These are inspired by the Very Secret Diaries from the Lord of the Rings. Humble bows to their originator. These will make lots more sense if you're familiar with those.
VERY SECRET DIARY OF LEX LUTHOR
Woke up, checked. Still not President. Damn.
Another morning. Still not President. Am developing philosophical attitude towards this. "Sic bisquitas disintegrat," I tell myself, while breathing deeply. Think I'll buy some more clothes. Black for a change?
Dammit, I WANNA BE PRESIDENT! NOW!
This place is strange. Former creamed corn capital of the world, HAH! More like concussion capital of the world. I bet it's also full of pervy cow-fanciers.
VERY SECRET DIARY OF LIONEL LUTHOR
Luthors don't have regrets. Nonetheless, rather wish that I hadn't pantsed Bill Gates so often.
Wonder why Lex insists on staying in the aptly named Smallville. Wouldn't just the name give most men the creeps?
New shampoo does provide both bounce and lightness. Must buy more. No. Must buy company and have them make it just for me.
Query to self: Is it "Bwahahaha" or "Mwahahaha?" Must get that settled before launching evil plans of hair control.
Lex still says he wants to stay in Smallville. Hope he hasn't turned into a pervy cow-fancier. That's just what I need. "Dad, meet Bessie." "Moo." But then, it would mean no way she'd have better hair. Hee.
VERY SECRET DIARY OF LANA LANG
Wandered into new aisle at drugstore. Makeup *remover*! What will they think up next?
Whee! Today, nobody stalked or was otherwise obsessed with me! It does make life kinda boring, though.
Shouldn't have said anything. Stalked by another meteor freak. Note to self: Consider learning basics of self-preservation. Is there a class somewhere or maybe a book?
Favorite shampoo no longer made any more. I've gotten from Denial to Anger to Bargaining.
Reached Acceptance.
Clark keeps telescope turned to pastures. Suspected truth all along. He's a pervy cow-fancier!
VERY SECRET DIARY OF MARTHA KENT
Clark didn't develop any new powers. Hoping that he'll develop power to clean hair out of shower trap but no luck.
Offered job by unscrupulous business man. Husband hates it. Son (no new powers) is dubious about whole thing. Life is good.
Went out and bought new lingerie. Hoping to reintroduce some steamy passion to marriage. Will update tomorrow. Hope to be writing in red and using lots of dirty words!
Planning to use lots of dirty words. All about Jonathan. Black lace. Zip. Red silk about the size of dental floss. Didn't raise his eyes (or anything else). Husband saw Holstein pattern got as joke for mom--that did it for him. Jonathan should have said something when introduced self. "My name is Jonathan and I'm a pervy cow-fancier."
VERY SECRET DIARY OF LEX LUTHOR
Woke up, checked. Still not President. Damn.
Another morning. Still not President. Am developing philosophical attitude towards this. "Sic bisquitas disintegrat," I tell myself, while breathing deeply. Think I'll buy some more clothes. Black for a change?
Dammit, I WANNA BE PRESIDENT! NOW!
This place is strange. Former creamed corn capital of the world, HAH! More like concussion capital of the world. I bet it's also full of pervy cow-fanciers.
VERY SECRET DIARY OF LIONEL LUTHOR
Luthors don't have regrets. Nonetheless, rather wish that I hadn't pantsed Bill Gates so often.
Wonder why Lex insists on staying in the aptly named Smallville. Wouldn't just the name give most men the creeps?
New shampoo does provide both bounce and lightness. Must buy more. No. Must buy company and have them make it just for me.
Query to self: Is it "Bwahahaha" or "Mwahahaha?" Must get that settled before launching evil plans of hair control.
Lex still says he wants to stay in Smallville. Hope he hasn't turned into a pervy cow-fancier. That's just what I need. "Dad, meet Bessie." "Moo." But then, it would mean no way she'd have better hair. Hee.
VERY SECRET DIARY OF LANA LANG
Wandered into new aisle at drugstore. Makeup *remover*! What will they think up next?
Whee! Today, nobody stalked or was otherwise obsessed with me! It does make life kinda boring, though.
Shouldn't have said anything. Stalked by another meteor freak. Note to self: Consider learning basics of self-preservation. Is there a class somewhere or maybe a book?
Favorite shampoo no longer made any more. I've gotten from Denial to Anger to Bargaining.
Reached Acceptance.
Clark keeps telescope turned to pastures. Suspected truth all along. He's a pervy cow-fancier!
VERY SECRET DIARY OF MARTHA KENT
Clark didn't develop any new powers. Hoping that he'll develop power to clean hair out of shower trap but no luck.
Offered job by unscrupulous business man. Husband hates it. Son (no new powers) is dubious about whole thing. Life is good.
Went out and bought new lingerie. Hoping to reintroduce some steamy passion to marriage. Will update tomorrow. Hope to be writing in red and using lots of dirty words!
Planning to use lots of dirty words. All about Jonathan. Black lace. Zip. Red silk about the size of dental floss. Didn't raise his eyes (or anything else). Husband saw Holstein pattern got as joke for mom--that did it for him. Jonathan should have said something when introduced self. "My name is Jonathan and I'm a pervy cow-fancier."