Day 6 (IV): History of Magic Daydreams

There was a knock at the dormitory door.

"Frank?" Remus pleaded from his bed.

"I'm on it."

Remus breathed a silent prayer of thanks into his pillow. He liked his bed. His bed was comfortable. His bed was silent. His bed didn't say anything that made him feel ashamed or embarrassed. His bed didn't make him feel guilty. And his bed didn't tell him that she loved him, only to go off and kiss other boys. His bed had definitely never done that.

And Frank answering the door meant he didn't have to leave his nice, non-hostile bed.

"Hi, Frank."

The voice was hesitant and all too familiar.

"Is Remus here?"

Frank's already taken, unfortunately for you, Miss Evans.

"Yeah – I think he's in his bed, Lily. I'll leave you two to it." Frank excused himself.

Peter is also taken. Sirius is double-taken, I think – actually, he might be triple-taken, I never really know with him. But I guess you'll have to stick to James, as much as you want to show me that you can kiss every boy in Gryffindor Tower. And I'm not very taken with you anymore, as a matter of fact.

There were footsteps approaching his bed. Someone pulled his hangings open.

"Remus?"

He rolled over. Lily was looking down at him. She lifted his satchel and placed it on the corner of his bed.

"We left our stuff in Potions – I thought I'd bring your books back. Can we talk?"

"What is it now?" he asked warily.

"Please?"

He rolled back over.

"Look, I didn't ignore you when you followed me out of Potions. And you were the last person I wanted to see then."

Well, you're currently in a three-way tie with James and Snape for the person I want to see least. I hope you all drink poisoned pumpkin juice and die. Permanently.

Remus closed his eyes and hoped that if he pretended Lily wasn't standing over him for long enough, she'd eventually disappear.

Unfortunately he couldn't pretend he didn't feel the bed sink slightly as it took Lily's weight. And he definitely didn't imagine the rustle of sheets, and the warm, achingly familiar body sliding up against his. Or the scent of apples and cinnamon. Or the arms that snaked round his chest.

"Lily—"

"You sleep in your clothes?" she asked, deftly avoiding any comment he was above to make on the subject of sharing a bed with a question of her own.

No. But I do sometimes cry in them.

"I wasn't w—sleeping."

"Oh. So what were you doing in your bed at five in the afternoon?"

"Well, I was going to sulk, but I ended up moping instead."

Lily giggled.

Remus felt something warm return to his chest.

Repress it and suppress it.

When he didn't react Lily's toes began lazily trailing up his calf. He jerked away at the motion and turned over, figuring she was less dangerous if he could see what she was doing.

"Remus?"

He didn't know why she kept saying his name – it wasn't like there was anyone else around she could be talking to. But he'd always liked the way she said it, softly, the barest of hints behind it. It made a nice change from Moony. And he quite liked saying her name, too.

"Lily?"

"I'm really, really sorry."

I'm sorry too.

"I shouldn't have kissed James."

Oh, that. I'll get used to it, I think. I mean, you'll end up doing it anyway; in a week, a month, a year – eventually you'll let him take you out, and then you'll see the real James, the one who isn't always acting up around you. And he isn't a werewolf, and he won't make you cry, or tell you he doesn't love you.

"It was stupid, and spiteful, and I was just trying to get to you, and – and you must think I'm trying to break you two apart and ruin your friendship, but I'm not, I promise, I just needed to see that you cared, and I won't do it, ever again, because I saw how much it hurt you—"

"No – I can't stop you from doing anything. And you should be with who you want to be with."

Unless it's me.

Lily's expression was pure regret. "Forgive me?" she asked.

He shook his head. "You shouldn't be apologising to me, asking for forgiveness – I should be doing all that."

I should be apologising for everything.

Lily's hand found his in reply. She eased his fingers apart and softly traced the outline of the red, circular welt in the middle of his palm. "It's because you're a werewolf, isn't it? The silver sickle – it hurt you to touch it."

He nodded.

"And Severus knew that?"

He nodded again.

She looked upset. "Sometimes I wish I'd never met him."

"After today? Me too." Remus was hoping to get a smile or a laugh out of her; he was horrified to see tears glistening in her eyes. "What is it?"

She shook her head and made as if to go, faltering for a second, which was all he needed to coax her back into his arms. "No, it's nothing", she managed. "I'm – I'll go."

Oh. Ok.

Lily made no effort to leave the comfort of his arms.

"Look – I never should have asked Snape if he was jealous." From the way she tensed in his arms, Remus knew he'd hit the nail on the head. "Lils?" he asked, seeing with horror that Lily had succumbed to tears again, and hating the guilt that made every breath feel like lead in his chest.

Lily was struggling with a thought too cruel to say aloud. "I – I actually believed myself for a moment", she whispered. "When we were in the Dungeons and I said you only wanted me because James and Snape did as well."

"You and I both know that's rubbish."

"I know – it's just, sometimes, the way they look at me, I feel like that's all I'm worth."

It isn't. It isn't.

Quickly, and rather reluctantly, Remus tried to ignore how narrow Lily's shoulders felt against the width of his chest; how easily his arms could slip around her waist, warm and slender; how natural it felt to hold her, her hands on his collarbone–

Stop it. Or you're little better than them.

"Promise", Lily said, the words muffled by his jumper. "Promise it wasn't just for that. Promise it wasn't because James or Snape wanted me as well."

She wept. Suddenly he hated James and Snape. He hated them for reducing Lily to – to something to be had, to be enjoyed. He hated how Lily, who had so much to offer, now only thought herself good for one thing. Because Lily shouldn't have to worry about what James and Snape wanted from her. Lily should be held and loved and told she was the most beautiful creature on earth. And, very occasionally, if the situation called for it, kissed.

Behave yourself, Lupin. It's thoughts like those that got you into this mess in the first place.

Remus pushed the thought away and focused on holding Lily, wondering if he wasn't just as bad as James and Snape, because at that moment he couldn't do anything other than imagine what it would be like to be with Lily again.

Just once.

All day, as they'd skipped from one, teary, fraught encounter to the next, they'd both had the sense that neither of them had been in control. What was one more wonderful mistake?

Here was the chance to show her, beyond doubt, that he hadn't meant to love her and leave her.

"Look at me, Lily." His voice was hoarse, and those eyes, those beautiful eyes, shining full of tears and confusion, came up to meet his.

Before he quite knew what he was doing, he placed his thumb on her cheek and very carefully, very tenderly, he brushed the tear away. Lily blinked and a new tear rolled down. He repeated the motion as she watched him with total concentration, her eyes never straying from his. Quite suddenly, nothing outside of the bed mattered anymore.

"That night – it wasn't about being first, or getting one over James or Snape, or anything like that. I just wanted to be with you. That was all I wanted – all I ever wanted. I promise."

The tears came thick and fast for a moment. He made no effort to brush them away.

"Was it because of me you couldn't cast a Patronus?" she whispered, her mouth inches from his, and if he wanted to he could quite easily lean forward and capture her—

He nodded.

"I miss my wolf, Remus. I want him back."

We can't, Lils.

He swallowed.

Don't do this to me.

"It was just five days", she said, taking a long, shaky breath. "It shouldn't hurt this much."

But it wasn't just five days, Lils. It was the years of Ancient Runes homework together in the Common Room. It was sneaking glances at each other down the Gryffindor table. It was a walk down to the greenhouses in late November and almost finding the courage to ask you to Hogsmeade. It was wondering why you looked so dejected one day in mid-February when I couldn't find the nerve to tell you everything I wanted to. It was wondering why you looked at me like you did and still went off with Hamish. It was being jealous of Hamish. It was being jealous of James for being allowed to say all the things I wanted to; and knowing I could have said them better. Hell, it was even managing to be jealous of the sofa cushions when you curled up with a book by the fireplace in the Common Room. It was hoping that just one Prefect Patrol would end with more than a whispered goodnight; a brush, a touch, a hug, a kiss, something. It was staring at your dot on the Map by wandlight at night as you slept, and wondering what it would feel like to share a bed with you. It was a hundred things I only got to hold and treasure for a few, brief, perfect days.

"It was – ah – um – ever so slightly more than five days for me", Remus admitted.

"Oh, was it?" There was a teasing note in Lily's voice, and the most improbable of all things appeared: a smile. "I never would have guessed. All those longing looks, those forlorn sighs, those silent declarations of your undying devotion to me—"

"I think", he replied, grinning, not sure where Lily's good humour had come from, but determined to make it last, "We should take a moment here to remember who got into whose bed."

"Oh, you do not want to play it like that, Lupin."

"And why would that be?"

"Because I know this isn't the first time I've been in your bed."

Remus was stumped. "You've been here before?"

"Definitely", Lily leant in; he could feel her breath on his lips. "I've probably made more than one appearance. Daydreams… fantasies… I know it isn't the first time you've imagined me here."

Remus started guiltily and Lily's face lit up. "I knew it!"

Shit – right.

"Um – no?" Remus' voice betrayed him and the look Lily gave him said he wasn't fooling anyone, least of all her.

Who told you about that?

He felt his face grow hot. "Would you believe me if I said I didn't know what you were talking about?"

"Try me", Lily whispered, delighted.

"I – ah – um – I honestly don't know what you're talking about?" Remus managed to keep a straight face for all of about three seconds before conceding with a groan and burying his face in the pillow.

Merciful Merlin, kill me now.

"Was I good?" Lily asked, wiggling her eyebrows. "Oh, I want all the details, right now, I want everything! What sort of things did I do to you? What sort of bad things did you do to me? Were there other girls? I'm telling you now, Remus Lupin, there better not have been other girls…"

Remus chuckled despite himself. "You're impossible."

"Ah, but you love me for it."

He groaned. "Sometimes I wish I didn't."

And froze.

Shit.

He'd said it without thinking.

The effect was immediate. In an instant Lily's playfulness was gone – and she almost was, too, Remus reaching for her and finding her hand, silently imploring her to stay. "Lily, I didn't—"

"No", she said miserably. "You meant it. You don't want to love me."

"Can you blame me?" he asked. "Look at what it's done to you."

Her expression softened at his consideration.

"This isn't doing you any good, Lils", he whispered. "Maybe you should go. Before– "

"Before what?" Her eyes were hard again, challenging him. "James and Sirius come back? Or you decide to kiss me again?"

The, um, first one. Definitely not the kissing you one. Not that.

Lily, it seemed, was far too comfortable embarrassing him.

Time for payback.

Remus pulled the Gryffindor witch into his lap. "Oh, believe me, I wouldn't stop at kissing", he murmured, loving the colour that crept into Lily's cheeks.

"You – you wouldn't?" she asked, her voice catching at the thought of all the things Remus could do to her. Dangerous, blissful things.

"No." He locked eyes with her. The blush deepened. "I wouldn't stop at all."

One kiss and it's all over.

He felt a shiver of anticipation go through Lily, who, all of a sudden, was in no rush to leave his bed. "Remus…"

There it was – she'd said his name again. He couldn't tell if it was an invitation or a warning. He looked deeper into those lovely green eyes. They probably liked saying his name too. He wondered what they were saying now.

Kiss me Remus. Kiss me right now, you coward.

I can't.

Lily blinked, once, very slowly.

Yes you can. It'll be lovely and soft and sweet.

Remus had, in the last week, managed to build up a little immunity to flirting-Lily. Not much. Maybe another thirty seconds' worth.

We mustn't, Lily.

Mustn't? But I'll whisper your name against your lips. I'll even moan in that breathy, ragged way you love so much. You won't have to dream about me any longer…

He could feel his sanity starting to slip away. One more suggestive look and it was all over.

James. We mustn't because of James.

Yes, that makes perfect sense. You won't kiss me out of loyalty to the boy who conveniently forgot you existed when he kissed me in the Common Room, right in front of everyone. And now everyone thinks I love kissing James Potter – even though I was secretly wishing it was you the whole time, Reemie.

He did kiss you. That bastard.

I think we should get him back. How are you going to get him back?

Hmm.

I think you should get revenge, Remus.

Revenge?

Those eyes were very persuasive.

Revenge of the sweetest kind.

What kind of revenge is that?

Lily bit her lip.

I'm sure you can think of something that tastes sweet, Remus.

Remus tried to think of things that tasted sweet. Unfortunately, the only things he could think of that tasted sweet were also Lily-flavoured, and he vaguely remembered that he wasn't supposed to taste Lily-flavoured things anymore. And while he was trying to think, he also seemed to be closing his eyes and leaning forward…

"Remus!"

There was a knock at the dormitory door.

Remus and Lily sprang apart as if they'd been scalded. They stared at each other, wide-eyed, until Lily disappeared under the duvet and Remus dove over her, reaching for his shoes, his mind working furiously. Who was at the door? James, Sirius, Peter and Frank never knocked or asked if he was in – it was their dormitory just as much as his. They had an unspoken agreement to knock when one of the boys was in bed with a witch. But James and Sirius definitely wouldn't give him the courtesy of knocking if they thought he was in bed with Lily. Only Frank knew, and the voice hadn't sounded like Frank's. Unless Frank had told someone and they'd come up to investigate…

Lily's head appeared at the foot of the bed. "What should we do?" she whispered urgently.

There was a second knock, more insistent. "Remus, I know you're in there!"

Lily recognised the voice and, with a squeak of terror, disappeared beneath the covers once more. Remus resigned himself to his fate and went to open the door.

Alice met him, arms folded.

"Hi Alice, I think Frank's gone to play Quidditch with a bunch of the Ravenclaws—"

"I'm not looking for Frank", she said, and Remus could see she was in no mood for games.

Oh.

"James?" he ventured.

Please don't hurt me Alice.

"Sirius?"

She was just returning my book bag and… one thing led to another…

"Peter?"

Nothing happened… we were both feeling sleepy… and decided to share a bed because –

"I think you know who I'm looking for, Remus", Alice said, brushing straight past him and heading for his bed.

Alice –wait – I can explain.

Remus lunged to keep his hangings closed, but Alice sidestepped him and pulled them open to reveal a Lily-shaped lump lying under his covers.

Oh – that? Those are my inflatable pyjamas.

"Lily?" Alice didn't sound surprised in the slightest.

Lily emerged from under the duvet, brushing a tangle of orange hair out of her eyes and yawning. "Hi Alice", she murmured, wincing at the look her best friend was giving her.

"What's going on?" Alice demanded, arms crossed, evidently none too happy about the situation Lily was in and not for a moment buying her oh-I-was-just-sleeping-you-must-have-woken-me performance.

"Remus and I were just staying friends."

"Friends have their own beds", Alice stated.

"Remus has the nicest pillows."

"I wouldn't be surprised if he does. But I don't think that's the real reason you're here."

"Can you blame me for trying?" Lily glanced guiltily at Remus. He grinned.

Yes, I actually did know what you were trying to do. As clueless as I am, even I know that returning a book bag isn't usually followed by half an hour of cuddling and tempting me to undress you.

Alice perched herself on the edge of the bed, trying to appear sympathetic. "Unless you can tell me a way this ends well, I think you should come back to our dormitory, Lily."

"I can think of lots of ways, Alice", Lily said, scornfully, pausing to survey her best friend with all the scorn she could muster. "James could give into one of those easy Hufflepuffs girls that follow him around, tossing their hair whenever he walks past them. He could have a Quidditch accident – he could stop pining after me like some pathetic, lost puppy – he could be grievously injured in another one of those stupid corridor-duels he has with Sev – and he could grievously injure Sev for good measure as well, come to think of it. He could – he could find another girl to love." Her voice quavered. "He could stop being so selfish and just – just let me have Remus."

"Lily…"

"No! Can't he see what he's doing to Remus is just as bad as what Remus did to him? Worse, in fact, because Remus didn't do anything wrong."

"Look, it's no use thinking about that now—"

"I told you what I thought of Mother Prewett last night", Lily said bitterly. "So save me the speech."

"I'm not going to lecture you again", Alice said, remaining calm. "I just don't think you should be up there."

"I shouldn't be up here?" Lily glowered at her roommate. "Why don't you tell Remus just how often you're up here? Why don't you tell him all about James' invisibility cloak, just like you told me – I'm sure he'd love to know why it takes Frank so long to shower in the mornings!"

"Wait – you're the one who keeps stealing my towel?" Remus interrupted.

Alice coloured. "I just pick the cleanest one each time."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "I hope that also explains how you knew which bed was mine as soon as you walked in."

Alice winked cheekily at him. "What can I say, Remus? I'm not the only girl who wants to know where you sleep."

Remus couldn't suppress a grin.

"Remus!" Lily hissed, fixing him with a particularly icy stare.

You're supposed to be my boyfriend. So you better stop taking Alice's side. Right now.

He looked confused.

But I'm not your boyfriend anymore.

She glared at him.

I'm sitting in your bed, Remus. So if I'm going to pretend to be your girlfriend, you can at least pretend to be my boyfriend. And you have to do boyfriend things if you want to keep cuddling me.

Remus nodded meekly. He knew better than to argue with angry-Lily. Angry-Lily was not to be reasoned with. Angry-Lily knew too many hexes. James Potter could attest to that.

Of course. Whatever you say, dearest.

Lily turned back to Alice, making no attempt to disguise her hostility towards her roommate. Alice, for her part, didn't look particularly impressed either.

"If this is about Frank and me, I'm not having that discussion again."

Lily bristled. "Tell Remus what you said. I know you want to. I know you came here to wait for Frank to come back, and then we can all see how in love and sickeningly happy both of you are."

A note of envy crept into Lily's voice; and then her demeanour changed completely. She turned away, eyes downcast, as Remus slid onto the bed and pulled her into his lap again, knowing that in her current overwrought state Lily could go from wanting to hex to wanting to be held in seconds, and also knowing that it was his job to be there for her, as both punch-bag and provider of comfort.

"Hey – hey—" he whispered, as she leaned into his chest and swallowed thickly, willing the tears not to surface, and he wondered what Alice could possibly have said to cause this much distress. "What is it?" he probed.

Lily shook her head. He turned to Alice for clarification.

"Alice?" His voice was cold.

"Look – Remus – before I say anything, I just want to you know that last night we both said a lot of things we didn't mean. We were talking, and Lily said some things about Frank that were hardly fair; about you and Frank, and…" Alice tailed off, visibly uncomfortable at the thought of repeating what she'd said.

"And?"

A small voice, muffled by Remus' jumper, spoke up. "Then she said, at least Frank wants me."

Lily let out a convulsive sob.

Oh Lils.

He knew, instantly, she'd voiced the fear that had been eating at her all day; the reason why she'd so wanted to hear him say he loved her, why hearing him ask Snape if he was jealous had only served to confirm her anxieties, why she'd kissed James, just to see if Alice had been right, if he didn't want her after all—

I do. More than anything. And anyone who says differently is in big trouble.

There was heat and venom in Remus' eyes and he turned towards Alice, fully intent on repaying some of the cruelty she'd delivered to Lily. But he stopped.

"I've seen the way you look at her, Remus. Frank never looks at me like that."

"He loves you, you know."

"I wish it was the way you loved her. Like nothing else really mattered at all."

Remus ran a hand through Lily's hair, his fingers coming to rest at the nape of her neck. She shivered in appreciation.

"Alice didn't mean it."

"Well, do you?" she managed. "For all I know, it might be true—"

"Of course I want you", he replied, hating that she could even think otherwise. "I love you, Lily."

Her breath caught as she gazed up at him, hardly daring to believe.

"I hate to tell you this", he whispered, grinning as Lily grinned with him. "But it's not exactly a secret."

Any lingering doubts were removed when he planted a kiss on her forehead, and she almost melted in his arms. Lily let out a breath of absolute contentment, and Remus gave her a squeeze.

Come on, Lily. This shouldn't be a surprise.

But going on his behaviour over the past couple of days, he couldn't blame her as she shifted in his arms and watched him fondly, her eyes asking him for another kiss. Or if she could repay the favour.

Alice cleared her throat rather pointedly beside them.

This muddled the ideas of kissing and Alice in Remus' brain, which led to some rather dangerous thoughts. The kind of thoughts Remus usually tried very hard to ignore, and as such, only tended to appear in his daydreams.

History of Magic Daydreams.

"…which is why, in 1534, the two feuding Goblin clans met in the Bulgrian Town of Prespa, and, after about fifteen minutes of characteristically blunt Goblin diplomacy, the Treaty of Balchik was drawn up, which ceded control of the Pirin Forests to the Codhook clan..."

Remus felt his eyelids grow heavy, and he tuned out Binns' lecture on sixteenth Century Goblin Politics as he sank into a rather pleasant daydream.

Open Scene: A bed, familiar to Remus, comes into view; the sheets are made and two scantily-clad Gryffindor girls are sitting on the bed.

"Where are we?" Lily asked.

"We seem to be sitting on Remus' bed", Alice replied, glancing around the four-poster that had mysteriously appeared underneath them. "Although the real question is, what are we wearing?"

Both girls were sporting some rather lacy black underwear, which consisted of little in the way of actual fabric and left even less to the imagination.

Lily looked down and gave a cursory jiggle. "It's not very practical", she said, blushing.

"Not at all", Alice agreed, jiggling herself, her eyes lighting up as she spotted the two giant, fluffy pillows that had appeared in the middle of the bed. "Hey! Do you want a pillow fight?"

"Oh, definitely", Lily breathed, as if she'd been waiting all her life to have a pillow fight with Alice in her underwear.

She grabbed a pillow and Alice did the same, both swinging enthusiastically at each other, neither gaining an advantage until Lily broke down in a fit of giggles, allowing Alice to land a direct hit to her exposed stomach which made her gasp in outrage and launch a ferocious counter-attack.

"Oh! You're dead, Prewett", she declared in her meanest voice, launching herself at Alice, who dove out the way in the nick of time, both laughing and chasing each other round the bed, feathers flying everywhere, until a well-timed strike from Alice knocked the pillow from Lily's hand; she tossed her own pillow away and tackled Lily with a cry of victory, pinning her into the bed and tickling her mercilessly.

"Stop – stop it – Alice! I surr – noo – I surrender!" Lily squealed, writing under Alice's fingers.

Alice kept up the torture for a few more seconds before relenting but made no effort to move, still straddling Lily's waist with her hips, both girls breathing heavily, cheeks glowing.

"What do we do now?" Alice asked.

"I think we're supposed to start kissing", Lily said in a stage whisper.

"Really? Again?" Alice sighed. "We did that yesterday in Frank's daydream."

"I know. But at least you're not in any of James' fantasies", Lily pointed out. "I don't think he realises how cold it is swimming in the Great Lake in February in nothing but a skimpy two-piece costume."

"Our Gryffindor boys are so predictable", Alice giggled, leaning down to meet Lily with a smile.

"Remus? – Remus!"

Remus started at the mention of his name. Alice was leaning back through the hangings of his bed.

"I was just saying I was going", she said, giving him a strange look. "And hopefully Lily will do the same, just as soon as she's stop torturing you."

"I'm not torturing him", Lily protested, turning back to look at Remus. "Am I?"

"Maybe a bit", he conceded, smiling, and then had to close his eyes at the sensation of Lily's fingers, light on his cheek, tracing the outline of a bruise Snape had left.

I think you know exactly what all this twisting and turning in my lap is doing to me, Evans.

Lily, rather reluctantly, withdrew her hand from his cheek. "Sorry. That's probably not helping."

"Not really, no."

There was a shared look of yearning. Alice, meanwhile, had made no attempt to move.

"Can we have a minute, please?" Lily asked, dangerously polite.

Alice chuckled. "Oh no. Frank told me about a certain something that just happened with a certain James Potter. I know exactly what our boys are like when you start flirting with them." She fixed Remus with a look that made him feel like he was back in McGonagall's office. "You know this is for the best, Lily. It'll hurt both of you just as much if you make him leave you for a second time."

Lily only held Remus tighter. "Maybe the second time would be even better than the first", she whispered, and Remus felt goosebumps form as her words took on a delicious new meaning.

Well, we are in the right place for it. And maybe it would be even better—

"No, it most definitely would not", Alice hissed, crossing her arms and looking like she was only just restraining herself from yanking Lily out of Remus' lap and enforcing a ten-foot separation rule between the pair.

Lily dropped her gaze and went back to picking at the threads of Remus' jumper. A moment of silence passed, observed on all sides, before Remus extracted himself from Lily's grasp and ushered Alice out of his four-poster.

"Just one more minute", he pleaded.

"It's not a good idea."

"Please?" Both glanced back through the hanging, where Lily was sitting alone on his bed, containing herself as well as she could. "Lily needs it."

Alice relented. "Alright. I'll wait outside. But if a single article of clothing is removed..."

Remus nodded dutifully and returned to the bed, where Lily wasted no time in drawing him close.

"What happens now?"

"I - I honestly don't know", Remus said, surprised by his own uncertainty. All his Lily-dreams tended to end when he woke with a start in his four-poster bed. "I guess we just go back to the way things were. We've done it for years. We can do it again."

"It was different, though. Back then I could always hope. I could pretend, I could make up these far-fetched romantic scenarios in my head. Now – now I can't even have that." Lily trailed off.

Aware their Alice-clock was ticking, Remus tried to stand up and coax Lily out from the four-poster, failing to take into account her characteristic stubbornness and refusal to be denied her final moments of Reemie-time. She wrapped her legs around his waist and clung tight to his neck.

I really don't know why Padfoot's constantly complaining about clingy teenage witches. This is rather nice.

"Lils?"

"Not yet. Please."

He gently deposited on the bed underneath him. On a list of sensible ideas, this ranked only marginally above Sirius' attempt to brew Firewhiskey in the bathtub in their fourth-year by lining it with socks to deter the Hogwarts House Elves.

Fuck. Lils. You can't look that like. Or look at me like that.

She lay there like a beautiful, mute offering, ready to submit to him entirely. Her face was framed by a halo of fire that fanned across the bed, and Remus didn't have the courage to lay a finger on her smooth, ivory skin. He'd forgotten that Alice Prewett was waiting and listening on the other side of the dormitory door. Another minute and he might have forgotten Alice Prewett had ever existed.

Her eyes held his, tempting in her innocence. The innocence she'd given to him, and would give to him again, he knew.

He hovered above her body.

"Are you sure you can go back to the way things were?" Lily asked, her voice all innocence and silk as Remus hovered over her body. "I think it probably feels quite different to be wanting something again", she whispered, "instead of dreaming it might happen."

Remus swallowed, thickly, and looked Lily up and down. Twice.

You have to be a better friend than James, Moony. Today of all days.

He closed his eyes and knelt between Lily's legs, his hand trailing teasingly down her calf. Lily shivered in hopeful anticipation as Remus disappeared from view.

And returned, moments later, with her shoes.

That pout won't work on me, Miss Evans.

Remus wasn't quite sure how Lily's noise of frustration could turn him on even further. But fuck, it did. "As much I'd rather do otherwise, I'm supposed to dress you, instead of undressing you."

Lily cocked an eyebrow, not for a moment succumbing to embarrassment as she fixed him with her most prefectly stare. "You are definitely not allowed to speak to me like that anymore, Remus Lupin."

"No. I suppose I can't." Her smile vanished. As Lily fumbled her laces, Remus thrust his hands deep into his pockets and pulled out a folded sheaf of parchment he remembered taking from Snape in Potions. "Before you go. I – erm – think this is yours."

Lily froze at the sight of the parchment. "Have you read it?"

"No."

She unfolded it and quickly skimmed its contents, handing it back to him with broken little half-laugh. "Well, it's no use now."

Root of Aconite

Powdered Moonstone

Knotgrass

Valerian

Syrup of Hellebore

Tooth of Wolf

Starthistle

Moondew

Lacewing Flies

Ginger Root

The ingredients list was immediately familiar. Remus felt something heavy settle in his stomach.

"We don't have the money for a Wolfsbane Potion, Lily."

"The ingredients themselves aren't too expensive. It only costs so much because it's so difficult to make. But you know what I'm like with potions – in a full moon or two I could have it perfect, and I've read how much it helps with the transformation process. You could stop biting, clawing, scratching at yourself every month—"

Lily tried to continue, but the emotional strain was too great. She dissolved into tears and sought relief by the only method she could – burying herself in Remus' arms.

"You would have done all that for me?" he asked, clutching her, and felt his chest constrict painfully as Lily nodded against it.

Oh Lils.

In that moment, everything was too piercing, too sharp, too overwhelming – the guilt on Remus' behalf, and the misery on Lily's – they were all too much, and Lily tore herself from him and ran haphazardly for the door.

Remus heard the door open, and he waited for the click as it closed. But it didn't come.

"Get off me!"

"You are not going back in there, Lily."

It seemed Lily had had a rather quick change of heart – and didn't appreciate being manhandled away from her brown-eyed werewolf.

"I know I'm not! But you don't have to drag me out like I'm a rampant niffler! I don't need assistance to walk down two flights of stairs – No – Get off!"

"You've caused enough damage this afternoon in Gryffindor Tower this afternoon—"

"I'm not going to seduce your boyfriend if that's what you're concerned about, Alice—"

"Excuse me? As if Frank would fall for the little routine you've practiced on James and Remus!"

There was a gasp of outrage.

"Just because you and Frank are going through a dry spell doesn't mean you have to take your sexual frustration out on me—"

There was, rather predictably, a second gasp of outrage. Lily seized upon it, reappearing inside Remus' four-poster with an expression of pure defiance.

"I – um – forgot to say goodbye", she confessed. "I was going to go, but then I had the thought that James Potter was the last boy I kissed—"

"Lily!"

A shrill voice came through the hangings.

"—and I'd much rather it was you", she finished.

Oh. Right.

There was a silence on both sides of the curtain. Remus did his best impression of a Petrificus Totalus spell. Lily must have realised Remus wasn't going to initiate anything soon, because she rose onto her tiptoes, intending to place a kiss on his cheek, but overbalanced at the last moment and sent both of them sailing towards the bed. Remus caught her just before they landed.

The hangings were torn open.

Everyone froze.

Then, very carefully, Lily leant forwards and gave Remus his promised kiss on the cheek.

Bad idea.

Alice stormed forwards, and would probably have physically dragged Lily all the way back to the girls' dormitory had she got a grip on the other witch, but Remus placed himself between the two. Lily gave her friend a smug look that said something along the lines of I told you my Reemie loves me.

Alice reacted angrily. "You know you can't do this, Remus—"

"I know", he said. "But you have to let Lily go on her own terms, or she'll resent you for it."

For her part, Lily wasn't too enthusiastic about this proposal. She sought out Remus' hand and gently drew him back to the bed, ignoring Alice's noise of warning.

"Hey", he whispered, in a tone intimate enough to suggest that Alice Prewett wasn't hovering, hawk-like, at the edge of his bed, arms folded and lips pursed in a stance immediately familiar to all Gryffindors.

Please talk to me, Lils. I can't have Professor Prewett taking you away without saying a proper goodbye.

He tried again. "I shouldn't have said all those things about – about us just now. That wasn't fair on you."

"No." Lily managed a slight smile. "I'm being unfair. I needed them. I loved that you said them", she added, quickly. Neither spoke for a moment, and Alice took half a step forward, because if love and sorrow were going to be close bedfellows in Gryffindor Tower from now on, she could make absolutely sure Remus and Lily didn't follow suit. "I'm still going to make the potion, though."

"No – no you're not, Lils."

"But—"

"No. I'm not letting you spend your time and galleons on me. I've survived every transformation I've had so far—" he said, ignoring Lily's glare, "and I'm not going to become dependent on a potion when we're all going our separate ways next year."

"You don't get to walk away from our friendship too, Remus—"

"This isn't a discussion, Lily." He could see she was about to retaliate, to lash out and assert herself and her stubbornness. She wanted him to fight back. She wanted him to make her leave. She needed him to take responsibility, to send her away, because anger and fighting were easier than this, this awful, wilful misery they were imposing on each other.

"Don't", he said. "Please". She understood.

"Can I come visit you in the Hospital Wing, at least?" she pleaded.

"I – I don't really want you to see me afterwards."

"This isn't a discussion, Remus", she said sternly, drawing a smile from the werewolf.

Perhaps staying friends would be complicated if he had to endure Lily sobbing sweetly onto his chest and clutching him through his bandages and bruises every month as she offered to keep him company in his Hospital Wing bed. But he could grant her this comfort, at the very least. And he'd be lying if the prospect of spending a morning being tended to by Lily didn't make next month's transformation seem slightly more palatable. "Ok."

Lily's face lit up. "I'll be there whenever you need me. I promise."

No you won't, Lils. Because I can't let you do that anymore.

She registered the pain that flitted across his face, and instantly she was clutching him tightly. But before his arms could close instinctively around her and return the embrace, she was gone, speeding across the dormitory floor to the door before either Remus or her faltering conviction could catch up with her.

"Moony!"

Sirius and Peter burst into the dormitory in a flurry of excitement.

"Heard you got in a fight with Snivellus!"

Remus tossed the quaffle back to Frank.

"You got in a fight with Severus?" Frank asked, catching the quaffle they'd been throwing between themselves for the last half hour.

"Yeah", Remus said, realising Frank hadn't asked why he was sporting several bruises. "Why – what did you think had happened?"

"I just assumed Lily caught up with you", Frank said, grinning. "She came in looking pretty guilty, so I figured that was what happened. And I thought you didn't want to talk about getting beaten up by a girl."

"Nope. All Snape", Remus replied, raising an eyebrow. "Although now I have to ask, has Alice ever caught up with you?"

"Not yet." Frank said, an undertone of fear in his voice. "But when it happens, I definitely won't want to talk about it either. Sirius?"

"I've had to dodge a few hexes in my time", Sirius admitted.

"Any advice for Frank?" Remus asked, and had to duck as Frank pelted him with the quaffle.

Sirius chuckled. "There's only really danger if both girls catch you at the same time. Reckon you've got it coming to you, Pete? You've been pretty quiet about Chloe recently."

"She's a fifth-year. I think I'm safe", Peter said, and then paused, so Remus couldn't tell if he was deadpanning or being serious. "Fifth-years don't know many dangerous spells, do they?"

I think you're safe for now, Pete.

"Since we're on the subject of fighting girls, what happened with Snivellus?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, nothing really—"

If nothing really was a Gryffindor girl with green eyes and a broken heart.

"—it was just typical Snape, you know." Remus said lamely. Peter and Sirius groaned.

"We want details – specifics, everything! What spells did you hit him with?"

"I didn't, exactly", he confessed. "It was more just – hitting." He held up his hand to show off his split knuckles.

"Nice – an old-fashioned muggle brawl!" Sirius sounded a bit too excited at the idea of violence against Snape. "Although you shouldn't hit girls, Moony."

"I think Slytherin girls are allowed", Peter put in with a grin.

"I've never been so proud", Sirius choked, wiping away an imaginary tear of joy and throwing an arm around Remus. "All these years he's scolded us for picking fights with Snivellus… when all James and I were trying to do was put that greasy runt in his place – and he goes off and has a scrap with the boy himself, no wand or anything, when he's been made a prefect, no less – I bet McGonagall wasn't too happy with her favourite Gryffindor, was she?"

"She put me in detention with Peter", Remus said, unsure what to make of Sirius' we're-best-friends-again behaviour towards him. If breaking up with Lily was one was one way to make amends, it seemed getting in a fight with Snape was definitely another.

"Oh, good – we're with Proctor", Peter said, sounding happy at the prospect of company. "Going on a hunt for a Boggart, apparently."

"Er – Remus?"

James had slipped into the dormitory unnoticed.

James.

"What?" he said bluntly.

Come to tell me about your little Common Room kissing incident?

There was an awkward pause. James fumbled in his pocket and pulled out a creased piece of parchment immediately recognisable to the four Marauders and Frank, who'd been shown the Marauders' Map under a vow of secrecy. "I want you to have the Map."

"Why?" Remus asked, because if he were James, the last thing he'd do would be to give the Map to him.

"Because it didn't feel right using it last night, watching you and Lily going on patrol together."

James held the Map out as a peace offering.

"Why would you trust me with it?" Remus asked again, determined not to let the matter drop.

You wouldn't be so quick to make amends if you'd seen who was in my bed an hour ago.

"Just take it", James said quietly, and Remus had to remind himself that he wasn't the only one hurting. James and Lily were as well.

James and Lily.

Remus snatched the Map and stalked out of the dormitory.