A/N

Wow It's been forever... and I apologize immensely for that.

Just a warning this chapter gets VERY HEAVY towards the end...I apologize for that too, but I think it's fantastic. Its kind of graphic and violent...not bad enough to warrant a M or anything though.

As always, enjoy! And see you at the end for more announcements and apologies!

Chapter 13: Helpless

"Are you guys insane?!"

Looking around at the turtles, April crossed her arms and tried to reign in her temper after her latest of many outbursts. Across from her, leaning on the kitchen island, Leonardo let out a frustrated breath, obviously tired of her arguments.

"Look April, I see where you're coming from," he began slowly, trying to come across as reasonable and calm, "but unfortunately we really don't have a choice. We can't just sit back and let The Foot and Kraang turn the entire city against us like this. We have to do something before they gain even more control. We have to strike while we still have a chance to reverse the damage."

At this Raphael let out an annoyed grunt, rolling his eyes. Leo chose to ignore him.

April rubbed a small circle in her temple trying to release some of the tension there.

They had been at this for what felt like hours, none of them able to agree on a plan of action. Leonardo wanted to launch a tactical assault on the Foot to try and prevent any further broadcasts and damage some of their resources. Raph thought they should run a rescue mission for Slash. Donatello thought it would be a good idea to try and fight fire with fire with a broadcast of their own, and no one was listening to any of Mikey's ideas. Instead of getting anything done, it just felt like they were bickering amongst themselves. She knew everyone was just scared and in unfamiliar territory with this situation, but she still didn't like how they were all handling it.

The worst part was Splinter was staying almost completely silent in the background. He had not said a single word since they had begun their planning session, and April was beginning to sense the boys desperation for a little guidance from their father. Their sensei just sat off to the side, eyes closed seemingly not even listening to the debate going on around him. If it wasn't for the slight twitch of his ears every now and then, April would have assumed he was asleep and not listening at all.

Narrowing her eyes in the rat's direction, April responded to Leonardo. "I get you guys want to try and fix this, but I think it's already out of your control! There are people on the streets hunting you. You guys specifically! If you thought it was hard to stay hidden before, imagine what it's going to be like now that they are actually looking for you." She softened her voice, realizing she was beginning to sound hysterical. "Going on a half cocked rescue mission, or a 'tactical strike' right in the heart of city is basically suicide."

"What do you suggest then?" Raphael said, defensively. "We just let Spike die? We hide here and let them hunt down all the mutants in the city until they eventually find us and kill us too?"

April flinched at his bluntness, no matter how much she feared it was true. "No, but…."

"But what, April?" Donnie interrupted. "You know it's not in our nature to just sit back and watch. No matter how hopeless the situation is, we still need to try."

April cast down her eyes, and stared at her hands laying uselessly on the counter top. "Even if it means your lives?"

Leo's voice quietly answered. "Even if it means that…yes."

A large green hand came into her vision and covered her own, making her breath hitch. She glanced up, surprised to see Mikey looking at her with an uncharacteristically serious expression. He gave her hand a light squeeze.

"We have to do something. We have to at least try."

At that moment April realized how much she loved each and every one of them. They were the four most important people in the world to her. She loved Mikey's spirit, Raph's intensity, Leo's courage, and Donnie's determination. But she also hated these traits, because she knew that one day they were going to get them killed. One day they were going to enter a fight that they just couldn't win. She just wished that just once, just one time, they could show a little cowardice and think of themselves.

But Splinter didn't raise them that way, and that wasn't who they were.

"Okay. I give up." She put on a fake smile. "I obviously can't stop you, but at least let me come with you."

"NO!" Leo and Donnie practically yelled simultaneously.

Not exactly surprised by the reaction, April raised an eyebrow, still feeling the tiniest prick of annoyance over their lack of faith in her abilities.

"Don't get mad." Donnie pleaded. "But for a mission like this we need to be at top efficiency, and the four of us work the best together…we have the most practice."

About to argue, April was cut off by Master Splinter's voice finally joining the discussion. "He is right April. My sons will function better without the distraction of trying to protect you."

She felt a stab of hurt at his words, but swallowed her pride enough to know they were true. She would only slow them down.

That didn't mean she couldn't help though.

"I could at least run backup, like hang back with medical supplies and things, no actual fighting." She tried to plead with her eyes. There was nothing she hated more than feeling like a damsel in distress, no matter how many times the stereotype proved to be true.

Splinter thought it out for a few seconds, before nodding once in agreement. "We shall see."

She smiled at the tiny victory.

"Okay well now that that's settled…What exactly is going to be our plan anyway?" Raph said. "We still haven't even decided what we are going to do."

"We do not know nearly enough about the enemy's plan to do any real damage. I fear a strike aimed strictly at that goal will be far too risky and doomed to failure. For now I believe the main objective should be rescuing your friend Raphael." Splinter said, becoming the voice of reason.

A huge grin spread across Raph's face at this news. Leo nodded in agreement, ever the faithful son.

"But how Sensei?" Donnie asked, skeptical. "We still don't even know where they are keeping him."

"That, Donatello, is what I leave to you." Splinter put a hand on Donnie's shoulder. "I am sure with your mind, you can find a way." The rat looked around at his tiny family. "My sons, this will be one of the most dangerous missions you have even attempted. All I ask is you remember your training, watch out for one another, and remain vigilant. Though a ninja does not fear death, the primary goal is always to make it home alive." He gave Donnie's shoulder a small pat and moved to the entryway of the kitchen. "Leonardo, a word please."

Leo jumped up from his position and followed his father out of the room, leaving the rest of them behind.

Donnie was the next to rise, a look of determination on his face. "I guess I have some work to do."

"How are you going to find him?" April asked.

"I don't really know yet. Some creative internet searching I think. Karai made it sound like Slash's execution was going to be a public affair and broadcasted, so it can't be too much of a secret. If it's anywhere online, I'll find it."

Raph took in a hiss of breath at the mention of an "execution." The reaction went unnoticed by Donnie.

April smiled at Donnie and his new found confidence. "I know you will. Good luck, Don."

She didn't know if it was her tone that set him off or what, but Donnie instantly blushed, stammered something that sounded a bit like thanks, and high tailed it out of the kitchen. April couldn't believe that after all the time they had spent together, and all they had been through, such a simple thing could still effect him that way.

She couldn't decide if it was cute, embarrassing, or flattering.

Well, whatever it was, she loved it about him.

It was approaching dawn when April was startled out of her slight doze by joyful screaming.

Earlier in the night, Donnie and the others were off doing mission planning, and they didn't seem to want either her or Mikey involved. Unable to relax, they had decided to watch an old VHS tape he had found in one of the closets. Last thing she remembered was the title card on the screen before she dozed off propped up against Michelangelo.

I must have been more tired than I thought.

Trying to get her bearings and rubbing the last of the sleep from her eyes, she recognized the yelling as Donatello. She also realized that Mikey was gone, and she was in the living room completely alone.

Padding barefoot down the hall, she found everyone in her mom's office huddled around Donnie and his laptop. The purple clad turtle had a huge grin on his face and was explaining something to the others.

"By searching through all the forums, and doing searches on the IP addresses and cross referencing them with the information I had from the previous broadcasts, I was able to triangulate the approximate location…"

"Geez Donnie, It's 5am! Just spit it out!"

Donnie glared at Raph, but still did as asked. "I still don't know where Slash is."

Raph huffed angrily. "Well than what the hell did you make us all come in here for?"

Donnie held up a hand to silence his irate brother. "I don't know where he is…but I know where he's going to be." He checked the clock on the desk. "In precisely 12 hours and 47 minutes."

"You actually figured it out?" Leo asked.

"Yes I actually did. I swear none of you have any faith in my abilities." Donnie joked, bringing a map up on his computer screen. "It seems they're bringing him to a warehouse in the meatpacking district this evening. I don't know the details, but I think they are having some sort of anti-mutant rally. That's where I suspect the next broadcast will come from and where they are planning to…um…end Slash."

"Well what are we waiting for?" Raph said eagerly, taking out one of his sais and spinning it around in a flourish. "Let's get over there and kick some foot bot ass."

"I doubt they are even there yet, and it's dawn. We can't risk being seen, or we'll lose this opportunity. It's too risky to go this early." Leo said.

Raph narrowed his eyes at his older brother. "And it's not risky to go during a rally full of people who will kill us on sight?"

"At least then we know for sure Slash will be there."

"The earlier we go the bigger advantage we have."

"We will wait until this evening to leave." Splinter said decisively. "We will plan here, get some rest, prepare ourselves for the fight ahead, then go and learn the ground we will be fighting on. There is no need to expose ourselves to unnecessary dangers."

"We? Sensei?" Leo asked.

"Yes, I will be joining you this evening. I believe in this battle you are going to need my assistance."

A bit of weight came off April's shoulder's hearing that Splinter would be joining the turtles. She knew he would do anything to protect his sons. Having him there made them that much safer. They also seemed to fight so much more confidently when he was around.

"In the mean time, I suggest everyone gets some rest. I believe we all could use it after the long day we had." Splinter left the room, headed in the direction of his bedroll.

Mikey yawned loudly, obviously exhausted. "I'm gonna go hit the hay too. Wake me in 11 hours. Good morning bros."

Raph followed close behind muttering something about it not being the time for sleeping. April doubted he would get a single hour with how mound up he was.

"Good work, Don. You should get some rest. You earned it." Leo patted his brother on the shell and headed out of the room, nodding to her on the way out. "Good night, April."

"Night, Leo." She said affectionately.

Donnie didn't seem to be showing any signs of leaving his laptop, so April headed over to see what he was still looking at. "See, I told you you would find it." She teased and gave him a little nudge.

He didn't even react to her touch, he just stared at the screen scanning the page with a worried expression on his face.

"Hey, whats wrong?" April asked, worried by his sudden dark mood. She squeezed his bicep lightly trying to get his attention.

"Huh?" He snapped his attention back to reality. "Oh sorry April, I was just reading this forum. I can't believe how quickly these sites and groups formed. It incredible how fast people will join together in hatred over something." He sounded disgusted.

"What kind of sites?"

He tilted the screen so she could see easier. "Anti-mutant sites."

Her shoulders slumped at what she saw. "That's horrible. Does that actually say what I think that says?"

"What? ? Yeah…creative huh?"

"You shouldn't be reading that stuff. People are just afraid of what's different. Don't let a few ignorant people get you down." She tried to be reassuring.

"It's more than just a few. From what I can gather, there are already at least three antimutant organizations forming in the city. The biggest if this HPF or Human Protection Force, their philosophy is shoot anything that moves and doesn't look human. They already have dozens of members."

Disgusted, April reached over and quickly closed Donnie's laptop with a reassuring click, cutting him off from the horrors of human nature. "I think it's time we go and get some sleep."

"Maybe you're right." Donnie stood to his full height and stretched, rubbing at his neck. "I didn't even realize how long I had been sitting at that thing."

"You never do." April laughed. "You work too hard sometimes, Donnie. It's going to kill you one day."

"Hopefully that day's a long way away." He joked.

April's expression fell instantly. They were all leaving in only 11 hours. Was is possible that some of them wouldn't come back? Was is possible that Donnie wouldn't come back?

Sure they had gone on dangerous missions before, it came with the job description of being a ninja, but this one felt different somehow. She had a very bad feeling about it, and she had learned to start trusting her feelings. Could this be one of the last times she ever spoke to Donatello?

No, I refuse to believe that's possible.

"You okay?" Donnie broke her away from her thoughts.

She bit her lip and looked at the ground, not wanted to betray too much emotion. "Yeah…just thinking."

He didn't look very convinced, but let it go anyway. "Okay…well, goodnight, or rather good morning April."

He gave her a little smile and turned to head back to the living room, leaving her alone in the hall with her dark thoughts.

It soon became increasingly obvious that April was not going to get any sleep that day. No matter how hard she tried, she just kept imagining all the horrible things that could happen that night. Her imagination was not being kind to her.

Giving up the hopeless fight, April threw her fluffy pink comforter off and stood, hoping movement would get her mind off of the nightmares that were her thoughts.

Stepping out into the hallway, she was shocked to find Donatello sitting in the hallway across from her room. He had his back resting against the wall and his arms resting on his bent knees. All of his gear was off except his mask, making April believe that he too had tried to go to sleep and failed.

As she stepped fully out of her room, his head snapped up and his eyes grew wide. "April! Uh I was just….just…"

She chose to spare him the embarrassment of trying to come up with a lie. "Couldn't sleep?"

He relaxed and slowly nodded.

"Me neither." She sank down to the floor and mimicked his position against the wall.

They sat in silence for a few moments simply enjoying each others presence before Donnie finally broke.

"Want to talk about it?"

She propped her chin on her hand and thought about it. "Nothing really to talk about. I'm just nervous about tomorrow. I have a bad feeling, Donnie."

"Don't worry. Sensei's coming with us, so we'll be fine."

She could tell he wasn't nearly as confident as he sounded, especially considering he ended up outside her door instead of sleeping.

"Anything you wanted to talk about?" She asked, already knowing his response.

"Uh….n-no. Um..why would you ask?" He stuttered and looked away.

April smiled, definitely convinced she knew why he was here. She just would never understand how someone as brave as Donnie could be so afraid to just talk to her. A small part of her was disappointed at his cowardice again, but mostly she was relieved. She still didn't know exactly how she would respond when he finally did "talk" to her, and she didn't want her own confused feelings to hang over this day. She also didn't want him going into a fight with that in his head.

She let out a breath, and giggled. "No, reason."

"Well I guess we should probably try and get some actual rest again. I'm feeling a little tired now." Donnie said and stood in one graceful motion.

"Yeah, you're right." April held out her hands, silently asking for a hand to her feet. Donnie immediately complied, taking her hands in his and effortlessly hauling her to her feet.

She didn't let go of his hands right away, and neither did he.

April stared up into his face, trying to figure out what was going on in the big beautiful brain of his. Her heart ached with the thought that this was the last time they could have a moment like this.

Donnie, confused by her silence, tried to slip his hands out of hers, but she held on.

"Will you stay with me?" She blurted suddenly.

His eyes widened and he tried to take a step back, forgetting she still had his hands in a vice grip.

"What?" He asked bewildered by her sudden odd behavior.

"Please? With what's going on tonight and everything else, I just…. Please Donnie…"

His eyes softened and he nodded slowly. "Of course."

Relieved about not being alone, April led him into her room and immediately slid beneath the covers of her old bed.

Donnie stood there awkwardly for a few moments unsure what to do, until April lifted the covers and patted the bed in a silent invitation. Nervously, he slid in and rested his head on the pillow beside hers.

April could feel the tension leaking off Donnie as he laid there staring straight at the ceiling.

"Thank you." She said, trying to calm him down.

"F-for what?" He said, clearing his throat.

"For being here for me… like you always are." She said watching him closely.

He slowly turned his head towards her, scanning her face in the dark. April suddenly wondered if he could see better in the dark than her. She would have to remember to ask him later.

"I'll always be there for you." He whispered.

"I hope so." She snuggled closer to Donnie giving him no choice but to raise his arm to make room for her. Resting her head on his chest, she felt him tense up, once again unsure on what he should do. Once it became clear that she was not going to remove herself, he began to slowly relax. His arm finally settled around her, securing her in place and making her stomach do odd little flips.

Listening to his steady heartbeat under her ear, April felt sleep coming for her. She welcomed it, finally feeling some of her worry dissipating.

"Goodnight, Donnie." She breathed out.

She felt the answering rumble of his words, but couldn't make them out. Somewhere in her foggy mind she recognized that he seemed to be saying much more than just goodnight…

Cracking her eye open, April was first struck with how well rested she felt. For only the few hours she must have slept, she felt fantastic. Her second thought was that Donnie was no longer there.

She sat up suddenly, a sinking feeling in her stomach.

Extending her senses, she noticed the eerie quiet of the apartment.

"No, no, no, no, no…."

She jumped up from the bed and ran out of her room frantically checking each room along the way.

She didn't find anyone.

The apartment was empty.

They had left to rescue Slash.

They had left without her.

How could they do this to me?

April felt anger and sadness welling up inside her. How could they do this? How could Donnie do this to her? He didn't even say goodbye! Her heart started beating at a million miles an hour.

"If he comes back I'm going to kill him!" She yelled into the empty apartment.

Determined not to be left behind, April ran to the laundry room, quickly dressed in her usual clothes, now dry, grabbed her tessen and ran for the front door. She didn't know exactly where they were going, but she knew it was in the meat packing district and there was some kind of rally. She figured it couldn't be that hard to find.

Just as she grabbed the doorknob, Karai's voice filled the room, making April freeze in her tracks.

"Good Evening, New York. Karen here."

April turned and spotted Donnie's laptop sitting on the coffee table in the living room, open and currently displaying Karai's familiar face. She walked over and got a closer look.

This time Karai appeared to be in a warehouse standing at a podium on a little makeshift stage. April refused to sit as she listened to the new broadcast.

"Today we have a very special treat for all of you, especially those of you who still doubt the truth of our claims. Today we have a captured live mutant, and we will prove to all of you that not only do they exist, but they prove a real threat to humanity and are extremely dangerous. The foot clan was responsible for apprehending this beast, but I would like to introduce some men who have already proven to be allies to our cause. This is John Hughes the leader of the Human Protection Force."

The camera panned out to reveal a whole group of men standing to the side, all wearing combat gear and strapped with numerous guns a piece. To April there seemed to be dozens.

"The HPF have quickly organized themselves and have dedicated their services to helping eradicate the mutants from our streets. More than one of these organizations have arisen and we could not be happier for the help."

April felt sick looking at the men. They all looked like normal people, some were teenagers like her, and some looked around her dad's age. Most were probably accountants and lawyers, just normal people she had probably passed on the street.

"We urge anyone interested in joining the fight to reach out to these organizations, all weapons and training will be provided."

She felt like she was watching some kind of sick infomercial.

"Now on to the main event. I urge everyone that what you are about to see may shock you, and is not for the squeamish."

The camera panned out to reveal the whole stage, and April was shocked and sickened to see an actual crowd standing in front of it, watching, like they were at a concert. As she watched, a group of foot bots began to roll out a big metal cage covered mostly by a black curtain. They were really going for the dramatic reveal.

April was getting increasingly more worried. Where were the guys? Why hadn't they interfered yet?

As if summoned by her thought, April spotted an unusual movement in the rafters behind the stage. It could have been nothing, but she hoped it was the turtles starting to make their move.

The foot bots wheeled the cage up a small ramp onto the stage and dramatically removed the curtain. A loud gasp and a few screams went through the crowd.

The camera focused in on the cage, revealing Slash. Sure he was big and ferocious looking, but April took notice of the bruises on his face and the cuts on his wrists and body. It almost looked like they had tortured him. He seemed unaware of his surroundings like he had been heavily sedated. He didn't even look up when the curtain was pulled.

Tears welled in her eyes as she pictured other, smaller, turtles in that cage. She shook her head, refusing to believe the image was possible, trying to focus on the situation at hand.

The crowd settled down and Karai took up the microphone again.

"Do not fear, it has been sedated and you are perfectly safe. This is just one of many mutants loose on your streets! We need to hunt them down and eliminate them immediately."

On cue, the HPF leader she had announced earlier raised his rifle directly at Slash sitting in his cage. April raised her hand to stifle her gasp.

The shot rang out, and the screaming began.

The turtles had made their move.

Confusion and chaos instantly started playing out on screen as purple smoke enveloped the stage. It took April a few moments to make sense of what she was seeing.

When the smoke cleared, the cage door was revealed to be open, but Slash was still inside. April saw Raphael inside trying to get him to stand, but the larger turtle seemed to be too weak. Meanwhile, Donnie and Mikey were on opposite ends of the stage fighting off foot bots and HPF as they tried to rush it. The sheer number of gunshots and the sound of screaming was almost deafening coming through the laptop.

Karai's voice suddenly came through the chaos clear as day. "We are under attack by the mutants! Get to safety!"

Oh she's good. Karai was gone way too quickly and chose not to fight. April wouldn't doubt if they were planning on this to happen.

April tried to find all of her friends in the mess on screen, but it was impossible. The camera kept shooting all over the place frustrating her to no end.

She saw Leo land a painful looking kick to a HPF guy and throw his gun away.

In another shot she saw Donnie push Raph out of the way of an impending gunshot and land a jab to the shooter's abdomen.

She saw Mikey crumpled to the ground in a heap, making her scream at the screen in terror.

All the foot bots vanished, as the turtles seemed to only be fighting humans now.

Their sheer numbers and the turtles desire to not kill the humans were putting them at a serious disadvantage. They were being overwhelmed.

Donnie was now hauling around an injured Mikey, and Raph was still trying to get Slash. Finally, April saw movement in the cage and Slash emerged, supported by Raphael on one side and Leo on the other.

"Come on guys, get out of there." She said to the unresponsive screen.

She yelped as they all threw themselves to the ground avoiding a sudden round of gunfire. The men who fired were suddenly flung across the room by Splinter who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. The rat soon made quick work of the group of men, as his sons did their best to get Slash to his feet once more.

With Splinter's help the path before them was opening quickly, they were almost out the door.

On the screen, April spotted a black blur run through the screaming crowd and come up behind the turtles.

"Behind you!" She yelled helplessly, completely unable to warn them.

April watched horrified as a man came up behind Slash, took aim with a simple handgun and pulled the trigger. She flinched and looked away from the screen as Slash's body went limp and fell to the ground. The shot seemed to ring out louder than all the others, more defined, more deafening.

April knew Slash was dead.

Raphael stood motionless for a few heartbeats staring down at the prone turtle, and April's heart broke for him.

"Please please please get out of there…" she chanted to herself trying to will them to get moving.

In an instant, Raphael went from shocked to a flurry of motion and rage. He turned and jumped on the man with the handgun, ignoring the shot that rang out as he did. Leo tried in vain to pull him off as he landed punch after punch to the man's face and body. Even the remaining men only stood and watched, frightened by the turtle's sheer intensity.

It finally took Splinter to forcibly remove his son from the man, leaving him lying motionless on the ground.

April watched her little screen as her family, broken and injured went out of frame, forcibly dragging a struggling, screaming, Raphael and carrying an injured Mikey. She could only hope that they were making their escape.

The camera focused in on the man Raphael had beaten. April looked away from the scene, choosing not to look at the aftermath of Slash's body also in the shot. She knew no one would see Slash though, they would only see the man the mutant had beaten to death…

Because alive men do not lie that still…

That's when the camera cut off and the broadcast ended.

April looked towards the clock and realized the whole fight had only been three minutes, even though it had felt like an entire lifetime.

April sank to her knees in front of the quiet laptop. She felt tears streaming down her face.

She had no idea when she had started to cry.

A/N

Oh boy was that as intense as I thought it was while I was writing it? geez...so much emotion.

Anyway...I don't think there's a way to express how sorry I am for my absence. All i can say is i promise to never be one of those people who doesn't finish a story. I will finish! It might take a long time, but I'll finish. I've been on the other end of stories that never get finished and I will NEVER do that to you!

Next is the thank yous! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! For sticking around, for not giving me any grief about the disappearance and for continuing to follow me. Also thank you to a special few of you who have been drawing fan art and recommending me in forums :)

No promises this time...because that way I wont feel so bad when I go back on them haha, but the special chapter will be up soon because it's very short and I can finally post it because it had to come after this one.

THANK YOU EVERYONE! AND I HOPE YOU STILL LIKE IT! I promise next chapter will be a bit happier...not much because they have to deal with the aftermath...but a bit.

Until next time! Love you all and sorry again!