The Ero Brew

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I have always wanted to write a ZoSan fic. I'm not a big fan of One Piece as a whole but I follow every doujin there is of this adorable dorky couple.

Now this is my pathetic attempt at creating a story for them. If they're OOC, I ask for forgiveness in advance. Thanks!

There's no specific timeline here from the canon, 'coz I really don't follow it at all.

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When Sanji shifted in his sleep, he was expecting to sway. He'd been sleeping on his hammock for a long time it was probably instinct to feel the net moving underneath him.

Sanji groaned, forcing his eyes to open. His hammock wasn't swaying. In fact, he wasn't moving at all. It felt like he was lying on a cold flat surface. Since he was slowly gaining consciousness, he could feel every bit of his muscles aching.

His ass.

He wasn't mistaken. His ass was definitely twitching in pain. It was sore. Like really really sore. As if someone rammed a baseball bat in it and drilled it into him just for fun.

What the –

Sanji's eyes snapped open and he abruptly sat up, horrified. All of his memories from last night came back. He was suddenly terrifiied to look beside him, to confirm the reality of what happened last night. But he was a man. He had to man up and sort out this strange phenomenon that happened.

He was sitting in the middle of the Sunny's deck. Slowly he looked down, towards his side. And there it was, the unmistakable blob of greenish horror that would have Sanji probably scarred for life.

Zoro was lying on his side, snoring contentedly. Fact number one: they were both naked. Fact number two: They were both naked, covered in stale sweat and sticky cum, which was already forming into crust. There was only one conclusion in this anomaly, if Sanji were to ask his sore butt especially: they really had sex last night.

Sanji was nearly hyperventilating as he checked his bare body. He even slipped a hand onto his butt crack to investigate and he wanted to murder Zoro in his sleep as he felt the evidence of the swordsman's energetic virility dripping from his asshole. The bastard even had the gall to come inside his ass?

Sanji tried to think. What happened yesterday? What could have led them to –

He gasped, turning to the strange looking bottle lying empty beside him.

This bottle!

So it was true, what that merchant lady said: The Ero Brew was a love potion that would make a person feel passion towards someone he/she truly loved.

Oookay.

Rewind, rewind.

Yesterday, the Strawhat crew docked onto this small island to restock their food supplies and everything that needed restocking in the ship. Luffy and the gang rented cheap motels in the island while it was Zoro and Sanji's turn to babysit the Sunny. Every one went on their way, each with different chores to do.

Roronoa Zoro, the green haired Marimo idiot, wanted to also go off on his own, to do some sightseeing and to buy the supplies Nami asked him to buy. But Sanji knew Zoro would just get lost anyway and instead of taking some rest in the Sunny, Sanji was sure he would spend the whole night looking for the helplessly direction-challenged airhead.

So as mush as he hated the Marimo trailing behind him, Sanji forced Zoro to just do the shopping together with him. They could both finish what they needed to do and get back to the Sunny as quickly as possible.

Then they entered a strange shop and all Sanji wanted was buy some kawaii stuff for his beautiful ladies, Robin and Nami-swan. However the old lady at that shop took one long look at the two of them, and gave him this weird looking bottle.

"What is this?" Sanji had asked.

"It's a love potion. We call it the Ero Brew," the lady calmly answered.

Sanji frowned cluelessly. "Ehh? What am I going to do with it?"

The old woman gave another long meaningful stare at him and at the stoic green haired swordsman beside him. "If you and the person you love drink this, you will have the most passionate night together as your hearts, souls and bodies connect to reach the summit of sexual gratification," she explained.

Sanji's jaw had dropped open as he stared incredulously at the bottle. His first thought was that finally – finally – after all these years of pining after his most perfect beautiful Nami-swan... He could finally score!

Zoro glanced at the stinky looking concoction and snorted. "I don't think Nami'll let you into her pants with that!"

"Shut up, you mossy Marimo! What are you saying?" Sanji snarled, affronted. "I will never use this to tarnish the trust and passion between us!" he denied.

"Yeah, right. I can hear your thoughts, you pervy cook. You're practically thinking of ways how to slip that into her drink."

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you are!"

"I'm not, shithead!"

"Tsch!"

The old woman merely watched the duo's bickering and she chuckled. "I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. You cannot use that on a person who doesn't love you. It only works if both people are in love with each other."

Somehow, Sanji felt disappointed by that bit of fact, being the pervy that he was. Since he was really thinking of using this on Nami and even he knew Nami was not that in love with him. "Eh, so what's the use of this? If a couple is already in love with each other, what do they need this for?"

"It's true that some old husbands and wives use the Ero Brew to restore the passion between them. But it can also be used to bring together people who can not admit that they love each other. It is the more significant purpose of this brew, to bring together hearts that are fated to be one."

Both Zoro and Sanji were speechless for a second, looking at the old lady as if she were speaking in a different language.

Then the two men both burst in laughter. "Man, what a crock!" Sanji howled, punching Zoro's arm for emphasis. "This is bullshit, hee hee hee!"

"I agree with you on this one,shitty cook," Zoro replied, wiping the spit on his mouth for his sudden outburst of cackling.

"Okay, Madam, thank you for the offer, but, I don't think we'll need this. If I use this on the girl I'm aiming for and it doesn't work, I'll likely lose my arm. So, uh, thanks but no thanks," Sanji said, putting the small vial back on the table.

The small old lady walked towards the two tall hulking men. She brought forth a big knife from her pocket and forcefully stuck it into the table's surface, shocking the two pirates. "I'm an Ero technician," the woman announced, her eyes glinting in menace. "It is my purpose in life to bring together hearts that are fated to be together. I say you need that brew to be together with the one you love! Both of you!"

Zoro scratched his head, confused as to what that meant.

Sanji tried to reason out, "B-b-but I don't think anyone in our ship has a need for this. No one's in love or anything."

"Are you sure?" the woman asked sharply.

Sanji gulped. The woman's eyes were piercing him to his very core as if unravelling all his secret desires. Sanji suddenly grabbed the bottle again. He couldn't bear to look into those knowing eyes a second longer. Huffing, he reached for his pocket, "Fine! Fine. How much for this potion?"

"I will give it to you for free."

"Ehh? You sure?"

"The next time you come back to me, I will charge you a handsome fee. But for now you can have it for free."

"Come back? I don't think so?" Sanji replied, unsure why they needed to. Zoro continued to be quiet beside him.

"Don't worry. You will come back."

Sanji just shrugged. "Okay, fine. Whatever. And – uhh – thanks, I guess."

"Oh yes, you will thank me after this," the woman vowed, her eyes twinkling .

Fast forward to reality.

And this was how Sanji found himself, thoroughly ass fucked on the morning after, while the Marimo bastard lay sleeping beside him, looking quite content and happy.

Talk about being screwed. Literally and figuratively.

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And I'll post the next chapter asap. I'm pressed for time so I'm not able to finish the last chapter. This'll just be a cute little twoshot.

I hope you enjoyed it!