Awkward Moment 8 (Episode continuation of A Well Kept Housekeeper, Season 8)

A/N: Who loved the moment when Tony popped open the jam jar for Angela and asked her, "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" Her sharp intake of breath and the sexual innuendo was perfect! Also perfect in that episode was Tony in that skimpy outfit when he was working at the bar. The man was *sigh* physical perfection. This Awkward Moment takes place immediately after the 'jar opening scene'. (Look for my small homage to "Eye on Angela")

Thank you to VioletStella for being my Beta reader!

She smiled at him; the tension had dissipated with the popping of the jar. Yes, it had been good for her. They needed this bit of humor after the painting-purchase-pride-problem that had resulted from Tony's overinflated male ego. Angela had felt discouraged and frustrated upon hearing Tony's doubts about their relationship. He'd been a jerk to her, but at least he'd owned up to it quickly. He handed her the jar of jam and she set it on the table.

"Aren't you gonna have some jam?" he asked.

"So, you, um, paraded half-naked in a room full of screaming women tonight?" she asked him, ignoring his question about the jam. Jam was now the last thing on Angela's mind.

"Yeah well, you know, ahem, er …" Tony trailed off, embarrassed now. A hot blush crept up his face and he began to squirm. "Ya know Ang, I only did it out of love for you, so you could have your painting."

"Uh-huh," she said. She put her hands on his shoulders and looked him straight in the eye. "Actually, I think you did it because of your stubborn male pride."

"Well, think what you want—I wanted to give you somethin' nice. I've always wanted to give you nice things, Angela." Tony's eyebrows rose up into exclamation marks.

"Something nice, hmmmm?" Angela slid her hands down his black and white flannel shirt, then slowly caressed his chest in a circular motion. "Well it wasn't very nice that my boyfriend flaunted his perfect body to those screaming women. No, not nice at all." The sly half-smile on her face told him she was teasing him and that he needed to respond in kind.

"You're right, Angela. That was very inconsiderate of me." Tony placed his hands over hers and held them against his heart, so she'd feel the effect her touch had on his heart rate. "You think my body is perfect?" he added. Her compliment appealed to his sense of vanity; muscles were very important to Tony Micelli.

"Maybe you'd better show me again, so I can be certain," she said. She moved her fingers from his racing heart to his top shirt button and popped it open. "Ummm, perfect neck," she said and placed her lips against the exposed skin. "You smell like cigarette smoke from that sleazy place… how about I sweeten you up?" Angela spotted the jar of jam and a deliciously wicked grin spread over her face.

"Angela?" Tony balked slightly. He was worried about what Angela might have in mind with jam, in the kitchen of all places. "Maybe we could go away next weekend." They hadn't had many chances to be together since becoming a couple, and certainly never in the house. It had been a month since their foiled first attempt to make love in Angela's Jaguar. Murky ponds and failed hand brakes aside, they'd decided to get away for a weekend in the country shortly thereafter. Mona had teased them plenty and the kids had remained politely silent, while flashing megawatt smiles and giving each other high-fives. And finally, finally, they'd been able to give into their love and passion for each other. But they'd concocted an unspoken rule—no sex in the house until or unless they were married. It really was schizophrenic, because everybody knew why they'd gone away but nobody spoke of it. Since that one glorious weekend of lovemaking, they hadn't had another opportunity to be together. Right now Tony desperately wanted to tear off Angela's blue flowered robe, take her on the kitchen table and show her what a man could do to a beautiful woman. But seven years of conditioning were hard to break—no sex in the house, there's a teenager living here, she's still my boss, this is my workplace, etc. . Tony's mind reeled with his oft-used excuses for never touching Angela at home, save for some chaste kisses and hugs.

Angela noted Tony's conflicted expression, and the wildly darting eyes. She wanted him to squirm; he really had been a jerk about her success and wealth. "Tony, I want to admire that perfect body of yours, just like those screaming women had the pleasure of doing so tonight." Her tone was both seductive and snappy.

His eyes widened and he took a step backwards. "What? Here? Now?"

"Well, we are alone, and after tonight's antics, I think it's only fair. Show me what you had to do tonight … show me how you humiliated yourself because of that manly pride of yours." Angela dipped her fingers into the jam jar and smeared some on his neck and collar. She wanted to giggle at his shocked expression and rev it up a notch, so she leaned in and lapped at the jam with her tongue, licking and kissing his neck some more. "Ummmm, you taste so good," she breathed. "Oh darn, I got jam all over your shirt. Why don't I help you take it off?"

"Angela! We're in the kitchen," Tony admonished her. He put his hand to the sticky spot where she'd licked him and stared at her in disbelief.

"So what? Never heard of cooking in the kitchen, Tony? We had our first kiss here; it holds special memoires for me." Angela undid her robe, giving Tony a nice view of her satin nightgown.

"Madonna-mi, you're trying to make me crazy, woman!" A switch went off in his head, deafening all of his previous misgivings. He tore off his shirt, paused for a moment, then flung off her robe and pulled her against him. Their eyes locked and he could no longer resist her. He tilted her head back, almost roughly and bit her bottom lip. She whimpered and grinded her body against his, hard.

"Now. I want you now," he growled at her.

"Yesss," she breathed into his ear. "You're the man … take me, now." The naughtiness of it heightened her desire for him. She scraped his shoulder with her teeth and nibbled her way along his collarbone. "Need more jam." With one hand firmly secured around Tony's bum, Angela felt for the jam with her other hand. She dipped her fingers into the jar and accidentally knocked it off the table. It landed on the floor with a crash, scattering glass shards and jam onto the linoleum. Angela hesitated for a moment and stared at the mess she'd just made.

"Leave it!" Tony ordered. He turned her face back to his and kissed her. He was unrelenting in his kisses, barely giving her pause to breathe. Their mouths melded while her fingers trailed strawberry jam bits up and down his biceps. She pulled her mouth away just long enough to lick the sweet confection off of his firm muscles, sucking and kissing him along the way.

"Too bad I broke the jar," she said with a sigh. "I wanted to spread that jam all over you."

Her words inflamed his passion for her. "We have chocolate syrup," he groaned. "And Cool Whip too." Tony tore through the kitchen like a madman and found the whipped cream in a can. He aimed the nozzle at Angela's chest and squirted it over her cleavage and nightgown. "My turn."

Angela's anticipatory thrill was not for naught. When Tony pressed his hot mouth between her breasts and sensuously licked off the whipped cream, the sensation made her legs shake and quiver. And when Tony pushed her nightgown off her shoulders, squirted more Cool Whip onto her bare breasts and proceeded with his dessert, she almost died from the pleasure he was giving her. "I love when you put whipped cream on them …oh myyy," she moaned. "Let's … oh god … go … ummmmm … upstairs," she finally managed to blurt out.

Heedless of the broken jam jar and copious amounts of spilled Cool Whip all over the floor, Tony manoeuvered Angela backward toward the door, never losing contact with his delectable treats. They were both breathing hard and only had sex on the brain, so when Tony slipped on the whipped cream and fell onto the glass shards, the pain didn't register immediately. Delayed in his reaction, Tony yelped in agony, "Owww, my butt!"

"Oh no, did you fall down and land on a glass shard?" Angela asked.

"Just help me up instead of statin' the obvious, will ya?" Tony was in pain but his libido was still up. When Angela reached for him, her bare breasts close to his face, he was torn between getting up and pulling her onto him to lick the rest of that Cool Whip off her. The former, however, was more urgent at the moment. Pain sluiced through his backside as he stood. "I sat on the broken jar, Angela. Can you have a look?"

"Oh dear, oh dear," she prattled. She peered at his backside and gasped. Two large shards of glass were protruding out of his pants. "Should I pull them out? You've got two pieces in there."

"No! Don't touch them," he screamed, more from fear than anything else. As luck would have it, Mona had just let herself in through the front door and was heading toward the kitchen. She heard Tony screaming about not touching something and became rather curious.

"In that case, I'm taking you to the hospital. You need medical attention right now." No-nonsense Angela was back. She grabbed some paper towels and wiped her chest, then yanked her nightgown back up over her shoulders. "I just don't know how you're going to sit in the car … Mother!"

Mona wasn't usually one to be at a loss for words but the scene that greeted her made her jaw drop. Tony was shirtless and bent over a kitchen chair with what appeared to be glass in his behind. Jam, whipped cream and broken glass littered the kitchen floor, along with Angela's robe and Tony's flannel shirt. Both of them were dishevelled and was that jam on Tony's arms? "I'm almost afraid to ask," she said. "Angela, what did you do to him?"

"He fell, Mother. And I have to get him to the hospital, so can you please keep an eye on him while I go change? I can't go dressed like this."

"You mean, undressed," Mona smirked. Angela huffed at her mother and headed out the kitchen door to get changed.

"Tony, I don't want to know what games you and my daughter were playing at, with whipped cream and jam," she began. "You know me, I'm all for couples experimenting and having fun. But in all of my years, I have never, ever impaled a lover." She burst out laughing now. "You've got … ha, ha, ha, you've got … glass in your ass!" Mona howled with laughter. "I know that Angela's clumsy, but that really takes the cake."

"Mona," Tony warned her. He was in pain and not appreciating the torment being inflicted upon him by both Mona and his injury. "Where's Angela?"

"Still changing, I suppose." Mona sat in the chair beside Tony and peered into his eyes. "So, am I to understand that when you two are alone at home, you have kinky kitchen sex with food involved?" Her guileless blue eyes danced with mirth.

"Angela!" Tony yelled. "Hurry up!" He turned to give Mona a dirty look and shook his head. "Angela and I have never done a damned thing in this house. She wanted some jam and things kinda escalated from there," he explained.

"Wanted jam?" Mona asked, perplexed. "I've never heard it called that before."

Before Tony could respond with his own snarky comment, Angela reappeared, looking like her proper self once more. She could still feel the stickiness of Tony's 'dessert' against her shirt but tried to put it out of her mind.

"Can you walk to the car, or should I call an ambulance?" Angela asked him. "They could put you on a stretcher so you could lie on your stomach."

"No, don't call an ambulance. What about the Docs Ferguson? One of them's gotta be home." Tony didn't want to go out in public like this. The humiliation was too great and frankly, the pain was reaching a tipping point. He felt a bit woozy and nauseated. "I need to sit down," he said, forgetting his predicament.

"No, don't!" Mona and Angela both screamed at him.

Angela moved to his side and caressed his face. He was pale and beads of sweat had popped up on his forehead and upper lip. "Do you feel sick, Sweetheart?" He nodded and gulped hard. "Mother, get him a glass of water. Then call Isabelle and Paul. Please."

Mona handed him the water along with two painkillers, then dialled the doctors. "Hi Isabelle? We're wondering if you could make a house call. Tony has glass in his ass—I think it's Angela's fault. They were doing kinky things in the kitchen, and Tony is in a lot of pain. Looks like he might pass out too. Uh huh, yes, um, alright then. See you soon."

"Mother!" Angela gasped in horror. "Kinky things in the kitchen? How could you tell her that? Why don't you just leave? You're not helping one bit!" Angela wanted to strangle her mother.

"Isabelle says to get him to lie down so he doesn't faint," Mona replied, completely unfazed by her daughter's outburst. "Come on Tony, let's move you over to the couch."

Together the two women each took one of Tony's arms and helped him to the living room. He lay down on his side, bum facing out. Fortunately Isabelle only lived three blocks away and was there within minutes. She came in, took a look at his injuries and tried not to laugh. "As an ER doctor, I've seen my share of bizarre injuries," she began. "But I can't say that I've ever treated a half-naked, jam-covered man with glass shards protruding out of his, er, buttocks." Isabelle looked up at Angela, an expression of awe and surprise on her face. "I had no idea that you had this wild side to you, Angela."

"Aw come on Doc, put me out of my misery here, will ya? I'm dyin' here."

Angela wanted to defend herself, because she hadn't done anything bizarre. Nothing at all. She'd only smeared jam and licked it off her boyfriend. The events that'd followed had been more Tony's doing than her own. And really, for a couple madly in love, who had somehow managed to sublimate their physical desire for seven years, they were mostly in control of their urges. Angela was sick of it—she wanted to go away with Tony every single weekend. She wanted to make love with him in her own bed, then fall asleep together. She wanted to wake up next to him and snuggle up close, make love before breakfast, take a shared shower …"

"I suggest you get dark ones," Isabelle was saying. "Angela? Do you have dark towels?"

"What?"

"She's out of it. I'll get them," Mona said to Isabelle. She turned to her daughter, "Perhaps you'd better sit down, dear. You look dazed."

Isabelle got to work. She secured old, dark towels beneath Tony's bottom half and pried the jagged glass pieces from his posterior. Then, she pulled down his pants and cleaned the wounds. "Sorry, that's going to sting," she warned him after he'd already screamed. "I need to stitch you up now. That's going to hurt even more. Sorry Tony."

Tony gritted his teeth and tried not to cry out; it wasn't manly. Neither was it manly having his naked behind exposed to three women, even if one of them was a doctor. He'd seen Mona smirk at the sight of his bum and vowed he'd get revenge on her for all of her teasing. "Angela, hold my hand," he called to her when the first stitch went in.

"Oh, my poor baby," she cooed to him. She held his sweaty palm in hers and placed kisses on his damp forehead. "It's okay, Sweetie. You're doing just fine."

Twelve stiches later and Isabelle was done. "You'll need to avoid sitting down for a while," she told him. "I can bring you a donut ring to sit on … it's like a child's pool toy and you sit in the hole. We use it for patients who've had hemorrhoid surgery," she added, straight faced.

Mona let out a snort of laughter. "That's what we'll tell people, that Tony has hemorrhoids, ha, ha ha!"

"Mother, enough!"

Isabelle observed the couple before her; they displayed such tenderness toward each other, and she smiled. "You know, it's a funny thing … the two of you brought Paul and me together, but what you don't know is that Paul and I were trying to get you two together on our wedding day. Best man, matron of honor … it was so perfect. We'd always known, always, that you guys belonged together."

"On your wedding day, huh?" Tony said. "That's when Angela met Geoffrey with a G."

"An unforeseen event. But honestly, you two were already so well suited and obviously in love, even back then. I didn't expect Geoff to make a move on Angela like that."

"Yes, well, if it hadn't been for Ginger and Fred, perhaps Tony wouldn't have pushed me in Geoffrey's direction," Angela said, eyes downcast. She was still sad about the lost years. She had been ready to be with Tony in 1986, only he hadn't.

"Oh geez, not Fred and Ginger again," Tony whined. "It was too soon for us, Angela. Yeah, I was in love with you, but I hadn't even started college yet. Wanting to be with you made me try harder, strive to be a better man."

"Oh Tony."

"Oh Angela."

"I love you so much."

"Come 'ere," Tony gently pulled her down to kiss her.

"I recommend that you avoid any, um, strenuous activities for a few days," Isabelle warned them.

Tony and Angela looked at each other in despair. "How many days?" they asked Isabelle in unison.

"Three ought to do it. I'll come back and check you out. Well, good night."

XXXX

Three days later, Tony and Angela sent Jonathan to the movies, told Sam they'd be out, and locked all the doors.

As for Mona, she had to clean the mess in the kitchen all by herself, because Tony was avoiding strenuous activities and Angela, well Angela needed to nurse her injured boyfriend back to health.

P.S. Angela never did need to replace her vibrator.

A/N: I hope you liked my Awkward Moments Series. Next on my list is to finish "Family".