The Word Not Spoken

Written by: Devon Aster
Type: EFC
Rating: PG - general

"It is not possible," a shocked voice practically shouts. "It simply cannot be!"

"I am sorry, but the results are conclusive," another voice answers calmly.

I stand, looking out into deepest night; hearing the conversation being spoken behind me. I am a part of it, yet not a part.

"Your results are faulty," the first voice accuses.

I can sense the anger of the two others in the room. One is angry for what he cannot accept, the other for what he knows is truth.

"The tests prove..." begins the second voice.

"Do them again!"

Why do they speak as if I am not here? Why do they discuss my future as if it concerns only them? Why?

"It is not necessary. The results will not change," the second voice argues.

"Do not presume to tell a member of the Synod what is necessary and what is not," the first voice replies coldly.

There is silence. The physician does not want to lose his position. I wonder how long until he concedes? Will he resist longer than the others?

"Very well....."

He is weak. I know the results will not change. How many times must I endure these 'tests'? How long before my parent realizes he cannot escape the truth? That I cannot?

"I shall reschedule the tests," the physician says.

"No." I turn away from the view port. I look into the eyes of my parent. "I will not take part in any more tests."

There wages a struggle between us. His eyes reflect his inability to face the truth, to face the fact that I am...

"These tests mean nothing. They were performed improperly," my parent says, his voice slightly raised.

For a moment, my parent's anger is directed at me. It lances through my spirit, but I am careful to hide the pain. I bury it deep within along with the others.

"Do not give up hope so easily, my child," he continues. Now his voice and manner are gentle. "We may yet find a way..."

He stops. His eyes reflect his fears. He almost admitted what he has tried so hard to disprove. He is afraid that to speak aloud this 'thing', is to make it reality.

"No more tests," I state. "My fate cannot be changed, no matter how much you struggle against it. I am..."

"Do not say it," my parent whispers, as if pleading for his very life. As if I were the harbinger of Destiny, here to steal from him the most precious thing in existence.

I open my mouth to say the word he fears most.

I cannot. It lodges within me, choking me. It brings with it the pain, the shame, the knowledge of what I am and cannot be.

I turn from my parent and the physician. I cannot bear the pity. I cannot bear the shame I see in their eyes. I cannot bear the condemnation of an entire species, my people, that is laid upon me. I cannot be their future.

I cannot.....