Title: Here I stand, Welcome to the Mafia

Rating: T

Warning: Characters maybe OOC, references, and cussing.

Summary: In dying, I expected to be in front of those praised pearly gates of heaven,basked in the divine light of goodness and feeling the naked holiness whilst being welcomed by an entourage of celestial hotties with perfect proportions. Instead, I'm stark naked inside a small incubator, apparently suffering a minimal mishap after being delivered into this world.

Author's Note: This is my first KHR fanfic that transpired from the numerous reincarnation fic and decided to try it out as well. I don't know if I'm any good so comments and suggestions are welcome.

Chapter 1: Kagerou Irony

Afterlife is, as Merriam-Webster defined, a state after death. Depending on the individual's perspective, what lies in their afterlives would extremely differ from another person. Take for example Christianity and half of the earth's population, they believe that a person's place in the afterlife would depend solely on their moralities and deeds when they were still alive: a person who is generally a goody-two-shoes in their whole lives would be granted entrance into the blissful place called 'Heaven' while those who have succumbed to humanities sins and atrocities will be thrown into the place called 'Hell'.

There are also, however, religions that believe in other forms of afterlife. Exempli gratia, ancient and modern religions such as those in found in India, Spiritism, Theosopy and Eckankar hold the idea of reincarnation, still based on the morality scale of the person.

And of course, there are those people; agnostics, atheist and downright believers of science, math and anything else that has can provide proof to their inquiries and claims. These people have a different view of the afterlife that ranges from the simple claim of 'nothingness' to the most outrageous statements of 'parallel worlds' and 'time-locked existence'. Those sorts of ideas. Sounds crazy but it could be true. Like Schrödinger's cat but more complex or possibly something else entirely.

But the main point is, it's different for everyone and this isn't exactly something we would know until we've reached the end of the line.

And then there's me.

Just to make things clear, I'm this kid, well, adolescent that has cross beliefs of agnosticism and Catholicism, however that works. I'm not entirely sure about the god part but I'm pretty convinced that there is a heaven. Well, an equivalent of it anyway.

And upon my death, I expected to be in front of those praised pearly gates of heaven, basked in the divine light of goodness and feeling the naked holiness whilst being welcomed by an entourage of celestial hotties with perfect proportions.

Instead, I'm stark naked inside a small incubator, apparently suffering a minimal mishap after being delivered into this world.

What. The. Fuck.

Before everything else, here's how it happened.

The day after March thirty-one is the day that which my trope of idiot friends decided that it was a radical idea to relax at the mall after a stressful week of college finals. That's what they said. But I'm not an idiot. I'm pretty sure we're going to do something stupid and illegal that would warrant the supposed 'hawk-like' attention of the authority and proceed to be publicly humiliated with the judgmental minds of society baring witness to the deeds of the kids of today and the stories would be passed down to the next generation of the future and be cited as a historical example as to what not to do and be a fucking bore for the rest of their lives.

In summary, it's going to be awesome.

And so there I was, walking lazily to my destination with my earphones blasting off Soraru's version of Kagerou Days, a track contrary to my usual songs that belonged mostly to indie-alternative rock bands. I'm not exactly what you could consider an otaku or whatever you call it(even though I used to be one) but the song is catchy and I love his voice. It's like ear sex or something. And when I watched the music video, it ultimately got me hooked. And because of that, I am willing to be a little bit otaku-ish for this one.

Anyway, walking. That's what I did at that moment. Walking. And most likely contemplating as to what I want to drink because the heat in this country is actually giving me sunburns and I haven't even been out of the house for ten minutes.

I did the only logical thing to do; I hauled ass and ran like I was chased by dogs.

It was the dumbest Idea I've had for two reasons:

a) I get exhausted easily. And,

b) Apparently my shoe laces are not properly tied and thus I stepped on them and promptly tripped on a kid half my size.

As I fell to the ground, I realized that I must have weighed like a whale with the loud thump I heard and the screech that followed. Or the kid that I fell on is just so scrawny but I'm not going to claim that he is because that is just plain rude.

I ended up apologizing and helping the kid up before grabbing for the scattered groceries that I knocked off of him. As much as I would like to act like a jerk and just walk away because of the early development of sunburns, I decided to be nice and help him out because it's the right thing to do. And I don't actually have the back bone to be an asshole to total strangers.

Once I've finished this obligation, I was about to navigate away when the shit that I did not expect just decided to bite me in the ass.

A truck was accelerating on the street with no signs of stopping and it was going to crash on the lined up cars stuck in traffic.

And I thought another traffic tragedy would be blasted all over the news seeing as the close proximity of the cars and the velocity of the truck would more or less cause a domino effect of a horrid accident. However, instead of the untimely crash of the cars, the truck swerved to our direction. Unconsciously, I found myself pushing the kid I fell on away and proceeded to have my bones crushed between the truck and an electric post.

Let me tell you something about getting hit by a truck: it doesn't hurt much if your vertebrae took most of the critical hit. Sure, the impact really hurt at first but because of the fact that my spinal cord was the most damaged part of my body, my nervous system got heavily affected as well.

So I just lied there still in the pool of my own blood, faintly hearing the lyrics of the repeated song on my earphones and the blurred image of the kid I just pushed out of the way was within my line of vision.

At that moment, my entire life flashed before me.

Maybe.

I wasn't entirely sure of that yet. I was too preoccupied with other things like the fact that I am actually at the end point of my life, my untimely death, which is something that I welcome with open arms.

For the record, I'm not suicidal. I'm just tired of living my life and I don't really like spending the next half of my life working my ass off and being under paid. And I'm bored with the lack of excitement. Monotony is something that I despise and just thinking about what happens after death is like the next great adventure, in the words of the Albus Dumbledore.

Another thing that preoccupied my mind and distracted me from the whole life flashback thing is the irony of my predicament. I was listening to Kagerou Days even until now and my mind is reeling on the music video, promptly replaying the part where the boy in the music video sacrificed himself for his friend and could see the similarities of it to my situation. Well, except for the part that I don't really know the kid I saved and that I'm positive I wouldn't be experiencing such things like time loops. You get the point.

And then another thought came to me.

Fuck.

It just realized that it was the first of April.

My death is a joke.

Those were my last thoughts as I completely descended into the state of unconsciousness.

When I woke up once more, I felt myself slightly submerged in a pool of water, the after smell of rain wafting through my nostrils. I had a talent of foretelling the weather back when I was still alive and it seems that it's still functioning even in the afterlife.

"Afterlife, huh?"

Oh yeah, I was dead. And this must be heaven or something.

I willed myself to open my eyes, to see what the magical paradise of the afterlife would look like. And I found myself looking at the stretch of barren land where the skies meet the earth.

"S-salt flats![1]" I exclaimed.

So, this was heaven.

I was slightly disappointed of what the afterlife looked like. Well, the reflection of the skies on the ground did give a nice touch but... I was expecting the palace of the almighty and my expectations have not been met so it is kind of a bummer.

But that didn't stop me from wondering if I'm all alone in this place, hence I abruptly stood up and started walking towards a random direction. Before I could actually start my journey though, this unexpected gust of wind made me turn my head in another way and glance upon an odd sight.

At least a meter away from me stood a peculiar woman with one of the kindest smiles I've chanced upon. I used the word 'peculiar' because you don't actually see people wearing a gargantuan mushroom hat with an odd looking tattoo on the right side of their cheek.

All I could do as this woman began to speak was rub the particles that entered my eyes because of the breeze. It was rude, I know, not paying attention and all but there is also the tiny little detail that I can't hear her very well because of the wind and… because I may have slight hearing problems that comes with the consequence of having earphones on full volume blasting down music in my ear canals almost every day.

I noticed she stopped talking and started giggling at my current predicament.

If I could make people combust with my glares, this woman would have been atoms in the air. Sadly I didn't have that kind of ability. Nor did she even notice that I was giving her a glare. Instead, she held out her hand, offering a hand shake to which I just dumbly stared at before grunting and taking up the offered hand.

Not a moment passed before I found myself, again, being succumbed into the darkness of slumber.

When I woke up once more, everything was a fucking blur.

Literally.

Given with the shit that I just experience the last thing that I expected was a bad eye sight. I already felt distressed with all that have come to pass, dying and finding myself in a fucking deserted version of heaven and now this? I felt all over pissed; pissed enough to throw a tantrum despite being in an age that is considered already pre-adulthood. Talk about maturity. Oh wait. I have none.

'WHY THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?' is what I intended to say.

"WAAAAAAAAAAA!" is what came out in its place.

I blinked before I tried saying something else.

'I am sexy' came out as a bunch of gurgles from my lips.

I was losing my shit here.

I mean I died, went to a purgatory and met this weird cosplaying chic and then found myself here with an eye sight of an a near-sighted astigmatic person. Who wouldn't be emotionally compromised with such an experience?

'I find it offensive that you think of me as 'weird'' a voice in my little head broke my bubbling dilemma.

'Oh my god, just shut the fuck up conscience I have other things to worry about! I don't need your shit because this kind of stress level is beyond my own capacity and you are not helping at all!'

I swear, I heard my conscience sigh in a slightly exasperated manner before I found myself being lulled by a hymn inside my own head.

Needless to say, I felt like I was floating on clouds when I yielded to the lullaby that echoed even in the darkest corners of my mind. And maybe just a little bit high as well. The unknown tune did its effects of placating my worries and soon enough, all panic that I possessed was flushed down the nearest toilet. And strangely enough, my head feels kind of warm.

'Please, if you would, refrain from using such profanities. It is unbecoming. And I am not your conscience, child. I am Sepira. We've met earlier. '

The image of the strange woman with the kind smile flashed briefly in my thoughts.

And for a brief moment there, I have somehow related her to this character(Yuna? Yuni?) I knew back in my otaku days but the thought faded away as soon as it came.

'If you're not my conscience, then who—no, what are you? Why are you inside my head? And what the hell is happening?!'

Before I could actually receive a respond, my suddenly sensitive ear canals have been invaded by a manly voice sputtering an exclamation.

"Olie! Y-your baby's on f-fire!"

I'm pretty sure I heard a heavy object smack on to someone and judging from the pained moan, it was a direct hit.

"Iemitsu Sawada if you're screwing around with me I'm gonna strangle you with your own innards!" snapped a feminine voice.

"Is that the way you address your boss?"

"It is when you're joking around about my son."

"But I'm not! Your son, he has rain flames on his forehead."

There was a cold tension in the room that could rival the harsh negative Celsius of the deepest abyss of the oceans.

I'm not exactly sure what happened next. I heard sounds of struggle before I felt myself being hoisted up and pressed against a woman's glorious bosom. Holy shit.

Wait.

…

HOLY SHIT.

A wail came out of my mouth.

"Olie, you shouldn't be out of bed- PUT YOUR SON BACK IN THE INCUBATOR! DO YOU WANT HIM TO DIE?" The Iemitsu guy pleaded to the woman holding me.

"Shush! No son of mine will die from being away from that machine. Heck, I'm pretty sure he doesn't even need that thing. The hospital's probably just mooching or something." The woman spoke in a nonchalant tone. "Now that's a pretty impressive flame you got there, sweetheart. But Mama will put it out for now, alright? We wouldn't want to attract the hospital's attention now, do we?"

With that being said, I felt something, perhaps a finger, touch my forehead, the area where the warmth is coming from, and gradually felt that area cool within a few seconds.

"Now that wasn't so bad? Ah you're so adorable, my little Venezio~" the woman holding cooed and presses me up against her breast more.

"So, Venezio is his name?"

"Yes. It's kind of a family tradition. To be named after the place you we're born at."

"Which explains Olympia. But really, I thought you'd name your son as Joker from Batman. "

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Weeeeell, it is April Fool's day."

"Why you little—"

The two people continue to bicker and eventually I was withdrawn from the woman's arms and placed back to where I was before.

"Ah, I kind of want to see how Nana-chan and Tsu-kun are now. Ooh~ you should come meet my wife and son! I bet Tsu-kun and Ene-kun would get along!" The Iemitsu quy practically squealed while the Olympia woman simple grunted in response to the other's antics.

I didn't listen any further to what they were discussing. It seemed pointless seeing as that Iemitsu guy was having a one-sided conversation and I was busy contemplating my situation and freezing my ass of in the incubator.

'How do you fare at the moment, child?' the kind voice of Sepira made itself known in my thoughts.

'Let's see, apparently I died in a traffic accident, ended up in a pseudo-heaven and am now a newborn infant who has health complications and is confined in a piece of plastic box crib with a possibility of dying from hypothermia because I'm literally naked. Overall, I'm pretty good. Just having a hard time digesting everything. And being cold.'

'…I would aid you with the dying will flames however I highly agree with your mother's opinion concerning this matter.'

It seems that sarcasm is an unfamiliar field to Sepira. Not to mention the fact that she missed the whole statement except the apparent coldness of my body. That my friends is a grade A example of selective hearing.

Kind face or not, I would have snapped back something at Sepira had not the word 'Dying will flame' caught my attention.

That word, Dying Will Flame, is a term used in mafia-themed shounen manga of Katekyo Hitman Reborn. It's one of the mangas I have fully dedicated myself too back when I was still in my elementary to early middle school years. And if memory serves me right, there are like seven or more types of these flames. The Iemitsu guy mentioned that my forehead lit up with rain flames and now that I think about it…

Wait a minute.

The Iemitsu guy said that.

Iemitsu.

I vaguely remembered his name being screamed by my mother.

Iemitsu Sawada.

The dubbed no-good father of the protagonist of the manga Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Tsunayoshi Sawada.

…

YO.

NO.

FUCKING.

WAY.

I passed out for the third time already.

No doubt due to the unbelievable circumstances.

I expected a peaceful paradise when I die; instead I'm a newborn baby in a fictional world that I used to fawn over in my otaku-kiddie days.

And now, somehow I feel like there is a higher entity laughing their ass off at my situation like it's the ultimate universal prank.

…

…

…

I fucking hate April Fool's Day.

[1] Salt flats/pans are grounds that are covered with salt and other minerals. A better reference scene for the supposed 'afterlife' is Bolivia's Salar de Uyuni.

Author's Note: I hoped you enjoyed reading that. Da lawd noes I has not written for a thousand years so I apologize for any grammatical error. And yes, comments and suggestions are totally welcome.