Ratings: PG13
Warnings: Violence, Swearing
Genre: Angst, Romance, High School, Drama, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters in this story, living (or passed) human beings or fictional characters. These events never happened, according to history or as the original author intended them. This is a work of fiction and is not intended to offend. For entertainment purposes only. Thanks.

Also, the original characters developed in this story are that of the author's creation. They are not to be copied without written permission.

Chapter 12 - Surrounded in Your Darkness:

Wednesday, October 19th - Afternoon

When Kise returned from the bathroom, Akashi had filled three plates with white rice, vegetable stir fry, and honey-ginger chicken breasts. Kise realized that he missed the smell of his ex-captain's cooking, and was smiling as he came around the corner into the kitchen, following his nose.

"Akashicchi, this smells delightful! I've forgotten how appetizing your cooking is!"

Akashi smiled and reached out to place a hand on Haizaki's shoulder. "Thank you, Ryota." He replied politely, "I'm just sorry I didn't have any karrage, Haizaki. I know it's your favorite."

Haizaki blushed and smiled despite his sorrow. "It's alright, Akashi. You got me chicken, that's more than I could ask for."

"How about we eat then?" Akashi asked, sitting between his two friends at the table.

Kise settled in at the table as well, seating himself to Akashi's left, Haizaki already seated to Akashi's right. The trio picked up their cutlery as they thanked Akashi for the food, and then began to eat. Akashi watched them carefully, both out of habit and out of concern. Despite moving on to a new team, he wanted to make sure that his friends took care of their bodies, and that included chewing their food properly, eating slowly, and finishing off the carefully measured proportions he had served them.

Either out of good habit or remembrance of how Akashi would watch them eat while he was their captain, Haizaki and Kise stayed quiet and finished off their entire plates. Haizaki finished first, pushing his empty plate towards the center of the table and then leaning back in his chair. He was still upset, it was obvious that he wasn't past his breakdown yet, but his personality began to resurface again. The way he leaned in the chair and licked at his thumb made both Akashi and Kise smile with relief that he wasn't so depressed by Nijimura's indiscretion, more that he was in a state of trauma or shock. Kise finished as well and rose, taking Haizaki's plate with him to the sink.

Akashi waved Kise off, mentioning something about leaving them to soak in the sink so that he could put them in the dishwasher.

Haizaki rose as well then, mumbling something about being thirsty. Akashi informed him of the various drinks in the fridge, and Haizaki reached in and took out a cherry flavoured sports drink. Kise took a lemon flavoured one, and Haizaki took a blue one out at random and then gave Akashi his red one.

"We'll just all match our hair." he shrugged, tipping the bottom of his bottle in Kise's direction, silently attributing the idea to the blonde.

Kise smirked but didn't say anything in return. He wasn't sure if Haizaki was joking with him or picking fun at him, so he only smiled. Akashi stood up and cracked open his drink, taking a sip and then taking his empty plate to the sink. He ushered the boys into the living room to sit down in comfort, and then joined them.

"Should we have the pudding now?" He asked them.

Kise and Haizaki both declined. "In a little bit," Kise suggested, "Let us digest your meal first, Akashicchi." He pulled out his cell phone, checked that he had no notifications, and then quickly typed in a text message to Atsushi, letting him know that he was at Akashi's house.

Haizaki nodded and then reached out to take some of the tissues out of the box on the coffee table. He wiped his eyes and then looked upwards, trying not to cry anymore. He squeezed his eyes shut and muttered a 'go away, go away, go away,' as if to ward off his tears, but his eyes were still wet when he opened them again. He looked around for a distraction and his eyes settled on a shelf in the bookcase with many gold horse statues.

"Who races horses?" He asked, curious.

"I do." Akashi replied, licking his lower lip and then smiling.

"No way! You're a jockey?" Haizaki asked, turning to face Akashi, "I'd like to see you in those white pants."

Akashi rolled his eyes. "I wear brown," he replied, "But yeah. I am."

"How long have you been doing that?"

"Professionally?" Akashi shrugged, then stood up and headed to the shelf. "A few years now. I've been riding horses since I was five. My mother wanted me to take it up. She got me my first horse, Yukimaru. We basically grew up together." He picked up a small photograph of a pure white stallion in a simple silver frame and handed it to Haizaki.

Kise put his phone away and looked up in time to see Akashi hand Haizaki a photo of his horse. He recalled Akashi had been riding horses while at Teiko, but he didn't realize that he would have continued to participate in horse races.

"That's so cool!" Haizaki complimented. "So you still race, huh?" he asked, handing the frame back to Akashi.

Akashi nodded and turned to put the frame back. "Not as often, but I do." he replied, "It's hard; basketball is a sport where you are expected to bulk up, and being a jockey you want to be small."

"It's like motorcycle racing." Haizaki agreed. "Light and agile, but still strong enough to handle your vehicle."

"Exactly." Akashi agreed. "So it's a fine line for me, because I want both."

"So what are you planning to do professionally?"

Akashi raised an eyebrow. "Both." He repeated, as if that was obvious.

"No, I mean, after school, you know? When we graduate."

"Oh." Akashi sat back down, settling into the armchair closest to the kitchen. "I'm not sure yet." He confessed.

"Why's that?" Kise asked, "You're talented enough to pursue both."

Akashi smirked and smiled at Kise in appreciation. "I could, but that's difficult. Like I said, they don't have the same interests at heart. And if we go by talent I could pretty much do anything I wanted. I'm sure you both could relate, if you master how to apply your fast learning to any skill you see."

Haizaki and Kise nodded and looked around the room at each other. The realization dawned on both of them in the exact same moment that they were sitting in a room of incredibly gifted people, people able to shape whatever futures they desired – so long as that desire was over their own lives.

"Yeah," Kise agreed, "I see."

"I was considering a career in shogi." Akashi admitted, "But I feel I'll get bored of that too soon. My father would be proud, but...it's a quiet, domestic life. Not exciting like horse racing or basketball."

"What about acting?" Haizaki asked, "Or violin? You played that, right?"

"I thought about that." Akashi admitted, "But I want to use my body more than an instrument. Acting is nice, but my father would call it 'indecent.' I'd be showing my body and not using it, you know?"

Kise blushed, "What's wrong with that?" He asked.

Haizaki laughed, realizing that Akashi had indirectly insutled the blonde's modeling career.

Akashi blushed and gave Kise an apologetic smile. "I don't agree with my father, Haizaki is already aware of that. If I did, I wouldn't have either of you in the house." He attempted to joke. "But to pursue a career in that...would be familiar suicide. I wouldn't be able to come home, or call him. He would completely disown me."

"And how is that bad?" Haizaki asked, "I'm sorry, I don't have a father so...it's easy for me to question why even bothering with one."

Kise nodded, "Only child, only son of the family. That's a burden, I'd imagine."

Akashi only nodded. "What about you two, then?" He asked, "You seem pretty interested in the career discussion, Shogo. I admit it's surprising."

"I started thinking about it - won't be in high school forever, right? Or rather, hope I won't be." He chuckled weakly at his own joke. "I was looking into something that involved traveling actually." Haizaki replied, "I thought of flight attendant because you don't need to be all smart for that – it's pretty much being a waiter in the air. But I don't like the uniform."

"No way!" Kise protested, "I'd be stuck with you?!"

"What?!" Haizaki turned to face Kise, "You steal my sport, now you steal my job too?!"

"I'm pursuing a pilot's license." He admitted, "I'm studying for the written exam right now. It's...it's part of the reason I quit modeling recently."

Akashi laughed, finding the similarities between the two men darkly humourous. "You want to see the world too, huh?" He pressed Kise.

"And not be tied down." the blonde confessed. "I like seeing the world and spending time with my friends, but I also like not having to form really dependent connections. That time apart is as important as the time spent together, I really value it."

Haizaki rolled his eyes, "Imagine if we worked for the same flight." He laughed, "I'd spike all your tea."

Kise shot Haizaki a dirty look, "I'd barrel-roll the plane when you're in the toilet."

"Yeah? Well, I'll-"

"You both would do no such thing." Akashi lectured them, bringing their banter to an end. "But I'm curious, Ryota," he narrowed his heterochromic eyes and met his gaze steadily from across the room. "You say you value the time apart and the independence in relationships. So what has you following Atsushi all around Japan?"

Kise was in the middle of taking a sip of his sports drink when Akashi changed the subject on him. He swallowed loudly and sighed heavily, then placed the lid back on his drink.

"I haven't heard from Murasakicchi in several months." he began, his voice low and his gaze at the foot of the coffee table's leg. "I know you said it would be best if we didn't associate with each other when we all left Teiko, but – sports aside – I wanted to know how my friends were doing. Occasionally I'd hear from Midorimicchi or Kurokicchi. So when he first left for Akita, Murasakicchi still wrote to me. And called me. And slowly he began to...ignore me. It took him longer to reply to my emails, he stopped texting me. He'd only speak on the phone if I called him, and then he stopped answering my calls at all.

"After I stopped hearing from him, I started to listen for any news about him, tried to see if he was alright. He was a good friend of mine, even if he was on the other team, so I wanted to make sure he was doing alright. But I started hearing some stories that he had become rebellious. Different, you know? So I was hesitant to talk to him again, a little afraid to reach out to him and all – you know, 'cause of what happened to his late older sister. A lot of the guys were talking about this Himuro guy whenever I brought up Murasakicchi, a pretty dark-haired guy from America that was on the Yosen basketball team, that he was a decent player and a cock tease. They mentioned wanting to experience homosexuality with him, but that he had turned them down as he was in a committed relationship with one of his teammates. Well, those rumours got worse, to the point that Himuro had started to tell everyone that he was dating Murasakicchi."

Kise paused and took another sip of his drink, feeling anxious as he realized Akashi and Haizaki were both unconsciously leaning towards him, absorbed in the drama that Murasakibara's life had become after middle school, and hung onto every word he said. He played with the lid of his drink, twisting it on and off his bottle between his fingers as he continued speaking,

"Out of the blue one day last week, Murasakicchi texted me in the morning. He didn't seem much different but he didn't seem to really have any emotion either. When I replied later in the morning when I was at school, he told me he was in class as well. I figured he needed time, you know? To adjust and get back into the flow of things. I figured that maybe he was dating Himuro – as I heard – and he was slowly getting over whatever it was that made him feel the need to withdraw from the world for a bit. I had a colleague that did that at work so I figured maybe Murasakicchi also needed a little bit of space?

"Anyways, he...he calls me later on Friday after school and tells me he needs my help. He doesn't explain very much, just that he was heading to Kyoto – and of course I know Akashicchi's school, Rakuzan, is there. So I ask him if he's planning on going to see Akashicchi and he begins to tell me all about this...complication, said there was some kind of mix up when he got to last see him. He was quick to get me off the phone, but I arranged to return to Tokyo Sunday night to meet him here Monday morning and then go with him to Kyoto to find Akashicchi. He was grounded so he wasn't allowed to go out on the weekend, so the plan was he would skip school Monday and his family wouldn't notice he left until he didn't come home. It all worked out well, I called him Sunday night to let him know I arrived and we talked a bit about school to take his mind off things. However, when we got to Kyoto we didn't find you, and he was a bit of a mess. So in the end we returned here because his eldest brother, Murasakibara-sempai-Fuji-san, found the note he left and came over to my house to make sure we were alright and Murasakicchi wasn't getting in more trouble.

"So to answer your question, I suppose the reason I'm following him around the entire country, Akashicchi, is because I do value his and your friendship and I don't want to see either of you hurt. If I could help support him in his little quest to find you and just talk to you about whatever it is he feels he needs to tell you, then I will help him because that is what friends do. It doesn't bother me much to help him out. It would bother me – for example – if he wanted to talk to me, so I can empathize with why you might be hesitant to talk to him, Akashicchi."

Kise heaved a sigh, as if all of this explanation was rather long and tiresome for him to explain. He knew he had mentioned a lot of it in passing to Akashi and Haizaki when he had been telling Nijimura about what him and the Murasaibara's were doing following Akashi to the airport, but he wanted to be clear in his response to Akashi and let him know that while he was here to help Murasakibara, he was also here as a friend to Akashi as well. And, at the very least, try to convince Akashi to give Murasakibara the chance to speak to him about the entire Murasakibara-Himuro miscommunication that started the entire problem between Murasakibara and Akashi in the first place.

"Ryota," Akashi addressed him, placing his hands palm-to-palm but pointing them sideways so it wasn't like he was praying. He looked upwards for a moment and inhaled, and both Kise and Haizaki knew that he was struggling to say what he wanted to while still maintaining his family's standards. "I appreciate that you are trying to help your friends, Atsushi and me. But, I really...don't think that there's anything for us to discuss. Atsushi is trying to hold on to this...childish thing we had in middle school. He's...he grew up, yeah, he's changed. But he's not...I don't think he's even into me in the way he says he is. He can be so much happier with that Himuro boy-"

"But he's not." Kise cut Akashi off. "He was never with Himuro."

"That's beside the point." Akashi replied, his crimson eyelashes fluttering for a moment as his eyes closed and shook his head. "I mean, whether it was really a rumour or not, it doesn't change how he feels about me."

"It does. He wants you. Enough to follow you to Kyoto, Akashicchi. He never moved on. He's always wanted you."

"Now that, I know, isn't true." Akashi replied and sighed. "Ryota, I'm not discrediting you. But I know that Atsushi doesn't meant that. He never viewed me sexually when we were in middle school. I don't think he's even interested in me as a partner like that now. What's the point of dating if-"

Kise shook his head and closed his eyes. "He was, Akashicchi, he was." he exclaimed excitedly. "He..." He sighed and rolled his eyes, then bit his lower lip. "I shouldn't really be the one to tell you this, but...he told me that he didn't want to hurt you. He...he knew that he was going to leave for Akita around the time things should have began progressing to a more...intimate relationship, and he didn't have the heart to tell you just yet. He told me that he was surprised that you actually went out with him, so he didn't want to use you and...he didn't want to hurt you." Akashi opened his mouth to speak and Kise rushed on, saying the explanation in a more direct way than he wanted to, "He didn't want to sleep with you and move to Akita and have you head-over-heels in love with him and have to go long distance. He knew you valued the team and wanted to have all the miracles go head to head, so he didn't want to ruin your reputation as a captain or as a person. Imagine if someone were to find out and use that against you, you...sleeping with him and then being left behind? Having moved away?"

Akashi's expression faltered, falling from the look of disbelief and disagreement to one of understanding. Haizaki noticed and spoke up then, supporting Kise and Murasakibara's reasoning.

"That's why Shuzo and me didn't tell anyone about our relationship. It was safer in the end, for me, you know? You definitely don't want to be left in the state I was in, having slept with him and then he just goes off and disappears. You're left behind wondering what to do now. And that's if you're lucky enough to not have anyone find out about your relationship. Like, you gotta realize the only reason I wasn't seen as some kind of social reject or male-slut was because no one knew about my relationship with Shuzo. I don't have a bad reputation about it because I sacrificed a lot for that relationship, like having close friends of my own. If I got too close to anyone, they would eventually find out, and they would judge me for it. I even created a false image to parade around as, making all of you even believe that I was some womanizer, just to protect Shuzo and me from everyone's judgments.

"But it doesn't protect you really, when you've lost more than you've gained. When they leave and they're gone, and you don't have them anymore. And that image isn't going to follow them. It's going to follow you. Everyone's gonna judge you because of it. Because you let them in, you let them attached themselves to you. You get seen as weak and dependent, not because of what you do with them, but because you did it and they were the one to leave you behind. You become a fool left waiting for them to return, and society will be harsh to you because of that. I don't blame Atsushi for trying to protect you if he knew you were both going to be on polar opposite sides of the country for three years."

Akashi sighed heavily and nodded, then stood up. "I know...that's a legitimate concern, and it is thoughtful of him. You're right, Shogo, and Ryota; the image would have been bad to have. But isn't this also bad? This...obscene running around the country and...whatever the hell this is?"

"This is bad too." Haizaki agreed, rolling a shoulder as if to shrug, "But this is almost more understandable given Himuro really started it all."

Akashi and Kise both nodded, agreeing with Haizaki. It really was Himuro's fault that all of this even began since he began to spread a rumour in his pursuit for fame.

"What were you doing in Akita anyways, Akashicchi?" Kise suddenly asked, his eyebrows knitting together as he picked up the detail he hadn't noticed before. "I mean, I don't like him, but we can't simply put the blame entirely on Himuro for this cross-country adventure. If you hadn't run into Murasakibara at the train station, then he would have never thought he had a chance to explain himself to you in the first place."

Akashi blushed, but before he could answer Kise, the blonde's cell phone began to ring.

"Oh?" Kise gasped, then reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone. "I'm sorry." he excused himself and stepped out of the room to take the call.

Before Haizaki or Akashi could speak, they heard Kise's voice rise in surprise, a wordless expression of confusion, before he came running back into the living room, his arms attempting to cover his face.

A dark-haired man followed him in, flying after him with his foot extended out and kicking Kise in the lower back. Kise stumbled forwards and fell on his hands, crying out in pain. Haizaki stood up in surprise and then laughed, finding the entire thing humourous.

"Excuse me?!" Akashi exclaimed, standing up as well. "What do you think you're doing?!"

The dark-haired man turned to face Akashi and blushed. "Ahh, my apologies, Akashi. I was angry at Kise for not informing me he would be missing practice for some time. I'm his basketball captain, Kasamatsu Yukio. I'm a third year at-"

"Kaijo high, yes, I'm familiar with you." Akashi nodded. "I simply meant what are you doing in my house and why are you beating up Kise, but you answered one of those. At least."

Kasamatsu snorted, finding Akashi's lack of compassion towards Kise amusing. "I heard he was in Tokyo so I assumed he was at his family's house. His mother informed me that he was out with friends, so I was searching for him when I ran into another Miracle."

As if on cue, Atsushi, Fuji, Nijimura, and Himuro entered. All of them had stepped out of their shoes and appeared exhausted. Atsushi's right hand was wrapped in a thick white cast from wrist to fingertips, a kind of permanent splint and his lavender irises were glazed over, as if he were heavily medicated.

Fuji seemed to ignore Haizaki and Akashi and came over to pick Kasamatsu up with ease, moving him away from Kise, before offering the blonde a hand to help him up.

Kise gratefully accepted it, blushing as he noticed Fuji gazing down at him with concern. "Thank you," he mumbled, "I'm fine."

Haizaki and Akashi gazed at the group that entered then shuffled to stand closer together. They appeared indifferent to their new company, finding a comfort in each other's presence as the very men they had run away from had rejoined their group. Neither of them seemed comfortable with their presence of their ex-boyfriends in the room, and they made no effort to show their discomfort towards Himuro being there. Pain had made them kindred spirits and they now held each other in an odd form of equality now, using that commonality to stand up against the men they didn't know how to react to quite yet.

Murasakibara Atsushi stepped forwards, his entire body seemingly taking him an extended effort to move. He appeared as though he was quite heavy or tired, and the dark circles under his eyes only emphasized how exhausted he probably was. His right arm was held in a sling around his neck, his hand wrapped up in a white cast all the way to below his wrist. His index and middle fingers were free of the medical wrapping, but his ring and last fingers were enveloped by the cast. He stepped away from the rest of the boys he arrived with, singling himself out as he approached Akashi and Haizaki, stopping when he was an arm's length from them.

"Aka-chin." He mumbled, his voice low and pleading, "I just...need to talk to you."

Despite his heavy breathing and quiet voice, the look of relief and happiness that appeared on Atsushi's face that came from standing in front of Akashi again was indescribable.

Akashi's breath was shaky, his body turned a quarter away from Atsushi so that he was standing on an angle to him. He appeared as if he was ready to run from the room himself, and Atsushi was smart enough not to advance any closer, afraid to push Akashi past his comfort level.

Atsushi licked his lips and looked at the floor for a moment, before he looked up and his wavering, sedated eyes suddenly seemed to focus firmly on Akashi's. "Are you really seeing someone else, Aka-chin?" he asked, rushing on before the redhead even had a chance to answer, "I know we didn't get to finish our conversation in Akita. And I know you might have heard that I was dating Muro-chin, but I never was! I was never interested in him! I didn't become this confident over a boy that I met only a few months ago! I became this aggressive, cocky, beast of a man because I can't bear to live my life without you!"

If Murasakibara Atsushi knew that he was being watched by the entire room, he didn't seem to care. He took a shy step forwards, wanting nothing more than to close the short distance between them, but remained frozen to the ground afterwards. He was captivated by the small man's heterochromic eyes, and suddenly – to him – the smaller man and himself were the only two beings in the world right now.

"I love you, Seijuro! And I don't want to live without you! It's tearing me apart."

Akashi stared at Atsushi with his mouth open in shock for a long time. He said nothing, and despite his obvious surprise to Atsushi's confession, his face registered no other emotion. His expression and tone of voice were blank, void of any feeling, when he finally did reply.

"Atsushi," he began, "You...you nearly killed that boy."

Atsushi shook his head, trying to keep himself from feeling overwhelmed.

"That could have been me!" Akashi emphasized.

"No!" Atsushi shouted, then realized he was allowing himself to spiral out of control because of his extreme emotions. "No. I'd never hurt you, Aka-chin." He forced himself to speak quieter, calmer, and with control as he looked up into Akashi's eyes in fear.

"But you would hurt – who? Who would you hurt?"

"I'm not trying to hurt anyone, Aka-chin."

"But you did. You hurt that boy, Atsushi! You lifted him off the ground by his neck!"

"I did! But I didn't mean it! Muro-chin, he just- he just pissed me off." He looked away, his voice faltering. He was trying his hardest to remain in control of himself but his panic was growing; panic that stemmed from the thought that he wouldn't be able to properly explain himself to Akashi, that he would lose him all over again because of another misunderstanding. He wanted to curl his hands into fists, but the cast was keeping him from moving his fingers too much. He bit his lower lip in frustration.

"So that's it then?" Himuro crossed the room and stood close to Atsushi. "That's it, you're done with me?"

"We were never anything to begin with, Muro-chin." Atsushi glared. "Stop complicating things! Fuck! I..." He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling sore from the sling, the injury, the long walk, and the whirlwind trip from Akita to Kyoto to Tokyo. "I hung out with you on the team, and we walked around the school together at lunch. We kissed once or twice because you forced yourself onto me! But I was never interested, Muro-chin. I told you that!"

"Don't play the victim!" Himuro snapped, "You kissed me back!"

A silence descended on the men in the Akashi family living room. Atsushi breathed heavily, trying to have some control of himself. Akashi and Fuji held their breath, fearing another violent outburst. Nijimura and Fuji walked around Atsushi on either side, coming to stand just behind him in the case they would have to restrain him.

The tall man seemed to understand their movements and held a hand out at his waist, tell them silently to give him a chance. "I got this." He murmured, "I'm in control."

"And you're worried I'm dating someone else." Akashi rolled his eyes once the silence was broken, feeling like it was unfair that he was the only one on trial here for being so defensive.

"Bastard." Haizaki muttered under his breath.

"Is this him?" Atsushi pointed out Haizaki. "Is this who you're dating Aka-chin? Does he meet what you fall for?"

Akashi and Haizaki looked at each other, unsure of how to answer the purple titan.

"I fucking love you, Akashi Seijuro." Murasakibara moaned, stressing his words as he took another step forward. He reached out and took Akashi's hand in his only uninjured hand and got down on his right knee before the redhead. "I have loved you all this time. And yeah, sure, I tried to get over you. I thought that you might've wanted that. But I never did and I never could. It was stupid for me to even try. I've come to only serve one, and that one is you. I bow only to you."

Akashi could feel his barriers being torn down, one by one. In front of all of his friends he was slowly being tormented into the void of pleasure, the tease of pain. Atsushi was telling him all the things he wanted to hear to fall in love alongside all the things he needed to hear to know that Atsushi had fallen in love with him as well, to the dangerous point of obsession.

"So tell me, Aka-chin," Murasakibara began, breathing heavily, "Tell me if there's someone else that's making you happy right now. Because if there is, I won't hold it against you. I'll take the bittersweet memories we created and leave. I'll hold my peace and you won't ever have to see or hear from me again. I can...learn to live with the knowledge that someone else can make you happier than I did." Murasakibara's voice cracked and he buried his face in Akashi's hand.

Defeated and utterly spent, having run for days off of pure adrenaline, to finally have and hold Akashi – even if it was just his hand – Murasakibara Atsushi was exhausted. Still, he mustered up enough energy to stay on his knees before Akashi, waiting for the emperor's heavy verdict. Despite all the pain in his body, despite all the fatigue and pain medication the doctors at the hospital gave him to numb him down, he would rather die in this moment than let Akashi go.

The room fell silent once more. All homochromic eyes moved from Atsushi to Akashi, waiting for his decision.

Akashi was stunned, feeling too many emotions to process them all at once. He opened his mouth to speak and no sound came out. He was unable to lift his gaze and look around at his friends, an invisible weight – the weight of the crown Atsushi had titled him with – heavy on him.

"I-" Akashi stuttered, his voice low and quiet in the silent room. He felt as if his beating heart was projected for all to hear, the butterflies in his stomach about to fly up his throat and out his mouth at any moment. He couldn't take his hand out of Atsushi's firm grip even if he wanted to. He was frozen in fear and excitement, paralyzed by the thought of making the wrong choice, of saying the wrong thing. "I need time." he replied, and all at once he felt like he had gained control of himself again. Time – which seemed to have slowed down – resumed its natural speed, and he breathed in deeply once before continuing.

"I need more, Atsushi. We need...to talk." He exhaled shakily, then licked his lower lip. "I- There's-" he looked up and blinked several times, not understanding why he felt so hot and overwhelmed. "There is no one else. Honestly. I tried, when I moved to Kyoto, to find someone – anyone – a classmate, a teammate, a professor, a stranger on the road. I was out of my father's house and for the first time, I understood why everyone was so obsessed with dating in middle school. I understood the desire to have that intimate companionship. And I didn't understand why you threw it away in middle school when you seemed so eager to share everything with me."

Atsushi raised his head to meet Akashi's gaze, but he stayed on his knees. Despite the burning in his legs, he refused to rise until his emperor commanded him to. And yet the pain of his physical body hurting was nothing compared to the pain that he felt tear through his chest and split his heart in two when he heard that Akashi had tried to move on.

"That's too dangerous." he hissed, his mind taunting him with the image of a stranger – cold and faceless – tricking Akashi in sleeping with him, only to dump him a moment later, or exploit him for his status. "You could have gotten extremely hurt, Aka-chin!" He lectured him in a stern, quiet voice.

Akashi nodded. "It excited me. In a way that I never felt before. The danger was the part of the relationship we had that just wasn't there. But I couldn't leave the past without an answer. I never understood why you...didn't see that way. You didn't seem to want to love me the way everyone else was growing to love their dates. I'm not normal, I know that. I have messed up eyes, I'm short in a tall sport, I'm intelligent – yes – but it's a lonely place to be. I'm not saying I want to be normal, but it would be nice to not feel so lonely. Not be so singled out anymore.

"I wanted to come to Akita and see you, talk to you, maybe get some answers. But I heard that you had already moved on with one of your new teammates, so I...tried to forget. And I tried to tell myself that not everything in life will give me answers. There doesn't always need a reason for the plate to be broken, you know? It just will never be the same again, once it gains all those cracks.

"But I just couldn't let the past go. I couldn't understand how I – me – wasn't good enough for you. You – who doted on me – preferred...someone else, someone new. I couldn't fathom it. So, once my mind felt it had run in circles until it had eventually run dry on the matter, I decided that I would put my mind to rest. Rumours were rumours, I wouldn't believe it until I saw it with my own, fucked-up eyes."

"So you came to Akita." Atsushi murmured, nodding. An understanding blossoming between them. The atmosphere began to feel charged with an energy that only a true love could form, an unshakable, unbreakable bond.

"Yes." Akashi confirmed, "That brought me to Akita. That was my business. But – I assume you could only imagine my surprise, having stepped off the train only to run directly into you. Or rather you into me."

Atsushi's lips curved up in a crooked smile. He had been drawn to Akashi the moment the man had entered the district.

"And yet you had no boy on your arm, no hickies on your neck. You wore no ring on your finger, no bracelet or necklace. You just...were taller, rugged. Dangerous, like Haizaki. And to be honest, that danger was attractive. That defiance that only was there to tease me, but underneath was so willing to submit, so yearning to be broken." Akashi narrowed his bright eyes as he spoke, a manic grin appearing on his face as he reviled in the thought of disciplining Atsushi. "And yet, I still wasn't sure.

"I decided it wasn't safe to talk to you about us. I didn't want to know any answers after seeing you so...different. I was afraid that you would tell me that you missed me, tell me all the things you would need to so I would believe you, only to find out you were double-crossing both me and your new boyfriend. So I told you I moved on. I didn't mean to hurt you, I never meant to upset you, but I needed a reason to protect myself from you if you had truly become as indecent as I heard you had."

Atsushi nodded, his lavender eyes filling with tears. But he wouldn't cry, he didn't allow them to spill. Understanding and gratefulness to finally obtain the truth kept him from becoming overwhelmed emotionally.

"And just when you wouldn't let the matter go, when I was at the limits of suppressing my own curiosity on what you had to say, that boy showed up. And I was afraid that my mind was right, that the truth was you stopped caring about me enough to play us both. And...then you were violent. And I never saw you that way. Even with the makeup and dark clothes, you were not violent to me, not that disturbed. To see you choking another boy, it made me realize that I slapped you earlier that day, I hit you and you could have easily snapped my neck. I already believed you moved on, you stopped caring, so it was easy to believe that you wouldn't hesitate to hurt me."

"Never!" Atsushi vowed, his eyes hard and firm and full of promise. "I would never hurt you, Aka-chin. And that's why I didn't push our relationship before. That's why I was happy with how we were before. I knew I would be leaving, I knew Akita and Kyoto were so far away. And I never wanted to hurt you by being so far away. I never wanted to have you forced to choose between me and your sport. Or your school. Or your reputation. I only wanted to keep you safe, and if keeping you safe meant ending our relationship, then I was prepared to do that."

A silence fell on their group once more. Akashi was breathing heavily, Atsushi was holding his breath. Kise found himself coming over to sit beside Haizaki, who was staring at Akashi the entire time. Fuji and Nijimura didn't relax their positions at Atsushi's side, not yet sure he was fully in control of himself, and Himuro hung back behind Nijimura, upset that he was so easily disregarded.

"I guess what's left to figure out is...are you gonna be together?" Kasamatsu broke in, his tone gentle but firm. "I mean, from what I heard, he chased you from Akita to Kyoto to here to straighten out this whole rumour ordeal and tell you that he loves you and couldn't move on. And you're here telling all of us that you went to Akita to find out if he was dating someone else, otherwise you wouldn't believe the rumours and would want to talk to him about your past relationship for closure. Given the fact that he's – in my opinion – proven to you by means of chasing you around the country and bringing countless close friends as witnesses that he does, in fact, love you, and you have had the conversation now, I guess the only decision left is...are you gonna get back together or not? I mean, the guy broke his hand punching a tree over you!"

Atsushi blushed and chuckled, finding the way his injury was described amusing. Akashi glanced at Kasamatsu, then down at Atsushi, and the corners of his lips pulled up as well. And then he was laughing. He reached out and wrapped his arms around Atsushi's neck, hugging him close, both chuckling over the fact that Atsushi had indeed badly injured himself by a tree.

"Ahh, Aka-chin!" Atsushi murmured into his ear, holding the redhead close to his body and inhaling his spicy scent. "I waited so long to hold you again."