This fic was inspired by a quote I saw online:

"It's sad to think. That the ones who self harm; Who cut; Bruise; Burn; Purge; Starve; Are the most gentle. Who would rather hurt themselves. Than anyone else."

Much love from your author,

~5

(Additional Archive Warning : This is not a romance. Self harm is not romantic, poetic, breathtaking or beautiful, and love will not cure mental illness. HOWEVER. Self-harm affects more than the sufferer. Loved ones are deeply involved. While I do ship Makoharu that is not the fixation of my work. This is a journey of finding self-love, self-acceptance, and learning to rely on people. Makoto needs Haru to enter, even start thinking, about the world of recovery.)

"Makoto…" Haruka broke the comfortable silence between them. Nagisa and Rei had vanished to fetch snacks leaving only the two in each others amiable presence.

"Huh?" Makoto's inquisitive sound came briefly before his head turned to the side to meet green eyes with blue. Surprisingly, his gaze was not returned. Haruka's eyes were instead peering down to Makoto's arm. His sleeve was rolled up and the countless days of swimming showed in his deep tan. Makoto knew with a jolt what Haruka was going to ask about. Despite what he knew was coming-

"What is it Haru?" He added a smile for good measures. Play it cool, he thought.

Haru finally meet his eyes, voice faint with an uncommon curiosity, "what happened to your arm? Is it okay?"

Makoto knew it. He gave a bashful laugh to cover his sudden panic and looked over his arm then Haru. "Ah, that, oh it's nothing! I was playing with this kitten the other day and she got really excited and her claw snagged me. It's fine!" Makoto pulled his arm back from where he was resting on it and sat up straight. . It wasn't fresh but it wasn't old either. The single line was perhaps a bit straight to have been from an unruly cat but otherwise fit the story with little reason to complain. The brunette shifted to fix his white sleeve back over the mark, suddenly stopped when the cold touch of Haruka pushed the cloth back again.

"Are you sure? Let me see, it looks-"

No. Don't touch me. Makoto tensed at the hand. Arm instinctively jerking back.

"Haru-chan! Mako-chan!"

Both were startled from their current predicament as the blonde came stumbling in, dropping multiple items at their feet and taking a seat next to Makoto. Rei followed behind Nagisa, filling the last gap of the circle with a sigh. With the brief moment of distraction Makoto quickly unrolled the fabric he had previously been deterred from over the wounded skin. If there was ever a time Makoto felt any ill feeling towards Haru it was then and there. The burning sensation of where he touched the injured wrist lingered uncomfortably.

"Here's your water Haru, and Rei that's yours... ah Mako! Here's yours."

"Thank you, Nagisa, but, didn't I ask for water?" Makoto's eyebrow quirked as the yellow carton of banana flavoured milk he was handed smiled back at him with images of a happy cow and a dancing fruit.

"Mhm! But Tachi-banana!"* The blonde giggled and he knew Makoto couldn't fight him on his sense of logic. Indeed he was correct, Makoto swallowed his exasperation without a problem, never one to anger easily. Lunch continued on for the other three almost as if nothing had happened. But Makoto felt otherwise.

His exterior progressed to have normal conversation, following whatever direction Nagisa decided to steer them today on their roof top meal. He smiled, he laughed, he pretended. Internally, Makoto was a frantic mess. The close call with Haru turned his dial up and things were blurring into a haze of guilt. Why had he decided to roll up his sleeves? He could feel them all staring, laughing at his pathetic attempt to hide the "cat-scratch". His hand repetitively found itself tugging down at his sleeve. Buttoning, unbuttoning, repeat, with the cuff. His anxiety was rising.

Stupid.

It had only been two days but he had already forgotten about the one cut that he thought he could get away with that wasn't on his thigh. He was praying for winter to come and to ice all the swimming outlets possible. Then, his body would be his and no one could see what a helpless child he had been reduced to.

It was probably because it was Haru he as around that he let himself get to the point of comfort where he exposed himself. This was still new to him, having to keep things away from Haru. He didn't like it the least bit. On the other hand, what could he do? It would only be a nuisance if he admitted his recent problem. It didn't matter what happened to him.

Makoto was already so needy and clingy, the growing list of annoying things he had about himself seemed to never end nowadays. Haru, Rei, and Nagisa would hate him if they ever knew the truth.

*Tachibanana: reference to lesfrites creation of the tachibanana's
Basically a pun on his name *badum tsk* and a reason to draw little Makoto's emerging from bananas.

Banana milk is really sweet! Don' t drink too much!