Standard Fanfic Disclaimer that wouldn't last ten seconds in a court of law: these aren't my characters. I'm just borrowing them for um, er, uh, typing practice. Yeah, that's it, typing practice. I'm not trying to steal copyrighted material from Sherwood Schultz, CBS, Sidney Sheldon, NBC, or anyone else. Just borrowing: all characters will be returned unharmed, or at the very least, suitably bandaged. Originally published in the fanzine Diamonds and Dynamite#2, from Agent with Style Press.

A, B, C, D: Astronauts, Beaches, Castaways, and Djinn

by Susan M. M.

I Dream of Jeannie/Gilligan's Island

dedicated to G. L. Peabody, who gave me the idea

Part I: Nelson's Island

The space capsule plummeted into the ocean. The waves tossed it to and fro, until its inhabitant - who'd handled three Gs without complaining - was seasick. Eventually, the waves pushed the capsule up onto a deserted tropical island.

Well, almost deserted.

"Thanks for coming with me, Gilligan," Mary Ann Summers said. The attractive brunette wore blue shorts and a red gingham blouse. "I always get nervous gathering crabs."

Gilligan was scared of being pinched by the crabs, too, but he was more frightened of admitting he was scared to Mary Ann than he was of the crabs. He told her truthfully, "I'm glad to help you, Mary Ann." He considered any excuse to spend time with Mary Ann a good one.

"And gladder to eat my crab cakes," she teased.

"Well, you do bake really good crab cakes," he agreed. Gilligan was a scrawny fellow, in his late twenties but looking younger. His uncombed dark hair was covered by a white sailor's cap.

"It'll be a nice change from fried bananas and smoked fish," Mary Ann said as they walked to the lagoon. "Oh, my goodness, what is that?!"

Mary Ann and Gilligan stopped and stared. A silver capsule lay on the beach.

"It's a space capsule!" Gilligan began to run toward it.

Mary Ann quickly followed after him. "Do you think there's anyone in there, or is it just a drone?"

"I don't know." Gilligan banged on the capsule with his fists. "Hey, anybody in there?"

"Gilligan! If there is someone in there, you're going to deafen them," Mary Ann scolded. "Hello? Is anyone in there?" She laid her ear against the capsule. "I think I hear something!"

Both fell silent, listening intently.

"There is someone in there!" Gilligan scrambled to find the capsule door. He found the handle and tugged. "It's stuck." He pulled harder.

The door opened. Gilligan fell backwards. He landed on his rump in the sand. An astronaut started to climb out of the capsule. Mary Ann reached out a hand to help him out.

The astronaut climbed out and removed his helmet. He took a deep breath. After hours of breathing recycled air, the tangy salt breeze along the beach was wonderful.

"Thank you, miss. You're a sight for sore eyes - and a whole lot prettier than the Navy rescue team I was expecting."

"I'm Mary Ann Summers," she introduced herself. She stuck her hand out to shake his.

"Captain Tony Nelson." He started to take her delicate hand in the glove of his space suit. He stopped, removed the thick, heavy glove, then shook her hand.

"And I'm Gilligan," Captain Nelson heard a voice behind him say. He turned around and saw a dark-haired young man in a red shirt and pale blue pants brushing sand off his clothes.

"Sorry, didn't see you there. This helmet is worse than a cart-horse wearing blinders."

"Wow, a real astronaut on our island," Gilligan marveled.

"Uh, by the way, where are we?" Captain Nelson looked around at the lagoon and the palm trees. "Hawaii? Santa Catalina? The Florida Keys?"

"We're on an island in the South Pacific, somewhere between Hawaii and the Marquesas," Gilligan told him.

"Which island? What's its name?"

"Well, we never got around to giving it a name," Mary Ann confessed.

"Is it a private island?" Captain Nelson asked.

"Not exactly." Gilligan stretched out the first word.

"We're shipwrecked," Mary Ann told him. "Oh, dear, and now you're shipwrecked, too."

"Rocket-wrecked," Gilligan corrected her.

Captain Nelson shook his head. "NASA's been tracking me all the way down. There'll be someone here to fetch me in a matter of hours."

"Gilligan, do you hear that? We're finally going to be rescued!" Mary Ann grabbed Captain Nelson, jumping up and down for sheer joy.

"How long have you been here?" Captain Nelson put a hand on her shoulder in a feeble attempt to calm her down.

"Over a year," Gilligan said.

"A year?"

"Closer to a year and a half," Mary Ann said. "C'mon, we've got to tell the others."

"Others? How many people are shipwrecked here?" Captain Nelson asked.

"Seven of us: the Skipper, me, Mary Ann, " Gilligan pointed first at himself, then at her, "the Professor, Ginger, and Mr. and Mrs. Howell."

When the U.S.S. Kitty Hawk arrived three hours later, Mary Ann and actress Ginger Grant were taking turns fussing over Captain Nelson, feeding him coconut cream pie.

"I'm Oliver Gillespie, captain of the Kitty Hawk. It's an honor to meet you, Captain Nelson." A middle-aged man in dress whites shook hands with the astronaut. "Now, did you rescue the survivors of the Minnow, or did they rescue you?"

"A bit of both, I think. Let me introduce you," Captain Nelson offered.

"No need to introduce me. I remember this sea dog from when he was just a pup," declared a big, white-haired man.

"Chief Grumby?" Gillespie asked in amazement. "You were on the Minnow?"

"On her? I owned her. Bought her after I retired from the Navy," Jonas Grumby, skipper of the late Minnow said. "Good to see you again, sir."

"Master Chief Grumby and I served together on the Valley Forge," Gillespie explained to the sailors who'd accompanied him.

"This here's my little buddy, Gilligan." The Skipper clapped an arm around the smaller man's shoulder.

"He helped rescue me," Captain Nelson added. "And this lovely lady is my other rescuer, Mary Ann Summers."

"Pleased to meet you, Miss Summers. And this lady needs no introduction." Captain Gillespie smiled at a beautiful redhead, somewhat incongruously dressed in a silk evening gown. "Ginger Grant. I've been a fan for years."

"It's always wonderful to meet one of my fans, especially one who's going to take us back to civilization," Ginger gushed.

"This is Roy Hinkley," Captain Nelson introduced, "and Mr. and Mrs. Howell."

"Thurston Howell the Third." An older man in a suit stepped forward to shake Captain Gillespie's hand. "When we get back to your ship, Captain, would it be possible for me to call my broker?"

"I'll see what we can do." Captain Gillespie nodded politely to Mrs. Howell. "Ma'am."

It took three trips to get everyone's personal belongings onto the ship. All the Minnow passengers had been planning to have gone to the airport immediately after their three-hour cruise, and thus had all their luggage with them. After more than a year on a deserted island, even the stark amenities of an aircraft carrier - hot water, electricity, roast beef sandwiches - seemed like absolute luxury to the castaways.

Four hours later, they docked at Pearl Harbor, where the media went wild.

Within days, high school students across the nation who had no idea what their own teachers' first names were knew that former high school science teacher Roy Hinkley's nickname was the Professor. Thurston Howell III achieved his life-long dream of making the front page of the Wall Street Journal. Ginger Grant was hired to play Jane in a remake of Tarzan, despite the fact the script hadn't been written yet, nor an actor for Tarzan hired. The Skipper and Gilligan were invited to become the spokesmen for a chain of seafood restaurants. Captain Nelson and Mary Ann became the darlings of the talk show circuit. Ginger was just a smidgen vexed that Mary Ann was getting more publicity than she was. The paparazzi tried to promote a romance between the astronaut and "the girl who rescued him," but Captain Nelson's fiancée soon put a stop to that.

Captain Tony Nelson married General Stone's daughter, Melissa. There were seven extra guests at the wedding.

Captain Roger Healey dated Ginger Grant off-and-on. Neither was willing to settle down, he being committed to his playboy lifestyle and she to her career in Hollywood.

The Skipper took the insurance money from the Minnow and bought a new boat. The S.S. Minnow II was homeported out of Cocoa Beach. Although often chartered as a fishing boat, her specialty was taking passengers out on the water to watch the rockets launch.

NASA was so impressed with the Professor's creativity and his ability to think outside the box that they hired him.

Thurston Howell III and his wife Eunice Wentworth Howell were so impressed with - and grateful to - NASA that they joined the L5 Society. They donated generously to space-related causes, always double-checking first, of course, that their donations were tax-deductable. They invested in several companies that built ships for the Navy and computers for NASA. At Mrs. Howell's insistence, they overcharged less than other government contractors.

Mary Ann did so well as a talk show guest that "Good Morning, Florida" hired her to co-host. She dated the first mate of the Minnow II, and a year later, she and Gilligan were married.

They all lived happily ever after.

And on a different island, far, far away, a bottle languished in the sand.