I do not own any of the characters etc. I am just playing with in the Hobbit sandbox.

A Hobbit in Laketown

The Dwarves clambered from the toilet, trailing lake water after them and grumbling to themselves and each other over their situation.

This whole quest had been nothing but one indignity after the next. Wouldn't it ever end?

"Da?" a confused voice asked somewhere above them, "Why are there Dwarves climbing out of our toilet?"

"Will they bring us luck?" a younger voice piped up, sounding ridiculously chirpy and they glanced up to see a fair haired young girl peering around the side of an older girl.

"No more so than if they had walked through the front door like proper guests should, sweetheart," a stern voice sounded from somewhere nearby. "Now come away girls and help me find some clothes, please,"

The girls vanished in the direction of the voice and the company exchanged looks and Bard, who had been helping the Dwarves by grabbing at their clothes and forcibly dragging them from the water, beckoned for them to follow him. There was a smile on his face, the first proper smile they had seen since he had told them he wouldn't drown them on the lake, but this was softer, warmer.

"My wife," he explained as they followed him into what they assumed was the main room of the house.

"There is a fire in the hearth," all eyes shot towards the voice.

At first it would be easy to confuse the creature before them as another human child, far younger than the others in the room giving her size, but her face and body held the maturity of a woman. The next thought was that she was a Dwarf, but her hairless face put pains to that idea. Then, one by one they eyes travelled from her face, down the length of her body (most definitely a woman, there was nothing childish about that figure) to her feet.

Larger than necessary bare feet with a sprinkling of hair upon the top sent their eyes wide.

A Hobbit! They had travelled to the shadow of Erebor and found a Hobbit.

"Really Bard," she crossed her arms over her chest and for such a small being she painted the finest image of maternal severity any of them had ever seen, "When you told us you would bring a surprise back with you I thought maybe a rabbit for a bit of variety at dinner. Thirteen Dwarves was not what I had in mind,"

The same thought was crossing the mind of each of the company. They may be standing soaking wet but they were glad they were not Bard – for all of his dry clothes – at the moment.

The bargeman looked away from his wife and pointed towards the hearth.

"Fire," he informed them sharply.

Taking that for the hint it was - although they wouldn't have minded watching the Man face his tiny enraged wife – they trudged to the fire with squelching boots and dripping clothes. They all remained silent however, more than happy to overhear any titbits that might drift from the kitchen area of the home. It turned out that they could here every word. It was a small house.

"Really Bard, you are hardly in the Masters good graces as it is. If he finds out about this-"

They had forgotten about the presence of the three children until the smallest of the threes voice brought them back to their attention.

"Do you think Ma will make Da sleep in the barge again?" she queried with the innocents of youth as she paused in her study of the contents of a chest of cloth.

"Of course not," the elder sister answered with all the conviction of being older if not wiser, and then she frowned, "At least, I don't think so, she isn't angry enough,"

Gloin and Bombur – the only two married Dwarves in the company – exchanged looks. They too had been on the wrong side of their wives tempers at one point or the other during their married lives. It was a cold place to be.

"What, if we may ask, was the severity of your father's transgression to warrant such a punishment?" Balin asked. Secretly all of the company was thankful for his question as they too were curious as to what the Bargeman could have possibly done that could rank worse than showing up with thirteen Dwarves.

The children exchanged looks and when the older girl shrugged it was the boy who answered.

"He came home singing drunk," he announced.

Was that all?

"Indeed," Balin replied, quirking an eyebrow in the direction of the kitchen where the husband and wife were still in conversation.

All the company thought the same thing.

Bard was destined for worse places than the barge for a night.

"Yip, woke us all up with some Elven love song,"

Och well, now that they were in possession of all the fact he obviously deserved to be sent off to the barge in disgrace. Everyone knew the Elves didn't have one decent wooing song in their repertoire.

"Mother told him that if he was so thirsty as all of that he could sleep on the barge and imbibe in some river water and not come home until he was sober,"

"That happen often with your Pa does it?" Bofur asked, squeezing water from his hat into a plant pot perched on a small table by the fire.

"Nope. Never again," the boy smiled.

This earned a chuckle from the company and looks of empathy flashed towards the kitchen from Bombur and Gloin.

That was the end of the conversation and silence fell among them once again. The Dwarves hoped to hear more from the kitchen but the conversation seemed to have died down and one by one they gave into their curiosity and turned to face the kitchen.

The Hobbit was standing on a stool - that she obviously needed to comfortable reach the table surfaces – while Bard stood to the side of her, his hip leaning against the long table. He was just watching his wife.

They couldn't tell what she was doing as her back was to them but her arms were moving at a furious pace.

They were about to begin speaking again when the little woman spoke.

"I suppose I will have to throw some extra bits into the pot as we will be eighteen for dinner now," she was speaking to the table top but they could hear her clearly and the bowman moved from his space beside her.

His much larger frame eclipsed hers as he stood behind her and wrapped his arms about her.

"You, my love, are an angel," the Dwarves heard the snort that came as a reply from the Hobbit.

"Well at least they are of a more sensible size as far as guests go," the Hobbits tone had lost its sternness of before and now sounded more playful, "Nothing like you lanky men,"

With that she appeared again from in front of Bard and came into the room before any of them had the chance to plant their eyes anywhere else.

"Now gentlemen, I beg your pardons for the less than warm welcome,"

"Och no worry –"

"Understandable-"

"Right then, lets see if we can find you something to wear and then you can all stop leaving puddles over my floor, hmm,"

I hope you enjoyed this little one-shot.