When Factions Collide

Chapter 63: Tobias

Two Months After

It's been about two months since the Games. I wish I could say everything has been going smoothly. It's been far from. I've been fine, talking to Christina, who's still been in contact with Jada. She seems happy, although not as happy as when she was with Will. That will never happen, and we both know it. But she's happy.

I'm happy too. I will never move on from Tris, and I know that, but Wren is starting to help me through it. She's a great friend and is always there to listen if I have some sort of flashback to the past, or when she reminds me of her, I tell her, and she listens to the endless stories, most of which I've probably repeated by now.

All of us are happy. But none of us are okay. We've all suffered loss. Wren and Theo the most. And Adam. The tributes' lives have been degraded as they've been washed away from humanity, scrubbed down until they've been at the bare minimum of devolution. We've tried to bring them back, but especially after the huge breakup, nothing has ever felt quite right. There hasn't been fighting, we all still talk, they're still friends, but there will always be a sense of over-looming regret hanging among us and our broken relationships.

It's amazing how our relationships shape us. As supportive as they can be, they can make us so dependent, so need-based, that we forget that their purpose is to find more about who we truly are. They're supposed to show ourselves the best of us, and the worst. That's what was happening before the Games, and it was destroyed. But new things begin. Old things end. And nothing is ever quite the same.

Wren has four times complained about waking up in the night, and each time has come to me about it. I suspect there have been more times from the way that Isaac or her friends look at her, pale and tired, but no one says anything. Theo hasn't been well either. He's taken to going to bed extremely early and waking up too late. While Wren can't sleep, that's all Theo does. They've tried talking, but every time, something happens to her and she runs off. I want to tell him it's not his fault. I want to tell him that it's the Capitol that was slowly trying to brainwash her into becoming an animal, that she didn't let them, that it's tearing both of them apart. But to do so without eliciting some sort of monologue or deep emotional response from Theo is impossible.

Theo has been in contact with Cali about a few of these nightmares he's been having, but she tends not to respond back, and if so, very late. It seems as though now that she's back with her now fiance, she has no need of friendship in other cities. He talks to me too. I tried to give them a one on one confrontation, but Wren refuses to be helped. Well, either that or she's in panic half of the time.

It's not as bad as I make it out to be, I suppose. There have been good things. Peter has gratefully stepped down from being leader and Wren has stepped up. He's been very quiet lately, not disturbing what little peace there is. She's been enjoying her training, but Theo stepped down as well, temporarily, meaning I have to take his post. Her training has been going smoothly, and he in return has taken my job working at the control room. A momentary switch in perspectives.

Mels and Adam have also found in each other a happy place, which I find hard to believe, but it's only been about three weeks. That one wasn't expected. He seems to have toned down without Caroline, so he finally acts like he belongs. Although his friendship with Wren seems to be wavering, he is there for her when she needs it. She needs the support, and finds it unconditionally. It seems that the Divergents are taking the Games harder than the GDs.

She's trying to push everyone away. I recognise the behavior from Tris. I've got to keep my eye on her to make sure that she won't do anything reckless, although I doubt that's the case. In fact, she came in after leader training to talk about a few things, none of them reckless.

"Wren, won't you come in? Have a seat. I'll make some tea." she knocked on my door at around five, tears threatening to spill over as she stood in my doorway.

"Thank you." she sat on my couch as I grabbed a cup, poured brandy in it, and mixed it with tea I already had brewing.

"What's up? Another nightmare?"

"No, I haven't had any all week." I frowned at her. "Okay, I've had the same one three times now but I've been to Isaac. I just don't want to annoy you."

"You're not going to. I'm your friend, I'm here to listen. God knows that you've listened to my stories about Tris countless times."

"She's interesting. These aren't. How is Theo?" That was the first time she actively asked about him in two months.

"He's not okay." I said simply.

"Is he in touch with Cali?"

"Hardly. She never responds."

"Really? She does to me. All the time. She said it was a pity we broke up but she hoped we would be okay. She's getting married soon."

"I heard. Wren, you're avoiding the subject." I was good with her tells.

"How? How am I supposed to love again when I can't love myself? Why do I deserve love?"

Oh. "Wren, so many people here adore you, you've just got to let yourself be open again. Have you been panicking again?"

"It's constant. Every time I get happy, it goes away. It's like the feeling is the same every time, but still so foreign. Sometimes it gets bad and I feel like I can't breathe, but that's only once every couple weeks, when I come to you. Isaac can't handle my panic attacks."

"Theo's been having anxiety too. God, it's these stupid Games that are messing people up! They have for years now, and they'll continue to do it." She sipped tea from her cup as I ranted. She agreed silently.

"I want to be with him, I do. But how will he ever accept me? I have no one."

"You have me. You have Isaac. Mels-"

"She's been in Adam's room, and you know Payton and Erin have been hitting it off."

"You still have Bri, Nate, and Theo really does still love you. The only reason he took off from being a leader is so you wouldn't have to see him. He was in here yesterday, telling how he lives for the days that he hears you running in the hallway, happy and smiling. Those are the days that I live for too, to see my friends happy."

"Thanks, Tobias."

"I think that you and Theo should really talk it out. I really do. I'm not going to tell you to get over the Games, that would be awful. But you both need each other, even more now."

"But what about you? Don't you need someone after Tris?"

"Are you kidding? I've got Isaac." I joked and batted my eyelashes. "No, I don't need anyone. That's why I live vicariously, through the memories. Probably the worst idea in the world, but it keeps me alive. It keeps her alive. It'll be hard, I know how it feels to kill people, to suffer death and war. And I know how it feels to be alone. And I don't want that same thing happening to you. You and Theo are perfect for each other, and right now, I think you need him more than you need me or Isaac. If one of him equals two of us, then reconsider the choice you're making."

"You're right. But how? I can't just say I'm sorry and have him running back to me. That's awful. Something Caroline would have done."

"Tris used to. Well, I'd make her work for it. Well, she'd make me work for it, actually. But all you have to do is talk. I know you. I know that behind all the panic and fear of the Games in your eyes, that you're back there. I can see it in you, whenever you really smile or really laugh, I can see that the Wren that was here before the Games is here. Dauntless is your home. We're your family. And I want to see the Dauntless in your eyes again. You're a victor. And so is Theo. And all you need to do is accept that, and you'll find yourself again. Come on, let's go to dinner, shall we?" I held out my arm for her to take, trying to cheer her up as we went down. I just hope tonight her nightmares won't disturb her, but that's a lot to ask from the Capitol, who got inside her and keeps torturing her from beyond.

No, life will never be the same after the Hunger Games. And life in Dauntless is just a piece of that. But what is life without it's challenges? What is life for someone so aware of her surroundings? What is life without a bit of Divergence? Memories are the things that make or break us. That, I know too well. But so is our awareness. So is our family. So are our struggles. And I think we've had enough of those to last forever. I think the last thing we need, especially for someone so Divergent, for someone who's fought other human beings for a spot just to say she's alive, I think the last thing we need is more pain. Dread, unlike fear, doesn't wake us up. It shuts us down. And I, like the rest of us, want to be awake. I want to be brave. And I know she does too.

END OF FIRST BOOK.

AN: This is it! That was the end! Well, obviously it was. I really hope you all enjoyed it, it was fun to write! If you liked it, there will be a sequel that I'm currently outlining now, but don't expect it too soon. If you didn't, I thank you for sticking with this journey anyway. Thank you so much for all of your views, it really does mean a lot and it gives me more confidence to write. I can't possibly say any more kind words in fear that I'll be writing a paragraph longer then this book, but thank you a million times, and I hope that you guys will check out some of my other stories!