I already lose the ability of judging from what's right or wrong since long ago. I don't know what is moral or righteous. All I know is what's in front on me. The love that I have to hold on to. No matter the cost. Just how far will you go for love? How high the hurdles can you leap for love? Are you willing to sacrifice something? Give your life willingly? Will you soar in the heaven with the one you love?

But for me, its no longer a matter of question of being able or not. I will do it. Definitely or die trying. I could even swim in the depths of hell with him. It was such a pity that I only have but one life to give him.

# # # # # # # # # #

Killua is actually a homicidal maniac..

But no matter what, Gon is Killua's best friend, confidante, the only person aside from his family who understands him and still accept him. And now…

Killua's lover..

Killua's source of comfort and Gon provide the emotional security that he always craved. Gon love Killua, and they've been together for 8 years now. Nothing really changed. No matter what people say about their uncommon relationship. And all these years Gon kept Killua's secret. Just like how Killua always protect Gon, this time he will protect Killua.

Gon is sure among his friends, he's the only one aware of this side of Killua. Leorio, Kurapica, Palm-san, Ikalgo-san, Meleoron-san, Knov-san, Morau-san and probably even Biske doesn't even have any inkling about that other side of Killua.

Even Killua is only vaguely aware of that himself. Most of the time, he doesn't remember anything. The dark side of Killua. Like a split personality. He would become fidgety and restless around Gon from time to time. His memory hazy if you asked him simple questions like what did they eat last night or sometimes even the day of the week gets jumbled up.

When Gon asked him what's wrong Killua would just brushed him off and tell Gon its nothing. But Gon actually caught a whiff of human blood on Killua. Smells like salt and iron. And he's too polite to mention anything. And that incident lead Gon to follow Killua one time. Stealthily and silently, Killua crept out of the room one night. If Gon were normal he probably wouldn't notice him. Gon followed him out of concern and curiosity.

That's when he witnessed for the first time that Killua suddenly beheaded a man on his late forties in some isolated alley. Gon was too stunned to even react. Then Killua turned to attack another person walking on that same alley. He would kill three to five random people when the urge hit him. Which only happens once or twice a month.

It was as if Gon found another side of Killua. Given that Gon doesn't judge a person or circumstances, you can count on him to accept anything before his eyes. Especially if it concerns Killua. Following him, for the first time that night, it was as if another world just opened up to Gon. And strangely, he was mesmerized for inexplicable reason. The sight of Killua, killing, drenched in blood, with the maniacal aura emanating from him…

It was erotic..

After that, Gon would follow him around. Making sure that no pro Hunter or prominent citizen will fall victim on the nights that Killua's going out to release his bloodlust. It will be bad if Killua got caught into something big. Or else he'll be hunted by some Blacklist Hunters. As rule no. 4 in the Hunter Commandments. Hunter that commits atrocities will be hunted.

Gon continued following him for the next few months. At the back of his mind, he knows he should stop him. But Gon knows that he won't. Because Killua is important to Gon, he knows that Killua's bloodlust is an incurable need. A force that drive him. A part of him that cannot be erased or he won't be Killua anymore. Gon observed him all the time. Gon knows all about Killua's tension and frustration, his thirst for blood that he always suppressed when he's around Gon. Giving birth to his split personality. Gon blamed himself for that.

That's why Gon's taking responsibility. Looking after Killua in the dark. As he mercilessly kill anybody indiscriminately. But strange as it may sound, Gon really don't find it disgusting. On the contrary, he strangely felt the beauty and charisma that Killua emits whenever he just killed someone. Instead of looking away, Gon is being drawn more and more towards him.

Killua lose himself whenever he's killing somebody. He would smile in pleasure, as if he just finished orgasm. His aura is glowing, his bloodlust abating a little. Killua would look exhilarated, like being free from the shackles of morality. And Gon would want to take a closer look. Despite the carnage, the gore and the stench..

Killua is inhumanly beautiful..

And then Gon, as if hypnotized by something too beautiful to behold, would obscure himself from everything. He would become physically aware of Killua. His mind black, his body reacting on its own accord, his loins burning from the inexplicable need. Gon's hands will go tracing down his own body. Touching himself, feeling himself. The whole time thinking about Killua the image of him as he looked so pleased and satisfied after he kills. The energy and vigor, while he's killing…

As Gon pictured Killua on his mind like that, he felt pleasure coursing through his body. And at the end of it, his body would shudder uncontrollably.. As he look at his palm, glistening with his cum, he would once again think of Killua. His feelings for Killua is now clearer than before..

This is love…

After that, Gon would always follow Killua, not from obligation or concern, but from necessity and needs. Gon wants Killua, above anything. As he watched Killua all these time. No longer caring what's right or wrong. Killua is the only person that his eyes will ever see.

But one time, Gon became careless and Killua noticed his presence and immediately pursue him. Its not like Gon can outrun Killua, that's why he didn't even attempt to run. Gon faced Killua. But attacked him without looking.

"Killua, its me..! Don't you recognize me?!" Gon shouted. When Gon take a good look on Killua's face, that's when he noticed that Killua's eyes are vacant and he doesn't show any signs of emotions or recognition. His aura is clearly depicting bloodlust, that strongly reminds Gon of Hisoka when close. But its still beautiful and mesmerizing because its Killua. That made Gon panic and strangely excited at the same time. He crossed the distanced between them but Killua suddenly jerked his right arm with his long fingernails, intending to attack Gon. Gon jumped back but Killua managed to scratch his face.

"Killua…! Killua..! Get a grip..! Hey..!" Gon shouted frantically. He doesn't mind being hurt or killed if its Killua, but Killua won't be able to forgive himself if he did.

Then he suddenly regained consciousness. Killua seemed a bit confuse at first. "Oh, Gon, what is it? What happened?" Killua asked, but when he looked around, seeing the blood splattered all over the place, it finally dawned on him what he had done.

Killua suddenly backed away from Gon, as if afraid.

Of all people, I didn't want Gon to know… Because I love him, I didn't want him to see me like this…

Gon slowly walked towards him. Killua slumped in the ground, barely foot away from the fool of blood. Clutching his head. "Gon knows..! Gon knows! Gon Knows!" He whispered repeatedly. When he noticed Gon walking towards him, he suddenly shouted "Get away from me Gon..! I said go away..! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME..!" But he didn't look at Gon's face even once. He's terrified..

Gon's face must be filled with disappointment, hate and disgust…

Gon didn't listen to him though. Gon wrapped his arms on him. At first Killua is struggling but he eventually give in and now he's crying like a child.

"Let's go home, Killua, before we attract attention." Gon didn't wait for his reply. He just slump Killua on his back and started leaping roof to roof until they reached the three storey building that Killua bought on a whim for their hideout in Zaban City.

The whole building is quite big just for the two of them. But it suits Gon and Killua just fine. Even though they're just using one room to sleep with. When they reached their room, Killua is abnormally silent. His eyes is still looked half craze.

"Killua, its okay. You don't have to think about anything.."

"How can you say its okay?! I killed innocent people again tonight.. I-I-I-I k-killed again.. The worst thing is, I don't even remember that much. " Killua said. He sat on the bed, hugged himself while shaking.

Gon sat beside Killua and touched his cheek. "Look at me, Killua. Calm down. Don't think about it, just let your mind drift. I'm here Killua. Don't shoulder everything alone.." If Gon could only take all the pain away.. Everything that's hurting Killua. He can't stand seeing him like this. Its hurting him too. Seeing Killua breaking into pieces before his eyes.

"N-No, No, No.. Y-You must've think that I'm a disgusting pervert. K-Killing indiscriminately when the needs call for it. Y-You must be thinking that you got a total whacko for a friend. And above all, y-you must be v-very d-disappointed in me. I-I wasn't able to put my past behind me.. In the end.. In the end I'm just a remorseless killer, a Zoldyck to the core. This is what dad meant. That I would come back to the Zoldyck's Household on my own will someday.." Killua is getting hysterical.

Go back? He's going to leave me? NO! I won't let Killua.. We will be together, no matter what.

Instinctively, Gon slapped Killua's face. His cheeks rapidly turning red because of his pale skin. He just looked at Gon in dazed as if seeing him for the first time. And Gon didn't notice that tears are already streaming down his face.

"I SAID LOOK AT ME..! DO I LOOK LIKE DISGUSTED OR DISAPPOINTED OR ANYTHING HORRIBLE THAT YOU IMAGINED?!" Killua flinched on Gon's loud voice and he was forced to take a good look at his best friend's tear stained face.

"STUPID KILLUA…! I don't care what you are, we're best friends aren't we?! You think I won't accept you? That's not true Killua, you're important to me.. Because I… I… I love you. Every single part of you. The everyday you, who is always carefree but sly, the you who always like to take advantage of everything, the you who always love sweets above anything, the you who always lie for the sake of lying. Even the dark side of you. And from now on, let me be the one to protect you.."

What the hell is this stupid idiot saying? I.. I.. I don't have the right to stay by anybody's side..

"No, how can a cold blooded killer like me deserved you?! I'm dirty, I'm tainted. I'm not like you.." Killua said, he averted his gaze from Gon. But Gon suddenly gripped his shoulders and kissed him forcefully..

"W-What are you doing Gon?" Killua said, clearly flustered..

"The truth is, I've always knew Killua. I knew that you went out at night once or twice a month. I always follow you. Looking after you, getting rid of the evidence that might lead to you. I know all about it Killua and I didn't just accept that part of you. I ALSO LOVE THAT PART OF YOU..! Did you hear me, Killua?! I said I know, I've always knew and I love you for it." Gon told Killua sincerely. His blue eyes looking at Gon in wonder.

What is he saying? He knows?! Gon knows?! All these time he knows?! But he didn't do anything to stop me. He didn't change his attitude, in fact he's nicer than ever. I don't get it. Love? Is that what it is? Then I, also towards Gon… I love him too..

"Killua, I'm sorry" Gon said, but before Killua could process why Gon apologized to him, he was suddenly being pinned down by Gon's weight. Gon is kissing him deeply. Killua is too stunned to react, but he didn't hate it. It feels pleasant and comforting, after what happened earlier. Especially now, Gon is the one doing this to him.

Its so easy to float in this sensation and mindless pleasure. Every kissed, every touched brings him comfort and sense of security. Gon's aura is instinctively emanating from his body, wrapping around Killua. Bringing him warm and comfort and the ability to forget what happened earlier. Its Gon, touching him. Just like a dream, swaying, drifting and floating in relief..

Gon loves me too..

That fact gave Killua some sense of comfort and he respond to Gon's touch. Gon is surprised when Killua helped him peel away the last remains of his clothing. As they lay side by side naked, gazing at each other with desire burning on their minds.

"I'm sorry for scratching your cheek." Killua said while touching Gon's cheek. "Its nothing Killua, it doesn't hurt at all" Gon said with his natural and open smile. Killua suddenly straddled Gon and started licking Gon's cheek that he scratched earlier..

As Killua did that, Gon lose his mind completely. Fire burning on his nether regions and so is Killua. Both of them are eager to move forward. Instinctively, their bodies know what to do. It was like a dream come true for him, to be here, like these, making love to Killua…

Killua will be mine…

Gon is on that train of thought as he tried to enter Killua's rear.. And Killua is being strangely erotic tonight that greatly reminds Gon of Killua on his killing spree. Just as Gon had always imagined, and more erotic than that, this is Killua's face writhing in pleasure..

Unearthly beautiful…

When they both got accustomed to their positions, Gon started to swing his hips back and forth and Killua is now shuddering uncontrollably. His aura also leaking out of his body, intermingling with Gon's. They moved in perfect synchronization.

For the first time, both of them are thankful for being quite excessive in using money and bought the whole building.. Their grunts, groan, love moans and the bed creaking can be heard quite clearly. Both of them have a very excessive energy that when Gon first reached climax, he accidentally broke the headboard of their bed.

So is Killua, when he first reached climax, he accidentally used his aura and the current coursed through him and to Gon and to the whole building. All the light bulbs and fluorescent lamps exploded. But they didn't mind. They both kept going like wild animals. Bringing destruction everywhere as they did so. Both of them are driven.

The sun is already seeping through the cracks of the levolor blinds when they finally stopped.. And Killua finally resolved himself and told Gon his feelings..

"Gon, I love you too.." Killua said sincerely.. Gon smiled at that and told him "Thank you Killua. We would always be together from now on. I'll take care of you." He smiled.

Both of them laughed at the destructions they caused on the whole building. Windows shatter, beds destroyed, pillows feather scattered all over the place, the electricity are down, the walls are destroyed at some places. But they kept laughing..

We are now accomplices that shared both the sin and the secrets and hide behind the lies..

Even so, they both moved forward together. Nothing changed, from now on, until forever, they would always be one..

DISCLAIMERS:

I don't own Hunter X Hunter. Thanks for reading. If you like it, Please leave some reviews. Constructive criticisms are also very much welcome^_^

Also thanks to readers of You Are My Sun and I'm Not Naïve Killua. I just wrote this one, whimsically…

Okay, loads of misspelled words and wrong grammar. I finally found time to edit.