The pain is unbearable, My head is throbbing, There is a stabbing pain in my eyes and the stinging of my heart has rendered me unable to move. I feel so cold, so alone. In the distance I can hear the faint sound of the television. I am not sure what program is on but the actors are laughing. I am fairly certain not anything will even be remotely humorous to me for a very long time. The loud offending crash breaks me from my thoughts, signifying that he has finished his second bottle. I pull my knees closer to me. I hear the cap snap open on his third. I know he is going to get wasted. That is how he will try and forget. I wish I could try to forget too, Instead I will remember. my own form of personal torture and no amount of pain will ever allow me to forget.

This is the very same room we stayed in our first night in Indianapolis. Things were much better then we were all so drunk that night from celebrating none of us remembers very much. The only thing I remember vividly is his smell, It was as intoxicating as the rest of him. Every time I glanced over at Roman that night I noticed his eyes would be fixated on me, He noticed that I was also noticing Seth. Who would have ever guessed that we both would have been lucky enough to have him look at us that way too. This room of course feels much differently tonight. I want to be far away from here. I just want to leave but myself pity renders me motionless and I am unable to uncurl myself from this ball and walk away.

As another stray tear rolls down my face I hear another loud crashing thud and the cap of bottle number four snap open. I hear Roman mumble something to himself but I can't make out what it is he said. I fight the urge to yell at him. I know he is angry. I know I will be tomorrow but right now at this moment I am just hurt. I just want to know why. What the fuck was he thinking? Everything was finally perfect, It was all going right. Somehow I knew that something was going to go wrong. It always does, I am not destined to be happy. People always hurt me and I never thought anything Seth would ever do would hurt more than him telling me he was engaged until this. Somehow I knew it would be alright though because we could still have our little stolen moments but now I won't even have that. Jumping at the sound of bottle four being smashed I make a mental note that bottle five has just been opened.

I know Roman will never admit it but he is upset too. He had withdrawn from Seth recently and I wasn't very sure why, I just hope he doesn't blame himself. I doubt I will ever find out the answer to my questions of why Seth chose to betray us but I was sure it wasn't Ro's fault. If anything it was mine. People get sick of me, I am just not meant to be loved. The assault of bottle five forced me to wipe my cheeks dry and try to focus on snapping out of my dark place long enough to turn around and focus on Roman. His eyes met mine the look in them was familiar I had noticed it before. The same look he had in his eyes that very first night we were in this room. Just then he began to laugh and I watched him stumble over to the bed, he began to remove his clothes slowly. Standing there completely naked he reached for my hand and commanded that I stand up.

I showed no hesitation but he still helped me to my feet even though he was having trouble staying upright on his. "Undress" he commands as he looks at me, I obey of course. I remove my seconds pass before he is at work on my belt. Slipping my jeans off he has my boxers pooled at my ankles. Unsure of what his next move may be I feel my whole body become stiff. .He smiles at me weakly and leans in planting his lips against my forehead, Gently, he rests there a moment. He then tells me to "Lay down". I obey and get onto the bed. He slowly climbs in beside me and lays on his back. Pulling me onto his chest he wraps his arms around me.

As he sighs he lets the words "It was a;ways you" escape his lips.I tilt my head and glance up to meet his warm, soulful eyes and Wish I could believe him. He seems sincere as he relays his story and tries to convince me he is speaking the truth. Even though I am not so sure that I buy it I feel safe and protected and that is the closest thing to love that I have known for a long time. Just maybe I will get some sleep tonight. I've almost forgotten about Seth but the memories come racing back into my mind and the reality that I will once again have to look at him again makes me cringe. Roman tightens his grip on me and begins to slowly run his fingers through my hair. I can't help but feel relaxed and sleep looks like it may be a possibility tonight. Sleepily I take a chance and whisper out that I love him still afraid that he may not return the statement even after his completely un Roman like confession just moments ago. "I love you more" he quickly answers and I close my eyes and am thankful that tonight I felt wanted by someone tonight. I may not have him forever but I have him tonight and for now I can believe in us, While tomorrow I will believe in survival because nothing lasts forever.