Dana Scully: A Profile

Scully exists in a place of duality.

At first glance, she seems to bloom in the garden of all things quantifiable. Her roots are immovable, anchored utterly in reality, form, sense and all things measurable.

Yet simultaneously, she orbits amongst the constellations of her own compassion and patience. She worships at the alter of what is in fact intangible and holy, be it between God and its creation or between a woman and a man.

At the start of their career together, there had been something almost boyish about Scully. It was a stubborn kind of femininity that she hid in boxy suits and stern expression.

That sceptical repartee had drawn men, Mulder amongst them, towards her (she knew, rightly, he enjoyed the chess-like challenges their opposing intellects proffered), yet she found them bristle over time as they became increasingly undermined by her aptitude, attitude and rationale. It was pleasing to her that Mulder smiled off her mild goading. That he felt neither superior or inferior to her.

Of course such personal skepticism had its limits. Her lack of trust in Mulder's instincts, something she in truth envied, paired with own her fear of anything sensual or internal- anything that would make her feel alive, and thus closer to death- was a tension that bit down on their relationship often.

Sometimes the irritation, the putrid humiliation of the professional caricature their work had reduced her to, birthed an anger and resentment that sucked and hissed in her chest like a leach. There were occasions where her displeasure was so transparent she felt capable of throwing it at him like something tangible. Bitterness was an ugly bedfellow and she tossed and turned in the realisation he could and would never consider she wanted more for her life that to blindly follow him. She desired so strongly at times for the chase to end- to stop staring into the darkness and having is scream back at her so violently. But something in him compelled her forwards, acting as a lighthouse and signalling a way through the mire and mayhem. Fortuitously, her sour face and cynical gripes proved a useful masquerade for her deep and hopeless affection.

She challenged him in a way no other could, that she knew.

Yet she wasn't his type.

He doubted she was anyone's type.

Too unique and free-formed to fit into any parable, stereotype or clique, Scully was, to Mulder at least, a whole new caste of human.

She caught his attention first on paper, hiding between the syllables and paragraphs of her remarkable thesis. He had been impressed by her confidence to challenge indomitable Einstein, but could never have imagined the same audacious creature that would put pen to that particular paper could house such a spirit- one capable of giving all and asking for nothing.

Scully was a shifting paradigm that filled all the gaping holes in Mulder's personality and swiftly countered his flaws- she was his 'human credential'.

Even at her most fragile [wracked by grief; eaten at by cancerous teeth], she exuded resilience like a perfume. Her father installed an unshakeable appreciation for strength that she both fostered in herself and required of others. It made her an ideal partner to someone who needed to run blindly into the dark without having to look behind him. Trust. Equality. Partnership. Strength. These attributes were Scully.

When it came to their profession she bore the burden of her gender effectively. Despite having grown in a household founded on sexual equality, Scully's intellect, moxie and morality were often overlooked, many deferring their questions and trust to her male counterpart. Being mistaken as his wife did not irk her because of the romantic connotations, but because she could not believe that was the default assumption. That a female in her position was such an incomprehensible sight, or that two people could be anything other than romantically involved. The realities of their situation aside, it felt prehistoric and unsophisticated to her, when progression and equality stood firmly at the core of everything she believed in.

Gracefully, despite the confusions and oversights, Scully let him lead in public, too self-respecting and secure to battle against misconception and misogyny. But from all around her, she wordlessly demanded equality and respect.

Having fought, learnt and flourished in a unfairly male-dominated industry, it took a while after they met for the tough and tale-tale social tattoos to melt from her demeanour.

Over time she had come to peace with her devastating femininity. It developed before them both, unembellished and free. And as she outgrew the bondage of his processes- discovered her own truths- so too did Scully trigger Mulder's own move from boyishness to masculinity. In that regard, where she led, it he was he that followed.

She wholly owned the ability to surprise and beguile. She often seemed to exist behind a glass wall even Mulder's analytical mind struggled to break through. Yet she was not unavailable, inanimate or cold. Instead, she afforded him the kind of respect and affection he was unused to.

Her only ignorance lay the depth of her own desirability. He was awed by her mild surprise when she drew the affection of other men. Dangerous characters gravitated to her, like all dark things that crave light. They were unseeing of her intricacies and bewitched by her purity.

His heart became softly swollen with guilt to watch her turn towards this often unhinged attention, the ugly scenarios only highlighting their bridled affection, their silent and overwhelming romance and his own inability to invest in anything other than his quest. He gifted her only loneliness, but she never showed him resentment for this chastity, nor for her quiet starvation of emotional and physical fulfilment. Rather, his love was the one thing she didn't ask for proof of.

She is the anchor that roots his vessel in a wild storm; the impenetrable cord that grounds his unruly and often rudder-less kite. Like brilliant light fracturing through a prism, she makes him infinite and visible. She is atomic and eternal. Immortal. Mother Earth, brutally rendered barren by her partner's own determination.

The truth was: Scully had captured Mulder's heart through her very own lack of trying.

In turn, she would transplant her faith from the divine onto him.

She would follow him into the dark and allow herself and her life to be enveloped by his purpose and his love, which over time, had become indistinguishable from her own.

She is strength and equanimity. She is honour and aptitude. She is Honesty. Faith. Loyalty. Wisdom. Peace. She is Home.