PART ONE

LETTERS FROM THE LOST DAYS

AN: I have much of this story written already. There will be regular updates once or twice a week. There will be detailed scenes of abuse in the form of memories, but I'll add warnings to each chapter that contains possible triggers.

CHAPTER ONE

JPOV

I sat looking at the stationary in front of me. Two notebooks lay side by side, one embossed with From the Desk of Jasper Whitlock, the other had only two words; Major Whitlock. Peter had organized this weeks ago and nagged me incessantly. He wanted to try a mental exercise; a conversation between myself and my alter ego. He was aware we were unable to communicate any other way, I desperately held the Major back as best as I could, not wishing to bring forth the death soaked warrior. The out of control, bestial creature that lived for gore.

Since we left Maria, Peter had insisted the Major wasn't who I thought he was, but Peter hadn't 'woken up' from a haze surrounded by corpses, I had. Anything that caused that much destruction needed to be repressed, I couldn't just let him wander out and kill everything I held dear. Still, Peter was a persistent bastard and after a conversation with Char I caved. Char knew me too well, she understood my fears and gave me the literal kick in the arse I needed. Her words crashed around my head. I had stipulations; isolation and the promise of death if all hell broke loose.

Peter had set up a room when he arranged the stationary. A small white room with a white desk and white chair. The silly fucker even included a white mug with a picture of a walrus and a bucket with a caption 'I haz buket.' He sure did love those memes. The mug held a selection of pens, pencils and the odd crayon. I had no idea what to say. How do you address someone who terrifies you? Someone you'll never see, yet those around you can?

Peter called out. "Just start writing anything; your thoughts, feelings, hell even you're mom's potato stew recipe."

Fuck it.

Major,

I don't know what the fuck will happen when you read this. I don't even know what to write.

You scare me. I don't want to be a monster, I don't want to lose my friends. I've lost too much already. I'm a person I'm adrift, I don't even know who the fuck I am anymore.

Please don't hurt Peter and Charlotte. If you have to kill someone, kill me.

J

Good enough I suppose.

I took a deep breath, starting to focus my mind like Peter had taught me. I felt the slight vibration at the back of my head and moved my mind towards it, focusing on it, keeping calm. I've never purposefully released the Major before, he released himself. I knew the feeling of his impending arrival; it was one I had tried to resist. It was different allowing it to happen. The vibrations got closer.

Then there was nothing.

MPOV

He was scared shitless; I could feel the residual effects of his fear. It wasn't as blinding as usual. I shook my hands and rolled my head around getting used to the feel of the body. I only had partial awareness of the events in Jasper's life, I only got glimpses when his emotions would peak and when he hunted. It was hard to stand back while the pressure on him mounted. Poor bastard.

For the last six months I planned and waited. Peter knew me well, just as well as he knew Jasper. He knew my role and followed my orders, we were both Jasper's guardians. This had been the way it was since we first fractured. Peter understood, he could see the truth and his little gift was a true asset to the three of us. He stayed true to us and coaxed the original part of us out, Jasper. Char also knew, she was my sister just as much as she was to Jasper. I stood up and walked to the door, opening it to see Peter and Char awaiting orders.

"Good job, you both worked hard in getting him to do this. I won't take too long in responding to him, he has to trust me. It'll take a while to build up. What is the status of the Cullens?"

"Major, my Intel tells me the twerp and the pixie are arguing with the rest of the coven over the abandonment of Ms. Swan. The big one wants to return to Ms. Swan, they focus on him not noticing our mutual friend's assistance to us. Our friend will call tonight at 2100; Char will field the call while 'hunting' and I'll distract Jasper. Once Char returns from 'hunting' I will take Jasper for a hunt. We'll update you then on current developments."

"Very well, I'll respond then let Jasper back."

They nodded and left. I sat down to peruse the letter.

Jasper was right to be fearful of what lurked inside him, inside us. His fear was justified, but he couldn't know the truth yet.

This would be the first step, soon we'd be whole.

Jasper,

I will not hurt you, Peter or Char. There may come a time when someone close to you will die by my hand, but by that time you'll understand why and may even take care of it yourself.

Your family is safe from me as are you. I hope that having arranged correspondence will let you get to know yourself as well as me. You've been lost for a long time, this is the first step in finding yourself. Everything will get better.

Hopefully, our communication will open your eyes to the truth and ease your worry.

As of now I have been in control for two minutes, thirty-five seconds. Feel free to check the time difference.

I hope to hear back from you soon.

Major.

I sighed and moved back to my place. The vibrations were home, as was the darkness that filled my consciousness.

JPOV

I felt a pulling sensation and then saw the pinprick of light expand into my field of vision. I was back in the room. I blinked a few times coming back to myself. I was surprised by the lack of disorder. "Peter? Char?" I heard their steps outside the door and flung the door open, I ran my hands over them and sniffed them for any bites or injuries. Their emotions were calm, happy even. They kept still, smiling at me. My shoulders slumped in relief. Peter touched my shoulder gently "I told you he wouldn't hurt us." Char hugged me to her as I calmed down. I knew there was a letter waiting for me, but I dreaded to read it. I needed help. Hand in hand my brother and sister walked me back to the desk. I froze as my eyes scanned the page.

I was surprised by the letter. It was articulate, almost…nice? Peter and Char's emotions were calm and I soaked in their tranquility. I was unsure what to think of the Major; fear? Yes, he was still an unknown and I knew firsthand what he is capable of. I avoided the memories of what happened during the wars and the horror of waking up to see what he'd done. My past was a blur, I preferred for it to remain that way.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.

I was calm, but still feeling uneasy. I'd opened a door and couldn't unsee the possibilities it would bring. I needed time to think.

PPOV

It had been four hours since I had left Jasper in his study. Reading was an escape for him, much like sleeping or alcohol could be for humans. I glanced at the clock, quarter to nine. I heard Char announce that she was going hunting, the door clicked closed as she left. Jasper seemed happy enough reading so I went back to the white room and took both letters to file away for later. Jasper would remember the Major's letter and wouldn't need to see it again to respond.

The last six months had been interesting. Finally we were getting somewhere, soon our brother would be whole. I grabbed a book and joined Jasper in the library. It didn't hold my attention, I needed to lighten the mood a little. Jasper felt my mischievousness and raised an eyebrow, I shrugged and he went back to reading. My phone was in my pocket, I slipped it out and took a photo. Jasper rolled his eyes. I approached again and took the book he was reading, taking a photo as he tried to get it back, I then took another as he looked angry and bookless. I went to the computer and uploaded the pictures, I added the caption 'Filosoper haz book' to the first. Then 'NOOO U cannot haz book' to the second and 'Filosoper iz mad grrr' to the third. I saved them to the backup hard drive and password protected the folder, these would come in handy.

I went to YouTube to kill some time, Jasper joined me after giving up on silent contemplation. The old fucker needed cheering up. Several clips from reality TV and a few hundred LOLcat pictures later I heard Char return. "Want to hunt, Jasper?" He shrugged, but went with me outside to hunt down a critter. He was in luck, there was some type of large cat in the mood for a fight. Jasper let his instincts take over, he had never realized the Major took control for the hunt. The Major broke the cat's neck and sucked down the blood quickly as Char joined us to report. "Major, the Cullens are considering separating. None have checked on Ms. Swan."

I felt the crackle of energy up my spine as my gift brought through information. "Major, Ms. Swan will suffer over the course of the next few months, as hard as it is to stay away from your mate she needs this time to change, to become stronger and grieve for the loss of her naïve self."
"I don't like it, Peter, but if it must be done I understand. When the time is right start sending her my correspondence with Jasper. For the moment commence writing to Ms. Swan. She needs us to stop her from giving in to the darkness." I nodded, the Major and Char had been keen to learn about Jasper's true mate since we devised the plan. Char and I would be the agony aunt and uncle she needed. Both needed to be whole, healed. No insecurities, no fear.

The Major bent and picked up the cat, holding his pose so Jasper could return without an inkling of the Major's presence. His eyes returned to their warm innocence, the haunted look of the Major receding. I laughed at the blood smeared on top of Jasper's lip, "Got blood?" I smirked at his eye roll. Despite the pain of leaving the pixie and 'family' there was an undercurrent of contentment, comfort.

For so long Jasper had battled his thirst and felt the judgment of his so called mother and father, the golden children constantly monitored him with their powers and built a wall between Jasper and the rest of the coven. Deep down he's relieved, he's finally got room to breathe. The pain won't last, we would make sure of it. While Jasper may have thought he grieved for the loss of his family, he was really grieving the loss of who he thought they were. Char and I were proud of our brother, he'd stuck to his diet with no trouble. Hell, he'd even been able to reduce the amount he fed off, I could see the bitterness in Jasper's eyes when he thought about how his control had improved, and I didn't need to be a mind reader to see Jasper thought it was too little, too late.

Give him time my gift nudged me. Time maybe infinite to our kind, but they were on a schedule. There were deadlines looming, but I wouldn't let them panic me, the plan would work. Me, Char and the Major had the moves mapped out.