A/N: Okay ... since I screwed up their "Thing" so much in the My Kensi/My Deeks stories and so many of you threatened my life for doing so, I offer you this sequel. It may not be what you want but I did feel bad for the way it all turned out ... I blame it on a terrible childhood that continues to haunt me til this day. Just kidding ... I had a wonderful childhood. Maybe it was too many Mountain Dews ... or maybe it was too much speculation about how the season would end and where it would leave DENSI after the credits rolled.

It will take a few chapters to work my way through this, so please be patient in regards to the amount of time between updates.

Thanks again and here is my attempt to make peace with all the DENSI fans that I may have upset.

Hard Tears

Senior Agent Kensi Marie Blye plopped down at her desk while she simultaneously shoved the last of her doughnut into her mouth. The calories didn't bother her, she had just spent the last forty-five minutes wearing out the heavy bag that was still probably swinging back and forth in the gym. She had showered quickly and arrived at her desk just as the Office of Special Projects was coming to life that morning, a few early bird agents giving her polite 'Good Morning' greetings as they passed on their way to their work stations. Kensi nodded in return as she opened her laptop and typed in her password to see if anything exciting had happened overnight.

This was her routine and had been for the past few years. Kensi always came in early, had a good work out, then she would catch up on the news while waiting for her team to come in to start the day. When the day was over, she stayed late, worked out again, then headed to her quiet bungalow where she caught up on her latest DVR recordings before slipping into a, hopefully, dreamless night's sleep.

It wasn't really a routine, more like a cycle ... cycle she felt like she was going to repeat until the day when a bullet would find a seam in her vest or she wouldn't get out of the building before it exploded. She didn't date; romance held no more attraction to her than a plate of fresh broccoli would. Nell's last attempt to set her up with some guy had almost led to bloodshed so that subject was one of those issues that were never spoken of within the halls of the Mission. It was one of the reasons she no longer went to a public gym ... to many times trying to come up with excuses why she couldn't go out with any of the many men who, even at her age, still found her attractive.

Kensi knew she was destined to die with guns blazing ... no one at home waiting for her ... no one to let down ... no one to hurt.

A few moments later, Operations Manager G. Callen strolled in and paused as he passed by the bullpen where his friend was studiously reading the latest national security briefings. He wasn't sure if she had noticed him or not ... of course, she had ... so he just watched his old teammate and close friend as she leaned over her computer and sipped on her coffee. She seemed lost in her thoughts and from the way she was chewing on her lower lip, he knew it wasn't about the latest threat to national security. He was about to say something to maybe snap her out of it and maybe get her to laugh, like she used to when she had a shaggy, blonde-haired partner. Before he could come up with anything suitable, she spoke without actually looking over at him.

"You know, watching someone the way you are could be construed as 'creepy'."

Callen slipped over and stopped just in front of her desk that used to be his. "A wise woman once told me that you can never stop working on your field-craft."

Her left eyebrow quirked up. "And when was the last time you were in the 'field'?"

Callen grinned as he shrugged his shoulders. "Touche."

Touche.

It actually stunned Kensi how that one word could bring back such a flood of wonderful memories ... memories of a laid-back surfer who could crack up the team even when the world was exploding around them. There were still times when she could swear she heard his laugh echoing through the Mission or she would catch a glimpse of his messy blonde-hair out of the corner of her eye. It had been years since he gone back to LAPD but the shadows of her old partner were still all around her, and it still made her heart ache for the days of their easy banter and sexy flirtations.

Callen watched as his friend seemed to lose herself for a moment and he felt a little sad, knowing that he had inadvertently triggered a memory. The expression on her face didn't indicate whether it was good or bad ... but the way her eyes slipped to the desk that had once been occupied by an annoying police detective, told him that some memories never truly died.

"Kensi?" No one called her 'Kens' anymore, it always felt like they were using a nickname that had always belonged to one person and one person alone.

When she turned to look back at him, Callen took a moment to wonder what might have happened all those years ago if the female agent had never been sent to Afghanistan in the first place.

"Yeah?" It came out a bit more hesitant than she intended.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

I'm fine.

Callen remembered the day that Deeks had left them only a few weeks after the office had found out about Kensi's engagement to Jack. The detective had finished boxing up his personal items from his locker and desk when he had pulled Callen into one of the secluded corners behind the bullpen. The look of pure anguish in the other man's eyes had immediately captured the senior agent's attention as Deeks proceeded to demand that his friend watch after Kensi after he was gone.

"She'll say she's 'fine' ... and that means she's not." Deeks looked almost desperate.

"Okay Deeks."

This only caused the blonde man to shake his head, his voice stern. "No G., you don't understand. She'll be stubborn and deny it ... but if she says she's 'fine' ... don't believe her ... keep asking ... keep digging ... make sure she's alright."

Callen placed a reassuring hand on his friend's shoulder. "You got it Deeks."

"Promise me." There were unshed tears in the corners of the shaggy man's eyes. "Promise me that you'll look after her ... keep her safe."

The older man squeezed his friend's shoulder firmly, trying to give him some semblance of peace. "We won't let anything happen to her ... promise."

That memory was so fresh in Callen's mind, it could have happened yesterday and not all those years ago when he watched his team begin to crumble right before his eyes. He was struggling with what to say to Kensi when he saw two of the overnight analysts waiting for him at his desk, the antique one Hetty had left for him when she retired. Kensi turned to follow his line of sight and caught the impatient looks that the techs were sending Callen.

"I guess the bad guys started early today."

Callen let out a long sigh as he stepped around Kensi's desk, but before he went too far he paused and turned back to face her. "Kensi, how about you come over sometime this weekend? Joelle is having a hard time picking out the colors for Mariah's new room and she's getting tired of me saying that whatever she picks will be okay ... I think she could use another woman's perspective."

Kensi glanced up at him for a second before she looked back down at her coffee cup. "I don't know ... "

"Come on Kensi ... you haven't been over since we celebrated Mariah's adoption and that was months ago and Nell and Eric had to practically drag you then." He lowered his head so he could catch her eyes. "Please?"

Kensi knew he meant well, but going out with friends was just getting harder and harder these days ... she was resigned to be alone and she was getting to the point were she had convinced herself that she liked it that way. She made the mistake of looking up at him and the puppy-dog expression on his face made her laugh softly before she could stop herself. The way he was mushing out his lower lip finally broke her resolve.

"Okay, okay ... just please stop with the poor-pitiful look ... it doesn't look good on you."

Callen smiled down at her. "Yeah, but it works every time."

"Shut up."

He side-stepped the punch that was aimed at his right shoulder. "Ha! Missed!" But he hesitated too long when she redirected it to the middle of his thigh. "Ow ... crap ... Charlie horse ... Charlie horse!"

Kensi almost snickered as she watched him dance around in a little circle, other memories threatened to come to her mind but she shut slammed the door on them quickly. "And you want to come back into the field? Ha!"

Callen stopped hopping around, hoping the cramp her punch had triggered would work itself out. Just as he went to speak, a commotion at the top of the stairs caught his attention. Kensi saw the smile on his face falter and she spun in her chair just as a frantic Nell Jones-Beale tore down the stairs, other agents giving her a wide berth.

"Kensi! Kensi!"

At the way her friend was almost screaming her name, Kensi knew something was seriously wrong. Shooting out of her chair, she and Callen both made it to the landing at the bottom of the stairs just as Nell screeched to a halt.

"I can't believe it ... it's horrible ... oh God!" Nell was as white as a ghost.

Callen stepped forward and placed his hands on the petite woman's arms. "Nell! Hey ... calm down ... what happened?"

"It's ... I can't ... "

"Nell ... slow down ... breathe girl ... breathe ... " Kensi stepped in closer and saw the tears beginning to fall down her friend's cheeks. "What's got you so upset?"

Nell slid her hands onto Callen's forearms and closed her eyes as she fought to regain control of her emotions. She blew out a few quick breaths. letting the flush of oxygen into her system help calm her down. It took a few seconds, but she finally relaxed and both of her teammates stepped back a little to give her more room. "I was checking the morning alerts ... like always ... start with Homeland, then CIA, NSA, FBI ... then I skim over the local reports ... when I got to the one for the LAPD ... it was at the top of the list ... "

At the mention of LAPD and her friend's emotional state ... Kensi's heart stopped beating.

"Nell ... is it Deeks?" The mournful look she found in her friend's eyes made her legs begin to give out from under her. "Please ... Nell ... please tell me he's alright ... he can't be ... "

Nell caught Kensi's hand in her own, hoping she could help catch her if she collapsed. "No Kensi ... it's not Deeks."

Kensi's expression shifted to one of total confusion. "I don't understand ... if it isn't Deeks then who ... "

Nell cut her off. "It's Talia."

For a brief moment, Kensi felt her heart begin to beat again. "What are you talking about?"

Callen tugged Nell, who pulled Kensi along with her, toward the bench that sat in the little alcove just around the corner. As soon as they were settled, Nell explained.

"It was in the LAPD official notification page. Last night, Police Academy Instructor Detective Talia Cote Deeks was on her way to a dance recital to meet up with her daughter and husband, LAPD Captain Martin Andrew Deeks when a drunk-driver ran a red light and plowed into her car ... " There were fresh tears on the woman's face when she continued. " ... she died on impact."

"Oh God ... " Kensi felt like her guts had just been ripped out and dragged across the floor.

Callen lowered his head and gently patted Kensi on her back. Even with all that had happened over the years, all the sad changes that occurred after that disaster of that mission in Afghanistan ... they were still family and if one of them was hurting, they all hurt. "Nell, have you told anyone else?"

The woman's shoulders shook as she choked out a soft sob. "No ... Eric knows ... he was with me when I read the report."

"Okay. I'll call Hetty ... last I heard she was somewhere in Thailand." Callen leaned back as he tried to control the sadness that he knew his friend was experiencing at that very moment, knowing that Deeks would need all their support and love to get through this. "Sam's still down at Pendleton ... I'll get him back up here ASAP."

Kensi looked up at her friend, concerned for the way his voice had lost all of its tone. "Callen ... are you okay?"

When he turned his steel-blue eyes on her, she felt the intensity of his words before he even spoke them.

"Deeks is going to need us ... all of us to get through this." Callen nodded his head right at her. "Okay Kensi?"

He didn't have to say anything more. The subject that no one had dared talk about for the past several years but had always hung over them ... was like a slap in Kensi's face. If anyone had confronted her this way before ... they would have ended up squirming in pain on the floor ... but now, she was well aware that the void that Deeks' departure had left when he could no longer compete with Jack, all that rested squarely on her shoulders. And she was finally at a stage when she could put all her guilt and shame aside and do what she needed to do for the man who had done so much for her ... even after she rejected him.

Kensi swallowed hard and wiped a stray tear from her cheek before she spoke. "Whatever I need to do Callen ... for Deeks, I'd do it in a heartbeat."

Knowing he had pushed a little hard on her, Callen nodded quickly before patting her softly on the hand. "Okay ... why don't you and Nell catch your breaths while I make a few calls?"

The two women sniffled and nodded together.

He leaned down and placed a light kiss on the top of each of their heads before he spun and walked quickly over to his desk. Kensi saw him unlock a desk drawer before pulling out a small leather notebook that he flipped through until he found whatever it was he was looking for. It was apparently a phone number, as he was now tapping numbers into his phone. She wanted to know who he was talking too, but he turned away and she could no longer see his lips.

Kensi felt Nell shudder next to her, so she wrapped her arm around her friend and tugged her closer. The smaller woman dropped her head against the brunette's shoulder as she wiped at her eyes and nose. When the younger woman spoke, her voice was sad and soft.

"I can't imagine what Deeks is going through ... I mean, I can't even begin to think how I'd feel if I lost Eric like that ... without getting to say good-bye ... that I love him ... "

That only made Kensi's heart break even more. She knew exactly what that was like. The last moments before she lost her father had been filled with angry words ... no good-byes ... no I love you's ... and that was something she had struggled for years to resolve in her own mind and heart. She could only have hope that he had forgiven her, that his last thoughts had been of her and of the love that a father would always have for his daughter ... no matter the damage a brief moment of anger could cause.

Of course, it had been her own shaggy-haired partner that had helped her deal with those regrets when she had finally taken him on her annual trip to visit her father's grave. Deeks had given her space, letting her spend a few moments to silently grieve over her loss, but then he had placed a comforting hand low on her back and spoke of how proud her father would be of her ... of how a father's love for his daughter couldn't be dimmed by a trivial thing like a silly argument over staying out late with friends. She had turned and buried her face in his chest and he had gently held her while she cried. Her partner ... her friend ... her Deeks ... had comforted her at her father's graveside and helped her see that even though he was gone, Donald Blye would always be with her.

Now, with an overwhelming loss, her Deeks would need her to help comfort him.

Nell shifted slighty beside her, pulling Kensi from her memories. The brunette gave her friend's hand a gentle squeeze. "When was the last time you saw Deeks?"

The little red-head smiled softly even though there was still tears in her eyes. "A few weeks ago ... I got Eric a new board for his birthday; we met Deeks at the beach and he helped my husband 'break it in'."

Kensi frowned slightly, remembering a forgotten birthday that she felt she never fully atoned for.

"How was he?" The question slipped out before she realized she was evening thinking about asking.

Nell turned her eyes up to Kensi's, looking for the reason behind the question. "He was good ... talked about Anna starting Karate class ... about Talia's plans to renovate their kitchen this summer ... then he started with the 'Sex Wax' jokes and before long, I was laughing so hard ... I was crying."

Kensi let her heart think back to all the times 'Sex Wax' plus Deeks had equaled some incredibly silly comments ... ones that she had missed more than she realized. "Yeah ... he always had a way of taking a simple thing and turning it into something vulgar ... "

" ... and funny." Nell wiped at the corners of her eyes

Sadly, Kensi felt the familiar pang of regret trickle through her. "Yeah ... funny."

"He asked about you ... wanted to know how you were doing."

That caught Kensi by surprise. "What did you tell him?"

Nell turned her eyes and gave her friend a peculiar look. "I lied and told him you were fine."

With that statement, that conversation thread died right there. Neither of them were ready to take it any further.

After a few quiet moments, the smaller woman slumped against her friend. "God Kensi! This is going to devastate him ... I mean, Talia was his life ... he loved her so much ... and little Anna ... she's lost her mother ... "

Nell seemed lost in her thoughts and the words that were tumbling from her mouth. Her concern over her former teammate was causing her to miss how what she was saying was affecting Kensi. "I mean, Deeks was so happy to have a family of his own ... I never thought I would see him smile again after you ran ... " Nell's felt the woman beside her stiffen and the words died on her lips.

After you ran.

"Oh ... Kensi ... I'm sorry ... I didn't mean to bring up the past ... "

Kensi shook her head gently. "No ... it's okay Nell." It was something they never talked about but it had always been hidden in sad looks and silent expressions. The last time the subject had some up had been when Nell was helping Kensi with her wedding invitations and Nell was shocked to find Deeks name on the list, even when he had been gone from NCIS for months. During that time, Kensi wasn't sure if she had done it out of a sense of duty to include her former teammate in what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life ... or if it was a moment of lashing out at him once more for always sticking by her side and looking out for her ... even when she was pushing him away. When she thought about it now ... she still wasn't sure.

"I'm fully aware of how much I screwed things up back then ... no need to beat yourself up about it."

"Still ... I'm sorry."

Wrapping an arm around the smaller woman, Kensi gave her a soft hug. "You shouldn't be ... it wasn't your fault ... that was all on me and my stupid need to be right and fix everything that went wrong with me and Jack the first time around." She let out a long sigh before speaking so softly, Nell almost didn't hear her. "And you're right ... I ran ... I ran from everything after Afghanistan ... and I ran from Marty and all that we could have been."

"And Jack?"

The laugh-snort that came from Kensi's mouth had no trace of humor in it ... only regret. "Jack was my chance to show the world that Kensi Marie Blye didn't fail at anything ... I felt like I had been given a second chance to prove that to myself and to everyone else."

They sat in silence on the little bench as several agents and analysts walked by, giving the two women curious glances but also leaving them their space in what was obviously a very private moment. It was Nell who finally broke the quiet with a simple question.

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"Jack?"

Nell shook her head at how her kick-ass friend could be a total doofus sometimes. "Noooo ... Deeks."

"Oh." She had hoped that the conversation would tread there, but at that moment in time, Kensi felt like maybe she could actually talk about her old partner without feeling like total crap about it. "Uh ... it was about a year ago ... some of your cohorts up in operations drug me to the beach."

"Tasha?"

"Along with Katherine and Hannah."

Nell chuckled lightly. "I think I remember that ... they all came in on Monday talking about how you had bumped into some gorgeous surfer dude and his family."

"Yeah ... I got to meet Talia and little Anna that day too."

"I remember it because the girls kept going on about how much it seemed to upset you ... how when they tried to bring it up later ... you exploded and yelled at them to mind their own damn business."

Kensi lowered her head, shame at that outburst from so long ago. "They were being generous ... I think I may have even threatened their lives at one point."

Nell gave a simple 'hmmm' before leaning forward to the edge of the bench, taking a moment to look down at the floor before she spoke. "I wanted to ask but never had the guts ... but Kensi ... why did that get to you so much? I mean, you sulked around here for weeks after that weekend."

Her normal reaction would have been to stomp off and then mope for days, but her emotions were still raw from the news of Talia's death and Kensi just didn't feel up to lying to her friend any more.

"Sometimes ... sometimes you don't realize what you have until you lose it." She wiped away another tear that had slipped down her cheek. "When I saw Deeks and his family together on that beach ... I was so mad that it wasn't me with him ... I wanted that little girl to be ours ... I wanted to punch Talia in the face for just touching him ... I wanted to hate Deeks so much for moving on ... finding his happiness when I was alone ... "

After a few awkward seconds, she continued. "But it wasn't his fault ... it was me ... it had always been me, I'm the one who pushed him away. Even when we were just starting out as partners ... then as friends ... even after we became lovers ... I always kept one foot out the door, ready to run at the first hint of betrayal on his part."

Nell softly patted her friend's knee. "I'm sorry Kensi ... I didn't mean to upset you."

"No Nell ... I think I've been upset ever since I came back from Afghanistan ... I couldn't move forward, I was stuck in the past ... and Deeks was ... he was in my future and I couldn't deal with that ... "

Whatever she was going to say just died in her thoughts and they slipped back into a calm silence. The two of them held onto each other, both comforting and being comforted just by the other's presence. After several moments, Nell sniffled loudly and pulled herself away from Kensi, tugging lightly on her hand.

"Come on, let's find out if they've posted any more information about the accident ... and then we'll take it from there, okay?"

Kensi stood along with her friend, amazed at how resilient Nell Jones-Beale could be when everyone else around her was falling apart. "Okay Nell ... and thanks."

"Come on ... I'm sure Eric has some news and we'll see what we can do to help Deeks."

Kensi followed her friend up the steps to operations, wondering what in the world what any of them could be able to do to help someone who had just lost their spouse. All the times that Deeks had made them laugh when some darkness had threatened their little family came rushing into her mind and it almost overwhelmed Kensi as she reached the top of the stairs. What could she possibly do for the man who had once been her everything but was now not much more than sweet memories and sad regrets?

Even if you don't see me ... I'll be there.

That was it.

The purpose fell on her shoulders like a heavy weight. He had always had her back ... always protected her ... Hell, he even supported her when she was marrying another man.

Now.

Finally.

She would try to repay the debt that she owed him. They were no longer lovers or co-workers ... but deep down. Kensi knew that somehow, Deeks had always been her friend ... it was about damn time she started being one in return. So, in his time of need, she would stand shoulder to shoulder with the others ... she would finally have his back ... just like he had always had hers.

I'll be there.

...

A/N:

Shall I continue or should I just burn this now?

There's a little box at the bottom of the page where you can leave your thoughts. And please, whoever keeps mailing me dead cats, you can stop now ... I get the message and I'm running out of places to bury them in the back yard.

On a personal note: If you are following my other stories (Aunt Hetty and The Broken Road), I apologize for the long wait for updates. My mother was recently diagnosed with aggressive and advanced stomach/pancreatic cancer with a poor prognosis from her doctors. I live four hours away from her and my brother, niece and I are rotating staying with her now that she needs 24/7 care. This has brought a huge amount of emotional stress and strain on my family that is taking all of my focus at the moment and traveling back and forth is just wearing me out. I lost my desire to write anything for a time and am just now getting the strength to start-up again. This little story seems to be therapeutic for me and it's helping me work out some of the emotions that have been plaguing me over the past few weeks. Thank you all so much for your understanding and support while I work all of this out. I will try to update as much and as often as I can, but right now, there are other things that are taking priority. I love to write but it will have to take a back seat when it comes to caring for my family.

Semper Fi

JS