I have no rights to Naruto.

I admit this is slightly dark, so beware.

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Few will admit it. Truly admit. But everyone has that moment. That moment where they think it would be easier to give up. To just stop. To end it all. To stop all the pain, the hurt, the worry, the fear, when things get too much.

But then they shake it off, push those thoughts from their heads with a quick 'you can't do that,' ' don't be stupid', 'don't be weak', 'it will get better'.

But what if it doesn't, what if you are too tired, in too much pain, when the fight in you is gone.

For some it is a word, an act, a sign that changes their mind. For others there is nothing but the welcoming darkness, it may be brought on by pain, or by peace. Is it desperation, need or despair?

For some people in that situation it is a person.

He stood and watched like the sentinel he was.

The feared one.

The bogey man.

He was the one you were threatened with if you misbehaved, did not tell secrets or you disobeyed. And it was not just in Konoha, his reputation spread all over the Hidden Villages. He was death, destruction, fear. He was the darkness you didn't want to speak of, admit to but that you needed.

His fellow ANBU, interrogators, his former teammates, even the Hokage feared him and if they did not fear him they were wary of him and his reputation.

He was tired. Tired of the looks, the wide berths given to him by passer-by's, the whispered warnings as he passed. He did his duty, he had his methods, half the time he didn't even touch the prisoners, used words and manipulation to get what he wanted, used their own fears with subtle hints until they begged and pleaded.

But to many he was a monster. More so than the Kazekage because he didn't have a Bijou within, nothing to explain the darkness.

Years, decades. He had shown his skill at a young age, been moulded and encouraged, became an interrogator, worked hard earning the title of ANBU Commander. He had no bloodlines, was not a prodigy, he was simply like hundreds of Shinobi apart from his ability to manipulate and get answers when needed. He would hurt if needed; there was no guilt, not when it saved his village, his Hokage.

But in the dead of night, when he was all alone Ibiki wondered if there was any purpose to it. The Yamanka's could do his job, Mitarashi Anko, Hatake, any of them, all Shinobi were taught the basics of information extraction, fear was a good tool, black mail, deception. All worked. You just had to find the kink in the armour and tear it open bit by bit.

He had been tortured enough times to know that. To know what was effective and what was not. He had felt the fire melt his skin, felt the kunai's split him open, felt the metal impaled slowly through his skin into his organs. Knew that the promise of an end was just as much incentive to talk as threats.

It all worked, you just had to find the breaking point.

And to Ibiki this felt like his.

He was tired, tired and numb. He felt nothing, no pride in the Hokage's thanks or praise, no relief that information he revealed saved Konoha. Alcohol did nothing, it did not give him relief or forgetfulness, only misery and doubts.

Sex had worked for a time, until he became addicted, an addiction he could not afford. The smell of her body, her hair, the touch of her skin, the taste of her lips and flesh, her hands on his flesh tracing his scars, her body writing under his in blissful agony as she begged for release. It had made him feel. For those brief hours he had felt free.

But he knew nothing would come of it. Like so many others bedding under the cover of darkness was all that was allowed, being seen with him in the light of day was too much. He was the monster, the one they feared and hated. The dark side that none wished to admit to.

So he ended it. He did not understand the her stillness or tears that did not fall. He saw the hurt but pushed it aside, the numbness overtaking him quickly as his brain acknowledged the loss of the stimulus that made him feel alive.

He was tired and numb. He could give no more, fight and feel no more. It was time to end it.

He stood atop the Hokage Mountain staring down at the village he had protected for so long. Fought and bleed for, wishing he could have died in any of his battles or tortures, for then his death would have meant something, something more. Now it would just mean something to him and him alone - freedom.

He was barefoot and shirtless, feeling the breeze on his skin, the moonlight shining down on him, his scars and burns the most visible they had ever been in public, even if no one could see them. He would not hide, not even from himself.

He stood and watched in the place that meant so much and thought of nothing forced his mind to nothingness and breathed. Said goodbye.

"I've been looking for you."

He had missed the signs, the noise, the chakra and part of him didn't care. It no longer mattered. He ignored her, she would not sway him. Nothing would.

"We need to talk."

It was funny, he mused with a half thought, the nothingness holding on but letting him appreciate that she wanted to talk, not asking if he was okay, what he was doing on top of the mountain in only his leather pants, why he was here. He ignored her, listening to his own breathing, tuning her out until he heard.

"You're going to be a father."

One word was all it took.

The nothingness was still there but it roared. Shock and disbelief flooded and drowned the numbness. He felt.

He turned to look at her, taking in the vulnerability and fear that rose from her. Her delicate features hiding a strength that took many's a breath away. He stepped closer, wide eyes filled with tears and he saw fear.

A fear that gave him hope.

Fear that she would be rejected, that he would not believe. Not fear of him.

He fell to his knees and she rushed to him. His hands held her out, grabbing her hips and holding her at arm's length. One hand settled on her stomach, trembled as he felt the hardness and miniscule curving that had not been there two months ago. He pulsed his Chakra, the tiny spark discovered brightening the darkness of his eyes in a way she had rarely seen even inside the bedroom.

She knew he struggled, knew the Hokage saw the signs and worried. Hard as they were to see the signs could be caught at times. Harder to see in him than in most Shinobi for their lives were hard and sadly this was not unusual. Even the strongest tree can be uprooted.

His hands squeezed her hips, painfully but she said not a word, her hands stroking his shoulders as she stood in the moonlight. He pulled her to him and rested his forehead on the curve. The nothingness was there, holding on as he questioned – could he do this, would he be able to, would –

"You're stronger then you think Ibiki."

She stood and he knelt, hours passed and dawn's light began to filter through the sky.

The nothingness had a foothold in his mind but Ibiki was focused on the heart beat within her body. The fast fluttering, a lifeline. Hope.

For Ibiki it took one word and one person – perhaps two. It gave him strength he didn't think he had anymore, the wish to fight and feel.

It gave him hope.

She gave him hope and strength, standing by his side as she expected and demanded he do for her. Equals. The eyes of his child would make all his pain and suffering worthwhile, his smile erasing any fear and sadness.

There would still be pain, the nothingness would come, the numbness would triumph for a moment. But he had hope, he had her and he had his child.

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Dia Duit,

I know may will not like this but one word sparked this and I remembered a moment I was tired. Everyone feels it and many come a lot closer to just a moment. Sadly in Ireland suicide is becoming a large problem, and you hear stories of how someone is made feel worthwhile again by a simple hello and smile and rethinks, asks for help.

It is always harder on the people left behind and I can only imagine (can't imagine) what someone would be thinking or feeling to believe this is the only option. But it takes strength to say it aloud to ask for help.

So here is Ibiki, if the Naruto verse was truly real I can only imagine that this is what many would be feeling in it, as many people in our world do that live a life or war, pain, suffering. So this is for them. May they find their strength and hope.

p.s. for me as always the woman is Sakura, but it could be anyone and I know it not as simple as what I wrote in reality, but it is fanfic.

Lots of love,

The Rose and the Dagger x x