A/N: Hi there! I accidentally jumped into the AnE fandom and my plotbunnies decided to use the opportunity.
the whole idea of exorcising stuff in the HP world amuses me to no end. So I just started to toy around with it, just to check out what I can do.
While I do like to poke fun at certain characters for doing dumb things, this story is not going to bash anyone. People usually do have reasons (or I just like to believe they do) for doing stuff.

Beta: TealLife, ToxicKittySaurus
Edit: 12.01.15

Chapter 1
Vernon Dursley: Looking For A Specialist

For something that was supposed to work in the shadows, far from curious stares of normal people, the building was ridiculously big and flashy. On the other hand, the whole organization seemed to have something to do with a school. A prestigious one, no less, so Vernon Dursley didn't know what he was supposed to think.

It all started a few weeks ago, when he overheard a conversation between two workers of his. It was during a lunch break, so he had no reason to snap at them for talking about such odd things. How they spend their free time was completely their business, but he couldn't stop himself from listening either.

Apparently, one of the workers had a certain issue at his place. Things were moving on its own or changing colors. His family was getting more snappish and depressed with each passing day and he felt like something heavy was stuck in his chest. For Vernon Dursley it all seemed way too similar to his own situation to just wave a hand at the sole idiocy of the impossible story. So he stuck around to listen even after the man started talking about exorcisms. It seemed that he had contacted somebody at the local church where the priest gave him a simple business card and told to head to the nearest True Cross Academy building.

Vernon frowned slightly, because he knew perfectly well it was a school, a very good one too, but the fee was ridiculously high and the level of achievements to get there on stipendium was even higher. Besides, what could possibly connect a school of that reputation and some insane freakishness? He was pretty sure the school where his nephew was attending was placed somewhere far in Scotland, while the English branch of TCA was located in London and had a smaller building in Wales or someplace like that. However, from what he had overheard, they were just the place to head for, when a normal person had a not-so-normal sort of problem.

"I never thought," the man finished his story. "I would ever be comfortable at my house again! Then these guys showed up and did their thing, suddenly everything was just perfect!"

"Maybe it was just psychological?" The guy he was talking to pointed out. "You know, they made you believe that everything was fine?"

"Whatever they did, it worked!"

Vernon snorted and shook his head then, because these people were clearly just stupid, but for the next few days, he couldn't stop himself from thinking. His nephew was a freak, a magical one, but he didn't seemed to be all that different from things floating around. He also seemed to be worse than usually and something heavy was definitely in the air at number 4 Privet Drive.

While Vernon had never been a very religious person, because he believed that a man was supposed to deal with problems on his own rather than looking for help from some higher powers. However there wasn't anything wrong with people who were trying to do just that, and right now, Vernon was quite tempted to join the crowd.

So, one hot summer day he found himself wandering into the TCA building, looking for nobody else but an exorcist. It was ridiculous and he felt ashamed for even trying to do such a thing, but since he wasn't planning on talking about it to just anybody… it should be fine.

Finally, he found his way towards a room, where certain sort of problems was supposed to be resolved. The place was as elegant as any other part of the giant building, with a very high ceiling and wide windows. To be telling the truth, it looked somewhat like a bank. Several desks were set, shielded from each other enough to provide privacy and people on the other side were wearing some sort of uniforms. It all looked surprisingly professional and normal, compared to the weirdoes from his nephew's world.

Well, at least these people seemed to know, what they were doing, even if the whole stuff seemed to be rather odd to normal people, Vernon decided. Then he carefully headed towards one of the desks, where a professional looking woman was seated. She was wearing her hair in tight bun and wore glasses, but it was a simple silver cross – the one and only piece of jewelry she was wearing on her person – that made Vernon decide to talk to her. Exorcists were supposed to have some sort of religious symbols, right?

"Excuse me…" he started, awkwardly, not knowing how to ask and not make himself to look like a fool. Because what if she was not part of this religious weirdness?

She looked at him shortly, then nodded.

"Do please sit, sir." She said, her voice calm and just loud enough for him to hear. "I believe you're in a right place."

"And what place is that?"

"You have a certain problem that you could not explain by any other way, am I right?"

Vernon grunted something in agreement, but finally sat in the chair in front of her desk. It seemed he was in the right place after all.

"And I promise, we can help you with that problem. "

"Well, yes, about that…" he started. "You see, I hold a really important position and if that sort of stuff get out… no offense, but that would be just really bad for my reputation."

"Don't worry," the woman on the other side of the desk smiled slightly. "All the information exchanged here is confidential. There is no way for anyone at all to learn about your problems, sir."

"I hope so," Vernon grunted under his breath. They exchanged names after that, but he managed to forget hers as soon as it left her lips. Not that he planned to deal with her anymore that was absolutely necessary anyway.

"So, can you tell us what's troubling your family, Mr. Dursley?"

"This might sound crazy..." he started, but then stopped, feeling completely and utterly embarrassed.

"Do not worry, Mister Dursley. We definitely aren't the ones to judge anybody. You can tell us anything you think is strange or unnatural."

"And then you can do something about it?"

"We will certainly try," she nodded.

He chewed his lip for a moment, thinking. The weirdoes from this mumbo-jumbo place surely seemed to be way more sane than the freaks that used so called magic.

"It's my nephew," he finally said.

"Something happened to him?"

"No! It's..." he went silent, unable to find the right words to describe it. "Actually, I have no idea what happened to him."

"Do please describe it as much as you can. Were there any changes in behavior?"

"Yes," He nodded. "At least I Think so... it's all complicated, you see..."

Then, Vernon just told the woman the whole story. He obviously wasn't supposed to do so. The freaks had told him that on several occasions, screaming about dangers and repercussions. Letting that secret go however, it was like a huge stone suddenly dropped from his back, letting him breathe for real the first time in years. He told her everything, from the very start. About how his wife found the little freak on the doorstep in the end of autumn all those years ago, about the actually not dead dark wizard who murdered Petunia's family, leaving only the kid behind, about the brute that came one day to collect the brat and used his weird stuff on his son... Everything. Including how odd the kid was acting this summer.

She was listening silently, sometimes making notes, but mostly just looking at him, her face completely professional. Not even a slight twitch betrayed her through, which was good, Vernon supposed. He would be hated to be laughed at.

"I mean, he was having nightmares from time to time, like all kids, but this summer... it's got really… annoying is the wrong word to use here, right? I'm sorry, I just can't! Every night at least one time, honestly! Nobody in the house is able to get any rest at all because of that."

"Is he talking when he's asleep?"

"Screaming, mostly. But sometimes..." Vernon shuddered. "Sometimes it's getting worse. He's speaking, but this..."

"Not his voice?" the woman guessed.

"Yes," he nodded slowly. "Then, you do know what is going on?"

"At this point, we can only guess. But we will definitely send somebody to see if we can learn something more."

"Something more...?"

"It's a rather unusual case, to tell you the truth," she said, putting her notebook away. "But I believe, we can help your family and your nephew."

"You can get rid of that...magic stuff?"

"I cannot tell at this moment. In a few hours you should receive a call, then we can decide on a date that is comfortable for you and your family."

"That's pretty... quick." Vernon blinked.

"The time is usually very important," she said. "Let me warn you, through. Many of our exorcist do not look at all like usual priests. So do not feel offended if they are not what you were expecting. I promise, we are taking you and your case extremely seriously."

Vernon Dursley left the True Cross Academy borders feeling somewhat strange, but hopeful. Now he had to just inform his family and the freak what was about to happen…

It went as well as he expected it to.

xxx

"You did what?!" There were times when Even one Harry Potter got the rights to scream bloody murder at his family and be excused for doing so. Like, for example, right now. Even Aunt Petunia seemed to agree with his point of view this time, which was only a little less abstract than the thing Vernon Dursley said a moment ago.

"I called a specialist, boy" Uncle Vernon growled. "You're disturbing our night's rest, no mention lives with that whole thing."

"So what, you think one meeting with a shrink would take care of everything?!"

"Not a shrink. An exorcist."

"You. Are. Kidding me!" Harry moaned. That was not what he expected to get from his oh so very normal family, not at all. For the starters, they were supposed to be normal and mundane, to the point of being more boring than Proffesor Binns and his history lessons. Well, what a surprise, they managed to grow raving mad just during one school year.

"No, I'm not!" Uncle Vernon growled back, like it was an answer for all the questions.

"But you...you hate that stuff! You hate magic and supernatural, and everything else that's weird!"

"And an exorcist is exactly the right man for this job!" Vernon said. "You like it or not, you're meeting with him and you letting him do whatever he find fancy enough to wave in your face!"

That ended the discussion, if there even was one. Harry returned to his room with resigned sigh on his lips. For a little moment he toyed with the idea of writing about the whole bright idea to one of his friends or maybe Sirius, but then he shook his head and lied down on the bed. It was hopeless anyway. Besides, no muggle could just exorcise magic out of a wizard, Harry was pretty sure about that. So he could just go obediently through the whole ordeal and then roll his eyes at Vernon. At least it would be something more interesting than gardening.