The Boss Finally Meets Their Match

The Boss was six feet and muscularly built. He had purple eyes which, at first view, seemed natural even though they were contacts. He wore his tight, white t-shirt which showed off the outline of his muscles and navy denim jeans, complete with blue and white shoes.

He had on his gold and purple saints watch and silver Saints necklace. He had caramel skin and wherever he walked he demanded attention. His hair was black and had the haircut of 'sarge.'

Yes sir, everyone could look at the Boss and tell he was downright attractive, and anyone who said otherwise would be met with his 45 Shepard. It was official, the Boss was a badass, and he was only 21...

Johnny, Shaundi, and Pierce all knew this as they prepared for the bank robbery ahead. Josh Birk on the other hand did not know this very well…

In an alternate dimension…

The Boss was a sexy lady. She had the boobs of a lewd goddess (70 in the games' sex appeal slider), emphasized by her equally attractive tight ass as well as her light blue eyes. She had lopsided, auburn hair and her skin matched that of a tanned Caucasian female (natural not sprayed on).

She casually wore a black tank top and black jeans with white trim as a call to her sexiness. Then there were the golden hoop earrings and the silver saints necklace as well as the jewelry to complete her set.

She was a great, badass boss in her own respect and the Saints knew it, and she was just 21... Josh Birk seemed more interested in the new 'Saints Flow' commercial rather than the boss herself. She was cool with that though as she knew he was a Shaundi obsessed idiot before even she did. The mission however was about to begin.

In alternate dimensions at the same time…

Conquest.

The story of human history.

Since time immemorial, great leaders have risen from humble beginnings to...

do shit.

And so it was with the THIRD STREET SAINTS.

Since conquering Stilwater, the once small-time street gang has evolved into a media empire.

A Saints movie is in development. JOHNNY GAT and SHAUNDI are pop-culture icons. And PIERCE...

Well, who gives a fuck about Pierce?

The points is, the Saints are on the world stage and every criminal organization wants their crown.

It was only a matter of time before one of them took the fight to the Saints.

We meet Pierce getting his ass kicked on a basketball court. They are really beating the shit out of him. I don't think he can take much more.

Suddenly a human-sized can of Saints Flow appears and Pierce and the can touch fingers, making a normal-sized can of Saints Flow appear. He drinks it and gains super strength, proceeding right after to kick everyone's ass that was just pummeling him, ending with an energy ball attack.

A basketball comes over and Pierce takes it, slam dunking the ball and looking into the camera in a ridiculous pose.

"Super excellent!" says Pierce, ending the Japanese commercial in a comical fashion.

"Japanese commercials. Easiest money you'll ever make," states Josh Birk, a famous actor beginning his career in Steelport, and the one watching the commercial.

"Grand larceny's right up there," says Johnny Gat, making it clear that murder is the answer to everything. "You ready for this?"

"No worries, I do my own stunts," said Josh, making all those around him see him as a grand bullshitter.

"Hey, you're just a ride-a-long, man, so don't get all Hong Kong-style in there," said Shaundi, making it obvious that she didn't want this actor tagging along with them.

"I am a method actor. If I'm gonna play a Saint with any degree of emotional truth…" Birk paused to turn on his voice changer, "I gotta make it real."

"Trust me, Birk. It'll be real," says the Boss, finally entering the scene from the elevator and dressed in a Johnny Gat mascot costume.

"You're robbing a bank dressed like yourselves?" Birk decided to stupidly ask.

"Hell yeah. Who doesn't wanna be Johnny Gat?" said Gat, showing excitement at the thought of murdering countless people.

"Ultra post-modernism…" Josh paused to fit his own helmet, "I love it."

They all exit the elevator and casually walk through the main lobby, not even bothering to hide their guns.

"I'm cool with the Saints movie, but do we really gotta drag this asshole actor around?" asks Shaundi, seeming to be the only one unnerved by Josh's presence.

"Cut Josh some slack, he's just researching his part," states the Boss, obviously showing more interest in the robbery than in Shaundi's complaining.

"I hope he signed a waiver," Shaundi said, ending the conversation since she saw it was going nowhere.

"Alright people—" said the Boss, shooting a couple bullets into the air to gain everyone's attention.

Shaundi notices Birk jump on top of the table, pointing his 45 Shepherds into some employees face.

"NOBODY MOVES, NOBODY DIES!" said Josh, trying too hard to be of the Saints' caliber and failing miserably.

"Birk!" Gat yelled at him, irritated by his over enthused activity.

"Sorry, jumped his line. Can we go again?" Shaundi sighed and knew that with him tagging along, things were bound to get more complicated than necessary.

"You all know the drill…" the Boss said, still in objective mode.

One of the customers noticed who the Boss was, given they were the one giving the commands.

"Can I get a picture with the Boss?" they ask.

The Boss and the customer line up next to each other and get ready to take a grade-A photo together.

"Say "sleaze"!" said Shaundi, slightly bored of their current predicament. The customer shows his gratitude and rushes off with his photo.

"Get in line, bitch!" Josh said, being, well, a dick.

"Hey, don't be a dick." Shaundi said to him, not ignoring the fact that he was irritating her usually patient self.

"You call yourselves gang bangers! You're a bunch of pussies! We should be all up in their shit, like—" as Josh turned around he was met with a 45 Shepard to his face, "FUCK!"

Josh ducked and the bullet blasted off the human sized image of a masked wrestler, right where the Boss' head would have been…

"Well, that's different..." said the Boss, working on retreating back to the cover of the desk behind them, followed by everyone else.

"We got a plan, or we just shooting all these motherfuckers?" asks Gat, failing to hide his happiness now that he has targets to kill.

"That is my plan," said the Boss, calmly.

"Works for me," said Gat, becoming the killing machine in that split second and moving from behind the counter and forming a human shield out of an unlucky security guard.

The Boss on the other hand vaulted out from behind the table to start the rally of guns, followed only by Shaundi. Birk was too busy cowering.

"Where's the vault!?" Johnny demanded, seemingly invincible it the rain shower of bullets around him.

"Go to hell," the security guard valiantly said in a last ditch effort to appear strong.

"You wanna play, motherfucker?" Johnny asks, more as a rhetorical question, as he launched the guard into a giant horse statue, causing it to come crashing down to the ground.

"Oh my God! You couldn't wait to kill him until we found out who these guys are?" Shaundi asked in a somewhat panicked tone, and being the only one who cares about the statue for that matter.

"Eh," Johnny said in a single word response.

"We're gonna die!" whined Josh, coming out after all the tellers were killed.

"What happened to, "I do my own stunts"?" said Johnny, mocking Josh's earlier bravado.

"Hey, do these look like squibs to you?" said Josh, lamely trying to defend his dignity.

"Alright people," the Boss said, taking control of the operation again, "Let's find that vault."

They arrive at a door and Josh walks up to it first, probably trying to regain his lost pride and dignity.

"That's right, you fuckers! We're comin' for you!" said Josh, attempting to kick down the big door in front of him… and failing once again that day.

"Oh Jesus..." said Shaundi, almost feeling pity for this pathetic actor laid out on the ground before them.

"Get up, Birk. Let's keep moving," said the Boss, and Johnny took his rightful place at the door and kicked it down with the simplest of ease, immediately killing the guard behind the door that got caught between his gun and a hard place.

"I can't believe you launched that guy into a statue!" exclaimed Shaundi, still stuck on the horse statue from earlier.

"I can't believe you're still thinking about it," said a currently cocky Johnny.

"Do you want to know who these people are?" asks Shaundi, trying to get everyone to see the bigger picture.

"Listen, all that matters is the vault. Let's find that and get the hell outta here," said the Boss, functioning off of the knowledge that they were the most badass person on the planet, slightly followed by Johnny Gat, and adrenaline.

"Is this what it's normally like?" asks Birk, silently wishing that things could go back to how they were moments ago.

"Normally the tells don't use fucking shotguns," said Johnny, letting his smartass side show for a moment.

"Yeah, normally banks don't look like a palace either. You see those statues before you blew 'em up?" stated Shaundi, oddly still on the subject of those horse statues…

"Will you forget the horses, these guards are packing military-grade hardware," said Gat, finally getting a little more serious about the situation.

"Who the hell are we robbing?" the Boss asked, a rhetorical question really, as they ascended the steps toward the vault, only after watching Shaundi kill one of the guards that had her momentarily pinned against the wall.

Everyone was now upstairs, in front of the vault, and with their more take-care-of-shit personas on, minus Josh. He was not being a dick anymore. He was now just being a pussy.

"I... I can't breathe," complains Birk, completely out of breath after running for his life.

Shaundi, with a sigh that voiced, "Ugh..." walked over and took his helmet off for him. Shaundi, herself, as well as Johnny immediately followed suit. Johnny walked up to the vault and punched it three time, calculating their chance of opening the vault by hand.

"No way we're cracking this thing. Ready for Plan B?" Johnny asked the Boss after making his own personal assessment of the situation.

"Yep," the Boss answered while turning to Josh, the man carrying "Plan B" who was still regaining his breath, "Josh, get over here."

Renewed with energy at finally being needed in this operation, Josh briskly makes his way to the Boss. "Got the tools right here, homes. So what's Plan B? We drill it?"

"Fuck no. We blow it," said Johnny casually.

A newly panicked Josh Birk answered with, "WHAT!? Not cool, man!"

"Time to get to work," the Boss said, pocketing the C-4, "We'll need to set those above the vault."

"Hey, I think we've got company..." said Josh, observing the new guards entering the bank.

"Looks like they're comin' in from the lobby," said Shaundi, while the Boss and Johnny, in turn, cut down everyone in the lobby.

"Shaundi..." Josh said, in a flirtatious tone.

"What?" asked Shaundi, ignoring his newly formed affections with her.

"We need to talk," Josh started before being cut off by Shaundi.

"We really don't," said Shaundi, making it obvious that she wasn't interested in him or his notions of love.

"It's just...if I die here, I don't want things to go unsaid," said Josh, still not noticing her disinterest.

"I should be so lucky..." said Shaundi sarcastically.

"Oh my God, you're the Saints! You HAVE to sign this for me!" exclaimed a fan of the Saints.

"Anything for a fan," said the Boss, being the Saint that they tried to be.

"Hey. Josh Birk. Don't be star-struck, I'm very approachable. Want me to sign your breasts?" boasted Josh, ignoring Shaundi momentarily.

"Uh, no, that's alright," said the fan, getting creeped out by Josh's sudden come on to her.

"Yeah, well, you know, buy Nyte Blayde on DVD," said Josh, ignoring the fact that he was becoming a hassle to anyone he came in contact with.

Meanwhile, the Boss set the bomb and everyone dove for cover, except Johnny because he seemed to know the blast wouldn't even come close to him, and shrugged off the debris that landed on him. Everyone got up right after and looked out into the sky for their chopper.

"Let's get the chopper and lift this baby outta here," commanded the Boss.

"Hey guys, you can off the helicopter, I found the way to open the vault!" said Josh, proving that idiots and big red buttons belong together.

"Don't touch it!" yelled Gat, but was too late as Josh already pressed the button. As the alarm blared all the Saints stared at him, pissed that he just alerted the authorities.

"Josh, are you trying to get us all jail time?" asked Shaundi, making it known that she was the most pissed of them all.

"What? I don't wanna be some dude's bitch," whined Josh before making his own retreat, forgetting about his part and the fact that he may have just fucked the Saints over.

"Do I have to go after him?" asked Shaundi, killer intent present in her voice.

"Forget about it, he'll be fine," said Johnny, nonchalantly.

"How long until the chopper gets here?" asked Shaundi, reloading her weapons for the fight ahead.

"I dunno, probably like... two waves of S.W.A.T. guys?" said the Boss, in an unworried tone.

"Sounds about right," said Shaundi as she readied her TEK Z-10's and aimed at the windows.

"Here they come!" yelled Gat, knife in one hand and 45 Shepard in the other.

"Flashbang!" yelled Shaundi, and all three were blinded for a moment before beginning the shootout with the country's finest anti-crime unit.

Shaundi mowed down her half of the S.W.A.T. team as Johnny ran into his like a psycho and surprisingly took out all of them with the simplest of ease. The Boss was busy mowing down the extras with their K-8 Kruvkov assault rifle. Pretty soon, wave two was nearing its end.

"I'm gonna kill Birk if I see him again," said Shaundi as she finished off a few more cops.

"I thought you two really had something there…" said the Boss, trying to tease Shaundi to get her in a better mood.

"Oh, don't even go there," said Shaundi, Josh Birk being the farthest thing from her mind right now.

"Hey, just sayin'..." said the Boss, ending there to prevent Shaundi from doing something lethal to them instead of the S.W.A.T. team.

"The chopper should be here soon. We just gotta hold out a little longer," said Johnny, enjoying his murder-time a little more than the average guy.

"They've busted out the riot shields," said Shaundi, and even though it proved to be slightly more challenging, the Saints finished off everyone in the same attack pattern.

Then some red ass, motherfucking attack chopper shows up at the fucking hole in the wall and fires two missiles into the building!

"Really, a fucking attack chopper?" asked Shaundi, getting more pissed by the second because, in her mind, this is all Birks' fault.

"Seriously, who are these guys?" said the Boss, pissed 'cause they knew this was too much for just one bank heist.

"A bunch of assholes," said Johnny matter-of-factly.

"Shoot the helicopter! Use whatever you've got!" said Shaundi, and after a few moments of their combined bullet-barrage the chopper flew away, presumed shot down.

"Here's our ride," said Shaundi, just as the transport chopper arrived.

As soon as the hooks were within reach the Boss tightened the hooks on the chopper and took their rightful place on top of the cargo.

"Go! Go! Go!" the Boss yelled as soon as everything was situated and steeled themselves with their K-8 Kruvkov assault rifle.

"You two go out the back," commanded the Boss, looking to get them out of there safely, or rather safer than they were leaving.

"And you?" asked Shaundi, showing just a hint of worry.

"I'm staying with the vault," said the Boss, determined to protect the vault by any means necessary.

"We'll see you when we touch down," said Shaundi, knowing this was how the Boss usually acted, as she and Johnny gunned down last minute cops and headed out the building.

"Alright, let's go!" commanded the Boss as the chopper headed towards just at roof level, "Hold her steady!"

"Where'd all this security come from?" the slightly panicked pilot asked.

"Stay calm and stick to the plan," said the Boss, believing exacts were unnecessary at the moment, as they gunned down the officers that just kept swarming the roof. Then the fucking red chopper fucking showed up again, looking like it didn't take barely a scratch.

"Thought I shot that thing down," said the Boss, irritated at the attack choppers' re-emergence. As the chopper began some hit-and-run strifes along the Boss, the Boss decided that gunning down helicopters and officers was the most effective thing they could do, and did so with extreme precision. Then the Boss fell forward and had to regain his footing towards the front of the safe.

"Troy can't bail you out of this one!" informed a S.W.A.T. team officer.

"Shit!" said the pilot as they got clipped by a rocket from that attack helicopter. Then the Boss fell over the side of the safe and had to hang on and shoot at the same time, like a badass.

"Make this easy on the squad for once," asked the officer but the Boss kept going, knowing there was no going back, and believed in going out with a fight if at all. "Please autograph and then put down your gun!" commanded the officer.

"Why the hell are we still here?" asked the Boss, getting irritated that they were still at the bank.

"The controls aren't responding!" informed the pilot, who was failing their job in the Boss' eyes.

"Then get it fixed! I'll hold off the cops," said the Boss.

"You can't kill them all…" said the pilot, disbelieving the Boss' badassity.

"I don't appreciate that kind of negativity..." said the Boss, determined to get them out of there.

"This publicity stunt is over. We have to take you in," said the officer, almost sounding with regret.

"Get us higher!" commanded the Boss.

"I'm trying not to get shot here!" said the pilot.

"How much armor's on that damn thing?" said the Boss as the attack chopper shot yet another rocket at them.

"Jesus!" yelled the pilot as he drifted towards a building. The boss rolled up just in time to avoid being crushed between the building and safe.

"Dammit, watch where you're flying!" said the Boss, once again atop the safe.

"Step away from the vault!" commanded the officer. "Put. The Vault. Down."

"Hold on down there!" said the pilot.

"No shit, you think?" said the Boss, now beyond pissed.

"Turn yourself in, my son wants to meet Shaundi!" said the officer.

"I'm losing it!" said the pilot.

"You've gone too far this time!" said the officer.

Then the helicopter showed up again and the Boss, while avoiding death themself, shot down the chopper after a few moments of gunfire.

"That's right, don't fuck with... Oh no, no, no, no, no!" said the Boss as the chopper spun out of control, and towards them.

The helicopter hit the Boss' and the Boss slid off the safe and jumped to the building. On the way an indescribable ripple in the space before them formed and as they passed through… nothing happened?

As the Boss pulled themself up and into the building they were met with yet another costumed Gat? Before any questions could be asked numerous S.W.A.T. team officers surrounded them, guns at the ready. They looked at the officers, then at each other, and fell back to the ground.

"Well... shit," they both said in unison.

A/N: Well, the idea is to have two Bosses, then things could get way more hectic. Now, the first chapter was basically SRTT until the end, but I promise there will be a lot more changes so you don't sit through the same story with the same dialogue. As the SR team would say, "Strap it on!"

Also, since this story will basically be SRTT with multiple changes, I'm obliged to say that I don't own anything coming from the Saints Row community and this story is strictly for entertainment purposes.

All Saints Row Fans, and those new to the game series, please enjoy this story, which will be hard as hell to write by freaking chapter two. There will be extra scenes between missions as well.