Sixteen

"Hey! Hey, everybody! Look what I can do!" Kelvin the fire elemental shouted to no one in particular, just before shoving an entire slice of birthday cake up one nostril. The new king of the Fire Kingdom observed from a distance, with a mix of disgust and horror, as Kelvin snorted the cake into his throat and swallowed.

"Aren't you enjoying the party, Flame Princess?" The king's best friend and loyal champion, Cinnamon Bun, had noticed his friend's discomfort. "Yeah, I guess. But why did everyone insist on throwing me a sweet sixteen party? So I'm sixteen now; what's the big deal? I get that other people like celebrating birthdays, but I've never had one, so why do I need to start now? The whole thing just seems, I don't know, kind of stupid. No offense." "They wanted to throw you a party because they love you and appreciate all that you've done for the Fire Kingdom. You spent the first fourteen years of your life locked up in a lantern. It's time to live a little." "Yeah, I guess you're right," she smiled at her pastry friend, "but all this still feels kind of weird…"

"Well it's about to get weirder! You meant good weird right?" Flame Princess was suddenly made aware of the presence of Finn the Human and Jake the Dog, both last-minute invitees to the party, as Flame Princess at least wanted a couple of friends at what she fully expected to be a very boring royal event. Of course, Cinnamon Bun was always by her side, but Finn was the kind of person who could make anything fun, and his fun-loving canine brother was the same. They were wheeling in a huge table of homemade snacks: lobster soul sandwiches, bacon pancakes, Finncakes, what looked like a huge burrito full of food, and plenty of other delicious-looking, if slightly bizarre, dishes. "Finn! Jake! You guys made it! And you brought snacks." Flame Princess smiled a real smile for only the second time that day, not the fake smile that she had to put on earlier, when the fire people were showering her with expensive gifts that she didn't need, and which she knew most of them could barely afford. Now that Finn and Jake were here, though, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. "Of course, FP! You think we'd miss this? It's your sixteenth birthday, which is kind of a huge deal." "Yeah, people say it's a huge deal, but this is really weird to me. It's the only birthday party I've ever had, so maybe I'm just not used to all of this: tons of people crowding the throne room, spending all their time and money on me. It just doesn't feel right…"

"What? That's redonks, Flame Princess! It's your birthday! That's what your birthday is about! Celebrating you!" Jake chimed in. Finn, however, was silent. Not only did it break his heart to hear that Flame Princess had never had a birthday party before, but his gut twisted in guilt on the realization that he had never thrown her one either, and didn't even know until today when her birthday was. "Aw, man! Was I really that sucky of a boyfriend? Grod, I'm such a jerk. I gotta make it up to her. I'm gonna make this the best sweet sixteen party ever! It's the least I can do. It's time to start Operation Throw Flame Princess a Crazy Awesome Party!"

"Anyway, that's why I can never go back to the Grocery Kingdom unless I'm wearing a wedding dress." Finn's train of thought brought him back into the real world in time to hear Jake finish telling Flame Princess a story about himself. "Uh…wow, Jake." The fire elemental replied, looking confused. "I didn't even know that many ducks could be in one bathroom at the same time." "Well, it was on a Thursday. You kinda had to be there."

"Hey, FP," Finn spoke up, "I hope it's okay, but I brought a couple of friends to liven up this party." He turned to his backpack, "You can come out now, guys." The first to come out was a little black bat, who, to Flame Princess's surprise, spoke in the voice of a young woman. "You really need to clean out your pack, Finn." She tossed something that was now more mold than sandwich to the side, and then shapeshifted back into the form of a tall, pale, beautiful young woman. Flame Princess thought she was just a normal, everyday shapeshifter at first. Then she saw the bite marks on her neck. "So, you're the birthday girl, right? Uh, are you okay?" Flame Princess had never met a vampire before. She had only read of them in some of the books that some friendly servants had given her behind her father's back while she was trapped in the lantern. She'd read about the sort of stuff they did to people. She wasn't sure if vampires would even attack fire people, and she was probably powerful enough to fight one anyway. Besides, this one seemed friendly enough. Why was she so afraid? She didn't know, but Finn spoke up. "Flame Princess, this is our friend, Marceline. You don't gotta be scared of her. She's really cool, and she sings and plays bass." The vampire snapped her fingers, making a bass, which looked like an axe, appear in her hand in a flash of fire. "I thought you might like it if she played something at your party." "Oh, okay, sure." Flame Princess was still a little nervous, but that was fading. "So, who's the other friend you brought?" This time, a familiar face popped out of Finn's pack, then fell face first on the ground, only to get right back up.

"Hello! I am ready for the party!" the little robot announced. "Hey, BMO!" At least she remembered BMO. The cute little robot was always at the treehouse when she had come to visit, but she hadn't done that since she and Finn stopped dating. "Yeah, I thought maybe we could play some BMO together. It's kinda hard with one arm, but I can make it work. It'll be like old times." Finn immediately realized his mistake, aware of the awkward situation he just created. "W-wait I-I meant…" Flame Princess cut off the stuttering human. "It's okay, Finn. I know what you meant. I haven't played BMO with you in forever!" Finn breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, how about now then?" "Yeah, that sounds fun, Finn."

As the party raged behind them, Finn and Flame Princess sat on the ground next to the snack table playing BMO. The game they played was a kart-racing game, with Finn playing as a mustachioed man dressed in overalls and a red cap, and Flame Princess playing as a little man with a mushroom on his head. Finn was surprisingly good with only one arm. He had developed his own technique to make up for his handicap: using his left hand to hold the controller and press the appropriate buttons, while holding the controller close to his face, using his tongue to press the buttons on the right-hand side. A lot of people would think this was gross, but Flame Princess thought it was really cool. Finn was in the lead, at least until a well-aimed turtle shell from Flame Princess struck him just before the finish line on the final lap. "Oh, yeah! I win again! Five races to three! You've actually improved, Finn, especially considering, well, you know…" "Well, you were always the best at this game, FP. One arm or two, it's pretty hard to match your skills."

"How is your arm, dude?" Flame Princess asked. She could only imagine what it must be like to go through that, but Finn seemed fine. The last time they met, when she first saw what had happened, he had told her that he admired her spirit, and that she was the bravest person he had ever met, but now she was feeling the same way about him. "I feel a lot better, actually. I found out that this flower has some kind of super-weird psychic powers or something. Before, I was really mad at my dad, so I used it to make this huge tower into space to beat him up and take his arm. But P-Bubs kinda helped me realize that wouldn't really accomplish anything, and the psychic stuff went away. My dad's still a jerk, but getting revenge just doesn't seem that important anymore." Flame Princess put down her controller and put a sympathetic hand on Finn's shoulder. "I know what that's like, I guess. I never tried to go to space, but when I took over the Fire Kingdom, I wanted to throw water on my dad, and then leave him in the woods. But then I realized that wasn't the example I wanted to set for the rest of the kingdom. I still put him in my old lantern, though; I figured it was appropriate. So, this psychic biz, is that why chunks of my kingdom started flying away a few weeks ago?" "Oh, yeah, sorry…" "It's okay, it was just pieces of mountain and stuff. Besides, I can understand being angry at your dad. I'm just glad you didn't run out of air and die." "Well, I almost did, but Peebs saved me. So, you wanna go check out the rest of the party?" Flame Princess thought for a second. She still wasn't all that thrilled about having a big party, but she'd been enjoying herself hanging out with Finn and playing BMO. "No way! This is way more fun! Pass me a controller, one without your spit on it."

Meanwhile, on the other end of the throne room, Marceline the Vampire Queen had just finished playing another song atop a hastily-built stage. "Okay, that was my new song 'Blood on My Pancakes'! I gotta take a five, maybe ten-minute break, but I'll be back!" Marceline floated backstage, wiped the sweat from her face, and let herself drop onto a couch, exhausted.

She was on the couch for all of five seconds before Jake the Dog burst in. "Hey, Marcy! Wake up!" The vampire was not amused. "Ugh! Come on, Jake! You know I need my rest between songs…" Jake dropped his head in disappointment (literally, thanks to his stretchy powers). As his head hit the floor, he replied, "Oh, okay. It's just that I've got this crazy scheme…" Upon hearing this, Marceline immediately perked up. "Well, why didn't you just say so, man?! Let me here it!" Jake's head moved its way back onto Jake's shoulders. "Alright, so you saw Finn and Flame Princess playing BMO together, right? So, I've got a plan to spark up some serious romantic junk between them two!" Marceline had been in dozens of relationships in her thousand years, and written countless songs about romance, but she had never actually tried to set two people up together. Well, except that one time, but not everyone appreciates vicious packs of wolves the way she does. Nonetheless, she was more than willing to help a friend. "Alright, so how are we gonna do that?" "It's easy. You just play some slow, romantic stuff for your next song. You tell everybody that it's time for the birthday girl to dance. She'll have to pick someone to dance with. Even if there's no heart ba-bumps between them yet, he's still probably the only guy here besides Cinnamon Bun who doesn't gross her out." "But why wouldn't she just dance with Cinnamon Bun? It would be a lot less awkward."

As if on cue, Cinnamon Bun fell from the rafters, doing a flip. While he would have once landed on his face, this time he landed on his feet with expert precision. "Don't worry, she won't. I'm in on the plan." Marceline was confused. "Wait, I thought you were her personal knight or something. Why are you helping us?" "Because I haven't seen the king this carefree in a long time. She's been crazy stressed lately, so I thought it might be a good idea to encourage her to engage in romantic endeavors." Jake and Marceline felt weird hearing Cinnamon Bun, of all people, using a sophisticated, let alone multisyllabic, vocabulary. "It was a tough decision. This is a kingdom of truth, but it's not really a lie, or even deception. It just feels rather…underhanded, or even devious. Plus, it's not as if she needs a boyfriend to continue being an effective ruler. On her own, she has been the best ruler in Fire Kingdom history. But as her royal advisor, I feel it would be healthy for her to find companionship outside of the throne room, if she chooses to, so I'm onboard."

Marceline could hear the crowd chanting her name. "Okay, guys, guess that's my cue." She grabbed her bass and floated onstage, ready for her part in the plan. "Alright, this is my last song of the night!" The disappointed crowd moaned in unison. "But it's also the best one. It's got no words, but there's tons of smooth bass action, and the best part is it's time for the birthday girl to dance! Come on, FP, pick a dance partner!"

"Aw, blipblob!" Flame Princess swore upon hearing this. "FP!" Finn was pretty shocked to hear such foul language coming from her mouth. "Sorry, it's just, I really don't want to do any of this party junk. When I was in the lantern, people did nothing but look at me all day, and these days they all come to the throne room and give me all their attention! Why would I want that for my birthday, too?" Finn felt another rush of guilt. He didn't realize that there might be a good reason why she hated parties. "There I go again! Totally oblivious to her feelings! Stupid! Stupid!" Finn's own conscience was tearing him apart. Meanwhile, realizing the crowd wasn't going to leave her alone unless she danced with someone, she looked around frantically for Cinnamon Bun. At least then it would just be a platonic dance between two friends, instead of with one of the creepy wannabe suitors who were no doubt waiting for her in that crowd, some of the same ones who were among those who visited her in the throne room during the day. Honestly, some were just slightly below Don John in levels of creepiness. However, Cinnamon Bun was nowhere to be found. She would have used her heat sense, but that was pretty much impossible in a room full of energetic fire elementals. If she wanted to get this over with, and get all of these people to leave her alone for once, there was only one option.

"Come on, Finn." She dragged him by his remaining hand onto the dance floor, as he let out a high-pitched scream. Finn was terrified. Terrified of being put in a romantic situation with his ex, even if it was forced. "FP?! What are you…?" She sighed, cutting him off. "They want me to dance with someone, so just do this for me, okay?" "Okay, FP. I promise I won't make this weird." The dance they did was pretty normal, as they weren't putting much effort into the actual dance. Basically, they just moved back and forth in unison as Marceline played, standing in front of each other, with their hands (and Finn's flower) on each other's shoulders. After a few minutes with no conversation, Finn spoke up. "Just so you know, I think it's totally butts that they're basically forcing you to do this. They need to have more respect for their king. Besides, this totally reeks of one of Jake's plans. You're not gonna lock him up if it is, right?" "No. It's not really lying or anything. It's secret-keeping, I guess, but I suppose I can let it go. Between you and me, I think Cinnamon Bun might be a part of this. He's been saying I should socialize more. He's just looking out for me. It's his job; he's the royal advisor after all, but he worries too much."

"Well, he might be right, kinda…" Flame Princess felt herself flare up in frustration at Finn's comment. "What?! Finn, I know what I'm doing, and I can run this kingdom just fine the way things are now! I don't need a boyfriend!" Finn felt guilty, having upset the fire girl once again. "Of course you don't, but everyone needs to get out with friends sometimes, right? Listen, for a while after…" Finn paused, careful to avoid mentioning the breakup again. "For a while after this big, dumb, mistake I made, I was super bummed, and really mad at myself. It took a long time, but I feel like I can let it go now. And, I've realized that it's been my friends: Jake, PB, you; all of you helped me move passed it. Slacking off and ignoring the problem didn't help, but neither did obsessing over my hero work and stuff. You can't really do much if you shut out the important people."

Flame Princess had a pretty good idea of what mistake Finn was talking about. Feeling bad for her friend, she looked at him with sadness on her face, wondering how much he must have mentally beat himself up over his dumb mistake. "Finn…" "It's okay, FP. I told you I was past it. Besides, this is about you. Listen, I found this rad dungeon a while back. It's really old, like from before the Great Mushroom War. I think it used to be called a 'shopping mall' or something, but now it's filled with creepy zombies and weird treasures. I thought that maybe, after the party, we could go on a dungeon crawl. Maybe it'll be fun." Flame Princess had been thinking about what Finn had said. It was true, she really didn't get out much, or hang out with friends other than Cinnamon Bun. There was at least one other person she wanted to make time for. "Yeah, Finn, that sounds rad."

Later, a few hours after Finn and Flame Princess snuck away from the party they both stood in the central plaza of what was once a large shopping mall. Both were ready for the battle of their lives, and it was coming to them. Completely surrounded by a mob of zombies, some still wearing mall security uniforms or carrying shopping bags, the duo sprung into action. They split the zombie-killing action between the two of them. Finn took on half of the horde with his fists (well, fist) and feet, smacking off zombie heads and delivering powerful kicks to undead boingloins. Flame Princess, meanwhile, focused her flames to burn through the living dead. When they were done, they both collapsed from exhaustion inside the fountain at the center of the plaza, which, thankfully for Flame Princess, was long dried up of any water.

"Fun, huh?" the human asked. "Okay, yeah, I gotta admit, that was pretty fun. Did you find any of those weird treasures you talked about? I just sort of burned stuff." "Yeah, dude! Check out this stuff." Finn pulled an armful of pre-war "treasures" out of his backpack: a cheap wristwatch, a snowglobe, a coffee mug, a (very stale) chocolate bar, and a yoyo. "Pretty weird, right?" "Yeah, man. What even is this stuff?" "Heck if I know. Still pretty cool though." Just then, Flame Princess noticed something on the other side of the room. "What the math is that, Finn?" "I'm not really sure, FP." Finn tried to read the large red letters on the side the best his limited education allowed. "'Puh-Hoto Booth', huh? Puh-Hoto must be the dungeon boss!" "I think it says 'Photo Booth', Finn. I'm still not exactly sure what it does though. Does it take photos, or are there photos inside, or what?" "Only one way to find out!"

Both teens walked behind the curtain on the side of the booth. Seeing a bench in front of a screen, they both carefully sat down. Finn noticed the coin slot on the side of the screen. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a quarter and placed it inside. Two columns appeared on the screen, one labeled "Quantity", followed by several numbers; the other read "Theme", followed by five options: a star, a heart, a Christmas tree, a jack o'lantern, and a party hat. "Oh, man! It's a flippin' logic puzzle!" The human was an incredibly skilled adventurer and dungeon crawler, but the type of dungeon puzzle he thought this was were always nearly impossible for him. "A puzzle, huh? Awesome!" Flame Princess had completed many puzzles during her time inside the lantern, given to her by the same friendly servants that gave her books behind her father's back. She was confident that she could solve this puzzle, but the more she studied it, the less sense it made. It was almost as if it wasn't a puzzle at all. She was going to try nonetheless. "I think the answer to the first part is 'two', because there's two of us. I think the second part is 'heart', because that's the only thing on here that we both have." She wasn't so sure if this was right, but it was the only combination that seemed to make sense. She and Finn looked at each other, both shrugging their shoulders as they punched in their answer. The words "GET READY!" appeared on the screen, followed by a flash of light. Finn and Flame Princess at first thought that they had accidentally summoned a light monster, but they both saw that the screen now read "You're photos are ready! Please step outside." After a few awkward seconds, FP spoke up. "Oh. I guess it really does just take photos." The pair cautiously stepped outside of the booth, and saw two photographs print out into a tray on the side of the booth. Both teens blushed when the saw the picture the photo booth had taken. It was them, sitting as they were in the booth, both smiling, but inside a heart-shaped frame.

"Heh. Pretty, uh, cool picture, huh, FP?" The human stammered and laughed nervously, with Flame Princess doing the same. "Yeah…pretty cool. One for each of us, I guess…" After a few seconds of awkward silence, Finn placed his picture in his backpack, while FP folded hers up, being careful not to burn it, and placed it in a pocket on the side of her armor. "Well, uh, see you later, Finn. I've got to get back to the Fire Kingdom. Thanks, Finn. This has actually been a really great birthday." "Birthday…Oh, Glob, I almost forgot! I got you a present!" "Finn, thanks, but I really don't need any more presents." She had far more presents than she needed or wanted waiting for her back at the Fire Kingdom. "Please, FP. You'll like it, trust me." He smiled at her, a warm smile that told her that he probably put a lot of thought into this gift. Finn then reached into his pack and pulled out a box, covered in red wrapping paper and tied with a bow. Rather than unwrap the gift, Flame Princess concentrated the heat in her hands to burn through the wrapping paper while leaving the box itself untouched. Taking the lid off the box, she was shocked at what she found inside.

"Scented candles?" Upon closer inspection, each of the half dozen candles was carved into the shape of someone she knew: herself, Finn, Jake, Cinnamon Bun, Jake 2, and BMO. "Finn, did you make these?" "Yeah! Well, I didn't make the candles. I bought them, but I carved them up to look like peeps you know. I remembered how much you liked scented candles, so I made these before coming to the party." Flame Princess loved the candles, but unpleasant memories soon flooded her mind and a bitter tone briefly took over her voice. "I thought you hated my candles. I thought they smelled 'heinous'." Finn didn't want to lie to her. "Well, yeah. I don't like them. But you do. That's why I got them. They're for you, not me, and I really hope you like them. Happy birthday, FP." Finn smiled, at her again, another warm smile, filled with kindness, and perhaps a hint of regret. The two teens, the human boy and the fire girl, looked into each other's eyes, both smiling. Flame Princess, old feelings bubbling up in her chest, felt herself act on impulse, and, in a decision she simultaneously cursed and thanked herself for the moment she made it, planted her lips on his. Finn was shocked and confused, but then, acting on impulse as well, returned the kiss. A few seconds of lip contact later, they both pulled away, both of them slowly realizing what they just did.

"Wow. Um, like I said, Finn, I've got to get back to the Fire Kingdom, but this was probably the best birthday I've ever had. Later, dude!" "Wait, FP! I just wanted to ask, how did you, uh, you know, without freaking out?" "Meditation. It calms my elemental matrix. You should come back to the Fire Kingdom and try it sometime." "Yeah, sure. Sounds cool." Both teens were blushing and nervously rubbing the backs of their necks. Without saying another word, Flame Princess flared up and shot into the night sky, flying towards the kingdom she now ruled. Finn watched her, admiring her and the beautiful, fiery trail she left. Old feelings bubbled up in his chest now, and he was unaware the same was true for her. Best birthday ever.