing beta and even more amazing friend Kaoscraze82. She has been my rock through this and RL issues more recently and I couldn't ask for a better friend. She's truly amazing and her knowledge and understanding of Caryl has been an eyeopener for me, and instrumental in telling this story.
If this wee tale was a movie, the soundtrack would include songs by Lady Antebellum, Carrie Underwood, The Killers and Nickelback. Just FYI... PM me if you're really that interested to know which ones ha!
Anyway, enough babbling! I need to find a stream for this episode! Enjoy my loves!
Disclaimer: I don't own TWD or any of its characters.
Chapter 29
Sleep gave way to a dreamy warmth, and a content shiver rippled through her body as Daryl's soft breaths tickled her ear. Carol opened her eyes, her vision fizzling as her eyes adjusted to the dull room. She could see the first light creeping across the sky through the gap in the curtain, promising that the sun would be up before long.
Once upon a time this moment of the day made her wish a hole would open up in the bed and swallow her, and although in reality it hadn't been all that long ago, it felt like eons. The little space she occupied in this bed, snugly tucked into the curl of Daryl's warm body, made that other world seem like something she'd imagined. His arm curled around her, the gentle heat of his skin on hers, it made it all seem further away still. Carol could scarcely imagine any other existence now; his face was starting to blur in her memory. She hoped one day not to remember it at all.
She didn't want to disturb their cozy little nest and wake him, but she so badly wanted to see his face, to watch him while he slept. Carol shifted as subtly as she could, scooting around stealthily on her side to face him. His arm slid limply with her, his fingertips now grazing and tickling her bare back as she snuggled in closer to him. She couldn't help but think Daryl was the most beautiful man she had ever laid eyes on. He was rugged and more often than not scruffy, but it only made her love for him swell. Everything about him made her heart almost burst with love, and looking at him while he slept like a baby she felt a wave of contentment wash over her. A smile tugged at her lips, her hand reaching up to sweep a curtain of hair out of his eyes. Her smile widened as she admired the engagement ring on her finger. Yesterday came rushing back to fill her with a welcome glow.
It had taken her by surprise when he'd whispered the proposal in her ear. She hadn't given much thought to marriage; everything was still so new despite having loved him for so long, but she would've been lying to say it hadn't crossed her mind at all. When the words left his mouth however, there was only one answer she wanted to give him, but it had stuck on the way out, struggling to squeeze past the lump in her throat. He'd looked so terrified when she had just stood there with her mouth gaping open, but eventually she'd managed to wipe out any trace of doubt. She knew what she wanted, and this time she knew it was forever.
Her hand lingered at his face, stroking back wayward dark strands. He didn't stir and she lost herself in every strand of hair, the rough jut of his chin, his perfect mouth. He had always been handsome, and age had only deepened the beauty she saw in his features. She didn't know how long she had lay there just staring at him; she could have lay like this forever. A rough, hushed drawl broke the spell, his breath vibrating warmly, making her shiver.
"It's rude to stare y'know."
"I wasn't staring," she lied, her smile widening.
"Liar. Can feel your eyes on me." Daryl shifted slightly, his eyes still closed.
"You got a problem with that, Mr Dixon?"
"I ain't no piece of meat, future Mrs Dixon," he growled, stretching out like a cat and opening his eyes to her.
Carol let out a little chuckle. "Hmm, Mrs Dixon. I like it."
"Just as well, huh? You've said yes now, can't go back."
"Well you'd better make sure I don't have reason to," she grinned devilishly, her hand wandering south.
"Didn't I give you reason enough last night?" He teased, feigning indifference.
"Oh I'm going to need reminding," Carol insisted, relishing the fact that she'd barely touched him and his body was betraying him. "I forget things easily."
"Oh you do huh?" Daryl grinned defiantly, pinning her hands above her head and stealing a kiss. "Well we'll just need to make it more memorable then."
She giggled under the pressure of his mouth on hers, but humour quickly turned to lust as he released her hands and softened the kiss, his hands skimming down her arms and lower still. He took a breath to look at her and her hands found the plains of his back. Carol lost herself in his eyes, her fingertips flexing gently across his back making his skin prickle with goosebumps under her touch. There was a time when he would have flinched at the softest of touches on his marked skin, but now his need to be touched, to be loved, had seemingly overridden those kneejerk reactions, like he craved it. She could feel the change in him, how comfortable he was to be this way with her. He held her in an intense gaze, his fingertips tracing her outline, following the curve of her hips and grazing the tops of her thighs. Her heart picked up in her chest at the gentle trail his fingers left on her skin as he moved in to claim her mouth again. His nose gently brushed hers, his shallow hot breaths on her skin melting her from the inside. The softest kiss on her lips sent a jolt through her body and ignited a flame that only burned for him. She could feel his body respond to the warmth and the closeness, and suddenly there was a fire spreading inside her, and a steady thrum in her chest.
Her tongue gently found his lips and he willingly surrendered, allowing her to deepen their connection. Carol's heart clenched under his careful touch, an ache in her chest that she didn't think she would ever be able to get enough of. Hands that were wound into her hair trailed a path down her neck to the rise of her breasts and settled there, kneading her so tenderly it sent a rush of longing straight to her centre. Suddenly he was on top of her, his eagerness now incredibly obvious, grazing her stomach as he peppered her neck with hot, wet kisses. She felt her breaths become quick and ragged, his mouth closing in on her breast, taking the time to lavish her with attention she never could've imagined in her wildest dreams. His lips barely touched her skin as he kissed her, growing in devotion as his mouth closed around her nipple, swirling gently and making her gasp sweetly. He was so gentle, his every movement thoughtful towards her.
Carol's fingers buried themselves in his hair, reveling in the sensation, his warm mouth setting every nerve ending in her body alight. Ed had never shown her this much adoration or respect; Daryl seemed intent on blowing that statistic into oblivion with every kiss and caress. Heat bloomed inside her, an unbearable longing fighting her for control. She knew he was trying to make her feel loved, to give her the affection and pleasure he thought she deserved, but her need had gone beyond this careful attention. A raw, red blooded hunger for him was now running rampant, surging through her veins and throbbing in her chest. She took his hand and guided it desperately to where she ached for him and he took the hint, slowly torturing her with his thick fingers. Her hips moved unbidden against his hand, sending jolts of heavenly pleasure rippling through her body, and accelerating to a frenzied rhythm. Carol pushed against his fingers hard, chasing and chasing, begging for him to just push her over the edge. She was almost there, that desperately sweet tingling ready to crash over her, and she bit down on her lip to stifle a low, braying whimper. She locked him in a vice grip as her body convulsed, the sensation all but paralysing her. Aftershocks ripped through her as she came down from the clouds and the stars faded from her vision. She lay for a moment, accepting a chaste kiss from him, waiting to get her breath back while he held her close.
Far from feeling satiated, there was now a burning hollow inside her, her body craving him to the point of delirium. Daryl looked surprised when she forced him onto his back and straddled him. With her hands spread on the flat of his stomach for support, she eased herself down slowly and breathed a little gasp as he filled her. This position was doing all sorts of things to her and she had to take a moment, settling her hips around him. He looked mesmerised by her as she started rocking slowly, her fingers splayed out across his body, back arching as Daryl touched places inside her only he had ever been able to. He fit her so perfectly, every movement feeling more snug as he grew inside of her, his strong hands on her hips anchoring her to him and pushing himself further still. Carol reluctantly gave out a little moan; she felt like this was going to be over pretty quickly, her muscles tensing up as the sensation tried to take over her. She gripped his hands, steadying herself for a moment, unwilling to give in so soon, wanting to make it last for them both. His hands stilled her, giving her time to regain control, and she bent down to kiss him.
Daryl rolled her over gently, so that she was on her back, his hands on her body suddenly obliterating her previous train of thought. She could feel her climax building in her core, the heat spreading between her legs as Daryl pushed himself into her again. Her hips were moving on their own now, grinding up into him, grasping for every last inch she could get. She could tell Daryl was getting close; his arms were starting to shake under him and his breaths were coming quicker. Breathy grunts with every thrust were fuelling her arousal, making her want more of him, even though she knew she couldn't take much more. She was ascending to a dizzying height where it became almost too much to take; an inexplicable limbo between pleasure and panic. Her nails raked at his back and arms as that sweet spot hung just out of reach like an itch that needs to be scratched, and she did everything in her power to get it. Suddenly he shifted position, his thumb intimately caressing between her legs, and she felt a deep surge building inside her.
Her body seized up, leaving her momentarily unable to draw breath as the climax rocked her, shockwaves pulsing through her until she thought she could stand no more. It was too much all at once, but she didn't know how to make it stop, or if she wanted to. Her head lolled helplessly as she writhed beneath him, letting the tremors wash over her.
Daryl finally gave himself up, crying out softly against her. Carol felt a swell of raw emotion as he rode out the waves, lowering his body into her embrace, his heavy breaths in her ear. She let him lie still for a moment while they caught their breath, cradling his head in her hand, his damp hair tangled in her fingers. She was trembling. His skin was burning up and they were both slicked in sweat, but Carol couldn't help but think it was the most beautiful, perfect moment they'd ever shared.
Daryl slowly rolled over, pulling her into his chest, breathing into her hair. Carol snuggled in, winding her leg around his, feeling sleep tugging at her eyes once more. She traced lazy circles on his chest and felt her eyes lolling with every rise and fall of his chest.
Outside, dawn had finally broken.
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It was turning colder now. Fall had stripped everything away, back to the bare bones, ready for life to start over again. Crisp shells littered the sidewalks and gutters, scraping in the cool breeze as it passed through. The first hints of winter were creeping in. Early morning frost crunching underfoot, and the fog her breath made in the air. She remembered a little girl who used to puff big breaths into the cold air and watch them curling upwards until they disappeared. She used to pretend she was smoking, and she could still remember the way her mama used to try to look stern, all the while trying not to smile. The memory tugged at the corners of her lips as she picked her way through the thick carpet of crunchy leaves.
It had been so long she worried that she might forget the way, but from the moment she stepped out of the truck something inside her had started beeping like radar. Despite her uncertainty, she'd begun to walk, following the signal, letting it pull her in. Of course she knew where it was. She'd always known. She just never imagined she'd be back again after all these years. Ed hadn't placed much importance on the subject, deeming it a waste of time, and she'd only challenged it once. After that she didn't come again. Now it occurred to her she had wasted time. Too much of it.
"Hey Mama… Daddy."
Carol hovered uncertainly in front of the headstone, not quite sure where the right place to stand was. The caretaker had obviously done his best, but it was clear to see that this was a grave nobody visited. Any remaining aunts and uncles she had lived in different states, and in any case she didn't know them very well. After her parents had gone Ed was all she had, and it became apparent quite quickly that he was going to make sure of that. Nobody had come looking for her either, which she supposed she was grateful for. It made it easier to forget.
Looking down at the cracked stone a bitter cold stabbed at her. Nobody had been here in a long time to lay flowers, and although she felt like she probably shouldn't be here, somebody had to feel something. She bent down and swept the scattering of dead leaves away, laying the flowers at the base of the stone.
"I'm sorry I haven't been around."
Carol felt at a loss for words. Every apology that materialised in her head felt like a burnt offering, like none of it was going to make the slightest bit of difference. The wind breathed life into the wrapper around the flowers, the rustling giving her a moment to regroup.
"I know sorry doesn't cover it." She reached out to pick at a patch of moss on the stone and let out a heavy sigh. "I should've taken better care of you."
All those years wasted with Ed, shutting out everything she held dear at one time. It made her heartsick. Now that he was gone it all felt even more pointless. She had stayed away from them to stay in his good books, and in the cold light of day it wasn't a fair trade.
"I was afraid." Carol admitted heavily. "Not just of him, but… what you would think of me for staying with him. You raised me up to stand on my own two feet and be strong, but after… there didn't seem much point. He was all I had left. Now he's gone too."
She never mourned Ed's passing, although now he was gone she felt the void, examining the wounds he had left in her soul, like running her tongue over a tender gum after the removal of a rotten tooth. The source of the pain was gone, but poking her tongue into that gap still touched exposed nerves, peeking out from under the surface, where they'd remained hidden. It wasn't a total loss though. She had gained something wonderful from those dark days, and every time she heard her laughing, or saw that freckled little face smiling up at her, she forgot the pain.
"You have a granddaughter by the way… Sophia. She's so clever, and funny." Carol laughed softly, thinking of her. "I know this'll sound weird Mama, but sometimes she reminds me of you. When she looks at me, or little things she says… it's like you're still here…"
She chewed the inside of her mouth against the outpouring of grief trying to break free. It had been a long time since she had cried over her parents, but somehow it seemed to hurt anew, like she'd found them only to lose them all over again. Sophia only poked holes in her barriers. She would never know her grandparents, and all Carol could give her were memories.
"I wish you were." Carol swiped at her cheek with her sleeve. "Sophia would've loved a grandpa to mess up her hair, get up to mischief with, and a grandma to tell him off."
Carol imagined what they would be like now if they were still alive. How much they would've adored Sophia, telling her every day how she was just like her mama when she was little. The stories they would've told her. She let her thoughts drift to another time in her life, sprawled on her belly in the living room with her chin in her palms reading whilst her mama made dinner. She could feel the carpet sticking into her elbows, and she could smell the aroma wafting in from the kitchen. The clatter of crockery rang as true in her ears as the chatter from the birds now watching her in the trees. Daryl knocking at the back door for her, sneaking out at midnight, getting caught skipping class; Carol wanted to remember all of it, every little detail from her dad's cringey jokes to her mama's inhuman ability to see everything. She would even take the times she'd cried on her mothers shoulder. Even that time.
She hadn't thought of that time in forever, but it came back in a rush of colour, her mama's words echoing as if they'd been spoken only five seconds before.
"You know there's a saying… if you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they're yours… maybe he'll come back…"
Only now, after the passing of so many years, did it finally click, and she found herself beginning to laugh through fresh teardrops. It was the most delayed 'I told you so' ever, and she couldn't help but find it funny.
"You were right. You were always right," she giggled. "He came back Mama. I let him go and he came back."
She could still smell her mama's perfume, lingering in the back of her memory, and she held on to it. It was totally overwhelming, and mind boggling to attempt to understand time. How she could be crying against her mother's sweater one minute, feeling the damp fabric against her cheek, and be standing in the chilly autumnal breeze the next, with only the wind to dry her tears? It had passed in a blink, and made her all too aware that time was precious. People took it for granted, and she was guilty of that too, but from now on she vowed to cherish every moment.
"Okay, no more crying, I promise. You said I would smile again one day and you were right. From now on I'm gonna try every day, and when I do I'll be thinking of you both."
Carol dried her face and stood up, her knees popping from being crouched beside the grave too long. She looked down at the chipped stone, making a mental note to have it replaced as soon as possible. Now that she could, she vowed to make it up to them both, give them a memorial they deserved and tend it like it should be.
"I should think about heading back. We're fixing up the old house. It needs a little work, but Lori and Rick said they're gonna help us clean it up, make it a home again."
From what the real estate agent had told Daryl, the man who had lived in the house had been somewhat of a hermit, with no visiting relatives as far as anyone could tell except for the home help who brought him groceries once a fortnight. The house was a little dishevelled and hadn't even been decorated since she was last in it, and it would take a while to get rid of the smell of cats, but Daryl and Sophia had ignited a newfound hope and energy inside her, and she was ready for the challenge. For the first time in a long time, there was hope that everything was going to turn out alright… better than alright. This was how it was always supposed to be.
"It'll be beautiful. Somewhere nice for Sophia to grow up, where we can be a family."
She hadn't realised her fingers were freezing until a warm hand slipped into hers. She didn't even hear him approaching, she had been so lost in her thoughts. He gave her a little half smile and looked solemnly down at the stone, rubbing his thumb across the back of her cold hand. Carol squeezed his hand and sniffed away the last of her tears, hoping he wouldn't read too much into the fact she'd been crying.
"I'll be back to see you again soon, I promise." Carol finished. "I love you both."
She turned to Daryl and gave a little smile, just to let him know she was okay. He pulled her close as they turned to walk back to the truck. His arm around her instantly warmed the early winter chill trying to penetrate her clothes. He'd given her the space to do it on her own, but she had been glad of his hand to warm hers up at the end. For all his flaws, Daryl was very attuned to people, her in particular. Sometimes she thought he understood her better than she did herself. He knew when she needed space, and when she needed closeness, and he always timed it to perfection. She would always love him for that.
"Y'alright?" He asked softly as they took their seats in the truck.
The low sun bathed the inside of the truck with gold, highlighting everything that she loved about him. His eyes danced in the early glow of dusk, every facet and fleck of colour shimmering back at her, still possessing the power to take her breath away. Everything that had come before, all the heartache and the pain, melted away to nothing under his gaze. Whatever was still to come, she knew she wouldn't be facing it alone, or with the same trepidation that she had before. She sighed contently, her eyes drinking in the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with, and she knew things were working out just how they were supposed to.
"Yeah," she smiled warmly at him. "I think it's going to be."
xox