I sit down beside him as he finally falls quiet. He never talks in his sleep, unlike Christina who still murmurs Will's name every now and then, or mine. Unlike Cara who sometimes produces half an article in the middle of the night, processing the things she learnt. I think Caleb does the same, just that he sleeps with his face buried in his hands. I know he feels guilty, and it makes me sad to see how little he has learnt from the past days. Well – how little both of us have learnt.
About family. About truth, and love, and every moment of life we are given to celebrate it, embrace it, live it.

Tobias never talks. I hear him whisper my name, like a kiss in the night, but only when he is awake. If he sees me in his dreams, or Uriah, or his fears, I do not know.
I just sit with him, taking in every detail about his face and the shape of his back under the blanket, the sound of his breathing, the smell of sour sweat and tears, and of sunbaked wood, still.
Home.
I sit with him and breathe him in without lungs, breathe him in with all that is left from me, until Tobias is me and I am Tobias, until there is nothing left between us.

Nothing except for the fact that I am dead.

"You need to let go."
My mother's voice is as gentle and firm as her hands were when I was a child and she wiped my tears away.
"I know" I say without looking away from him, caressing his face with fingers of air. What part of my DNA is it that keeps me here? And is it my genes that make me stay – or is it him?

"Do it for him." She echoes my thoughts but I know she doesn't mean the same. I know what she wants from me, expects from me. Whatever the fringe, Dauntless… my mother chose Abnegation not only for my father. She chose it because that's how she was. Selfless, caring, protective of us till the very end.
The end, as I know by now, that is not just darkness embracing and drowning you. It is mist, grey and heavy, and endless paths through it, all eventually leading towards a pearly horizon. It took me a while to orientate me in here, but I have found him again. I see him, struggling to hold on, overwhelmed with grief that echoes through every part of my being.
It hurts more than I thought I could bear to see him that way, broken by my failure, by my death.

I can't leave him. Even if the pain will destroy me – I can't.
"I can't" I say and look up to my mother.
She smiles tiredly, the same smile she had when Caleb and I left Abnegation. "I know it feels that way", she says, "but the longer you linger, the more he will suffer."
I close my eyes, shutting both of them out. "Why?"
"Because you don't belong in his world anymore. I am sorry."
I feel her hands on my shoulders, soft and strong. "He really loves you. Let him take the memories you have made, and live on. I will wait for you."

Memories we have made a lot – not nearly enough for a life, but more than I thought I could have. Memories of pain and fear, of jealousy and rage, but those are not the ones I think of now.
It is our first kiss I remember, and the Ferris Wheel, and his eyes as he threw the knife on me, and his laughter, and his hands on my waist, and the wind between us at night.

Memories.

I move closer to him, like a shadow. I am a memory, too, I realize. One of thousands that connect Tobias with me. Memories, moments of time.
Memories I can't let go right now.

A/N: I finished Allegiant five days ago, and it still chokes me up whenever I think of it, or of any of Elle Goulding's songs (yes, I loved the movie, too). So this is my attempt to somehow get over the ending. I hope you maybe like it, too.