The Pain that Refuses to Go Away

I saw you tied up, tortured, defeated

And still you did nothing which would mean that you retreated.

All the cuts and whip lashes that marked your being

Tears threatened to spill from my eyes after seeing

You in the condition in which I never wanted to see you in.

Matt, did you always know it?

That ending your life was my bit.

Do you know how I feel?

As next to your corpse I do kneel.

The sadness that welled up in my heart, I cannot explain.

My heart was shredded

When I saw you embedded

With all the marks and cut

Especially the one that I had cut

Into your innocent being.

Did you always know that it would be me?

If you did, then why didn't you tell me and set me free?

Why did you make me do this?

When you could have stopped it and lived in bliss.

The guilt is killing me now.

Even after months I see you here

In the place of my heart where

You always resided, my little brother

But I can't forget that you didn't even bother.

Didn't you trust me Matt?

Do you know that this guilt is killing me?

The way I killed you… the thought is even now torturing me.

Do you care how I feel?

And how with all this do I deal?

Matt, I cannot forgive myself

I will never forgive myself

For I feel the pain that refuses to go away.