My apologies for the continued delay. I intend to finish this story, however, work and real life is and will always be a high priority so please bear with me.

Schematics

"I know that deserve all the resentment and disappointment, from everyone. I've hurt a lot of people with my decision to leave, rather than facing the situation head on and for that I will always be sorry. I know that what I did was unforgivable. But know that, at the time it was the only right way I could think of. It was a selfish decision, which hurt a lot of people, but it was to only way I could think off to protect myself and my son. I didn't want to go through the stress; the drama and most of all, the argument, that I knew would come, if I came clean and told Christian that I was pregnant."

"What you did, regardless of whatever your reasons, is completely unacceptable. It's not fair, for everyone involved. You took three years, Ana, three years away from all of us." My mother, Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey, says shakily, after hearing Anastasia Steele, the mother of my son, carefully worded speech on why she got pregnant, didn't bothered to tell anyone and how sorry she and how she didn't meant to hurt everyone but she has her reasons and that she did what she had to do as a mother. Ana bows her head and fights to keep the tears in her eyes.

My parents and Elliot arrived early; an hour earlier than what was agreed upon, to be precise. They thought that they should take my side of the story before anything but what ended up happening is that they managed to interrupt my ongoing conversation with Ana, at the same time kicking off a new, well – new to them, conversation. Did I mention that they almost woke up my sleeping son? Almost. Good thing the kid likes his sleep so much that instead of waking up to Elliot's booming voice; he merely crawled into his mother's lap and continued his slumber, much to his mom's relief.

Another good thing about a sleeping child is that, everyone talks in calm, hushed tones. It's natural and unavoidable; no one wants to wake the little one. Bad news is that you gotta stay fucking still and fight the urge to scream your lungs out to your gregarious family who likes butting into other people's business. But you can't; the child will wake up so you have no choice but to fucking fight urge and think of something that could calm you the fuck down, that's when you must look at the child, like what Ana is doing right now. Her eyes are fixed into the little one most of the time, like he is her talisman; a cure to just about anything; because one look at the sleeping child is enough to give you... I don't know… strength?

"Having said that, who are we to judge what happened between the two of you. I suppose there's a lot going on behind closed doors. I – well, we always thought that the two of you we're happy, until one day, you've separated and that Ana took a job out of state," my mother continues, her gaze now alternating between me and Ana. "But we can't just sit here and simply accept your apologies, Ana. You took away three precious years we could've spent with our grandson. You deprived us, lied to us for three years, and I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time understanding, why. Why would you do this to all of us?" my mother finishes, her eyes blazing with mix disappointment, anger and pain.

"I'm so sorry. I was just trying to… oh God, I'm so sorry, I didn't meant to… it's just that, if I… you have to understand, I…" Ana stammers, and she cringes further, her head still bowed in remorse, teary eyes fixed on our son and not saying a word, just… absorbing. Just bravely taking every blow and not giving in. and I don't fucking understand why. She can easily say the words out loud like she did, not too long ago, with me. But she wouldn't; impossibly stubborn woman. Oddly and quite frankly, randomly enough, I realize what she's doing and what she meant when she said that she was trying to protect me, which I find completely unnecessary. One, I don't need protecting and two, this is fucking hard to see. Shit, I can't see her like this. Because as much as I want to hate her for doing this to me and to both our families, she fucking carried the burden of raising a child on her fucking own for the past three years, all by her fucking self. That right there, is fucking impressive, I'll give her that much. Was it a callous move? Yes. Was it selfish? I would say it's neither here or there. Did she have to do it? Now that's a big elephant in the room. I want to say its selfish but even the blind will say other see it differently. The sacrifice and dedication she made to raise such a happy and beautiful child is… Christ! I have no words for it. Yes, I don't like what she did. But could I blame her? Even I know that I could be scary, all the fucking time. Anyway, so going back to the whole protecting me bit, what would happen if she told everyone the real reason why she left? What would everyone say, or do when they found out that the real reason why she kept her pregnancy away from everyone is because she was too afraid to tell me? That if she ever did…

"Make us understand, Ana. What did we do to deserve this? Why did you hide from us? Why didn't you tell us?" Grace implores.

"I would've told her to get rid of it," the words are out before I can stop myself. There, I said it. I guess I'll find out. I look away, not wanting to see their reactions. My eyes resting on the still sleeping figure of my son, his little body draped around his mother like a scarf, his head facing my direction. His Beautiful, innocent face – who would fucking reject him? Who wouldn't like him? But then recall Ana's words: You feel self-righteous now because you've meet him. You see him and he's already charmed you, but what if… and she is right; of course she is. How would you like someone you haven't seen or met? How would you like someone or something that has the power to permanently change the course of your being? Be something that you never planned to be? How would you like it if this person or thing, is given to you by sheer medical accident?

"Christian!" my parents say simultaneously, but I stop them.

"Christian, don't…" Ana begins to say, but I merely look at her. Before you make any conclusions about Ana being right all along about her keeping the baby from me, you have to hear my side. Here's the thing: I never really thought about kids. I never planned on having one. Even the thought of marriage never occurred to me. I am a fucked up son of a bitch and I knew it; I've long accepted that I am never incapable of giving and receiving love because I don't fucking deserve it. I'm perfectly content on drowning myself with work and anything that money buys to occupy myself. I work, I fly and I fuck for a living. That's all she wrote, until of course, I met Anastasia and she turned everything sideways. Only slightly. She's different; I'm different with her. Our arrangement was different. Did that changed my view about hearts and flowers and kids in general? Fuck no.

It was a blow right to my gut when Ana confessed that she had forgotten to take her pill. I'm not going to lie; I took the news as if it already happened; as if she'd gotten pregnant. I was angry; angry at her, and very angry at myself. People say stupid things when they're upset. In a fit of rage, I said some things that weren't supposed to be said; I accused her and worst of it all, I threatened her. Ana responded by calling me an asshole and she ended things, well, tried to end our arrangement.

"We've dealt with a similar situation before. Ana forgot to take her pill… and when she told me, I, didn't take the news lightly. You could say I was upset and I said some things that probably scared her. We had a fight and almost ended things between us…" I find myself explaining, something that I almost never do. Finally I look to face my family's reaction. My brother, Elliot, who is quiet for once, simply nods in what I think to be, his way of understanding. My parents are not nodding, they are… just thoughtful, which I don't fucking know if it's good or bad.

"Ana knew that if she told me that she was… pregnant, I will be… upset and she's right. I probably would've been upset. I asked her to change her pills and take shots instead and to get her knocked-up so... it supposed to be a safer method unless of course she forgot to take her shots in time," I say, that earned me a glare from Anastasia.

"Christian Grey," my mother, finally says, sternly.

"You wanted an explanation as to why Ana took away my son, that's the explanation, mother. At least, a part of it; and if she told me, we would've had another fight, things would've been worst between us, because I would've insisted that I am part of the decision whether or not she gets to keep it and she would've told me that I can go fuck myself and she wouldn't be here peacefully talking to everyone and letting all of us meet Teddy," I say, bitterly.

"Why would you say that, Christian, we didn't raise you to bec–" my father, Carrick, finally says.

"Christ! Do I look like a fucking father material?" I cut him, in what I think to be my calmest voice. Wrong. Several things happened simultaneously: one, my child starts to stir, Ana instantly starts to soothe him by rocking gently from left to right, the elevator dings and then, Taylor ushers my sister and her fiancée into the great room, where we are sitting where my sister makes her grand entrance.

"Oh, everyone's here! Oops!" Mia says, merrily in her loud sing song voice. Everyone glares at her but its too fucking late. The little one has woken.

Teddy opens his eyes, yawning as he lifts his head; he looks around the room, the around the people that he briefly saw from the night before. From the way he regards the strangers with unease, I know that he either doesn't remember them or that he doesn't like them, which I can understand. Finally he looks at his mom, who smiles reassuringly and kisses him in the cheek.

"Aunt Mimi and Uncle Eth," Theodore says, giggling as he points to where Mia and Ethan are. My parents and Elliot all gape at my child, confused as to why he already knows Mia. The tension quickly dissolves into awe. I'm sure there's more that my parents want to say and find out, but for now, all eyes and attention is on my son.

"Mia bypassed everyone," I explain.

"I can see that," Elliot mutters, looking at Ted with delight interest.

"Hi baby boy, hi mommy Ana. Sorry, couldn't help it. Ethan lives next door," Mia, pipes distractedly, her eyes locked at the still giggling and now bouncing kid, who is now standing on his mother's lap.

"Mia, not yet. Teddy needs to meet a few people first," I remind her.

"What? Oh, sorry. We'll play later, sweetie," she coos, kissing him in the cheek as she settles in the couch, beside me. Teddy's eyes follow his aunt until he finally notices me. He smiles shyly at me and mouths the word, 'daddy.' I can't think of the right words that can describe the power of a child's smile. Especially if it's your child. It's… pure happiness and innocence that melts anything and everything away.

"Yes, that's him. You want to go to daddy, baby boy? Daddy wants you to meet a few special people," Ana whispers to his ear, as if to tell him a little secret. Teddy listens and his eyes, once again travel around the room, surveying the strangers who all smile tentatively as they waits for his answer with baited breath. For a moment, I thought Teddy will say no and he'll cling to him mom and burry his face. After all, kids can be grumpy when they've woken from their nap, right? But Teddy surprises me by smiling excitedly at him mom and nodding conspiratorially, just a little bit. Ana mirrors Teddy's smile, looks up at me and nods.

"Theodore?" I ask, extending my hands and try to take him without giving Ana bruises but my child has other plans. He scrambles out of his mother's lap, and crawls excitedly towards me. Mia giggles and leans her head closer, I think.

"Daddy," he says, settling on my lap.

"I want you to meet some people," I whisper to him.

"He eats just about anything he can get his hands on and he's got an appetite to prove it. I'm trying to transition him to solids, but he loves milk so much, wouldn't sleep without a sippy in his mouth," Ana tells my mother who nods. Lunch was served as soon as my family got to officially meet Theodore. Was it an easy introduction? Not really; I learned quickly that my son doesn't easily warm up to strangers. Anastasia had to help me make the proper introduction. By proper, I mean, introduction that is easy for my son to understand. She sat close beside me, Teddy in my lap as she explains who the strangers were. I made the introductions, one by one, while Ana explained who my family are in the simplest language that a toddler could easily understand; Grace is like momma Carla or nana, Carrick is like grandpapa Ray or papa, and Elliot is like Uncle Eth or Tío Jose. Teddy listened and alternated between me, his mother and my finally. Did my son instantly like them? Not really, until of course, food was served.

It turns out, the best way to my son's heart is food. With a little coaching from Ana, and a bowl of diced fruits, Teddy quickly warmed up to my mom, surprising everyone when he called her nana. My father quickly got the name dada, after he got caught sneaking a dice of cheese to my son's grateful fudgy hands and Elliot got the almighty name, Uncle Lelliot, when he asked my son if he liked mac and cheese. Hmm… like father, like son, I guess. Now Teddy is seated in between my parents as he tackles a bowl of mac and cheese from his uncle Lelliot, while my family questions Ana about everything and anything that has to do with Theodore Raymond Steele, my son. Christ! There's still so much to talk about.

"I gotta ask, how does Teddy know about Christian? Ethan told me that Ted immediately recognized Christian when he saw him," Mia asks, in between making my son giggle by making her best funny face and doing her own version of an interrogation.

Ana blushes and blinks a couple of times in embarrassment and chews her bottom lip before answering. Yeah, how does my son knows who I am? "Well, it was supposed to be our little secret. Anyway, err… Christian and I had pictures together from my phone, I printed some of those and showed them to him when it's just the two of us, which was the case, for the most part. We'd look at his pictures whenever he was featured in the business pages and we watched Christian's interview clips from Forbes. I guess that was my way of telling him that he does have a dad. I never thought that he'd remember, I mean, he's too young, right? I never thought that he'd recognize him immediately."

"Ray said that we were nagging the wrong person all along," Ethan grumbles.

"That's true, I suppose," Ana responds, rolling her eyes.

Wait a second, so no one knows that I was Ted's dad?

"Wait, I'm confused… so, no one knows who Ted's dad was?" Grace asks. And for a moment, I thought she was reading my mind.

"No. I… err… didn't want to tell anyone. I was six months along when I finally mustered enough strength to tell my parents. My friends – Kate, Jose and Ethan found out in difference circumstances," Ana says, guiltily.

"How did they found out?" was everyone's question. Said in four different ways.

"Kate, found out when I checked myself in the hospital. They couldn't reach my parents and she was listed as third emergency contact person. Jose, found out eight months later; my boss hired him for a shoot and invited him in the headquarters. It was bring-your-kid-or-pet-to-work-Friday when he visited. He was trying to surprise me, but it was he who got the surprise instead. Ethan, only found out last week we arrived. He was waiting for Kate in the apartment. He was so upset, he walked out on us and I understood. I mean, what I did and what I put everyone through since leaving Seattle is a big, big deal and I will spend my life trying to make up."

Everyone, except for me, Mia and Ethan gape at Ana for what she just said. I already know this bit and obviously Ethan already told his fiancé.

"So nobody knows," asks Elliot.

"No one," Ana answers.

"But how did your parents react when you finally told them?"

"The general reaction was, of course, shock, confusion and then finally, hurt and upset that I didn't tell them about my pregnancy. Then came the anxiety bit, I was living all alone in a big city, was parents' reasoning and I agreed with them, but somehow, I made things work and my work has a lot of flexibility – I was allowed to work from home and stuff, so that helped a lot. After all the emotional rollercoaster, came the questions. What happened? When? Where? And more importantly, who is the father and why is he not with me?" Ana quietly answers.

"And what did you tell them?"

"Nothing. I was resolute on not giving anything about the most important details. I figured that, if Ted's own dad doesn't know about him then so should the other people. To me, the only people who deserved to know it first were Teddy and Ted's dad. It was twisted, I know, but I figured it's at least fair. Of course, they had their suspicions, I mean, his hair alone is a given and they would insist and I did my best to not say anything. They asked every chance they got and tried every tactic to no avail. I kept to everything myself and Teddy; because it was supposed to be our little secret. Until of course, last night," Ana continues, looking at Teddy, who is studiously tackling the almost empty pasta bowl in front of him.

There is salience as we all digest what was just said. This revelation is something new to all of us. So this was news to everyone, then. Not just me. She kept quiet the whole time. That explains the anxiety but not shock in everyone's faces last night. Everyone from her side knew, or at least has some sort of idea but couldn't do anything since their suspicions were just that, suspicions and not fact.

"You've already started making it up now. At least for me. Of course, I can't speak for everyone. Anyway, so tell us about your life in New York, Ana. No more hiding anything, I want to know everything about my little nugget and if we can visit and stuff," Mia quips sweetly, after a while, which made Ana smile.

"Thanks, Mia. And again, I am so sorry, for everything," Ana tells everyone sincerely, my parents, in particular. "You can visit anytime you want, of course. Ted would love it – he loves visitors, especially once who makes or brings him cookies. Anyway, life in New York – hmm, that's pretty broad, let see... well for starters, we live in a two bedroom apartment in the Upper East Side, and it's my boss' apartment and she is renting the place to me for a steal. You already know that I work at Morrison group, it's is a few blocks from where our apartment, which is very close and convenient. Our life is centered on fun activities at the park on weekends, day care on weekdays – at least four days a week, then work with mommy on Fridays and of course, visits from friends and family. My parents and Kate visit every chance they get," Ana, responds willingly.

"How often can we visit? How long are you guys staying in town? Can we hang out with you and Ted? Ethan told me he took you guys to the flight museum and that he's planning on taking you guys to the ferry's wheel, can I come with you guys?" Mia says, firing back in all cylinders.

"But what about us? Can't Teddy hang out with his nanna and dada?" my mother interjects as she plays and coos with son, who is smiling broadly, already at ease at his new family that he just met.

"You guys can come with us, it'll be fun!" Mia, responds exuberantly.

"We still have a couple of days and I'd be happy to talk to my boss into maybe extending our stay for a little while," Ana responds willingly, and everyone seems to like her answer. Hell, even I like that answer.

"I believe, I'm supposed to spend time with my son first, before anyone?" I finally say and just like that, the babble of voices stop.

"What? He is my son," I mutter, more to myself that to everyone, vaguely aware that I sound a little petulant.

"Good point. Well, what do you have in mind, Mr. Daddy? And can we please join the party, even for a little bit?" Mia responds tartly.

"Well, for starters, I think I'd like for him to hang out with me, like spend the night and then maybe go to Bellevue in the morning and plans for the rest of the day as well as the coming days are still up in the air. Ana and I haven't decided on the specifics yet since you interrupted us," I answer, to everyone, especially to one person in particular. You already know who this particular person is. Our eyes lock for a moment, hers is the look of stunned disbelief and mine, well – it's pretty tricky, you never know how other people would interpret it since I'm known to be scary and frankly, intimidating. But to me – I would say I'd look determined and challenging, since that's what I'm actually trying to do. She talks a big game about making it up to everyone and I'm assuming – no – I'm expecting to be one of those 'everyone,' and I have my ideas… ideas, which I was intending to share to Anastasia until my gregarious family interrupted us.

"That will be great!" says, Both Mia and my mother. The table dissolves into excited chatter as my family immediately make plans for the next day. Barbecue and whatever at my parent's house. Why I said Bellevue, I'm not too sure. Although there is one things I know for sure, I want to spend a lot of time with my son, get to know him and I want to continue my conversation with his mother and it all starts tonight. And I'm not taking no for an answer.