Chapter 3: A Vok is for life, not just for Christmas
A little while later, we see Cheetor lying in the web Tarantulas trapped him in last chapter. As the lazy git snoozes, the sparks of Airazor and Tigatron float down to him.
Tigatron: Are you sure about this?
Airazor: Do you have any better ideas?
Tigatron: I do. Why don't we get someone who's…well, competent to help us?
Airazor: Like?
Tigatron: I dunno. Rhinox?
Airazor: Too far away. It's either Cheetor or Optimus.
Tigatron: Isn't that a bit like being given the choice of death by hanging or beheading?
Airazor: Pretty much. Come on, let's get this over with.
The two sparks merge into a single spark with a bright flash. When it clears, we're inside Cheetor's subconscious. For some reason Cheetor is in robot mode and dressed as a sailor. He stands up.
Cheetor: Wh-what's goin' on?
Airazor and Tigatron appear in front of the young Maximal. Airazor is dressed like a pirate captain while Tigatron is dressed like Super Mario.
Airazor: Arr! Greetings, Cheetor me lad! Arr!
The falcon pauses for a second while she replays what she just said in her head. She puts her face in her hands.
Airazor: Arr! I should be knowing that Cheetor's mind isn't the best place for holding a rational conversation. Arr!
A mushroom hits Tigatron in the leg, causing him to grow to twenty times his original height.
Super Tigatron: I'm huge!
Cheetor looks at the ensuing scene with a look of bemusement on his face.
Cheetor: I should have never drunk that coffee Rattrap gave me. What was I thinking?!
Super Tigatron: Hey! We're not delusions brought on by faulty coffee beans! We're the sparks of Tigatron and Airazor, and we're here to warn you about the Vok!
A few minutes later…
Airazor: Arr! Will ye help us?
Cheetor: Well, I don't know…I mean, I am pretty comfortable lying here…
Super Tigatron (aside to Airazor): I think he needs a bit of a push.
Airazor: Arr! I be havin' just the thing!
Airazor gestures to her left, where a being of awesome hideousness shambles towards Cheetor. The cat bot screams in terror.
Cheetor: No! Not…not YOU!
Bob Skir: Cheetor, baby! I've gotten a great idea for a new series. It'll be called "Beast Pacifists: Guns Are Naughty" and it'll star you!
Cheetor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Back in the real world, Cheetor breaks free of the web and hurtles off at half the speed of light, followed by the conjoined spark. Meanwhile, in Tarantulas' lair, Tigerhawk wakes up stuck to a giant web and wearing a French maid's outfit.
Tigerhawk: Aww man, not again…
Tarantulas hobbles up to the Fuzor, looking like a mummy.
Tarantulas: Howdy!
Tigerhawk: Tarantulas! The Vok is all too familiar with you.
Tarantulas: Really? Nothing but good things, yes?
Tigerhawk: Mostly, apart from an incident involving you, a horse and a bottle of Helmann's Mayonnaise.
Tarantulas: Ahem. Let's get started shall we? I'm just going to extract the aliens from your body and then turn you into my mindless all-powerful slave. Is that all right with you?
Tigerhawk: Well gee, let me think about this…ooh! How about NO!
Tarantulas: Well, tough titty kitty. You've already signed the consent forms.
Tigerhawk: Consent forms?
Tarantulas shows Tigerhawk a grubby piece of paper.
Tigerhawk: That's not my signature! I'd never spell Tigerhawk with a Z! This thing isn't even remotely legal!
Tarantulas limps over to a monitor and switches it on. A Lawyercon appears.
Lawyercon (flatly): This document/declaration is perfectly legal in every way, shape and form.
The monitor switches off.
Tigerhawk: Curse you and your mastery of obscure Cybertronian legalese!
Tarantulas laughs like a loon (as per usual) and activates a machine. A large, very scary looking gun swings out of the ceiling and blasts Tigerhawk in the chest. Cut now to Cheetor and the spark of Airazor/Tigatron as they enter Tarantulas' lair.
Cheetor: Hmmm, this is too easy…
On cue a dozen light bulb/spider drones rush towards Cheetor.
Airazor/Tigatron: Smooth move, genius.
Cheetor: Relax, guys. I mean, what can these little fellas do to me?
Again on cue, a humungous light bulb/spider drone walks out to meet Cheetor.
Cheetor: Crud.
Back with Tarantulas and Tigerhawk, where the former is sitting with his back to the latter and is reading a Manga book. As the gun continues its onslaught on Tigerhawk, Vok A and Vok B vacate the Fuzor and head toward Tarantulas. Cheetor chooses this moment to enter the room, wearing a mackintosh made from the giant drone. He gapes at the scene in front of him.
Tarantulas: Heh heh heh…oh Professor Nova, will you EVER get to win?
The console in front of the spider beeps, causing him to look up at it.
Tarantulas: Something's wrong, eh? Now what could…(turns around and sees the Vok heading straight towards him)…YAAAARGH!
Tarantulas stands up as the Vok (slowly) advance on him.
Tarantulas: Stay back! Stay back or I'll use my hopelessly ineffective shoulder guns!
The Vok continue to advance.
Tarantulas: You asked for it! YAAAAARGH!
Tarantulas fires his shoulder guns, the bullets of which pass harmlessly through the Vok and hit the still active laser gun. The bullets causes the gun to swivel towards Tarantulas as both Vok enter him.
Tarantulas: AAAGH! NO! EARGHH…actually, this kinda nice. A bit like…
Tarantulas stops talking as he sees the gun aim at him.
Tarantulas: This can't be good.
The gun blasts him, sending him flying into a web of energy generated by two poles. The energy generated by these poles combined with the gun's output begins to rip Tarantulas and the Vok to pieces.
Vok B: Great plan, Marty. Inspired.
Vok A: Shut up Doug.
Tarantulas: I REGRET NOTHIIIIIIIIIING!
Tarantulas explodes, which somehow causes his lair to do likewise. With seconds to spare Cheetor grabs Tigerhawk's body and exits the lair as it explodes, knocking him out. Cheetor awakens to the sight of Optimal Optimus standing over him, grinning. He's holding something small and furry.
Cheetor: Optimus?
Primal: Cheetor! Look what I found!
Cheetor stares at a very frightened looking mole in Primal's hand.
Cheetor: It's a mole.
Primal: No it isn't! It's Sir Oink's-A-Lot! He survived!
Cheetor opens his mouth to argue against this, but wisely decides that it would be a waste of breath.
Tigerhawk: Ahem!
Primal and Cheetor turn to face Tigerhawk. His eyes have changed color now that the spark of Airazor/Tigatron is in him.
Tigerhawk: Optimus! It's me…I mean, us!
Primal: …
Tigerhawk: Airazor and Tigatron? We disappeared in Season 2, remember?
Primal: Can't say that I do. But welcome to the Maximals anyway, friend of friends!
Tigerhawk: Uh…thanks.
The trio transform to Beast/Vehicle mode and fly off. We now see Megatron (Beast mode) on top of the cliff the Maximals were at the foot of. He chuckles to himself before getting struck by a bolt of lightning. Stunned, he transformed to robot mode and fell to the foot of the mountain. Landing face down, he hears odd sounding footsteps approach him. He looks up.
Drunk Ninja Cows (waving ninja weapons menacingly): MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Megatron: This just hasn't been my day, has it? Yesssssssss.
End
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