Standard Fanfic Disclaimer that wouldn't last ten seconds in a court of law: these aren't my characters. I'm just borrowing them, and will return them to their original copyright holders unharmed, or at least suitably bandaged. Based on characters and situations created by J. K. Rowling and Earl Mac Rauch; I'm building sandcastles on their beaches. Originally published in the fanzine Grimmoire #1, from Ashton Press. A FanQ nominee for Best MultiMedia Story.

The Man with the Dragonbone Flute

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone/The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai

by Susan M. M.

for Blairbunny, occasional back-up keyboardist for the Hong Kong Cavaliers

London, 1982

"Okay, guys, that sounded great. Let's take a break for lunch," the bandleader ordered.

"Start rehearsal back up in an hour?" asked the saxophonist.

"We're in London, guys. Make it two hours, so we can do some sightseeing after we eat," the bass guitarist suggested.

"Okay, we start up again in two hours. Remember to look both ways when you cross the street; they drive on the other side of the road here," the bandleader reminded his crew.

The janitor watched as the musicians put up their instruments. He finished sweeping the floor, pulled out a pocket watch, and checked the time. Leaning the broom against the wall, he removed a slender white object from his pocket and put it to his lips. He began to softly play the rock ballad the band had just finished rehearsing. The flute gave the song a haunting, ethereal quality.

"That's not bad."

The chestnut-haired janitor looked up and saw the bandleader watching him. His eyes widened as the rock singer stuck his hand out.

"Buckaroo Banzai," he introduced himself.

The janitor lowered his flute and took the proffered hand. He smiled wryly. If anyone needed no introduction, it was Dr. Buckaroo Banzai, physicist, neurosurgeon, test pilot, and rock musician. "Remus Lupin."

"What you got there, Remus Lupin?" Buckaroo asked.

"Well, the man who sold it to me claimed it was a dragonbone flute," Remus replied honestly.

"May I?" Buckaroo held out his hand. Remus passed it over, and he examined it. "Well, definitely bone, but dragonbone, I don't know."

Remus shrugged. "You're the doctor, not me."

"You know 'Eleanor Rigby'?" Buckaroo asked. When Remus nodded, Buckaroo handed the flute back. He reached for his guitar. "Let's jam."

"But you're Buckaroo Banzai," Remus said.

"That's what it says on my driver's license." The dark-haired scientist smiled at him. "And you're Remus Lupin. Everybody is somebody. Shall we?"

The janitor was only twenty-two. He wasn't about to argue with an international rock star a decade his senior. He put the flute to his lips and blew. Buckaroo picked up his guitar and began strumming.

As they finished the song, the saxophonist, Reno Nevada, applauded softly. "Nice. We hiring a new musician?"

"Oh, no," Remus denied quickly. "Just taking my fag break, and since I don't smoke," he shrugged, "I thought I'd play a tune or two. I should get back to work."

"And I thought we were going to lunch," Reno added.

"We got two hours for lunch. There's time for a few songs first." He introduced them. "Remus Lupin, flute, Reno Nevada, saxophone."

"Buckaroo, you'd make time for a few songs before splitting an atom." Reno shook his head. Then he grabbed his saxophone. "So, what's next? Bill Haley? Elvis? More Beatles? Johnny Cash?"

Remus put the flute to his lips and played the first few notes of an aria from Mozart's 'The Magic Flute.' He paused and looked up at the other two men.

"Show-off," Reno muttered, but he started playing Mozart, too. Buckaroo joined in.

They played Mozart. They played The Who's 'Pinball Wizard,' Stan Rogers' 'Northwest Passage,' Elvis Presley's 'Jailhouse Rock,' and William Grant Still's 'Little Red Schoolhouse.' Remus would have loved to have played one of Celestina Warbeck's songs, but he knew Buckaroo and Reno, being Muggles, wouldn't have heard of her.

Reno put down his saxophone. "Don't know about you two, but I'm hungry, and lunch is late."

"Remus, can you recommend a good place for lunch?" Buckaroo asked. "Someplace the locals eat, not a tourist trap?"

"The Leaky Cauldron has the best shepherd's pie in London," Remus said before he could stop himself. Silently, he cursed the Veritas Curse he was under, and hoped it would wear off soon. He added hastily, "But the Dapple Mare has good fish and chips, and they're closer."

"Closer is good," Reno agreed.

"Fish and chips are fine by me. Lead the way, Remus," Buckaroo invited.

The beer was warm, but good. Remus poured vinegar over his chips. Buckaroo and Reno dipped theirs in ketchup.

"So you looking at a career as a broom jockey, or is it just a pay-the-rent job?" Reno asked.

Remus smiled. Truthfully, he quite enjoyed being a broom jockey, but not in the sense Reno meant. "Well, it's not what I had envisioned for my future when I was in school."

"What had you envisioned?" Buckaroo asked quietly.

Remus put another chip in his mouth so he'd have an excuse not to answer right away. He'd wanted to be an Auror, but the DMLE didn't hire werewolves. He'd thought about returning to Hogwarts as an instructor - as a prefect, he'd found he enjoyed tutoring younger students - but again, they'd never dare hire a werewolf. "I have a medical condition that flares up now and again. It makes it hard for me to hold a real job."

Reno and Buckaroo exchanged glances. Remus hadn't answered their questions.

Buckaroo took another sip of his beer. It wasn't fermented yak milk - his drink of choice - but it wasn't half-bad. "You ever consider a career as a musician?"

"Oh, no." Remus shook his head. "The flute's just a hobby.

"You know what they say: do what you love, and you'll never work a day in your life," Reno quoted.

Remus shrugged and ate another chip. Or as Reno insisted on calling them, another French fry.

"Our bass player, Pinky Carruthers, isn't technically a member of the Hong Kong Cavaliers. He's one of the Blue Blaze Irregulars. Sometimes they perform with us," Reno explained.

Remus understood the distinction. The Hong Kong Cavaliers were Buckaroo Banzai's rock band. All the performers were also members of the Banzai Institute for Biomedical Engineering and Strategic Information. The Blue Blaze Irregulars were Buckaroo Banzai's fans, friends, and helpers. The Blue Blaze Irregulars were a world-wide group of nearly six thousand men, women, and children who underwent rugged physical training, academic classes, and subscribed to the Blue Blaze Newsletter. They were on-call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, three-hundred sixty-five days a year (three-hundred sixty-six in leap years) to help Dr. Banzai in a pinch or their neighbors in a natural disaster.

"How'd you like to sit in for a set or two tonight?" Buckaroo invited.

"I'm not a musician," Remus protested. Nor was he a member of the Blue Blaze Irregulars; he didn't even own any of the Hong Kong Cavaliers' albums.

"A musician is someone who makes music," Buckaroo told him.

"Gotta admit, there aren't that many bands with bone flutes," Reno said.

"Well, the Jubialatores have a woman who plays a deerbone flute, but I don't know of any bands with a dragonbone flute." Buckaroo grinned.

Remus could think of three bands that included musicians who played dragonbone flutes, but being Muggles, non-magical people, he very much doubted that Reno or Buckaroo had heard of Kick the Cauldron, Nightingales and Nifflers, or the Broomstick Boys. And with the Veritas Curse that Dolores Umbridge and her cousin Jeremiah Cullen-Smythe had put on him, it was better to keep his mouth shut than risk saying the wrong truth to a Muggle ... especially a Muggle with more curiosity than a Kneazle.

After lunch, Buckaroo introduced Remus to Rawhide, the pianist, Perfect Tommy, the rhythm guitarist, Pinky Carruthers, the acting bass guitarist (the usual bass player was currently on a mission for NASA), and Pecos, the drummer. The roadies and back-up musicians were all British Blue Blaze Irregulars, and Reno explained that they had joined for this tour only, and would be replaced by French, Belgian, and German Irregulars when the Hong Kong Cavaliers moved on to the continent. They practiced a few songs, seeing where the dragonbone flute added to the music, seeing which songs the instrument simply didn't complement.

Although the Hong Kong Cavaliers could have easily filled the Royal Albert Hall every night for a month, Buckaroo Banzai had too many enemies to risk performing in a large, public venue at a concert or series of concerts that advertised throughout the entire United Kingdom and sold tickets in advance. Instead, each night the band performed at a different bar or nightclub, to the surprise and delight of the patrons. The Hong Kong Cavaliers had started out as a bar band, and security concerns aside, they preferred to stay true to their roots.

to be continued

Author's Note: The Jubialatores, and later the Goliards (of California, not the band of the same name in Georgia) had a performer, the late Janet Parish-Whittaker, who played a deerbone flute.