This is instead of the scene where Ryan (finally) eats with the others and reveals about knowing about Jenny. He wouldn't break his 'sacred oath' to the one he loves, so something else would have to force him to eat.

Detective Kevin Ryan's stomach was definitely eating itself by now, the low painful gurgle alerting its owner that it was way past time to put some food in it. Instead, he brought the mucus-green toxic waste he'd been drinking for the past nine days to his lips. The piercing smell made thick saliva pool under his tongue, and he gagged a little as he swallowed. Next to him, Esposito was eating Chinese. Grease coated his lips as he chewed slowly, savoring the taste. It was torture.

"Could you stop that?" he snapped as his partner made soft noises of pleasure, his jaw still moving in that mesmerizing chewing motion. The fight over the donut earlier that day had sapped him of his energy and as much as he wanted to jump the man sitting next to him and yank the take-out box out of his hand and stuff its contents into his own mouth, he wasn't even certain he would be able to stand right now.

"Stop what?" his tone was too innocent as Kevin's eyes trailed Esposito's chop-stick-filled hand as he took another bite. He drank from his cleansing juice with more force than necessary, the bottle clanking against his front teeth, hoping the large gulps would fill the bottomless pit that was his stomach, stopping it from clenching painfully. Esposito grinned at him, his greasy lips taunting him. A headache started hammering behind his eyes. His hands were shaking.

He couldn't concentrate as he turned back to his computer. The glare of the screen cut through his head as a bullet through flesh as he stared at it, forgotten what he was supposed to be doing. A bead of sweat rolled down his back, and yet the cold was seeping through his jacket, making his bones stiff. How could his colleagues all be comfortable wearing nothing but thin shirts? Had they all been genetically modified?

"Yo, Ryan," Esposito's voice sounded far away, hidden under layers upon layers of cotton candy. His head spun as he turned around to face his frowning partner. Esposito had a weird look in his eyes as he looked at him. He opened his mouth as if to say something, hesitated, then said something else entirely: "Becket wants us to check out Bailey's place at the Oaks."

He stumbled as he stood, momentarily losing his balance as the floor swam underneath his feet. He knee connected painfully with his desk as he slapped a hand upon the flat surface in an effort to keep standing. His breathing sounded labored over the roaring in his ears.

The next thing he knows, he's slumped in the passenger's seat, Esposito at the wheel, the radio just loud enough to be heard over the hum of the tires on the asphalt.

He had no memory of how he'd gotten here.

Esposito didn't seem too worried, though, so he must have been at least semi-functional. He frowned. This was the third memory lapse in as many days. He felt as if he hadn't slept in weeks. How was he going to survive his weeding tomorrow if he could barely even think straight?

Kevin rested his spinning head against the cool window. The rapidly passing scenery and heavy smell of the car were making his stomach making itself known again. Only differently this time. He might not have eaten any solid food in over a week, but he was fairly certain that an encore of the cleansing juice in his partner's car would be unpleasant, to say the least.

Esposito was saying something. Kevin could see his mouth move, his eyes glancing at him several times, but the words didn't reach his ears. He nodded nonetheless, hoping it wasn't something important. The way Esposito's eyebrows crinkled as he shot another glance at him hinted it might have been at least somewhat important. He said something in return, wasn't entirely certain what. The way his partner's brows furrowed even further told him it might have sounded a little garbled.

"You okay, bro?"

"Yeah. Sure. Fine."

Dizzy. His knees were quivering. He couldn't feel his feet.

Esposito hit a speed bump and the softest of groans escaped his tingling lips as the sun shone under the visor, and cut through his already sensitive head.

"If you're gonna hurl…" his partner started, but Kevin shook his head. The world turned upside down for a second, and he slapped a shaking hand over his eyes.

"Fine," his tongue felt swollen, as if it no longer fit in his mouth, "I'm fine."

"Yeah," Esposito murmured, just loud enough for him to hear, "You're the poster boy for fine."

The older man parked the car, and for a moment Kevin wasn't certain why. Then he realized they'd arrived at their destination. His trembling fingers fumbled with the door handle, missing it once, twice, before pulling it open. He took another swig from his toxic waste, the lid sabotaging him as he tried to close it again. Esposito was already out of the car and walking towards the housing combo.

He pushed himself out of his seat and to his feet and the world turned into a merry-go-round. Or a rollercoaster. For a moment, he wasn't certain if he was going to be sick or faint. His knees gave out from under him.

He didn't realize he was falling until his head slammed against the pavement, connecting painfully with the blacktop. Van Gogh's Starry Night painted in front of his eyes. Then, it was lights out.

Detective Javier Esposito cursed loudly as he watched his partner's limp body slump to the ground, his bottle of cleansing juice rolling out of his slack hand and underneath the car. He was too far away to do anything but watch, and by the time he'd jogged back to his friend, Ryan was already lying on the asphalt, his eyes closed.

"Shit!" he fell to his knees, his fingers searching for a pulse in his Ryan's clammy neck. The way it was racing did nothing to ease his nerves. He did not like how ashen his partner looked, his face white as an unwritten witness statement document. Fine tremors were running down his arms and legs.

"Ryan!" he shook the Irishman's shoulders, "Kev! Can you hear me? Kevin!"

"D'zzy," Ryan slurred, not opening his eyes. He breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was conscious. He took of his jacket and folded it, gently lifting his moaning partner's head to place it underneath him. He should probably elevate his legs, maybe turn him on his side in case he'd throw up.

"You need to eat something," Javier insisted, his eyes searching for something to lay the kid's legs on. Maybe if he moved him, he could use the car seat.

"Nooo," Ryan moaned, the tone stretched, "Pr'mised J'nny…"

"I know, your 'sacred oath'," he mocked, "I don't give a damn. Either you eat something, or I'm driving your ass straight to the hospital."

Should he even be eaten if he was lying on his back? What if he choked?

What if he didn't eat and slipped in a coma?

Crap.

"Listen, there's a fresh sandwich in the car, a can of coke as well."

Ryan's fingers wrapped around his wrist as he tried to get up. His eyes were open, but rolling, "D'n't leave me…"

"The car's less than three feet away, I'll be right here."

Ryan's hand slumped back to the ground and he got to his feet. He'd bought the sandwich this morning, it should be in the glove compartment. He cheered in silence when he indeed found it there, along with the can of soda. Too bad he didn't keep some straws in there as well.

"How're you feeling?" he kneeled next to his partner. His heartbeat hadn't slowed down.

"Like shit."

"Yeah," he muttered. He looked like it too.

He wrapped his arm under Ryan's shoulder and hoisted him in a semi-sitting position. The kid moaned in protest as his head rolled against Javier's shoulder. He dragged him towards the car and sat him down with his back against the black metal. Ryan slumped against him.

"You still with me, bro?"

Ryan mumbled something unintelligible in response. The position he was in wasn't the easiest to force-feed his colleague from. He spilled coke over the Irishman's vest as he helped him drink, but the younger detective did not protest. It was only when they were halfway through the can that Ryan started resembling something other than a corpse on Lanie's slab.

When he'd eaten the sandwich as well, he was supporting his own weight as they stared into the distance, still seated against his car. Javier grabbed his wrist, relieved to find the pulse back at a semi-normal rate.

"Feeling better?" he asked. Ryan nodded.

"Good," Javier stated, "We'll get you some more food once you're able to actually stand."

Ryan rolled his eyes, but a smile teased at his lips.

"And bro… don't scare me like that again."

So... my first Castle fanfic :D Constructive feedback is more than welcome! I hope the characters aren't too OOC :)

Also, this wasn't beta'd and I'm not a native speaker, so please feel free to point out all mistakes :)

Love,
- Lune x