Title: The Second Coming

Author: Meghan aka KRAMMIT THE FROG

Rating: PG-13

Summary: It's been 5 years since the events of "Dogma". Bethany lives with her 4 year-old daughter in Illinois, Jay and Silent Bob still hang outside of Dante's store in New Jersey, Serendipity has take in an apprentice muse who might be bisexual, Rufus STILL is overlooked as the 13th Apostle, and Metatron keeps bickering with the Angel of Purity who just happened to go Gothic. Everything's been okay. But Bartleby and Loki have escaped from hell as demons looking to corrupt the new savior aka Bethany's daughter. Can the old gang save the world, again?

Author's Notes: For some reason I want Metatron and Bethany to hook up. Don't ask me why. Normally, I would say more curses to make it feel like a Kevin Smith original, but my faith and upbringing has taken over and I decided not to say the *F* word in this. Sorry folks.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except Rory, Anish, and Margaret. The rest belong to the master himself, Kevin Smith.

Illinois: Bethany was pouring a box of cereal into a bowl as she called out,

"Maggie, your breakfast is ready! Hurry up or we'll be late for church!" As she mixed the chocolate milk, a little girl came running into the kitchen.

"Mommy, mommy, are you gonna see that man George again tonight? 'Cause I don't like him." Maggie asked. Bethany looked up at her, a little shocked. After a few minutes, she asked her daughter,

"W-why don't you like him, baby?" The little girl shrugged her shoulders and put a spoonful of Count Chocula in her small mouth.

"I don't think he likes me, mommy. Just you 'cause his pants move when he sees you." She explained while chewing. Her mother's eyes look the other way as her jaw drops. In complete shock, Bethany manages to say,

"U-u-um, g-g-good t-to know that, sweetie. W-why don't you, uh, put on that new dress grandma and grandpa gave you, okay?" Maggie nodded her head and ran to her room. Her mother shook her and chuckled a bit as she cleaned up her daughter's mess.

Korba, India: Serendipity walked through the town in a black cat suit, looking at the people. She stopped a boy in the streets and pulled him into an alley.

"Anish, where have you been!? I've been looking everywhere for you!" She sharply whispered in Hindu. Anish looked at the passing pedestrians that didn't notice them. The boy looked at Serendipity and replied,

"I shouldn't be talking to you for you don't believe in Shiva. Shiva would be most displeased if I-" He was then interrupted by Serendipity,

"Screw Shiva! I have told you many times that there is one God. When will you start believing me?" Anish looks at his feet. He takes a gulp and tells her,

"If…if my parents find out that I don't serve the Gods no longer, they would kill me." Serendipity puts her hand on his shoulder. "Then we will go somewhere else. America. How about that? The United States is a great country…except for the Republicans. It's gonna be a problem avoiding them since they got that illiterate Texan jackass running the country. But you can learn to use your powers there. Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go." She explained and pulled him along through numerous alleys.

New Jersey: Jay and Silent Bob are sitting outside the Quick Stop, sodas by their sides. Jay spits and says,

"This soda sucks. You comin' with me to go bother Dante?" Silent Bob shrugs his right shoulder and the two walk into the store. Dante is hunched over the counter, reading an issue of Sports Illustrated.  He looks up when he hears the chimes of the door.

"Look who it is. Jay and Silent Bob. May I thank you guys for taking time out of your busy schedules to come and annoy the living shit outta me?" He says dully. Jay walks up to the counter with his bottle of soda and replies,

"Your welcome, douche. We want new sodas, dude. This new Pepsi Blue Fusion blows." Dante sighs and takes the sodas.

"Yeah, I know. I mean, who's the moron who came up with this idea?" He comments. Dante layed the sodas on the counter. Jay picked up one of them and asked,

"You know what this looks like? Your toilet water, man." Silent Bob then nudges him and makes some hand movements to Jay. Jay then turns back to Dante.

"Which reminds me: Are you ever gonna clean your bathroom?" He asks. Dante ponders a moment and replies,

"I'll clean my bathroom when you two get a real job." Jay nods his head and turns to Silent Bob. "It's gonna be awhile, dude. Might as well go on the side of the building." He explains. Silent Bob is holding his crotch and he rolled his eyes up as he turns for the door. Dante chuckles and mutters to himself,

"What would the world do without you two morons?"

Central Park, New York. Metatron is walking around, observing the bare trees. It was December and the leaves had already fallen off.

"Trees: one of the best things you created." He said, obviously talking to God. A girl, about 14 or 15, walked up behind him.

"Okay, Metatron, I'm here. What did you wanna complain about now since we're invisible to humans?" said the girl. Metatron turned to her.

"Good, you're here, Aurora. We need to talk about the girl." He explained. Aurora sighed and replied,

"How many times do I gotta tell you that I wanna be called 'Rory'? Geez, are you deficient or something?" She stepped toward him. She had on all black attire. Black Floods, black pants, a Black Sabbath t-shirt, and a black woolen jacket. Her hair was dark brown and her eyes were green/hazel. Rory had on glasses, to make her seem more "earthly". Metatron looked at her outfit.

"Hmm, I've seen Carney-folk look more pure than you." He commented. Rory punched his arm and said,

"Either way, I'm still THE Angel of Purity. God made me this way." The two angels walked down the paved path.

"We have more important matters to discuss. Like I said, it's about the girl." He said.

"Which girl? Oh, you mean Bethany's child. Wonder if she has your eyes." Rory questioned. The two angels stopped.

"What do you mean by that?" Metatron asked. She shrugged her shoulders ad simply said,

"I thought you knew. Everyone knows your God's favorite angel. Your, like, the father figure. I mean, Jesus had your nose!" Metatron got a weird look on his face.

"He did not! He looked like Joseph! There is no doubt-" He was saying until Rory interrupted,

"There is no doubt that this little girl is gonna look like you. I mean, you did help Bethany stay on the mission, WHICH she did save all of existence. Face it, Met, you're God's favorite. Now, what's the problem you wanted to talk about?" Metatron sighed.

"Bad news from the monitors running limbo. Bartleby and Loki, not only are they now demons, but they have escaped hell. We think they're after Bethany's daughter." He explained. Rory gets a blank expression on her face and states,

"Oh."