Warnings: Swearing, PTSD symptoms, violence, probable smut in later chapters

Note: It's been like a year since I've posted anything on here. I've written a loooot but never actually stuck with a story until this one.

I've read a lot of Bucky stories and they all seem to be about either random innocent OCs or Shield agents. I wanted to write something different, to have my OC be someone that Bucky could actually relate to and vise versa. I tried to keep her story as different to Bucky's within the constraints I had given myself. I also didn't want her to meet Bucky first, because 99% of every story I've read is basically "girl accidentally meets Bucky and looks after him", and I, being the stubborn arse that I am, wanted to go in the opposite direction.

Also, I'm British but I -tried- (probably failed) to use American words instead of British ones, for the sake of realism.

feedback is always nice, and I hope someone somewhere enjoys this.

Obviously I don't own anything except Liz. She's all mine.

It was a sunny day in Washington DC, but not a pleasant one. S.H.I.E.L.D had crumbled, and the discovery that Hydra had infiltrated them for years left the survivors untrusting of everyone. Captain America had been hospitalised after his fight on board one of the Helicarriers but a couple of days later he was back on his feet, staring down at the tombstone of the supposedly dead Director Fury. Fury himself had stopped by before he disappeared, off to Europe to track down the remaining Hydra factions. Before leaving though, he had needed to talk to Steve Rogers about an important matter that needed to be dealt with.

"But how is that possible?" Steve frowned as he looked at Fury. "I thought Shield has been dismantled, how could someone hack into the system?"

"That's why you need to find this girl. Says she wants to help but it might just be a trap. Either way, she was Hydra until two years ago, so she needs taking care of."

That was the end of the conversation as far as Nick Fury was concerned. When he found his computer frozen and read the message that appeared on his screen, he had been furious. 'I am Hydra Project 215 - Siren. Read the file. I can help.' The message was short but to the point, and with it came an attached file. He didn't have the time though, the world thought him dead and he needed to disappear. He printed it out and gave the file to Steve, knowing he would do the work.

That was how, later that day, Steve Rogers and his friend Sam Wilson were knocking on the door of a third floor apartment, not quite sure of what to expect. They waited for a while, glancing at each other when no one answered. "Maybe nobody's home." Sam offered, shrugging.

Steve frowned and knocked again. This was the address the girl had given them and he was desperately hoping it wasn't a trap. This time the door opened, and the two men were taken aback by the tall woman standing before them, her light blonde hair falling in a mess down her shoulders, her long bangs hanging to one side of her face. She took one look at Steve's Captain America uniform and sighed. "I said I wanted to help, not kill you." She groaned, her expression barely changing as she turned around and went back inside, leaving the door open.

Steve and Sam exchanged another glance before stepping inside. "How exactly do you think you can help? I don't even know your name." Steve asked, looking around the immaculately clean apartment, noticing that it lacked any character at all. Everything was new and shiny, there were no pictures anywhere, nothing personal could be seen at all. It was like a display home.

"You read the file. I was Hydra, I know stuff" She shrugged. "Hydra's dismantled, so is Shield. I finally have a shot at kicking those sons of bitches up the ass so I want in on the fun." She explained in an even, bored tone as she headed to the kitchen to the left. The whole apartment was open plan, with the kitchen to the left of the front door, the living room further ahead, and two doors on the right hand wall.

"The file said you were one of their agents but you escaped." Steve pointed out, watching her carefully as she took out a glass from her kitchen cabinet and filled it with some whiskey from the bottle she kept on the side. "Why? And you didn't give me your name."

"Why?" She scoffed, taking a sip. "Because you think I wanted to be there in the first place?" She watched the two men before her as they looked confused. Eventually, she sighed and placed her glass down on the kitchen surface and bit her lip. "They tried to brainwash me. They thought they had but I'm a good actress." She paused, staring into the distance, lost in thought. "And I didn't give you a name because I don't have one. I've forgotten it. But feel free to call me Liz." She growled, getting angry. "Those bastards put me through hell and I want to repay them." She finished, staring into Steve's eyes.

Sam and Steve were silent. Sam wasn't going to say anything, he was just back up. This was Steve's idea, and he was staring at the girl trying to make his mind up. She seemed genuine in her desire to take down Hydra, but could he really trust her? She could be lying. It could still be a trap; but the file said she had escaped two years before. "You've been free for two years." Steve voiced eventually. "Why wait until now to come to us?"

"Because of what happened." She said simply. "I spent two years blending in. If Shield got to me, then Hydra would eventually get me back into their dirty hands. At least now I don't risk so much by coming out." She let the information sink in before continuing. "So are we doing this?"

Over the next couple of days, Steve and Liz spent a lot of time together. Since she had escaped, Liz had kept track of Hydra's movements as much as she could to avoid being detected. She transferred all her information to Steve and together they ploughed through it, like students doing research. Sam helped on a couple of occasions but as he had never been part of either Shield nor Hydra, he wasn't much use so once that he was confident she wasn't waiting for the opportunity to murder Steve, Sam left them to it.

Steve often watched Lia. She didn't respond much, only speaking when necessary and her body was always tense, her jaw tighter than necessary as she sat in silence. The dark circles under her eyes, almost puffy from lack of sleep, contrasted against her pale skin, though they were mostly hidden by the unevenly cut blonde bangs that hung over one side of her face, hiding her. She was tall for a woman, well built, and looked strong but still small enough to get into tight spaces. Her shoulders hung down, her posture completely off, but she was still perfectly fit. She was always looking around whenever she heard a noise, checking every corner of the room before she settled. She was a wreck, and Steve didn't know what to do about it.

He tried to get to know more about her, but she didn't like opening up. Whenever he asked her something, she tensed up even more and told him to read her file. One thing he did manage to coax out of her was that she was tired of being called Liz. It wasn't her real name; she had been too young when Hydra had taken her. For the first few years she had tried to hang on to her identity, but as she grew older, after Hydra telling her that she was nothing more than they're subject, she forgot. She counted herself lucky that she never had to have her memory wiped, that Hydra had counted on time passing by for her to forget. After all, how much do people remember of their life before their fourth birthday? Not much, not for her anyway.

She sighed quietly, turning back to her work. Captain America was being friendly to her, something she hadn't expected. She didn't quite trust him but she had at least come to feel comfortable with him around. He just had something about him that helped her relax, whether it was his incredible sincerity or his kindness, or the way he seemed to know when to leave her alone and when she needed someone. Whatever it was, she liked having him around even though she pretended not to. She never let him too close to her, never let him touch her, but sometimes the look he gave her was enough to calm her down when she felt a panic attack coming on. Steve wanted to keep an eye on her, not just because she was an ex-Hydra agent, but because he recognised the lost, confused look in her tired eyes. It wasn't much different to the one he had when he first woke up in this modern world. And it was exactly like the look Bucky had in his eyes the last time he saw him.

A few days later, Liz was waiting on the street for Steve to turn up at their meeting point. When Steve showed up in a car, she got in beside him. "Where are we going?" She asked, adjusting the black backpack that she always had on her lap as she continued to stare outside.

"Good morning to you too." Steve chuckled, putting the car into gear to drive off. "I'm not having any luck by myself so I thought you could help me look for my friend Bucky." Steve started, ready to continue when Liz uncharacteristically interrupted him, turning her head to look at him.

"A friend?" She exclaimed. "We don't have time to look for friends of yours, we've got to get Hydra before they regroup, before they start again and -"

"We will." Steve assured her, glancing at her quickly. "But I've got to find Bucky before they get to him again." He explained, waiting for her interjection but she merely sighed in defeat. "You might have heard of him in Hydra."

"I wasn't exactly friends with any of them." She muttered under her breath, wondering if she should just go home and continue with their research.

"Bucky is... was... the Winter Soldier." He added, noticing her instantly flinch at the mention of him. "So you do know him?" He asked, glad that he had been right. He was sure everyone in Hydra knew about Bucky. Hopefully she could help him find his missing friend.

"He and I have been introduced, yes." She said simply, not wanting much to remember her encounters with the brainwashed super soldier. "How do you know him?" She asked.

"He's my best friend, has been since I was a kid." Steve explained, not feeling the need to explain anything more than that. It still hurt him to think about what had happened to his Bucky, the man he had looked up to his whole life.

Liz stared at him for a while, watching how he swallowed, how his jaw tensed, how his chest heaved as he sighed quietly. Thinking about Bucky hurt him, that much was obvious. She wasn't told much about the Winter Soldier during her time at Hydra, she was kept well away from him most of the time unless they were posted on missions together. He had merely been their weapon whereas she infiltrated places and gathered information. "I don't know if Bucky will still be inside, after everything..." She said quietly in what was, she hoped, a comforting voice.

Steve tensed at her words. "He is. He has to be." He said simply, and Liz let it go. Maybe Bucky was still inside the Winter Soldier, but if he was he would be extremely broken, more so than she was. At least she hadn't been turned into a living machine.

The car pulled up by the side of the river opposite what had been the Triskelion. Steve led her through the trees and bushes to the riverside where he had woken up. "I think maybe Bucky pulled me out of the river after I passed out." He explained.

"It could have been anyone..." Liz muttered, watching as Steve crouched in the ground in search of tracks of any kind. She felt sad for him, having his best friend become a monster machine like the Winter Soldier. She had seen them fighting live on TV, and she had pretty much guessed what had happened at the showdown on the crafts the week before. "Steve..." She started, about to attempt to convince him their search was fruitless when she spotted something in the mud further towards the trees. She turned in her tracks and walked over to it, finding a footprint in the mud. Frowning, she placed her foot in the mud beside it, pressing down as hard as she could.

"What are you doing?" Steve wondered, watching her curiously as he appeared by her side.

"Hydra gave us both the same type of boot. If these tracks match mine, we've got him." Liz said confidently as she moved her foot, glad she had decided to keep those boots. The two glanced at each other and took a nervous breath before looking down. The prints matched.

"Bucky..." Steve muttered, hope surging within him.

Liz swallowed, a mixture of hope for Steve and fear for herself. "Let's go then..." She sighed, her hands instinctively gripping the straps of her backpack.

Steve noticed the gesture and finally dared as the question that had been bugging him since they had met. "What's with the bag anyway Liz? You never let it out of your sight."
"It's..." She started, watching him. She had heard bad things about Captain America before she managed to get away from Hydra, but then when she saw on TV how he helped defeat those Aliens and send them back to space, how he had taken down Hydra almost by himself and how he was being kind to her, she faltered. He had been so nice to her over the last few days, she felt safe when he was around, even if he was just bringing her a hot drink as she read files.

"Never mind, sorry I asked." Steve said, turning away from her.
"It's my suit." She blurted out, making him turn back to face her with an inquisitive gaze. "The Siren's suit. I kept it, I mean it's a good suit. Very resistant, and made especially for me... It's mine. And well... You never know when I might need it." She shrugged, biting her bottom lip.
Steve nodded and smiled sadly. What he understood was that it was the only thing that truly belonged to her and, no matter it's purpose or memories it bore, it was the only thing in the world that identified her. No name, no family, no home... Just the suit. "Come on, hopefully we'll get a lead on where he went next."

Luckily it had not rained since the day Bucky left the tracks behind, so the unlikely duo easily followed the Winter Soldier's steps until they where they disappeared onto a path that went beneath the bridge. "So much for that." Steve sighed, looking around for more signs.
"We're good." Liz nodded, having spotted a CCTV camera up above. "We just need to hack into the surveillance cameras and track his movements. We'll have him in no time.

"We can't do that." Steve automatically refused, turning to look down at her. She was a lot taller than most women he had met, her eyes reaching around his lips. Whenever he looked at her, he could only think of Bucky. The two definitely shared resemblance in their composure, the way their eyes moved around to scan their surroundings. The difference was that Liz's eyes were softer, more weary, less confident. "We can't just walk into the police and demand to see their footage."
"We don't have to." She replied, her face not changing at all. When Steve frowned in confusion, she couldn't help but to chuckle slightly, her lips softly turning up before she turned around and lead him into the street.

They were sitting in an internet café. Steve had paid for an hour's internet and sat down beside Liz as she started her search. "How do you know this stuff?" He asked her as she got a black screen and typed lines of what seemed to be gibberish. "I thought Hydra wanted you as another soldier." He said quietly, careful that no one overheard them.
"No." Liz replied, not taking her eyes off the screen. "They did train me to fight, but I was a hacker, a spy. They taught me languages and history and how to blend in. I went to parties to gather intel or secretly assassinate someone. The Winter Soldier hid in the shadows, I hid in plain sight."
Steve watched her as she focussed on the screen, about to question her further when suddenly the computer screen was split into four showing various streets of DC. "Bingo." She smirked.
"But that's happening now..." Steve frowned, watching as Liz continued to sort through a few things, finding the camera that overlooked the bridge they knew Bucky had been under.
Liz didn't bother to reply as she found the footage of the week before, speeding through the footage until she found what they wanted. "Bucky..." Steve muttered, giving the computer screen his full attention.
They watched as Bucky paced back and forth, occasionally running a hand through his long black hair. Liz swallowed hard as she watched him, flashbacks of their previous meetings going through her mind. He scared her. She knew the poor man was nothing but the result of years of torture and brainwashing, that he was innocent deep down, but she feared him nonetheless. He was terrifying and unnerving, cold and silent, barely human.
Eventually the Winter Soldier stared at his metal hand and arm before looking around and heading towards the street looking very determined. Liz switched camera to follow his progress and she and Steve watched as he walked into a rather empty street, pieces of debris from the crafts littering the streets, some of it on fire as the Winter Soldier confidently marched through it towards one shop in particular. A clothes shop. He went inside and disappeared from the view of the camera, and Liz began skipping through the video to when he came out. But he never did. "What the..." She muttered, going back and playing it again. But Bucky never did step out of the shop.
"There must be a back door somewhere." Steve offered, attempting to help Liz as she once again went through the tape. "He must have known there were cameras. If he changed his clothes and went out the back way, he has a lot less change of being found."

Liz sighed and agreed. "Then we need the shop's camera footage." She groaned, having to hack into yet another system. She did so, and found that the footage from that whole day had been erased. "Fucking hell!" She huffed, leaning back in her chair angrily.

Steve and Liz spent the rest of the day following dead-ended leads. They found nothing at the shop, searched for reports of anyone with a metal arm or anything that could possibly relate to Bucky and found nothing either. They retraced their steps, and still there was no trace of the Winter Soldier. "There must be some way to find him…" Steve groaned as they sat on a bench overlooking the river.
Liz bit on her bottom lip, watching an ant on the ground at her feet. She was torn inside, she didn't know if she really wanted to find the Winter Soldier. The sight of him on those video clips had really frightened her, and she didn't want to go anywhere near him ever again. He was too much of a reminder of what she had been through, scared that he would make her face reality. Yet on the other hand, he needed to be found. Not just for Steve's sake - she did want to help Captain America - but also for the public's sake. He was a weapon, who knew what he was going to do now that he was free. Sighing, she knew she had to find him. "I don't think he would have gone far. Not yet… You said you tried to convince him that you knew him." She started, turning to look at Steve. "What information did you give him?"
"Not much…" He shrugged. "I told him his name, that's about it really. He wouldn't listen."
"His full name?" Liz asked, getting an idea. Steve nodded and Liz was on her feet not a second later. "James Buchanan Barnes, Captain America's best friend. Of course! Where else would he go for more information?" She snorted, the answer seeming so obvious to her now.
"The Smithsonian?" Steve cocked an eyebrow as he stood up. "You think he went there?" He asked, hoping she was right. Thinking about it, it was a good place to look. All Bucky had was a name to go by, as well as his supposed friendship with Captain America. Of course the lost clueless Bucky would check out the nearest place with information about them, made much easier now that he was disguised as a civilian. "Let's go." Steve nodded, heading off in the direction of the museum with Liz hot on his tail.

Liz froze in the entrance of the Smithsonian. The place was huge and full of people bustling around - men, women, old and young, they were crowding around and speaking loudly. The absence of windows made it worse for Liz as she couldn't see a quick exit. Steve took a few steps before noticing she was no longer by his side and when he turned around, he saw her face was pale as her chest rose and fell quickly because of the obvious start of a panic attack. He rushed back to her and put a hand on her shoulder, hoping to calm her down, but instead she grabbed his arm and twisted it away from her, her eyes snapping to meet his. Her eyes weren't hers anymore, they were cold and hard and emotionless. They were Bucky's eyes. "Liz!" Steve called her, the both of them frozen in their position as they gazed at each other. "Liz it's Steve, it's okay you're safe." He reassured her, and slowly he saw her humanity come back before she swallowed and let go of his sore arm.
"Sorry…" She muttered, closing her eyes as she swallowed. "I don't do well with… People and touching and… You know." She shrugged, taking a deep shaky breath as she looked back up at Steve, hoping he wasn't going to start mistrusting her for her actions. It really was nothing more than instinct.
"I understand." He smiled. "Do you want to wait outside or -"
"No, no, I'm fine." She nodded, indicating he led her to where they needed to be. Something about Captain America soothed her a little. He was different to everyone else, even from civilians. He seemed genuine in his care for other people, he was honest and noble, and he had a different world view to anyone she had ever met. She felt protected when she was with him, and for the first time since she had escaped Hydra, she felt like she had purpose. She wasn't going to give that up.

The security agent was all too happy to let Captain America view the CCTV footage of his own exhibit. They skipped through it and found, as they had suspected, Bucky slowly walking around and staring at the wall dedicated to him for a long while. They checked the date he had been there - two days after the events at Shield. They still had no idea what he had done for the four days after that. "He knows the truth at least. Maybe he's remembered." Steve wondered aloud as they exited the museum. "No." Liz shook her head. "Maybe it jogged a few memories but after what he went through… It's going to take a while…" She sighed, racking her brain for ideas. "He probably retraced his steps hoping to remember more recent things. He's not at the river, so maybe the bridge? You know, where the two of you fought on TV last week." She offered, looking up at Steve.
"I checked already." He shook his head. "He wasn't there."

"You mean you couldn't see him." She half smiled.

Together they made their way to the bridge, making sure to blend in with the crowd to not scare Bucky away if he happened to see them before they saw him. They hung around the place where Steve had been arrested, and slowly strolled towards the bridge where the fight had broken out, the walls of buildings still scarred with bullet holes from everything that had happened. Steve looked around desperately, hoping to hear Bucky call his name and stroll over to him with that cocky smile he always had. Just when he was about to give up, he was slammed face first against the advertising board beside them. "What do you want?" He recognised Bucky's voice as he growled into his ear from behind.

Liz had jumped back and swallowed hard. The Winter Soldier looked just as large and menacing as she remembered, even though he was wearing black jeans, a black leather jacket over a black jumper and a baseball cap. His beard had grown and he looked a tired wreck as he gripped Steve's wrists behind his back to stop him from moving. Liz's breath caught in her throat as she watched him, mixed feelings tearing her apart. The man looked so defeated, yet still looked menacing. "Bucky, it's me." Steve tried to reason with him.

"Let him go." Liz tried to sound confident as she gave him the order, and as if by automatic reaction, Bucky did what he was told and took a step back, looking down at her with fear filled eyes, as if expecting to be punished any moment. When he saw she was no threat, he frowned, looking from her to Steve.

"I just want to help…" Steve offered, taking a step closer to Bucky as he tensed up, wearily watching the two of them. "Bucky please."

Bucky looked up at Steve with defeat, faintly recognising the blond man before him but couldn't remember him properly. When his gaze shifted to Liz, he frowned again, gazing at her as he racked his memory. She gritted her teeth and swallowed nervously, fearfully watching him as his eyes widened a little. "It's you." He said.