6.

Masaki, the center of the universe- their universe, dad, Yuzu, Karin. She's smiling so brightly, Ichigo will protect her no matter what, Ichigo will protect her.

Ichigo can't breath.

Masaki greets Ichigo at his part-time job. "I felt like picking you up today" she says and Ichigo, sixteen year old Ichigo, rolls his eyes but smiles-

"Don't chase the rabbit," Grimmjow shouts over the noise in his head.

They're walking down the street and suddenly aircrafts are flying and zooming past, a shadow looms, houses are crushed, people scream- Kaiju Kaiju KAIJU- a building bursts apart like it was made of nothing at all, and his mom is crushed under a piece of an apartment, oh god, oh god, Ichigo is stuck, he can't move, oh god, mom, mom, MOM!

Ichigo is suddenly pulled out from the gravel, Grimmjow leading him away, "Don't chase the rabbit." he says again. He drags him away from the debris, his crying younger self, his dead mother, the Kaiju, the aircrafts, the scent of fire, past Ichigo's memories and into Grimmjow's.

They walk past hotel room doors, each one opening and showing Grimmjow's past.

A man with slicked back brown hair and cruel, hateful smile. "Let's see how you do without your arm, Sexta." The man brushes Grimmjow's arm, but Grimmjow pretends not to notice. "You're so handsome covered in blood. If you want to be Sexta again, you'll have to fight." A door ahead of them slams open like a gunshot.

Ichigo catches a glimmer of a pale faced man with dark hair, green tattoos on his cheeks and blood pouring out a wound in his chest. He says, "You truly are a monster, Jaegerjaques," and Grimmjow's face is of steely composure, but his shoulder quake. "Look what you've done." Blood pools out of his wound and he steps towards Grimmjow. It splatters Grimmjow but he shoves the man aside, pulling Ichigo out of the corridor and into a patch of light-

Suddenly they're stabilized. Whoops from the observation deck are heard, but Ichigo looks to Grimmjow, and Grimmjow to Ichigo, and for a long time, they're silent.

Quietly, Ichigo says, "I don't think you're a monster." He doesn't know the story. Isn't sure he wants to. But Grimmjow's not a monster.

Grimmjow doesn't say anything at all.

10.

The thick stench of iron is suffocating. It's crammed down his throat, thick and metallic and it's all he can taste, smell, feel. Ichigo reaches his hand out, palm brushing and smacking against the ground. Air, he needed air. Digging his fingers into the dirt, fingers screaming in protest, Ichigo begins to drag himself out of the mess of debris. He can't feel his right leg, damn it, and it's not like he can use it to push himself out more. He was stuck. He was stuck, and he couldn't help himself and he couldn't help Grimmjow, who had received the brunt of the Kaiju blow-

"I'm ok dying like this,"

"Ichigo!"

Ichigo tries to open his eyes, but they're caked with mud and dirt and blood, blood was everywhere. He felt hands pawing at his face, brushing his temples and his cheek. Suddenly the hands went under his armpits, and began to pull. He choked on a ragged cry, a sharp pain in his side. It felt like it tore as he was tugged out of the rubble. Ichigo is rolled onto his back, and he feels fingers wipe at his eyes. He opens them weakly and lets out a sigh of relief at who had dug him out.

Rukia.

"Oh, thank God," she moans. Tears flow freely from her eyes, and Ichigo weakly lifts his hand to pat her face.

"Cr' b'by." he mumbles.

"I thought you were dead," Rukia's voice shudders. "I thought you were dead. Your Jaeger-" She sobs heavily. "I saw it rip open. By those three Kaiju that Urahara and Yoruichi and Soi Fon took out."

Ichigo gives a tiny smile, trying to ease Rukia's tears. "Of course they took it out."

"I really thought you were d-dead," she continues. "A-after I saw how Grim-" she freezes. Remains silent. Her hand is slapped against her mouth but Ichigo misses it completely.

He stares up at the sky and sees plumes of smoke rising from shattered buildings. They were folded over themselves, as if they had been nothing but paper. Blood and black grime streaks the sides of buildings like grotesque graffiti.

Ichigo looks at Rukia's hands- her Jaeger pilot suit had smudges of blood. Ichigo tries to sit up, but he couldn't feel his leg. His side hurt and bones felt old and worn. "Gri-" Ichigo starts hoarsely, and sees the flicker of emotion in Rukia's eyes. He stops. He pushes weakly at her. "G'tta get Grimm'." he croaks. "He's buried... 'Kia, help 'im."

Rukia grabs his hand and forcefully laces their finger together. "I can't."

"Why not." Ichigo asks, voice barely above a whisper.

"... Ichigo, a Kaiju ripped into the Jaeger. It mangled you. You barely..." her voice cracks. "You barely survived. And Grimmjow is to thank for you even being alive."

Ichigo turns his head towards his right. Right. Right, right, right. Grimmjow was always to the right when they drifted. Grimmjow and his stupid cocky grin and swagger he obviously tried so hard to portray. "I'm taking the right, Kurosaki." he'd say every time they drifted. As if Ichigo was liable to change his mind.

Their- Ichigo and Grimmjow's-broken Jaeger, Zangetsu Pantera, covers the right side of Ichigo's vision. A mix of fluids and blood seeped out from underneath. Some of Ichigo's blood, most likely. He didn't want to think about his wounds. He needs Rukia to stop being ridiculous and get Grimmjow to safety. After that she had to go search for survivors, like Renji, which, why wasn't he with her?

He tries to get up again, and as he cranes his head up, he sees a severed arm.

Or rather, Grimmjow's prosthetic arm.

Ichigo screams.

5.

"I'm taking the right, Kurosaki."

Ichigo frowns. "I always take the right." Grimmjow bares his teeth at Ichigo, blue eyes narrowed and sharp.

"You already know about my fucking arm, Kurosaki. Do I need to paste a memo to your forehead?"

Ichigo looks to Grimmjow's left arm, plastic white with thick lines of black. "Right- I," Ichigo stutters. "I'll take the left. Stop whining."

"You two done bickering?" Uryuu's voice sounds through the speaker. "We can't wait on you two forever; you have to drift at some point."

"Wow, the sass," Ichigo mutters. "I'd like to see you drift with an asshole."

"Hey!" Grimmjow shouts. Ichigo rolls his eyes, getting into his stance.

"Whatever. We're ready, Uryuu. Let's get this over with so we can have actual proof that we are completely drift incompatible."

Grimmjow puts his helmet on violently and glares at Ichigo the entire time. He doesn't stop his gaze until Uryuu starts the countdown.

"Don't chase the rabbit. And don't talk about what you're gonna see." Grimmjow warns. Ichigo raises an eyebrow. The blue haired Jaeger pilot looks blank, but his fists are clenched tightly by his sides. "I mean it. I'll kill ya if you talk about what you see."

And then they are drifting.

1.

"Fuck you," Grimmjow spat. He literally spat. Ichigo makes a disgusted noise as he wipes the spittle off his face.

"God, you're an annoying bastard," Ichigo complains. They were merely inches apart. Rukia stood a little away from Ichigo, eyes narrowed.

"Ichigo, c'mon. Just ignore him." She tries to tug at his arm but he shakes her away.

"There are people dying everyday, and there aren't enough fucking Jaeger pilots to go around!" Grimmjow yells. "And you just sit on yer ass and cry about yer dead mom and how nobody is ever good enough to drift with you!"

"You know nothing," Ichigo says, rage lacing his every word.

"I know enough," Grimmjow declares. "And all you are is a piece of cowardly shit." Grimmjow punctuates the last word with a shove.

Ichigo gets in Grimmjow's face and says, "The only coward I see is you. Picking on other people's weaknesses. What does that say about you?"

"It says I'm the only one with the balls to point out the people who are useless in this program." Grimmjow counters. "Why are you even here? Yer just wasting our resources." His eyes flash with victory. "Now why don't you and yer little girlfriend fuck off and leave the Jaegers to the big guys?"

Surprisingly, Rukia throws the first punch.

8.

Grimmjow's lips are harsh and chapped and they rub Ichigo's lips raw. Grimmjow kisses like he's trying to consume him; he licks into his mouth and presses a hand tight against the back of Ichigo's neck, palm like a brand. Ichigo eagerly responds, hands grabbing at Grimmjow's belt hastily. Grimmjow pulls away with a shit eating grin on his face. "Somebody's impatient." he comments like they're talking about the fucking weather. They just took down a Kaiju together. Ichigo can't fight the thrill spiralling through him.

"Jaegerjaques," Ichigo starts. "Shut the fuck up and finish what you started." Grimmjow raises an eyebrow, hand moving down Ichigo's neck to rub at his back.

"Not if you ask like that, Strawberry." He rubs his face into Ichigo's neck and Ichigo makes an angry grumbling noise.

"Don't call me that!" He swats at the back of Grimmjow's head. "And I'm not going to beg and weep for you to screw me. You either screw me now or go back to your bunk with your hand." He tries to Grimmjow's belt again but the blue haired mans hips inch away. With a bite to Ichigo's neck, Grimmjow's pulls his head back.

His blue eyes are bright, and he's wearing a terrifyingly excited grin. "And they say romance is dead." He pulls Ichigo in for a searingly hot kiss and Ichigo moans.

(They wake up tangled together, Ichigo's arms and legs wrapped around Grimmjow like an octopus, the latter almost purring like a cat. It's almost the pinnacle of contentment until the alarm sounds, and reality sinks in.)

2.

"Damn, that girl can throw one hell of a punch." In the medbay, Grimmjow holds his head back with a wad of tissue paper, blood smeared under his nose and across his cheek. In the bed opposite Grimmjow, Ichigo sits with several bruises and cuts, an especially deep on across his forehead. The nurse kept having to change the gauze roll, when they were both initially admitted. Getting caught fighting by Captain Yamamoto of the First Kaiju Division, of all fucking people, was awful.

"Gender has nothing to do with strength, you complete asshat." Ichigo grouses. He rolls his shoulder and winces.

Grimmjow shoots a glare his way. "I know that. She's just so tiny."

"Good thing she's not here to hear you say that- she'd wipe the floor with your ass again." Ichigo comments.

Grimmjow growls. "What? Yer fucking kiddin', right? If anyone was losing, it was you. Most of the blood on the floor belong to ya."

"Argh!" Ichigo shouts. "You're so annoying. What's your deal, anyway? Don't you have anything better to do than stand around and pick fights?"

Grimmjow shrugs. "My drift partner quit, so no, not really."

"Your..." Ichigo pauses. Stares. "Your drift partner quit?"

Grimmjow, head tilted back, shuts his eyes. "Sometimes the drift is too overwhelming." He seems to be in grief, and for a moment, Ichigo almost... sympathizes. But then the blue haired fucker goes and ruins it by saying, "Not that you would know. Always on yer ass whining about how there's no one out there for ya."

Ichigo stands up and kicks Grimmjow in the stomach.

They both get in trouble again, and have to skip out on evening meal time.

7.

Ichigo doesn't know what brought him to Grimmjow's door- but, wait, no- that's a lie. That drift. The things he saw, heard, felt; he feels like something needs to be said. If they're going to be partners. He knocks against the steel door and it opens to reveal Grimmjow, wearing no shirt and a damp towel wrapped around his neck. Ichigo pauses, carefully maintaining eye contact.

Grimmjow glares. "What the fuck do ya want?"

"I just... wanted to talk." Ichigo says carefully. Grimmjow growls.

"There's nothin' to talk about." Grimmjow snaps. "We're drift compatible. We're going to pilot a Jaeger together. Now shut yer trap and get back to yer bunk." He starts to shut the door but Ichigo forces himself past the door. They're standing close and Ichigo can make out the flecks of blue and teal in Grimmjow's eyes.

"Who was that man?" Ichigo asks hastily. "Did he," He looks to Grimmjow's left arm. "Did he do that to you?"

"It's none of yer fucking business!" snaps Grimmjow.

"Yes it is!" Ichigo says, equally fierce. "What if one day we're drifting and you get lost in that memory? How am I supposed to pull you out when you won't even tell me what it was all about?"

"I'm not weak enough to chase a rabbit. Not like you." Grimmjow retorts. Ichigo flinches, momentarily blinded by the memory of his mother soaked in blood, a chunk of rock making her body protrude oddly. The glossy eyes.

"I-" Ichigo stutters. His hands scrub his eyes and he ducks his head. "That's the most clear it's ever been. With... with everyone else, it was a blur. It was still painful," Ichigo continues. "But it's never felt like... I was reliving it."

Grimmjow says, "Yer too emotional."

"Like you're one to talk!" Ichigo shouts. He jabs his index finger at Grimmjow's chest, head snapping up and eyes ablaze with fury. "I could see how those memories affected you. And you're always picking fights with me! You're such a fucking liar!"

"Shut up," Grimmjow warns but Ichigo carries on.

"You said to me back when we first met that your drift partner quit. You implied most of them did. Said the 'drift was too much for them'- well I think that's a load of bull. I think the drift was too much for you-" Ichigo is suddenly slammed against the door, Grimmjow in his face and hissing furiously.

"You think yer so smart, don't you, Strawberry?" Grimmjow's prosthetic hand goes for his neck, wrapping around Ichigo's neck and squeezing. Ichigo gaps, squirming against Grimmjow who has him pinned.

"Don't call me that!" Ichigo bites out. Grimmjow's hands squeezes tightly enough that Ichigo's vision blurs and he feels light headed- and suddenly Grimmjow pulls away like Ichigo's on fire. He's halfway across the room by the time Ichigo is done coughing, staring at his hands hatefully.

"Damn it," he says. "Damn it!" Grimmjow kicks the side of his bed, rattling the frame.

Ichigo slumps against the door. "What the fuck? Are you trying to kill me?"

Grimmjow flops onto his bed, silent for moment. Then he beckons him over. "Shut the fuck up, sit down, and listen." he says with exaggerated exasperation, voice too grief filled for Ichigo to even be annoyed at. "Sit down." Grimmjow repeats.

So, Ichigo shuffles over, sits, and does just that.

3.

"What about doing drift hand to hand combat?" Rukia suggest one day in the mess hall. Beside her, Renji is scarfing down his food down ferociously. She swats at Renji's hand as he tries to steal some of her food with his chopsticks.

"Because that went so well last time." Ichigo deadpanns. Rukia huffs.

"You wonder why you can't drift with anyone and then you act like this." She points to Renji. "Look at this idiot. If him and I can drift, anyone can."

"Hey!" Renji protests. "I'm not just any idiot!" Rukia looks confused, but then Renji waggles his eyebrows. "I'm your idiot."

Rukia blushes but says, "That doesn't make any sense."

"Gross guys," Ichigo groans. "Don't act all couple-y in front of me."

"You would probably act the same way if you had a significant other," sniffs Renji. He looks past Ichigo and points with his chopsticks. "The closest thing you have to a schoolyard crush is that dick."

Ichigo, against his better conscious, looks behind him. Grimmjow sits surrounded by some other Jaeger pilots, all of them rather lethal in terms of skills. Ichigo turns back to Renji. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Classic pigtail pulling." Renji grins, and Rukia nudges him with her elbow.

"Knock it off Renji. Anyway, Ichigo, I think you should go through with the sparring matches!" she insists.

Ichigo sighs, runs his hands through his hair, and allows his head to thunk against the table. "Fine." he mutters. "Organize it or whatever, I don't care. No one will work with me."

Rukia gets a sudden glint in her eyes and she bolts up from her seat. "Hey everyone!" A few heads turn her way and Ichigo's head snaps up. "Head to the Combat Room later to spar with Ichigo! " The cafeteria gets loud with murmurings and Ichigo wants to be sucked into the Earth and be forever forgotten.

"Rukia! What the hell!" he nearly shouts.

Renji pops some food into his mouth before mock whispering, "Well, well, it looks like a certain someone is interested in sparring with you."

"What are you talking about, Renji-"

A shadow casts over Ichigo and Ichigo turns around. Grimmjow stands behind him, grinning. "Finally decide to get off yer ass and make yerself useful?"

"Fuck off, Jaegerjaques." Ichigo retorts. He glares as hard as he can at the blue haired pilot, but that only makes Grimmjow smirk more.

"Can't wait to pin you and have you cry for mercy. See ya, later, Strawberry." he waves, fingers wiggling mockingly, and Ichigo slams his fists against the table.

"I can't stand him!" he rages. He turns back to Rukia and Renji, whose mouths are slack and open. "What?" he asks, confused.

"That... completely flew over your head, didn't it." Rukia says, dumbfounded. Her cheeks are tinged pink.

"Hah?" Ichigo blinks.

Renji bursts into hysterics, prompting Ichigo to slap his head.

(In the middle of the night, Ichigo wakes up, eyes wide and face red. Can't wait to pin you and have you cry for mercy. "Oh my god," Ichigo realizes.)

4.

Pinned against the combat room mat and breathing heavily, Ichigo squirms. Grimmjow is hanging over him, strands of his blue hair brushing against Ichigo's forehead. "Looks like I win, Strawberry."

Infuriated, Ichigo uses all his strength to shove Grimmjow off him. He slams his forearm against Grimmjow's chest and holds him down. "I said not to call me that!" he complains.

Grimmjow laughs and is about to flip Ichigo behind him, when Captain Yamamoto who had come by to observe, gruffly calls out, "I've seen enough." He bangs his cane against the floor and the two part immediately, Ichigo rolling out of Grimmjow's reach and Grimmjow sitting up.

Yamamoto seems to watch them for a moment, the other observers in the room silent save for breathing. Finally Yamamoto says, "Tomorrow we start the drift." and he leaves the room.

Ichigo looks incredulously to Grimmjow, and Grimmjow looks surprised before uttering a loud "Fuck." He turns to Ichigo. "This wasn't how that was supposed to go."

"No shit?" Ichigo hisses.

9.

"Shirayuki Zabimaru is down!" Ichigo shouts. His eyes are frenzied, face pale and beads of sweat running down his temple. "Grimm, we have to turn back-" He's cut off as they are rocked to the side, a Kaiju with a gaping green fleshy maw slamming into them. Grimmjow gives a hoarse cry, and Ichigo's face snaps to him. "Grimmjow!" he shouts. Grimmjow shakes his head.

"Shut the fuck up, Ichigo. I-" He bites down on his lip so hard beads of blood appear. Grimmjow shudders in pain. Ichigo can feel it all. His anxiety, his pain, his i want to make it out of this alive. i want to be stronger. stronger to get past this, to see the world after these monsters i want ichigo to be there with me- "I'm ok. Let's finish this fucker."

Ichigo nods i want to see the world with you, too and they put their combined effort into blasting the Kaiju to smithereens, throwing punches and blasts until the Kaiju screeches horrifically, falling to the ground and collapsing apartments and vehicles.

Karakura town will never be the same.

Ichigo wants to hunch over in pain but he can't allow himself to be caught off guard, can't allow something to happen to Grimmjow- can't let anything happen to ichigo, gotta keep him alive, gotta make sure at least he makes it out-

"Grimm, stop," Ichigo begs. "We'll both make it."

"I know that." Grimmjows replies but all Ichigo can hear is the lie in that.

Ichigo looks to Grimmjow. "I used to hate you so much." Grimmjow returns his gaze, face looking hunted. "And I still hate you. You're an awful shit head." Ichigo says. But then his face cracks into a weak smile. love you love you love you

"You sure have a funny way of hating someone," Grimmjow taunts, but he is smiling. i've never felt more love then when we were curled up in your sheets. your bite marks on my skin make me snicker. shut the hell up, you love it. i've never been so happy and so annoyed-

They're able to have that moment of clarity, that single moment of hope, when they are surrounded by three Category IV Kaiju. The smile falls from Grimmjow's face and their connection is filled with grief. Ichigo's hands clench. "Let's do this." He looks at Grimmjow. we're not going to make it- "We can do this." Ichigo reassures. we won't make it, this is it for us, "Smile, Grimmjow." Ichigo says weakly. "Let's kick some Kaiju ass."

The Kaiju circle them, and Zangetsu Pantera surges with power. the first time i saw you, i wanted to know you. you always looked like something about you was empty. i wanted to make it worse, i wanted to wreck you- but then i wanted to heal that part of you. Ichigo feels the swell of tears in his eyes. "Fuck, Grimmjow, stop-" He is cut off when one of the Kaiju swings at them. Ichigo leans back and Grimmjow easily follows his movement.

im glad we met, grimmjow/ichigo

Grimmjow sighs, and his left hand reaches for Ichigo's. Ichigo grabs it.

Grimmjow smiles peacefully- it's the first time Ichigo's ever seen it outside of the privacy of their bunks. Grimmjow turns his head and says, "I'm ok dying like this," it's not ok. it'll never be ok.

"Grimmjow stop-"

"Dying saving you. Heh, like some princely motherfucker."

just let me do this one thing, Strawberry

stOP

A Kaiju bites into the right side of Zangetsu Pantera.

painpainpainnothingbutshriekingpain

( ... )

( ... )

Original AO3 Note 03/19/2014: i had had half of this done two months ago, and today i felt like finishing it. it was really nice to return to my original otp, and i love writing angst-ridden things for these two. i didn't really do research for this fic, because i wanted to write it as it came to me. if that makes... sense...? so sorry for errors pacific rim related. thank you for reading.

Note: Hey guys. It's been so long. I posted this back in March, but I decided to post this fanfic here as a farewell. I won't be writing on anymore, nor will I be updating old fanfics (you can read my profile for more on that). I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has favourite-d my work, added it to communities, reviewed, and subscribed to me. :) I thought it would be nice to leave with my first OTP; will always have a special place in my heart even though I posted (and still post) the shittiest things.