A/N
BOY did I make you guys wait for this last chapter for a long time! This whole chapter is written in so many different phases, over I think well about a year. At last it all comes to an end! And boy is this the ending I've been working towards. I hope you will all enjoy it as I did writing it.

''Is this the wound you told me about?''

When Richter realized he wasn't talking to him he snapped his attention to the centurion.

''Aqua-'' The mix between a growl and an order left no room for debate. Whatever she had already told, she better not reveal more.

''What happened?''

Richter crawled forward to break free from both Emil's close proximity and Aqua's powers. Debating on whether he could even answer that question, he put his clothes back on, well aware of the concerned eyes prying on his back. He shut his eyes, trying to ban out the conflicted feeling. Emil would find out sooner or later, yet for a reason he was afraid he was well aware of, for a reason he cursed...He would not tell him any sooner than that.

Richter remained silent and moved to sit against the wall, albeit carefully. He closed his eyes and focused on the pain, both damning and welcoming it, for it distracted him from most of his thoughts. Some thoughts didn't stray until voiced.

''Emil,'' he didn't need to open his eyes to know how those green orbs shot up to his face.

''You reacted quickly there. Quicker than you would have months ago.'' He opened his eyes, gauging the boy's reaction. As expected, the boy was still unable to take what came as close to a compliment as he would get from a man like Richter without a scarlet color gracing his cheeks. Emil's eyes expression turned from nervous to solemn again.

''You aren't to blame for what happened.'' Had he had the strength, Richter would have crossed his arms and give him a cross look to match his tone. He was without however, and tired.

''I know,'' Emil spoke softly, but genuine, Richter noted, pleased. ''But that doesn't make it any less awful.'' He finished.

Richter didn't have anything to say to him. He stared at the boy, who was too occupied with the hands in his lap to notice. He was still young. Shy and easily frightened from years of abuse. Yet his journey had forced him to grow in more ways than one. His body showed this progress only if you knew where to look, but his mind led him to speak the knowledge he gained from his experiences.

Richter noted the sense of pride he felt at this. He silently damned himself.

A cold gust of air whipped up around them from the deeper end of the tunnel. Where there was wind, there was an exit.

''We must have walked further than we thought.'' He muttered silently, not bothering to mask the sense of content. He wasn't overly fond of underground dungeons.

''Do you want to move on?'' Emil eyed the darkness suspiciously.

Richter shook his head. ''No, for now it's best to rest. While I'd rather be out of here as soon as possible, there is no telling what's ahead. Best regain some strength first.''

As they agreed on the matter, Emil managed to dig up a small package of beef strips for them and used the torches to prepare them. While it was far from a sufficient meal, it was enough to prevent them from spending hours in hunger. They had no way of telling what time of the day it was, nor how long they sat there. Emil had fallen asleep soon after and Richter had led him. Tired he would be of no use.

''Aqua.'' He spoke the name softly, just above a whisper.

Aqua didn't speak as she appeared beside him. She watched him as his eyes were on Emil's sleeping form a mere feet away.

''How much does he know?''

Aqua shook her head. ''Little to none. He knows it's from two years ago, but he doesn't know how you got it.''

''He already knows far more than he should.'' He spoke lowly, dangerously so.

Aqua gave him a sharp look. They were rare, but Richter respected them. ''He will find out on his own eventually, most likely on terms you don't wish.'' Her voice had a rough and reprimanding edge to it.

''I didn't wish him to get involved either. It's not for me to deliver that blow.''

''Don't you think you already did? Or will? You are awfully clear you don't want him to know any of it. The boy is young, but not stupid. He knows it's because it's him that you won't tell. ''

''Then what would you have me do?'' He snapped, shifting his eyes from Emil's form to hers. Aqua saw the flare of anger in them, but also frustration and desperation. It was the same turmoil she had seen when Aster had died.

Her next words were spoken more gently, but no less honest. ''To realize why you're being so difficult.''
Richter's eyes snapped up but Aqua had disappeared the moment the words left her mouth. ''It's not because he resembles Aster Master Richter and you know it.''

''Think about Emil. He is involved, there's nothing to change about that. But this isn't just about not wanting to tell him what happened. You don't want to hurt him. Yes, he resembles Aster-'' She paused, knowing she was threading on thin ice. ''But he is still Emil. You and I both see how he looks at you Master Richter.'' She spoke more softly at the end, looking over to Emil. ''And I see how you look at him.''

The last words left him even more shaking than the others. He gritted his teeth and glared at Emil. Sleeping soundly, the youth was unaware of the turmoil he caused. Think about Emil, as if he didn't already. If anything, the boy was on the Richter's mind far more than was good for him. For them both. Richter let out a deep sigh. What should he do then? Tell Emil of his suspicions? It would do more than shatter his resolve, it would break his entire view he had on himself. If he found out later, chances were his growth had been enough for him to overcome it, in time. At least, that's what he kept telling himself. No, whether Emil would find out by Richter's words or the path he walked, it would be time to lay out the answers for him.

''I shouldn't have let it come this far.'' He muttered to no one in particular. He glanced at Emil again and in silence- for Richter was not a man to voice them, even when the person in question was asleep.- he apologized for the things he did and the things yet to come. He turned and shifted until comfortable and closed his eyes, slowly drifting off to sleep.

The thoughts about Emil wouldn't leave him, even in sleep. He was there, were they were in the land of wake, underground and on cold, wet stone. He was innocent, timid, naive and everything Emil was. His eyes were as green, his hair as blond, his body as lean and toned as in real life. He stared at him with those eyes, talking to Richter. Begging and pleading for answers he could not give. Richter told him. Tried to push him off. Yet the boy persisted. He was there still, in his lap, holding on to Richter's arms. His grip was stronger than it should be for a boy his age. Or was Richter weaker? He did not now. All he knew is that his resolve was shattering, like it often did. He damned those eyes. He damned Emil.

He damned himself for wanting him.

Once, his dreams had changed Emil into Aster and back. Now he couldn't remember how long it had been since he'd last dreamed of Aster. It was always Emil, be they good or bad. Even now those pleading eyes reflected something more. Something Richter had long since noticed. Something he was long since guilty of wishing for. The air changed and so did the dream and suddenly he was there; close and touching, kissing him and pressing their naked skin together as breaths mangled and bodies connected. Whispering words Richter could not make out, and moaning and gasping against the man's neck as the older man did things to him that left him quivering. Richter complied to their needs more often still, even when he knew he shouldn't -That he couldn't because what if Emil wasn't Emil?

Richter woke with a jolt, his clothes clinging to his body. Sitting next to him with a hand clutched to his chest as if he burned it was Emil, staring at him with startled eyes.

''I-I'm sorry. You were tossing and muttering something. You seemed troubled, s-so I thought...''

Richter didn't listen anymore. He cursed under his breath and used his glove to wipe his face and neck, all the while welcoming the cool underground breeze. He could feel the boy's eyes on him. Sensations pooled in the pit of his gut.

''Get your things. We're moving on.'' He grumbled, tearing his eyes away from the boy.

Emil nodded and scrambled their things together and stumbled after Richter who did not have the energy to watch and wait for Emil. If Emil noticed him tensing up when he approached he didn't say anything about it and for that Richter could only be grateful.

They moved in silence. Only their growling bellies and the howling wind echoing through the underground maze were there to interrupt it. Several times Emil thought about asking if Richter was okay, but every time it took only a glance at the man's scowling expression to change his mind. He had several questions burning to get out. Something the man had murmured in his sleep troubled him, but he dare not ask. So they continued in silence. Walking for hour after hour and still not finding the exit even as the wind got stronger. When they finally did it took al Emil had not to collapse and rest first. His eyes stung at the harsh sunlight and his skin crawled pleasantly as it was warmed by the sun. His muscles ached from being cramped for such a long time due to the cold. Fortunately Richter did not bother staying on his feet. As soon as they reached the edge of the forest nearby he dropped his bag, but his back remained turned to Emil. Emil put his bag down gently, waiting for Richter to speak. He seemed agitated.

''R-Richter? Are you-''

''I'm going to gather wood. Stay here and rest until I get back.''

Emil nodded awkwardly to the back of the man's had and watched him pace away. He waited, tired and confused as to why the man was behaving the way he was. Even when Richter returned he refused to look at Emil. He stacked the wood as if Emil wasn't even there. While struggling with the decision, Emil went to forage for fruits, edible plants, rabbits, or anything else for that matter. He didn't say anything when he left, and Richter didn't ask.

It was easy to find plants they could eat. Months of traveling experience had taught him what to look for and by now he'd knew them as well as a florist knew their flowers. The pouch he'd brought along was soon filled with plants and several fruits, but it wouldn't make for a sufficient meal. So he pressed on. Soon, he found tracks of either a wolf or some kind of monster. Beside the padded footprint were hooves, presumably from some kind of deer. If he was lucky, it had been taken down not too far away. In the worst case scenario it would be chomped down bones, but even remnants on the bone could be enough for a stew or soup.

He found the deer not too far away. It was a fresh kill, with only one predator enjoying it. A large wolf, but still smaller than his padfoot, was digging his teeth into the soft flesh of the deer's belly. Blood coated the fur around its snout. He perked up when Emil approached after a few minutes- trying to allow the creature to eat a share before any other predators arrived. His sword was drawn and ready, but it was unnecessary. The wolf growled and bared its teeth, but the more Emil approached the more it backed off. Emil slashed quick and firm, with the sole purpose of scaring it off. The wolf tailed and dashed off and after Emil made sure there were no creatures- be it wolf or monster- to attack him in the back, he knelt and pulled out a sharp knife and started to cut off skin and flesh. Soon both his knife and hands glistered with blood, but his bag was filled with chunks of meat wrapped in leaves.

It was when he cut through the muscle of the deer's inner thigh that he surprised him. His head was yanked back by the hair and the steel was cold and sharp against Emil's neck, the voice low and gruff.

''What's this? I could have sworn you were a girl.''

Emil looked up into beady gray eyes. The man was tall and lanky and his salt and pepper hair was receding. He had two missing teeth on his lower row he noted as the man smiled. It unsettled him. His stomach churned from the way the man eyed him and the way his foul breath smelled.

''I'm not. Now let go of me.'' He struggled not to let his voice shake, in his own ears, it sounded more confident than he had in months. To this man, it did not.

''Why, I don't think I will.'' The man smirked.

Emil's reaction was quick. He spun his upper body as much as his kneeling position allowed, trying to ignore the tears welling up in his eyes as hairs were pulled from his head, and with an extended arm slashed at the hunter's knife still in his hand. It slashed at hard-boiled leather braces and while the knife was sharp, it didn't cut through all the way.

''What are you trying boy?'' The man growled and kicked Emil's hand with his steel plate boot. Emil cried out at the pain and watched his knife land much too far away. He made another exclamation of pain as the man pulled him up, the grip on his hair painfully strong and forcing Emil to cooperate into slightly standing up.

''You should know that these woods are mine. And I don't take kindly to strangers stealing my game.''

''I wasn't-''

''You did a fine job.''

Emil was put off by the comment. The compliment did not at all fit the situation he was in. The balding man eyed the deer and rested where Emil had started to cut off the hind leg.

''Hind leg, good choice. Nice and tender.'' His beady eyes locked with Emil's again and Emil's stomach churned at the dangerous glint in them.

''But it's in my woods. My game. I have hungry children to feed and these woods are full of monsters. They eat faster than the prey can mate and then you come by as well!'' The man's voice rose in volume and his grip tightened.

''I didn't mean to take it all!''

''Aye, so you'd leave after taking the leg?''

Emil nodded vigorously.

The man rubbed the gray whiskers on his chin. ''I suppose I could live with that. But you see,'' he gestured to the leg. ''You'd still be taking a leg from me.''

''You can keep it!'' Emil pulled at the hand holding his hair, feeling dread pooling in his guts the more the man spoke.

He shook his head. Pulled a large hunting knife from the sheathe on his thigh. ''I have a better idea. To have you think twice before you hunt in someone else's woods...''

His lips curved upward into a grin. ''An eye for an eye. Or in this case, a leg.''

The realization struck him and Emil's eyes widened in panic. In the rush of adrenaline washing over him he extended his leg, kicking the man's shin with as much force as he could muster from his crouched position. The man cursed and fell to one knee, holding his leg with one hand, and Emil whacked him on the side of his head with his uninjured palm. The grip on his hair loosened enough for him to scramble away from the man's reach and he ran, back to where he came from. This man was insane. He had to get to Richter. He tried to draw his sword as he ran, but the act slowed him down and his hand and wrist pulsed painfully from the kick he'd gotten. The blade almost slipped free when he was hit in the hollow of his knees. He collapsed and gasped for air when a large pressure was executed on his back, forcing the air out of his lungs.

''Nice sword. Suppose that'll work better than this old blade o' mine.''

Emil started kicking wildly, but to no avail. ''Why are you so scared boy? I'll do it while you sleep.''

Emil's world spun as he was kicked in the stomach and his stomach heaved once, twice and then he couldn't hold it in and threw up whatever little was in his stomach. His eyes were tearing and his breathing was ragged, but he had little time to regain a sense of stability before he was rolled over and hands closed around his throat. Panic overtook him and he struggled; kicking and twisting and scratching at the hands. He tried punching the man, but he couldn't get enough force behind it. His breathing came to him in puffs, but it wasn't enough. He felt himself growing dizzy and his blood thumping against his temples. His vision became more blotted with the second and next he knew he could only make out the man's blurry form. He heard a shout and the man let go, turning to raise his voice yet keep that dangerously low tone to it. Emil didn't care however, his back arched slightly as he gasped for air, feeling as if his longs inflated like a balloon. He wasn't about to wait for that to be taken from him and crawled away half blindly as his vision only returned to him slowly. He panted heavily as he crawled and stumbled but yelped when two hands roughly grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around. He started trashing- but was trapped in a tight arm-lock.

''Emil calm down!''

The harsh way Richter snapped at him made his stop. He looked up at Richter, who looked anything but happy. But there was something else as well, something Emil didn't quite dare to put his finger on. The man didn't let go and kept staring at him, gauging his state. Emil briefly noted their proximity and turned his head away, looking over Richter's shoulder. Behind them lay his assaulter, unconscious, with Emil's padfoot urinating on his leg.

''H-Hepa no!'' Emil regained his senses instantly and blushed at his monster's behavior, twisting in Richter's grip to free himself and call the monster over.

Richter scoffed. ''It will probably only make him smell better.'' He pulled Emil back and turned to look at him. Before Emil could say anything Richter turned Emil away from them and back to where they came from, urging him to move with a push in the back.

''Richter I'm-''

''If you're going to apologize stay here.'' Had they not been walking, Richter would have crossed his arms. ''Why didn't you defend yourself?''

''I-I tried!'' Emil stuttered, insulted enough to miss the hint of concern in the other man's eyes. He was not the boy he used to be anymore and it agitated him that at times, Richter would still treat him as such.

''Did you now.'' Richter muttered.

Emil balled his fists at his side, trying to ignore the man. Doing so however brought his attention back to his wrist and hand, He cradled it, bending it and wincing. Noticing Richter's gaze, he lowered it quickly and muttered a response. ''Bruised while attacking. Though I guess I should have just done better.'' Inwardly he was shocked by how bitter he sounded. On the outside he tried not to let it show. This whole day had been confusing. Richter's behavior didn't make sense and he himself was far to bothered by it.

A long silence followed as they walked back to where they had made camp, broken only by the soft padding on the leaves from their feet. While Emil had been out, Richter had moved the stacked wood and other belongings; shielded from the wind by remnants of walls and statues. Emil settled against a wall stretching out all the way to where they'd come out of the underground maze. He pulled his knee up to his chest and gently flexed his hand. The silence that had been dragged on between them was broken by a sigh and the suddenly much more gentle voice of Richter.

''Give me your hand.''

Emil hesitated, but took off the glove- Richter's glove still, and extended his arm. When he handed Richter his glove with his free hand the man shook his head. ''You'll still want to protect the gash, though it looks slightly better. How did you hurt it?''

''He kicked my hand after I tried to cut through his calves.'' Emil explained, adding the cause as if to prove he had indeed been fighting back.

Richter remembered seeing the steel plate boots the man had been wearing. He showed the slightest change in his expression.

''I see. Can you make a fist?''

Emil clenched his fingers and flinched visibly. Richter's brows furrowed together. ''Well, it's not broken but...'' He took Emil's hand again and spread the fingers carefully, gently pushing on different places. Emil winced but didn't pull his hand back. Richter let out a sigh and pushed up his glasses.

''It's severely bruised, but judging how you got it, you're lucky it's not broken.''

He let out another sigh. ''I'm bringing you back. Come on.''

''No!'' The word left Emil's lips before he realized it. Richter arched an eyebrow and crossed his arms.

''No?''

Emil's face had heated up at the glare in Richter's eyes, but still he shook his head. ''I- Were not done yet are we? We still haven't found the book-''

''Emil-'' Richter interrupted, growing more angry. ''Look at your hand. You have a concussion. Think about what we found inside. Going back in there would be a suicide mission. I'm bringing you back.'' He approached the boy with long strides and for a second Emil feared he'd really made him angry. But the man simply grabbed his bag and belongings.

''But-''

''It's not open for discussion. Let's go.''

''But I want to stay with you longer...'' Emil whispered the words but as Richter suddenly pushed him against the wall behind him roughly, he feared the man had heard him. As he exclaimed a sound of surprise Richter clasped his hand over his mouth to silence him. A shadow was cast over the boy as Richter pressed his form flush to his. Stuck between the wall and Richter, Emil's hands struggled to remove Richter's.

''Shut up!'' Richter sneered in a harsh whisper, motioning for Emil to listen.

No sooner than that he heard it; the scraping of stone. Mere seconds later, the stone lining around the remnants of the entrance they'd found to get out burst, sending stone and rubble flying. Even though shielded by the wall, Richter covered Emil's body with his own, tucking the boy's head to his chest. They remained still, hearts pounding hard in their chests and Emil tightly clutching Richter's arm with his right hand.

The rumbling breathing was low but loud, as if right beside their ears. The dragging sound of feet accompanied the visitor, with occasional hints of a growl mangling with the heavy breathing. Richter remained tucked down, knowing that to see whatever it was he had to look over the wall and thus reveal himself. Emil looked up at him with big scared eyes and Richter brought a finger to his own lips. Emil nodded, pursing his lips together. The dragging and breathing continued as their company approached, right along the wall they hid behind, a mere foot of stone protecting them. A set of sharp intake of breaths reached their ears as the monster picked up their scent, followed by a dragged out growl and a certain burst of heat.

Right as Richter feared they had no choice but to fight once more, the Jorgumandr took to the air. Their breathing hitched and both males froze, but the dragon seemed too focused on fresh air and sun, and paid them no mind. It flew off, and the sound of it's delighted roars and whirling of it wings soon disappeared.
Emil let out a shaky breath. This trip had definitely been the wildest he and Richter had had together, and he wasn't sure if they would have been able to take that monster down had it come down to it.

''Are you okay?'' Richter asked, and when Emil nodded and looked up Richter's face was still close enough to his for him to see the darker shades of green in his eyes. He still felt Richter lightly pressed up against him, and he realized very well that Richter's arms were still on either side of his head. He also realized that no matter how scary the situation may be, no matter how scary Richter could be, right now, he felt safe. He was tired from this whole ordeal, exhausted really. He felt the need to let his head fall against Richter's chest and just rest.

''Good, then let's go.''
The shadow Richter's body cast over him disappeared, along with the warmth and safety. Richter moved to pick up the bags again, but before he could Emil grabbed on to his sleeve.

Richter let out a sigh. ''Emil-''

''I know, taking me back. It's okay just...can we rest a bit, before we go?''

For a moment Richter stared at him, but then he nodded.

They sat down on the debris alongside the wall. Richter leaned back, visibly careful with every movement. He too was worn out, and at this point, and in this company, it felt like it didn't really matter if he showed it. So he closed his eyes and let out a sigh, and let the sun warm his skin and the wind free his body of the dust. Despite his pain and the ordeal they went through he looked peaceful Emil thought, beautiful even. He blushed as he caught his own train of thought and felt his eyes wanting to linger on parted lips that breathed in the fresh air.

He thought of what Aqua had told him,- or rather what she couldn't, and how hurt and guilty she'd looked. He thought how much worse Richter must have felt. How his swollen skin had felt soft beneath his fingers but how the cause couldn't have been further from gentle.

He thought of how all of this, this whole journey, could have been so different if he didn't just look so much like Aster. If perhaps he wasn't just Aster. He didn't want to be. He wanted to be Emil. He wanted to help Richter, not hurt him. Right now, he'd give anything for Richter to be happy. But only Aster could. And although he wasn't him, he looked enough like him...

His hands were sweaty and trembling, and his heart was beating so fast it almost hurt. But he wanted to do this. For Richter. For himself, because this was the only way he could.

Richter opened his eyes at the unexpected touch to his arm. But before he could turn his head and ask what was wrong there was another touch, softer, on his cheek. Blonde hair tickled his face just before Emil's lips did.

The next second felt like minutes. Richter was aware of everything. He could swear he could hear Emil's racing heart and felt the tremble of Emil's body in the way his hand clutched his sleeve, as he felt the heat coming from his face and lips and the gentle pressure that seemed to leave a fire behind on his skin. He felt his own heart rate increase and his eyes widen, his face heat up whereas the rest of his body seemed to remain still, unable to comprehend, unable to move.
Emil pulled back, breathless even after a mere second. He did not want to let himself be discouraged, he wanted to- he...he couldn't.

"I-I'm so s-sorry!" He exclaimed. He felt too weak to even carry himself upright, too embarrassed. So he slumped down, both hands on Richter's shoulder, clutching onto him in a silent and desperate plea not to flee just yet.

"I-I don't know why I d-did that! I just wanted to-"

"What?" Richter barked, only now able to kick himself out of his own shock. "What did you want Emil?" He sneered, turned to him and leaned closer.

"I thought...since I look like A-aster-"

"That you could kiss me?" Richter felt his anger flare up.

"I-I just wanted to make you happy!" Emil said, tears welling up in his eyes. He hadn't intended to make Richter angry or hurt.
But it took Richter back just long enough for Emil to continue, and he took it, before Richter's anger rendered him unable to speak.

"I want to be Aster, f-for you. I thought, since I look like him, I could make you forget I'm me." The words died out at the end, and it was probably only thanks to Richter's elven genes that he caught them.

He was at a loss for words, was still only able to stare at Emil with fierce wide eyes, but his anger had died down, replaced by pure confusion.
"B-but I can't." Emil said. He couldn't say the rest. Didn't know how.

He felt guilty and selfish, but he didn't want to. He wanted Richter as himself, as Emil. Nevermind that he could never take Aster's place or be like him.
And then he could say it. "I want to be me."

Suddenly it was about more than just him looking like Aster. It was about how he'd never been able to make someone happy the way he was-who he was. Emil. He'd always been forced to change, to either bow down or stand up, but never just do what he feels is right for him. Even though even Richter cascaded him in a similar way at first, he was still the first to use this as a stimulant to make him discover himself, who he was without that shell, and had over time showed appreciated and even admiration for things he'd accomplished.

Richter was the first to make him come remotely close to feeling that becoming his own person, and the person he was, was okay.
He'd wondered countless times of Richter was only so nice to him because he wore Aster's face. Even though Aqua assured him it was not the case hours prior, it gnawed at him even now.
He could never be Aster. And if he was being really honest with himself, he didn't want to.

Despite Emil's silence, Richter caught on. Contrary to what his social skills might let to believe, he was good at reading people. For reasons, he was even better at reading Emil.

Emil's eyes were no longer just glistening, no longer just carrying the threat of tears. They flowed against his will, and even though he tried to rub them away as quickly as they came there was simply too much of a build up to this, too long of feelings being pushed away left to sunder.

Too embarrassed to look Richter in the eyes he had his eyes downcast, and although the grip on his shoulder had been released, one hand not completely slipped away, and fingers still, much gentler, held his arm.

Richter understood Emil far more than the boy would know. He'd seen is admiration- no- infatuation clearly. At first it was the resemblance that kept him there. Was it truly just that? Yes, and no, he would learn.
Later it was fate, if there was such a thing, jesting with him. For why else make the boy that looked like his dead friend his enemy. But later, as coincidental encounters became less coincidental, it was his own need for this face, this boy, this person. There was something so intriguing and pure about him that simply didn't lessen, even as the dangers and cruelty on their journey grew more clear. Each time he surprised Richter. Each time he showed a trait or side of him that was truly unique only to him.

Richter had seen and endured far more cruel and gruesome things than most would see even in their worst nightmares. He had grown bitter and resentful. But not Emil.

Emil, the boy who chose to go help a girl he'd only met once, putting himself at risk for injury or worse.
Emil, the boy who begged him not to kill a baby dragon, not matter how dangerous it may become. For it was not a danger now, and had done no harm.
Emil, the boy who'd go through a cave with monsters despite his fear, just to get a medicine.
The boy who had cooked him a few meals during their rare times together, and whose eyes had shone like bright stars when Richter complimented it. Who talked and kicked in his sleep during his nightmares and would spend the next day giving extra care to the monsters under his care. The boy who defended Richter's harsh nature when he thought Richter couldn't hear, and as a result had a noticeable decline in angry looks as he passed.
Countless memories surfaced, and everything Richter had suppressed up until now took over. This was the closest Emil had ever- and would ever, come to a confession, and it pulled every emotion to the surface. His mind was in turmoil. Every dream, every nightmare, every self damning thought and every wish for more. The guilt, the confusion, the yearning. It was all so much, so much he wasn't used to. But through it all, one thought ran clear through his head.

There was a slight tremble to his own hand as he raised it. It felt weird to reach out to Emil, to touch the side of his face and brush the bangs to the side. Emil looked up, eyes watery but wide, lips parted, expression confused. Richter leaned in, feeling his own heart race. The tears stopped flowing from Emil's eyes as he looked up at Richter coming closer. The fingers wrapped around Richter's arm twitched.

Richter's face hovered in front of Emil's, and when he parted his lips a shaky breath escaped. His throat felt dry. He was close enough to see the dirt gathered on Emil's brow. He gently wiped it away with his thumb. For this first time in a long time he felt nerves that made him want to stop, to turn tail and run. But he fought them. He slowly traced his fingers down the side of Emil's face, stopping at his slightly parted lips. He inched closer. Close enough that their noses brushed. He heard Emil's breathing hitch in his throat and felt his own do the same. He was too close to look Emil in the eyes. He stared at Emil's lips, brushed his lower lip with his thumb, and took a last shaky breath.

He closed the distance.

The moment they kissed they broke apart. The emotions that seemed so fierce before were nothing compared to what either of them felt. A moment long in the making, a moment wished for so many times, by both of them. Richter felt his entire body scream it at him that yes, he'd wanted this for so long. He could damn himself to hell for all eternity, but goddess knew he wanted this. He had denied it for far too long.
Their lips moved against each other. It was clear Emil had no experience, but Richter didn't care. If anything, it made him happy. All he cared about right now was that this was Emil, Emil's lips against his, Emil's hands grabbing on to his collar, his shoulders, his face, and by the goddess it felt good. He wanted nothing more than to have this forever, to forget and never remember anything else but this. He needed Emil. God damn he needed him to-

He pulled back, only the slightest. Emil's grip on him tightened instantly, and Richter's hand, the one that had moved to clasp the back of Emil's neck without him even noticing, did the same. He pressed their foreheads together and let out a shaky breath.

''Emil.'' There was almost a slight stutter to the name, a hitching of breath. He looked pained, but Emil didn't dare speak, and Richter continued.

''I...don't want you to be Aster,'' He paused, brows furrowed together. His hand was visibly shaking now he saw, as he held on to Emil's face. ''I want- I need you, to be you.'' He finished, before his kissed him again.

The words were heavy, probably heavier than either of them realized at that moment. Emil felt tears sting behind his eyes again, but for the first time were they of a different nature. Never in his wildest dreams had Emil dared hope Richter would kiss him. Never had he dared hope that Richter would want him back, that he would accept Emil as Emil, and never had he been able to phantom Richter saying he needed Emil.

Their skin was set on fire by each other's touches. Each in different ways.
Richter, aware of seemingly every touch; of the tremble in Emil's body or the gently yet desperate touches of his hands. The heat those hands left on either side of his face- a place he had never expected to feel his. Emil lips. Soft and inexperienced, but with so much emotion behind them, moving against his. The sensation of Emil running his finger's through his hair, of the sounds behind those lips, of the way he- probably unbeknownst to himself, pressed himself up against Richter the best he could.
Emil, overwhelmed by everything. He felt the pressure of Richter's warm hands on the back of his neck and the side of his face and the goosebumps on his skin. He felt the heat rise to his face and the strong but pleasant tickle running down his spine as Richter's hands ran through his hair. He parted his lips and let out a whimper, or a moan. It was a sound he had not ever heard himself make, but it earned him a grunt, and suddenly Richter pushed against him, toppling them over. He didn't care.

He ended on his back on the dirt with a thud. And in the brief moment Richter had pulled back during the tumble he felt Richter breathe a heated ''sorry'' against his skin. But Emil only shook his head and reached up, meeting Richter halfway. Richter had him pinned, lips pressed firmly against him and his body heavy but a pleasant weight. Neither of them realized Emil had wrapped his legs around Richter's waist until he pulled him down. They became more frantic, more desperate for more touches, and suddenly there was a pressure as their groins met, and they ground together.

Emil let out a moan against Richter's lips, louder than before and more unashamed, and Richter responded with a moan of his own, low and rumbling. He ground his hips forward, desperate for more, driven by the heat in his groin and the legs pulling him down in silent agreement. He broke apart for air. He pressed his forehead against Emil's, kept his eyes closed simply because he couldn't find the focus to open them. His mouth was open, his breath coming in shaky gasps as he continued to caress Emil's face.

He pulled back enough to finally open his eyes and look at Emil. He looked as bewildered as he felt, that this truly was happening. His cheeks had more color than he'd ever seen in them, and his hear was disheveled. His lips were slightly red and swollen from the pressure behind the kissing, and his chest was heaving heavily, matching the rhythm of his own breathing.

But in his eyes was a glimmer, a glint of happiness he had not yet seen before. The corners of his lips curved upward into a bright smile, and he let out a laugh that sounded relieved and delighted. And for once Richter found he couldn't fight a smile of his own, that he didn't want to. He pulled Emil with him as he sat up. Pulled him close and against him, wrapped his arms around his frame. Emil's arms snaked themselves up between them and he wrapped them around Richter's neck. He hid his face in the nape of Richter's neck. It tickled, Richter found, but not unpleasantly.

He couldn't oversee the consequences of the decision he'd made. For now he didn't want to. He felt less confused than he had in months. Happier. He leaned back to kiss Emil's forehead, and the top of his head, taking note of Emil's own scent in between and the musk and dust and dirt. And he closed his eyes, and tightened his grip, and smiled.

At last it ends.

There are some loose ends. Originally I intended this story to reach maybe 7 or 8 chapters, but I felt I was just dragging it so much, and I lost motivation and focus on what I was going for. For example, the madman would in a turn out to be the psycho experimenting scientist still alive. While I did not continue with that line, I still left it in there because (Sorry Emil) I needed some more material for Emil to get hurt/Richter get worried, that would both make them realize Emil really has grown, and put the pressure behind them getting the hell out of there, and thus the sort of confession.

The ending is open to interpretation. I couldn't possible change the whole storyline from here, but personally I like to imagine that from here on, Richter manages to let go of the idea of reviving Aster. He would- in his own solo way- help Emil and the others find the cores. Later everyone would still find out the nasty Ratatosk surprise but shit man if I have to cover all that you're all waiting at least another 5 years.

If you found any typos or grammar errors please point them out to me. I hope you all enjoyed this. I hope the chapter made up for the long wait.

love,