AN: "Anti-Harem" is an appropriate term to describe this story... just in case you were wondering. Naruto will be pulled in all sorts of directions as the women in his life try to steal his heart. In the end however, he'll only choose one of them. This keeps the stakes high, because if there are no stakes, then none of the plot matters now does it? For those of you skeptical of such an approach, I urge you to give it a fair shot. You may just like it! Now then, let's get started...

The sun was high in the sky as two figures broke the horizon of Konoha. One of them was instantly recognizable via his wild mane of stark white hair, the Toad Sage Jiraiya. The other… not so much. He stood at exactly 5'9", a head shorter than the sannin. The sunshine highlighted his most distinguishing feature, a spiky blond mane of hair, similar in style to the the man next to him.

He wore simple, yet distinctive clothing, his long-sleeved shirt was a bright shade of orange, this shirt had several seals sewn into the fabric. His pants were a standard shade of navy and he had orange cloth wrapped around his ankles, likely to keep his pants from making unnecessary noise when he moved. He beamed as soon as the village of Konoha peeked over the horizon, without a word, he sprinted toward the gate. The Toad Sage reached forward to stop his apprentice, but he soon relented and jogged about 20 meters behind the young man.

Naruto was back, Naruto was finally home. He radiated a contagious aura of happiness that would brighten even the most hardened cynic's day, if it weren't so sunny out, you'd be forgiven for thinking he was glowing. Jiraiya squinted toward his apprentice and chuckled, the boy looked like a young child on Christmas morning. It was understandable of course, seeing as there were several complications during their two and-a-half years away from Konoha, one of which involved the Kyuubi periodically gaining control of Naruto's body. However, it seemed to have ceased sometime in the past two months.

Jiraiya sighed, visibly worried. While he was happy for Naruto, he was still wary of the Kyuubi, especially since Naruto revealed they could communicate freely as of late. He was curious to see what Naruto was capable of, seeing as he was able to subjugate such a corrupting influence. Even with all of this in mind, the Sannin's curiosity concerning Naruto wasn't without its selfish motivations... Naruto had grown quite a bit during their travels, and as fate would have it, his appearance was beginning to reflect the kind of person he was becoming. Jiraiya could tell that between his father's features, and his mother's disposition, Naruto had gotten the best of both of his parents, and then some.

The Sannin smirked, running his thumb along the spiral of his notepad. The women... and some of the men... of Konoha were in for a pleasant surprise this summer morning. They were in for a wonderful surprise, and Jiraiya would be documenting all of it.

"Jackpot."

Naruto turned his head toward Jiraiya. "Eh? You say something, Ero-Sannin?"

"It was nothing important, it's just been a while since I've been home."

"Yeah, I know right?! Race you to the gate!"

Naruto started to take off at top speed, but nearly fell on his back when Jiraiya's hand clamped down on his shoulder.

"So you gotta cheat to win, Ero-Sannin?"

"No. Slow down! Naruto, you look nothing like your ID anymore, you'll get arrested by ANBU for identity theft... that... and we need to get our story straight..."

"... Oh... well... I mean, you didn't have to spend so much money in those brothels you know, hotels would have worked just fine. We could've even told Baa-chan the truth when we got back!"

Jiraiya's nose began to trickle a bit of blood. "That was money well spent I might add..."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "I spent my first month of our training trip being smothered by monster tits from hell... It wasn't fun."

The Sannin sighed. "Yare, yare... you'd be saying something entirely different if that happened to you now."

The disgusted expression on Naruto's face didn't change. "I almost suffocated. Never again."

Jiraiya clapped Naruto on the back. "Come on! They just thought you were cute kid! I mean, you were pretty small for a 13 year old."

Naruto's expression shifted to a pensive one. "Yeah... I guess you're right. Normally you're only 'cute' at a brothel when you have a lot of money... I didn't have any."

Jiraiya slowed his jog, he had dejected look on his face. "... Ouch."

Naruto turned his head toward the Toad Sage. "So, why did we spend so much time in whore-houses anyway?"

Jiraiya smirked. "Remember Miko? The Madame of the brothel?"

Naruto's eye twitched. "Yeah... she's the one that did most of the smothering..."

The Toad Sage chuckled "Well, Miko and her Working Girls are part of my spy network. You'd be surprised what patrons will tell their escorts at night... that, and I had a working agreement with her with regard to... discounts."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "I hope it was worth it. You could buy an army's worth of brand new gear with the cash you wasted on fake boobs and crappy sake."

The Sannin flicked Naruto on the back of the head, causing the teen to stumble forward. "Don't tell Tsunade, Naruto. She'll assume I was slacking off the entire time."

Naruto rubbed the spot where he was flicked. "That's a first, you called me by my name."

The two shinobi jogged over the hill to the main gate, and lo and behold... Izumo was currently trying to wake Kotetsu from a cat nap. Naruto jogged up to the two chuunin. "Hey! Do you guys remember me?" Naruto flashed his ID, but to no avail.

Izumo turned to Naruto and scratched his head. "I don't think we've met sir."

Jiraiya piped in. "The chuunin exams ring any bells? Orange jumpsuit, maybe?"

Kotetsu suddenly snapped awake and looked directly at Naruto. "Yea, you're that orange kid who beat Neji Hyu- … Whoa, puberty hit you like a train, kid." Izumo whirled around and stared at Naruto, who stared back.

Izumo stared, slack-jawed at the blonde ninja. "Naruto? Naruto Uzumaki?"

The jinchuuriki gave a thumbs up and smirked. "In the flesh! Dattebayo!"

Kotetsu pulled his forehead protector over his eyes and leaned back against the tree. "Dattebayo huh?… I forgot how annoying that was. -yawn- Hokage-sama said to go see her as soon as you got back."

Kotetsu pulled out a clipboard and checked Naruto in, he motioned for the boy to walk through the gates before kicking back and exhaling. Izumo looked at his friend with an exasperated expression and retorted. "Oh, so now you actually do your job, what's it take for you to-… DID YOU GO TO SLEEP AGAIN ALREADY?!"

Naruto stared in amusement at Izumo's attempts to awaken Kotetsu. Approaching boredom, Naruto absentmindedly dug in his ear and went on his way through the checkpoint, as he stepped through the gates, a familiar sight greeted him. It was the Gate Plaza, the place that would both receive him and say it's farewell every time he passed through those giant red doors for a mission. He looked at the statue of the Shodaime Hokage on the top of the fountain and smiled nostalgically at it, however, something that he hadn't seen before caught his eye.

Off in the distance, he could see a fifth face on the Hokage's monument. Naruto grinned and his chest puffed out, knowing that he himself was instrumental in getting her to return to Konoha.

As the two shinobi walked through the streets, Naruto spoke in a somber tone. "Hey, Ero-Sannin?"

"Hn?"

"There's… something I gotta do real quick… won't take more than 20 minutes."

Jiraiya gave Naruto a strange look. "You okay?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah… it's just something I need to do right now."

The Toad Sage's expression sunk. "This about Sakura?"

Naruto's eyes widened slightly. "Oh… no… not this time."

Jiraiya sighed and nodded. "Go, we'll be waiting for you."

Naruto nodded and leapt to the nearest rooftop and made his way toward his destination. He took in the feeling of the wind blowing through his hair, the sound of it rushing past his ears. Naruto felt empty… weightless… at least until his sharp hearing picked up the ambient noise from the streets below.

"He looks like the…"

"Is that the demon brat?"

"I though the Yondaime was dead!"

"Oh my god. That guy is so hot!"

Naruto's ears twitched at that last one and he stopped and looked around. Unable to find this "hot guy", Naruto awkwardly stopped on a roof overlooking a busy boulevard, and gradually, everything slowed to a halt. Man or woman, young and old, the hundreds of people in the dirt roads of Konoha were staring up at Naruto. Some out of lust, others out of fear, and possibly even nostalgia. Naruto nervously chuckled and scratched the back of his head; he gave an awkward smile and continued onward to the nearest rooftop to go run his errand. Everybody was rubbernecking, trying to catch a glimpse of Naruto as he ran across the rooftops, unintentionally invoking the image of the late Yondaime Hokage.

Ino was bored, no, 'bored' is an understatment; on this particular day, watching paint dry would look like the fucking 3rd Shinobi World War. Inoichi had forced her to help run the flower shop for the day since he was on a mission, and Ino's mother, well, she was "out", whatever that meant. Having sat there for five hours, without a single customer in sight, Ino was considering bashing in her skull in with a flowerpot. Well, she would've, but the bell on the door jingled as an unseen customer walked in. Ino straightened up as the footsteps drew near the shelf blocking the register.

Ino straightened her apron and wiped the look of disgust off her face.

"Welcome to Yamanaka Arrangements, are you looking for anything in particu-… Oh My God."

The flowerpot she was holding shattered on the floor.

Naruto looked at the shattered pot and quizically scratched the back of his head. "Uh… Hey Ino, It's nice to see you again. Look, I know we're not exactly friends or anything, but I really need your help."

Ino didn't hear a word that Naruto had said.

This guy was gorgeous, even if she was firmly opposed to using that adjective to describe a man, it was the only word that fit. No getting around it. Stunning enough to leave Ino Yamanaka, the village ice-queen, tongue-tied like a groupie. Ino's mind was drifting toward impure fantasies involving this orange-clad whiskered beautiful specimen of… orange whisker mar- … Wait.

Ino gasped. "Nooooo… NARUTO?!"

Naruto cocked his head to the side and appeared confused.

"Wha- ... Have I really changed that much? I know I don't look like my ID anymore bu-"

Ino abruptly scrambled to the floor, cutting Naruto off. She picked up the shattered remnants of the flowerpot, but found her eyes drifting toward Naruto as opposed to the task at hand. Ino rose to her feet, having only picked up a singular piece of the flower pot. "Uhm. Uh… anyway! Was there something you needed me for, Naruto?"

Naruto perked up a bit. " I need some flowers for... someone close to me."

Ino clutched the shard of the pot, staring at Naruto inquisitively. "For what occaision?"

Naruto's closed-lipped smile disappeared, causing Ino to recoil slightly at the unexpected shift in his demeanor.

Naruto ran up the tree for the umpteenth time, only to land firmly on his ass... again. "Dammit! Why's this so much easier for everyone else?" Naruto sprinted toward the tree and punched it, his fist embedded itself firmly in the bark, and the whole tree shuddered as countless fruits Naruto had never seen before all began to fall to the ground. He looked up to further examine the tree he was training on, but apparently that wasn't in the cards for him, because he was promptly knocked out by a yellow, star-shaped fruit that landed on his face.

The black abyss slowly disappated and Naruto could feel himself returning to conciousness after what only felt like seconds.

The genin's mind began to ponder his predicament. 'Why am i so comfortable? Last thing I remember is getting hit in the face by one of those damn fruits.'

Naruto's eyes slowly opened to one of the most beautiful faces he'd ever seen, second to Sakura of course. His head was propped up on her knees and he could feel her treating the bruises and cuts on his face and body.

"You're awake. I'm glad."

Naruto smiled, or what would pass for a smile, given the amount of pain he was in. He tried to sit up, but the beautiful girl stopped him.

"Don't move yet, I'm almost done."

Naruto didn't complain and stared up at her face as she treated his cuts and bruises. She noticed his gaze and smiled down at him.

"Might I ask your name?"

"Naruto... Naruto Uzumaki."

"Uzumaki? I've heard of that clan before. What's it like?"

"Actually, I never knew there was a clan. I'm an orphan as far as I know."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that... I'm an orphan as well."

"Really huh? What's your name, Miss? I gotta call you something."

"... It's Haku."

Naruto's blank expression gave Ino the chills, his voice was measured and pensive, uncharacteristically so for someone of Naruto's temperament.

"She was gentle, and kind... Without her, I wouldn't be where I am today." Naruto looked toward the ceiling nostalgically, Ino could have sworn his eyes went watery for a second. She put two and two together and pointed toward a bouquet of lavender and black flowers that are commonly put on the graves of loved ones.

Ino nodded and replied in a sympathetic tone. "Oh, I see… I don't wanna stir up any more bad memories. I'd suggest those over there… how about 500 Ryo, Naruto."

Naruto walked over and inspected the flowers, they were lovely, black petals with lavender tips. Naruto, being an honest individual looked down at the tag and back to Ino, slightly confused.

"You sure? The price tag says 1000."

Ino nodded in affirmation. "It's fine… Welcome back, Naruto."

"Ya know, you're alright, Ino."

Naruto turned and started to jog out the door, he chirped out his goodbye as he left. "Thanks, I'll see you around!"

After Naruto flipped the money to Ino and walked out the door, there was a short spell of silence where Ino stood behind the counter, frozen solid. This pause ended when Ino's knees suddenly buckled and she fell to the floor in a heap of flustered giggles.

Ino clutched her chest, and felt her heart knocking around like never before. "So… is this what it's like for guys to talk to me?"

The blonde's emotional experience was interrupted when her mother's face crept into her view of the shop's ceiling.

"Hey mom."

"Ino… you broke one of my pots..."

The Yamanaka Heiress continued staring at the ceiling. "It's not the pot you should worry about... I think he broke me."

The woman raised an eyebrow and smirked. "He? Is my little Ice Queen falling in love?"

Ino's blank expression contradicted the chaos of her inner world.

"... Maybe."

Less is more… for now. Chapters will increase in length based on reviews/reader engagement. Hope you enjoyed it! Now go on and read the next chapter!

~ Breath of the Wiz