AN: Hey guys! It's been a while, as usual. After the complete disappointment that was the finale, I couldn't bring myself to write much without either crying or just getting insanely angry. But, here is my first of many fix-it fics. This one in particular begins at MacLaren's just before Ted and Tracy's wedding, and is AU from there. I've tweaked the timeline a little-we start in summer of 2018. I hope you all enjoy!

Stop and Stare- OneRepublic

I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal...for the life I lead

Barney was certain for a moment that he was seeing a ghost.
He knew that it had only been two years, but, God, she hadn't aged a day. She had the same smile and body and face, hardly a difference to spot.
Barney knew that he himself had aged at least a little-he loved Ellie, but the kid was making him go gray-and was amazed at how remarkably the same Robin looked. She always had appeared younger than her age.
"Hi." Robin said with a smile that almost felt normal. He did look different, older, but still as handsome as Robin remembered. He had a few more lines near his eyes, and some gray hairs mingled with the blonde she was used to. Robin was taken aback by how very mature he looked. She doesn't know quite how to feel, but her heart beats quicker at the sight of him.
Barney blinked, twice, and after a moment the corners of his mouth turned up. It was the smallest of movements, but Robin took it as a good sign. "Hi."
They both remembered their wedding day, the last time they'd stood like this and said those words. Barney clears his throat, catching himself staring. "It's good to see you." he said, and for the first time in a long while, he meant it.
"It's good to see you too...Dad." At first Barney thinks Robin's making some weird sexual joke. It takes him a second longer than it should to get it, but then he lets out an awkward laugh. "Oh, yeah," he said, breathy. Robin's looking at him and he doesn't know what else to say. They hadn't talked in two years. She had remained in touch with the others separately. Robin had kept up with the weekly phone calls, sent gifts for all the birthdays, received all the Christmas cards-and evidently, the wedding invitation-but Barney's contact with her had been zilch.
"How's that going?" Robin asked politely. Barney hated that it had come to this, the Courteous Tone in her voice. There was no resentment in her tone, just detached interest.
"She's awesome." Barney replied in an equally polite way. Despite the situation, he couldn't help but smile at the thought of his daughter. "She's almost six months now."
"That's awesome." Robin agreed. She was glad Barney was happy. She had offered him the out specifically for this reason, so that he could pursue his own happiness. Of course she was pleased to know he was doing so well, but it did sting that the cause of this happiness was the one thing she could never have given him. It felt like sick joke, but Robin forced herself to return his smile. "You'll have to show me pictures later."
Barney nodded, wondering what exactly later entailed. He knew from Lily that Robin was living in New York now, but he had no clue for how long or whether that meant she would be spending time with the gang again. He knew that him and Robin had become friends again after their past break up, but could they really do normal after all that had happened? Barney was unsure.
They shared another awkward smile before the others came up to greet Robin. Barney backed away, letting the others gush over her. He'd been so shocked to see her that he forgot how much the others must have missed her, too. Robin had taken a piece of them all when she left, and no amount of phone calls could quite replace the ability to actually see her.
Barney slid into a seat at their old booth, sipping the scotch he had left sitting there. He kept his eyes on the table, waiting for the hellos and how are yous to be over. He wanted to talk to her, to catch up, even, but Barney knew it would all have to come later. He no longer had the right to all her time. He hadn't for years now, and the knowledge stung.
Ted left the crowd to stand over Barney. "We're heading out now." he informed him. Ted glanced back over his shoulder at the others before dropping his tone. "How are you?" he asked, taking the seat across from Barney. Lily and Marshall were still preoccupied with Robin.
Barney managed a grin, grateful for his friend's concern. "Yeah, it's great." he said half-heartedly. He fiddled with his glass. "Sure, it's a little weird, But Robin deserves to see you guys just as much as I do, and...The divorce shouldn't change that."
Ted watched him for a long moment, then clapped Barney on the shoulder. "You've really grown up, man." he said with a smile. Barney laughed once, and then Marshall called out for them, following Lily and Robin towards the door.
"Ready to go get married?" Barney asked Ted, both of them standing. Ted sighed, a goofy grin taking up his face. "Definitely."
The wedding was exactly how Ted and Tracy had wanted it, albeit three years late. The castle was gorgeous, and everyone could see how all-out Ted had gone for his bride to be. The scene was breathtaking, the lights and flowers placed so perfectly that Robin had a hunch that Ted had done them himself. The ceremony was small, just a few friends and family members. Tracy was stunning in her dress, which was expected, and Ted cried, which was inevitable. As they said their vows, the room was silent except for their soft voices.
"Tracy," Ted began, his weepy smile widening, "I love you because you found me when I was at my lowest and picked me back up. Because you make the best waffles in the world, and then you make them sing." he laughed, ducking his head before for looking back up, "Because of all your quirks, even how you leave wet paint brushes on the coffee table or hog the blankets. Most of all, because you taught me what it means to truly love another person. You've taught me so many lessons, and I vow to spend the rest of my life learning and growing with you."
Robin, standing between Cindy and Lily as the bridesmaids, felt her heart twinge at the words. She was happy for them, she really was, but the atmosphere was almost too much. She was having flashbacks of her own wedding day, but tried desperately to block everything else out as Tracy began to speak.
"I always thought that there was one person for everyone." she said slowly, serenely. "When I was nineteen, I was sure I found mine. And when I was twenty nine, I realized how wrong I'd been. Ted, everyday I'm so grateful that we found each other on that rainy train station platform. When I think of how easy it would have been not to have ended up there, I realize how miraculous it is that we did. Everyday with you has felt like another miracle, even the difficult ones. And so I vow to always love you for you, even when it's hard. Because you've done the same for me."
Barney's eyes darted to Robin, the way she blinked away tears. She had done the same thing years ago, at their own wedding, and Barney felt a rush of something pass over him. Their eyes met, and neither looked away for a long time. Instead, Barney managed a tiny grin that reassured her. Robin nodded in response to his unspoken question, returning the soft smile.
Ted and Tracy were announced husband and wife, at long last, and sealed it with a kiss. Robin could practically see the love between the two, the same thing she saw with Marshall and Lily, the same thing she thought she had always seen with Barney.
And she did love him. She did then, she did now, and she knew she would for a long time. But that didn't mean it worked out. Sometimes you can love a person and you can try and try and try and it still amounts to...this.
The reception wasn't nearly as painful. The open bar definitely helped, but Robin knew it was mostly the fact that for the first time in years she was with all her friends. She was finally spending time with the people that meant the most to her in the world, and it felt almost like old times. Even things with Barney weren't as strained-they spoke easily, even able to laugh and joke as if nothing had changed.
As the party came to a close, Barney suggested that everyone head back to his house. No one objected, but Robin felt her nerves amp up again at the thought of seeing their old apartment. She kept her mouth shut, quietly panicking in the limo ride over.
Would the place look at all the same? Barney had surely redecorated by now. Robin had told him when she moved away that he could toss out anything of hers that he found. She wondered now if he had. A part of her-a stupid, irrational part-hoped that she would find something of hers that Barney had held on to. The smallest indication that Barney was feeling a fraction of the pain she was.
Ranjit dropped them off outside his apartment building. Robin took a breath before exiting the limo, the gang following close behind. She hung back, needing just a second longer to collect herself. Barney noticed, shooting her a concerned look, but knowing that she wouldn't want to talk about it.
Tracy had a different idea. When Robin walked through the lobby, the smaller woman touched her arm. The gesture was light, but it made Robin jump nonetheless. "Sorry!" Tracy said quickly, facing her. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
Robin took a slow breath, feeling that usual wave of gratitude because Tracy had come into their lives. She hadn't just changed Ted's life-she had changed all of their lives. Tracy was understanding, and so kind, and often made Robin say things she kept to herself. "I'm okay," Robin almost said, but the wide brown eyes gazing at her made the truth come out. "It's just a little...surreal."
"Do you remember the advice I gave you the day we met?" Tracy said, voice gentle. She was careful not to say on your wedding day.
Robin nodded. "Three deep breaths."
Tracy squeezed her arm, making her way to the elevator. She understood that Robin needed a second for herself. Leaning against the lobby wall, Robin closed her eyes. Inhale, exhale, repeat, repeat. On the third exhale, Robin opened her eyes and pressed the button that would bring her upstairs.