The Romantic Developments of Antonio and Lovino Through Texts Chapter 5: Part Four: What Happens in Monaco, a hetalia - axis powers fanfic

Ayayaya, I just barely made it! It's exactly two weeks today!

I'm sorry for the wait. That last chapter just wiped me out, and then I got distracted by my other Spamano fic, "A Dancing Star," and just kept writing and writing and writing for that until it wiped me out too.

And then I came back to this fic! Yay!

I already know this is going to be a love it or hate it chapter. It doesn't get as Spamano-y as some might like, and I feel ya, but I thought it was time to shake things up a bit and give FrUK, PruCan and just some plain old BTT feels some time in the spotlight.

Having said that, this chapter is already pretty crazy, so that might be enough to entertain you ;) I based it off of What Happens in Vegas and The Hangover, so be prepared muhuhaha

Some quick notes: when I'm writing Monaco, I'm just going off of what I read about her character, like on the wiki, so she may or may not be OOC, I'm not sure. I tried my best though, and she doesn't play too big of a role, so hopefully it doesn't change much.

Also, in the previous chapters, Alfred and Matthew have both had regular fonts, but I had to give Matthew italics in this chapter because their conversations were just too confusing otherwise.

That's all! Enjoy! :D

Part Four: What Happens in Monaco

May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

Ludwig's iPhone:

Outgoing Call to Gilbert (8:00):

Ring

Beep

End Phone Call (8:02)

Outgoing Call to Francis (8:04):

Ring

Beep

End Phone Call (8:06)

Outgoing Call to Antonio (8:06):

Ring

Beep

End Phone Call (8:08)

Outgoing Call to Romano (8:08):

Ring

Beep

End Phone Call (8:10)

Outgoing Call to Ivan (8:12):

Ring

Beep

End Phone Call (8:14)

Incoming Call from Arthur (14:20):

Ring

"Arthur, where the hell are you? We were forced to postpone the meeting because you and the other dum komfs decided to play hooky for the day."

"Ludwig…I apologize."

"I don't need an apology! I need to know where you and the others are! Not one of them has answered any of my numerous phone calls, voicemails, or texts! And everybody else who managed to show up to the meeting were too hungover to remember anything."

"…I, er, we…sort of got carried away yesterday and…"

"What?! Just spit it out! We're ruining everyone's schedule! Especially mine."

"It's a bloody mess Ludwig. It's just a damn bloody mess. I don't even know where to begin."

"Well try somewhere, I don't have time to talk all day."

"I – well for one, Antonio's in jail."

"He's in jail?! What the hell did you guys get up to last night?"

"That's not the worst of it. Gilbert's missing."

"Gilbert's missing? How could he possibly be missing? I remember seeing him at the casino last night. Does that mean Russia's missing too?"

"I don't know about that. I never ran into him. But Ludwig, a lot happened after you left the casino.

"Like what?"

"Well, Romano's being held by security."

"For what?!"

"Um, I think it's for counting cards. But it could also be for a number of inappropriate things he said at security; I'm not entirely certain. But Ludwig…I haven't told you the worst part."

"What is it? And where's Francis anyway?"

"That's just it. He's with me and…"

"And…? And what verdammt?!"

"And – oh god I can't believe I'm even saying this – but…we're…married."

"…You're married?"

"Yes."

"…"

"…"

"What the hell happened last night?!"

"Oh God. So many things. We just – we really fucked up Ludwig. And we don't know what to do."

/~/

48 hours earlier…

April 29, 2008, Rome, Italy

Lovino's iPhone:

From: World Group Message(Including Feli, Potato Bastard1, Potato Bastard2, Belgium, Hamburger Bastard, English Bastard, French Bastard, Matthew, Tomato Bastard, China, Japan, Russia, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Hungary, Austrian Bastard, Cat Guy, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Turkey, Egypt, + several others…)

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:00): Alright then, as everyone hopefully knows, the world meeting is coming up. So we have to decide where to hold it. If we're being fair, it should either be Japan, Southern Italy, Northern Italy, Monaco, or Russia.

Russia (SENT 12:01): I'd love it if everyone came to my house :^)

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:01): MONACO. WE NEED TO GO TO MONACO
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:01): #BTTtakesMonaco2008

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:02): Oh mein Gott.

French Bastard (SENT 12:02): What a marvelous idea mon cher! It's been too long since the three of us have had a night together ;)

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:03): Is Monaco kinda like Las Vegas?

French Bastard (SENT 12:04): Oh much better. It's a Vegas in the middle of Europe's elite and beautiful ;) ;)
French Bastard (SENT 12:04): We used to have such good times there. I feel as though the core of our friendship was founded in that principality

Monaco (SENT 12:05): I'd love it if everyone came :D The weather's been so lovely here, and the casinos have all been cleaned and redecorated!

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:05): I think those are three very valid reasons for us not to hold the world meeting there. Russia it is then.

Russia (SENT 12:06): Yay :^D

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:06): NO FUCKING WAY BRUDER. I OBJECT!
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:06): I'M USING MY VETOING RIGHTS AS PRUSSIA TO OVERRULE THIS TOTALLY UNAWESOME DECISION

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:07): I don't hate to remind you that as Prussia, you technically have no vetoing rights.

French Bastard (SENT 12:07): Ah, but you're completely disregarding the voices of all of the countries! If we don't get proper representation, we're going to start a revolucion!

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:08): Did someone say revolution? That's kinda my specialty :D America's totally going 2 step in and defend freedom! That's my freakin job man!

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:08): This really isn't an issue of freedom. I'm making this decision to protect the health and stability of Monaco. Last time Gilbert and his friends were there, not only did they lose all of the money that they brought with them, they ended up causing thousands and thousands of dollars in reparations for their hotel and casino.

Monaco (SENT 12:09): Oh it's okay :) That was such a long time ago! And the king thought it was rather funny so no one got in trouble really!

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:10): Only because he found Antonio and Francis rather endearing when they're intoxicated. I feel as though he's still rather angry at Germany for what happened.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:11): Oh mein Gott, its not as if I was that bad

French Bastard (SENT 12:11): Mon ami, I hate to say you were rather rude to the king, but you kind of were
French Bastard (SENT 12:12): But I still really, really, really want to go to Monaco! At least take a vote Germany! For the sake of democracy!

Alfred (SENT 12:12): AMERICA PROTECTS DEMOCRACY AND FREEDOM ALL AROUND THE FREAKIN WORLD :D
Alfred (SENT 12:12): NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTAITON!

Arthur (SENT 12:12):THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO RELEVANCE HERE YOU BLOODY WANKER.

French Bastard (SENT 12:13): You see? Do you really want to deal with an uppity American on top of an angry German and a frustrated Frenchman?

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:15): I suppose a poll is only fair.
Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:15): Very well, I'll be sure to email everyone the link to the poll, and after an hour, I will check the results and I will announce the winner.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:16): AWESOMEEE
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:16): Wait, but can Toni vote too?

French Bastard (SENT 12:17): He may not have a phone yet mon cher (lucky for you), but he may still borrow Romano's computer

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:17): He's still in Rome?

French Bastard (SENT 12:18): Have you really not talked to him in so long? Oui, he is still in Rome. I think it may be that little feline friend of his keeping him there

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:18): Are you saying Romano's a cat

French Bastard (SENT 12:19): No, I'm referring to his actual cat. You remember from the emails he's been forwarding everyone

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:20): I've warned him a dozen times that forwarding cat pictures and cat videos isn't a professional thing to do. Especially when he titles each one as "IMPORTANT PLEASE OPEN."
Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:20): It just makes everyone assume the worst.

English Bastard (SENT 12:21): Not me. When I see the email is from Antonio my mind immediately jumps to cats.

French Bastard (SENT 12:21): Mon cher, I do apologize, but I can't tell if you're telling a joke or being serious right now

English Bastard (SENT 12:22): You bloody wanker. Are you telling me that even after all of this time, you still don't get English humor?

French Bastard (SENT 12:22): You have a strange culture Angleterre. It has eluded me for so long, and even after I spend days visiting it, I can't say I leave understanding any more than when I arrived

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:23): Alright, I just sent the email. I will announce the results in an hour.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:24): Hey Romano, do you know if Antonio is getting another phone anytime soon?

Me (SENT 12:26): No idea bastard. Why don't you try calling him
Me (SENT 12:26):I think he would be freaking out or sulking about how you've been ignoring him for two weeks if he wasn't so distracted by the fucking cat

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:26): HE GRABBED ME BY MY FREAKING THROAT
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:26): Do you have any idea how scary violent Toni used to be?

Me (SENT 12:27): Not my problem
Me (SENT 12:27): And anyway, I think I'm getting him a phone before we go to Monaco

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:28):The vote hasn't closed yet. It's not set in stone that we're going to Monaco.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:28): NO PLEASE NO
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:28): At least wait until we're a few thousand miles apart and he cant hunt me down with axe!

Me (SENT 12:29): I'm sure that was just a fluke. All he's been doing lately is prancing around Rome with our stupid cat in his backpack

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:29): Youre not the one he wants to chop up! Why the hell isn't he angry at you for this?

Me (SENT 12:30): Don't know, don't care
Me (SENT 12:31): But if it's really such a big deal to you I can not buy him a phone until after the world meeting and you're safe in your cozy, big ass plane

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:31): JA DANKE ROMANO DANKESHUN

Me (SENT 12:31): Well it's not free potato bastard

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:32): Verdammt

French Bastard (SENT 12:33): Mon ami, you fell for that too soon

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 13:23): Much to my displeasure, it seems the results of the poll have indicated an overwhelming favor to go to Monaco.

French Bastard (SENT 13:23): OUI VIVE LA RESISTANCE! ;)

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 13:24): DOWN THE BRITISH :D

English Bastard (SENT 13:24): STILL NO RELEVANCE YOU BLOODY MORON.
English Bastard (SENT 13:24): I even voted for Monaco for God's sake!

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 13:25): Aw I'm sorry Artie, I just like yelling that ya know :D

English Bastard (ENT 13:25): Wanker.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 13:26): #BTTtakesMonaco2008
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 13:26): CANT FREAKING WAIT ):^)

Me (SENT 13:27): Antonio wanted me to write, "Muy bien mi amigos!"
Me (SENT 13:27): He also wanted me to add fucking hearts and smiley faces and shit but I'm not doing that

French Bastard (SENT 13:28): Well at least you passed on the message mon cher ;) And always with such grace and finesse I might add

Me (SENT 13:28): Fuck off
Me (SENT 13:29): Antonio also wanted to send this picture damn it. *attached image

French Bastard (SENT 13:29): Ah, how adorable!

Feli (SENT 13:30): Vee~ super cute :D
Feli (SENT 13:30): She's a little bigger than when we left her!

Me (SENT 13:31): Yeah. Antonio likes giving her his food. Which is exactly why she's not going with him back to Spain
Me (SENT 13:31): Swear to Dio that if he had a cat at home he'd starve to death

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 13:32): Dang it that makes me want to get a pet D:

French Bastard (SENT 13:32): For once I agree with you mon cher. I too want a pet. A pet would be more affectionate than Arthur at least

English Bastard (SENT 13:33): SOD OFF
English Bastard (SENT 13:33): And for the love of the queen, I pray to God that neither of you get a pet.
English Bastard (SENT 13:33): Whatever poor beasts you two would collect would die within a month of your selfish neglect.
English Bastard (SENT 13:34): How about you try video game pets?

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 13:35): No way man u can't pet video games!
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 13:35): I want something giant and furry! :D

French Bastard (SENT 13:36): I just want someone who will sleep in my bed with me

English Bastard (SENT 13:36): Okay, then from what I gather it seems like Alfred is looking for a yeti and Francis is looking for a prostitute.
English Bastard (SENT 13:36): Glad to know neither of you are breaking character.

/~/

April 29, 2008, Moscow, Russia

Ivan's iPhone:

Outgoing Call to Romano (15:01):

Ring

"…Pronto?"

"Oh, hello Romano! This is Russia. I was wondering if I could talk to Toni?"

"…Damn it that bastard needs to get his own phone."

"Ah, is that a yes?"

"Yeah, yeah. Just hold on a second while I find him. He's probably in the kitchen making churros or some shit."

"That sounds delicious!"

"It's not. Hey bastard – someone's on the phone for you."

"Really? Who is it?"

"Answer it and find out for yourself."

"Hola! Who is this?"

"Ah, hello Toni this is Russia!"

"Russia? Oh wow, why are you calling?"

"Um, well I have a bit of a problem that I was hoping you could help me with."

"You want my advice? Oh, that's maravilloso! I'm so flattered! But what would you need my advice for?"

"How to make your cat fat probably."

"Well you see, I was wondering if you could tell me how I could become friends with Gilbert. I think he doesn't like me very much, and he's a good friend of yours."

"Oh…Well that's sort of funny because I think he might be mad at me right now. He hasn't talked to me in a long while and I don't know why."

"I see…Well, I guess I'll try to figure out something else. Thank you anyway though."

"Aw, wait Russia! Maybe I can still help you. After all I'm a pretty popular guy! And Gilbert still is one of my best friends!"

"Oh, thank you Toni! I really appreciate it! I would love to have more friends."

"No problem amigo! So with Gilbert, uh, even though he acts sort of…"

"Fucking annoying."

"I was going to say cocky. So even though he acts like that, Gilbert actually gets frightened pretty easily, so maybe if you were just a little less intimidating that would help?"

"But how am I intimidating? I always try to be nice. Is it because I'm tall?"

"Ah, no, I wouldn't say it's because you're tall. Though maybe that's a tiny part of it…Um, maybe you should try to do something nice for him?"

"Like what?"

"Hm…Well, since we're going to Monaco soon, maybe you can try to help Gilbert with gambling? He's always been pretty terrible at it."

"Yeah, somehow he's worse than you."

"Okay! I'll try that! I've always been pretty good at gambling. Now I'm looking forward to it!"

"Good for you amigo! I'm glad I could help out!"

"I'll see you tomorrow then Toni! I'll try to help you out too!"

"Don't worry about it man! It was no problem."

End Phone Call (15:15)

April 29, 2008, Rome, Italy

Lovino's iPhone:

To: Feli

Me (SENT 16:56): Feli I need you to distract Antonio tomorrow night

Feli (SENT 16:58): Vee~ why is that?

Me (SENT 16:58): Are you not going to do it unless I answer?

Feli (SENT 16:59): Maybe ;)

Me (SENT 16:59): Fuck it fine
Me (SENT 17:00): I need you to keep him distracted while I gamble

Feli (SENT 17:00): YOU'RE GOING TO GAMBLE?

Me (SENT 17:01): Is it really that much of a surprise

Feli (SENT 17:01): Not really. I just wanted to write in capslock :D

Me (SENT 17:01): Whatever. Will you distract him or not

Feli (SENT 17:02): Vee~ I guess I can. But why do you need me to get him away?

Me (SENT 17:02): That bastard is a bad luck charm. I can't keep any sort of straight face around him, and what's worse is that if he sees my cards, everyone in the world will know what I have because it's written all over his goddamn face
Me (SENT 17:03): So yeah. Just get him away. Or at least push him towards his idiot friends, then that'll take care of itself

Feli (SENT 17:03): Aww that's so cute!

Me (SENT 17:04): Okay what was fucking cute about that

Feli (SENT 17:04): That you guys are bad luck around each other! It's so cute :D

Me (SENT 17:05): NO IT'S NOT
Me (SENT 17:05): That's part of the reason why I'm gambling tomorrow night. I'm tired of being the cause of Antonio's debt

Feli (SENT 17:06): What are you going to do?

Me (SENT 17:06): I'm going to break the casino, and give all the money to that dumb bastard so he doesn't have to dig through his couch everyday for lunch money
Me (SENT 17:07): And if there's any extra, I'll put it into my Lamborghini fund

Feli (SENT 17:08): Okay, well if you're counting cards don't get caught! ;)

Me (SENT 17:08): Please
Me (SENT 17:08): As if I ever get caught

/~/

April 30, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

Lovino's iPhone:

From: World Group Message (Including Feli, Potato Bastard1, Potato Bastard2, Belgium, Hamburger Bastard, English Bastard, French Bastard, Matthew, Tomato Bastard, China, Japan, Russia, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Hungary, Austrian Bastard, Cat Guy, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Turkey, Egypt, + several others…)

Monaco (SENT 18:32): Welcome to Monaco everyone :D
Monaco (SENT 18:32): The casinos are all ready!

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 18:34): Please don't remind them.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:35): JA IM READY ):^)
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:35): Birdie are you ready to be my lucky charm?

Matthew (SENT 18:36): i suppose so
Matthew (SENT 18:36): i think i might try to gamble too this time!

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:36): Thats awesome!
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:37): Just do everything I do and youll be great! :^D

French Bastard (SENT 18:37): I love you mon cher, but for Matthew's sake I must intervene and warn him to do absolutely nothing like you do

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:38): What? But I'm such an awesome gambler!

French Bastard (SENT 18:38): I think we already went over this. Antoine is a terrible gambler, but you are most certainly at least 100x worse than he is
French Bastard (SENT 18:39): But don't worry Gil, you know the saying. Lucky at cards, unlucky at love
French Bastard (SENT 18:39): Mon dieu my life is a tragic one

English Bastard (SENT 18:40): If you're expecting me to feel some sort of pity for you, I'm not.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:41): I feel like Im missing something here

English Bastard (SENT 18:41): You're not missing anything at all Gilbert. Francis is just being immature. As usual.

French Bastard (SENT 18:42): I'm the one being immature?
French Bastard (SENT 18:42): Merde, this is what I get for falling in love with such a cold-hearted realist

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:43): Oh whatever. You guys can fight that out later. When is the BTT meeting up tonight?

French Bastard (SENT 18:44): I'm not sure. I suppose whenever we hear from Tonie
French Bastard (SENT 18:45): Then again, it's not like he has a phone we can contact. Maybe we can find out what room he and Romano are in
French Bastard (SENT 18:45): Don't you find it so romantic that they're sharing a room, Gilbert?

English Bastard (SENT 18:45): Subtle.

French Bastard (SENT 18:46): I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just commenting on how one of my best friends is happy with the one he loves. Is that so strange?

English Bastard (SENT 18:47): I'm just going to ignore you now.

French Bastard (SENT 18:47): Weren't you already doing that?

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:48): SNAP

English Bastard (SENT 18:48): We really don't need your input, Alfred. This is kind of a personal argument.

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:49): Then why are you talking about it in the group message

French Bastard (SENT 18:49): Yes, why are you talking about it in the group message?

English Bastard (SENT 18:50): DON'T PUT THIS ON ME YOU BLOODY WANKER.
English Bastard (SENT 18:50): You're the one who's sulking and dropping snarky comments.

French Bastard (SENT 18:51): The pot says to the kettle

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:52): DOUBLE SNAP

English Bastard (SENT 18:52): Alfred, please.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:53): Oh hey Romano dropped Toni off at my room
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:53): He's a bit more giggly than usual though. I think Romano might have given him something to drink already
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:54): Shit he just broke one of the hotel lamps

English Bastard (SENT 18:54): If that isn't an omen for the night. I don't know what is.

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:55): TRIPLE SNAP

English Bastard (SENT 18:55): Thank you, Alfred.

French Bastard (SENT 18:56): Don't worry mon cher (and I'm talking to Gilbert not you Arthur), I'm on my way. And then we begin another night of debauchery and adventure ;)

English Bastard (SENT 18:56): Oh, is that not every night for you?
English Bastard (SENT 18:56): I could've sworn that's why you dine at the Moulin Rouge three times a week.

French Bastard (SENT 18:57): And the truth finally rears its ugly head
French Bastard (SENT 18:57): Is that why you've been enjoying your splendid isolation a bit more than usual?

English Bastard (SENT 18:58): I don't know what you're talking about. I don't care what you do with your weekends. Least of all if it concerns dancing, half naked women swimming with snakes.

French Bastard (SENT 18:58): Well obviously they don't dance and swim at the same time. Come now, I thought you were supposed to be the rational one

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:58): Z SNAP

French Bastard (SENT 18:59): Z snap?

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:59): You know man. Snaps in a Z formation

French Bastard (SENT 19:00): Ah, I see

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 19:01): Hey are you coming or not because Toni's starting to fall asleep now

English Bastard (SENT 19:01): Oh, are you hooligans finally getting old? I noticed Francis was sporting some white hairs as well.

French Bastard (SENT 19:02): Ferme-la! The Bad Touch Trio is immortal! We never age!
French Bastard (SENT 19:02): The next time you see us, we'll be in the casino surrounded by beautiful women and more money than you can imagine!

English Bastard (SENT 19:03): Really now? I've been in my fair share of pirate raids, and I can imagine quite a lot of treasure.
English Bastard (SENT 19:03): And Alfred, instead of replying with some stupid American quip, why don't you make yourself useful and come pick me up so we can go drinking.

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 19:04): Yes your majesty :P

French Bastard (SENT 19:05): Well then I guess we'll just have to see who's having a better time when we meet in the casino!

English Bastard (SENT 19:05): I wonder if you and your little friends will last that long. By the time you have your third drink, you might already be asleep at the roulette table.

French Bastard (SENT 19:06): I won't be sleeping until early in the morning mon cher. And even then I don't plan on sleeping ;) ;)

English Bastard (SENT 19:06): What, are you going to pick up one of the servers bringing you your girly cocktails?

French Bastard (SENT 19:07): Who says it'll just be one?

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 19:07): Francis will you please stop flirting and get over here! Tonis a really deep sleeper. Ive already pushed him onto the floor and hes still snoring

French Bastard (SENT 19:08): I've just left my room mon cher. I'm on my way now

French Bastard (SENT 19:08): Have fun Angleterre, I hope you enjoy your bar fights

English Bastard (SENT 19:09): Enjoy your meaningless sex, frog.

French Bastard (SENT 19:10): I always do ;)

Me (SENT 19:12): Damn it, just get a fucking room already

/~/

12:10, May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

Ring

I buried my head underneath my pillow and tried desperately to block out the incessant ringing.

Ring

Damn it, why won't it stop?

Ring

With a groan I turned around and pressed my face against something else – something warm, and soft, and…not at all like a pillow, but I was too tired too care.

The phone had stopped ringing (thankfully), and I smiled. Finally I can go back to slee –

"Ah, je t'aime, Angleterre."

My eyes shot open at the familiar and infuriating French accent. No, it can't possibly be him. I don't even remember running into him last night.

"Vous êtes si belle."

Damn it, it is him.

Finally, my eyes adjusted to the light and I was able to understand that it wasn't a pillow I was snuggling against, but instead it was Francis's bare chest. Oh bloody hell.

Quickly, I grabbed Francis's arms – that had somehow snaked their way around my waist – and pushed them onto his side of the bed. Then I managed to shuffle away from his body heat and onto the other side of the king-sized bed.

I stared at him.

Well, he certainly looks happy. I will say that.

His long, blonde hair was messy and splayed on the pillows; but as always, it still looked attractive, damn him. He was breathing deep and content breaths, and his lips were smiling quite serenely.

I was going to throw a pillow over his face to wake him up, but I suppose I can allow him to sleep a tad bit longer.

Against all odds, I stumbled out of the bed, then wavered a bit as I tried to stand up. Damn, my head hurts. How much did I end up drinking last night anyway? I remember taking shots with Alfred, but did I do something after that?

I rubbed my temple and sighed. I guess I'll get dressed and ask Francis when he wakes up. He's never had a problem remembering the events of the night before.

So I wandered around the hotel room, trying to find the bathroom, but the layout of this room was different than mine. I could only assume this was Francis's.

My face heats slightly, more from frustration than anything else. I can't believe that after all of our arguments, we still ended up sleeping together. What the hell?

I finally found the right door to the bathroom and turned on the lights. I blinked furiously under the florescent lights and squinted my way to the counter. Then I leaned over the sink and breathed heavily. Well, at least it doesn't seem as though I have alcohol poisoning or anything. That would have been a problem

I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror and I gritted my teeth. Damn it. Why do I look like I've been caught in a storm for three days while Francis looks like he took a relaxing walk on a windy beach?

My hands immediately go to my hair and try to push some of the cowlicks down, and then they move to my eyebrows and try to press them back in place.

Then something catches my eye.

I look at my left hand carefully in the reflection. What is that thing on my finger? It looks like…a ring.

I drop my hand in front of me and stare. On my fourth finger, glaring right at me, is a god awful, platinum band ring with an expensive looking, and rather vulgar, red ruby set in the center.

Oh, no. Please don't tell me we actually…

I ran out of the bathroom and towards the bed, but then I realized I should put some clothes on and I backtracked a few steps to scramble on the floor and find where I left them. Somewhere in the pile I find my grey suit and trousers, and drag them back with me to the bathroom.

After I'm dressed (though rather shambly I admit), I ran back out to the bed and tried to find Francis's hand.

I leaned over the bed and looked, and to my displeasure, I see an identical ring to my own wrapped around one of Francis's slender fingers.

For a moment, I'm just stunned. It doesn't feel real. It can't be real. I don't even remember being wed last night. I still don't remember a bloody thing from last night. How could we possibly have gotten married? Who in God's name would have even married us?

Then I feel my blood boil, and before I knew it I had thrown a pillow at Francis's smiling, sleeping face.

"Eh- merde! Que s'est-il passé?" Francis moaned and slowly – as if he was in the greatest pain – dragged away the pillow from his face. He looked at me lazily, as if he was still dreaming, and the rest of his face stayed blank and stupid.

"Wake up you wanker!" I yelled and threw another pillow at him.

This time, he responded and caught the pillow as it hit his face. Then he dropped it from his face casually and stared at me again.

"Arthur…?" He said carefully, and raised his voice as if it were a question.

He really knows how to get under my skin.

"Yes, it's me. Arthur. Get your hungover mind wrapped around that fact. We have more pressing matters to deal with," I stated seriously and waved my hand in front of his face.

Francis took his sweet time focusing on the ring, but when he did, his eyes widened and he looked back at me.

"Is that –"

"Yes! Look at your hand! You have one too!" I yelled impatiently, and Francis obediently glanced down.

"Oh, no," He said softly and kept staring at the ring.

"That's right. It's a bloody mess."

"Oh, no, no, no!" He continued and pounded his fast against he mattress.

I narrowed my eyes at him, and against all of my rationality, I felt my skin heat up in embarrassment.

"Don't bother to spare my feelings, Francis. Just keep telling me how you feel about marrying me," I commented dryly and glared at him.

Francis immediately looked up and changed his expression to something pleading and apologetic.

"No, no, Arthur! That's not what I meant! You don't understand, I –"

"I'm going to stop you right there. We don't have time to banter now. We need to get to the World Meeting, and then afterwards, we can get this settled and – BLOODY HELL IT'S PAST NOON."

I looked from my phone to Francis and he seemed just as surprised as I was.

"How the HELL did we sleep for this long?" I asked, and Francis just kept staring blankly at me.

"Well, don't look at me. I don't remember a thing," He replied and looked at his ring again.

"Oh come on. You always remember," I pointed out, but Francis just shrugged his shoulders.

"Apparently not this time. Ah wait – was it Feliciano who ministered our wedding?" He asked and looked at me curiously.

"I don't know! I just said I don't remember a – hold on. I do remember something after the wedding. Wasn't Antonio there and wasn't he…"

"He was running around with an axe, oui!" Francis smiled triumphantly and I nodded.

"Yes, that was it. That was it…WHY THE HELL DID HE HAVE A BLOODY AXE?"

Francis winced at the volume of my voice and responded delicately, "Mon cher, could you please lower your voice. Not everyone has the English drinking spirit."

I frowned at him and then busied myself with scrolling through my missed calls.

"Well, it looks as though I was pretty popular. I have quite a number of missed calls. Most of them are from Ludwig though," I commented and debated returning the call.

I sighed and decided against it. By now we've either missed the World Meeting or they've postponed it; why bother getting scolded by Ludwig.

"I wonder if I should look through my voicemails. There are quite a few," I said and hovered my thumb over the screen. "Ah, perhaps after breakfast."

"That sounds like an excellent idea," Francis agreed as he stretched his arms upward.

I noticed as he did so the blanket was riding down, and I blushed.

"Damn it, Francis. Will you please put on some trousers?" I asked and looked away.

"Oh, I –" Francis began, then stopped and changed his tone of voice. "Well why does that matter? We are married now," Francis said seductively, but I refused to look at his arrogant, winking face. "I doubt you were the blushing bride last night anyway."

"Sod off!" I snapped at him, and stormed off to the couch.

I heard Francis laughing in the background, followed by some rustling, and then his quiet footsteps to the bathroom.

Once I heard the water running I looked at my phone again. Do I even want to know what happened last night? Does it matter? Could it possibly get worse than this?

I brought up my voicemails again, and hesitated. Then on impulse, I clicked on the earliest one from Alfred.

Voicemail from Bloody Alfred (23:13):

Beep

"Hey dude! Where are you? You're missing a wicked cool game here! Romano is just taking it all; it's amazing!"

"Shut up bastard. You're breaking my concentration."

"Sorry, man. Keep it up though! At this point you're going to take it all!"

"No shit."

"Well, I guess that's it dude. I was wondering if you were still drinking with Francis, 'cuz if not I was going to watch Matthew gamb –"

"Wait. Ask him if he's seen Antonio. I haven't seen him since I dropped him off at Gilbert's place."

"Alright. Don't know if you heard that but Romano's asking whether you saw Toni or not. Anyway, if you get bored with Frenchie or whatever, just hit me up! I'm flying solo tonight since Kiku isn't really into the whole night scene. Talk to ya later!"

Beep

Well that was…weird. It seems as though I did meet up with Francis, though I still don't remember it.

I see another voicemail from Alfred not too long after, and click on it.

Voicemail from Bloody Alfred (23:47):

Beep

"HOLY SHIT DUDE YOU WON'T BELIEVE IT, BUT ROMANO JUST WON OVER ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS! I can't freaking believe it! I don't care how much you love the guy, you gotta ditch Francis and come check this out! It's amazing, it's –"

Beep

End Voicemail (23:48)

Okay, well that was even stranger. I have to listen to the next one now.

Voicemail from Bloody Alfred (23:55):

Beep

"Dude this is bad. You know how I said Romano won all that money? Well, I guess the casino thinks he's been cheating or somethin' because they're trying to take him away and –"

"Get your fucking hands off me you bastards! I won that money fair and square, you got that?"

"Yeah, you can probably hear that, right? Man, I don't know Artie. This looks kind of bad. Do you think maybe you can come down and try to help him out? You're pretty scary they might let him go if you –"

"Hey! Do you even know who I am? Goddamn it, if you don't let me go I'm going to tattletale your ass to the Pope and then you'll be sorry! Or even worse, I'll send the whole mafia after you! I swear to God if you don't let me go, I'll –"

"Okay, well they just gagged him. This is actually kind of cool now! It sort of feels like I'm in a movie, like Ocean's Eleven or somethin'. Anyway, I'm not sure what to do about Romano; and I never found out where Toni is, so…I think I might just chill with Kiku for a bit, haha. This casino is getting pretty rowdy. Anyway, call me if you get these messages! Laters!"

Beep

End Voicemail (00:02)

Well, damn.

I wonder if Romano is still with security. Is that possible?

"Arthur!" Francis called, and I whipped myself around to look at him.

"Oh, bloody hell. You're still wearing a towel!" I complained and watched him run over regardless of my comment.

"Look at these text messages from Gilbert!" He ordered and shoved the phone in my face.

"Very well," I said, but Francis was still looming over me like some sort of Apollo fresh from the bath and I added. "Now go put on some damn clothes."

"Ah, why do you always make me hide my natural beauty," Francis sighed playfully and I frowned at him.

After I saw him begin to shuffle through his suitcase, I glanced at the phone.

From: Gilbert

Gilbert (SENT 3:32): FRANCIS! YOU GOTTA HELP ME OUT MAN

Gilbert (SENT 3:32): I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT ANTONIO KNOWS I DATED ROMANO ONCE

Gilbert (SENT 3:32): AND NOW HE'S AFTER ME! WITH AN AXE!

Gilbert (SENT 3:33): I don't know what to do

Gilbert (SENT 3:33): Mein gott I think he knows where I am

Gilbert (SENT 3:34): SHIT HE'S BREAKING DOWN ALL OF THE BATHROOM DOORS

Gilbert (SENT 3:34): I'm a goner for sure D^:

Gilbert (SENT 3:35): FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HE BROKE THE DOOR NEXT TO ME HE

"Dear God," I muttered and kept staring at the screen. "Do you think Antonio actually…?"

Francis carried his set of clothes to me and said, "I don't know! Antonio's absolutely crazy when's like that! And when's drunk? Oh, mon dieu," Francis covered his face with his hand dramatically.

"I suppose Romano wouldn't know. I'm sure he's still being held by security."

"By security?"

"Apparently they thought he was counting cards or something. Which he probably was if we're being honest," I said and looked through some of Francis's other text messages. "Wait a second – is this us?! This is us! Feliciano sent you our wedding photos! Damn it, look at how many people were there! Why didn't anyone have the sense to stop it?"

Francis grabbed the phone from my hand and looked.

"Oh, well at least we look happy," He commented with a smile and I rolled my eyes. "So it was Feliciano ministering the wedding then. And Antonio and Gilbert are both here, so whatever happened to them must have happened afterwards," Francis said and then looked at me curiously. "I must say I've never had so many pictures of you smiling, Angleterre."

Francis gave me a look and I just frowned back.

"I must have been drunk out of my mind," I replied and kept my eyes pointed away.

"Perhaps," Francis said, and he wandered away to the bathroom, his clothes and phone in hand.

Knock, knock

I stared at Francis who had his hand poised on the doorknob to the bathroom.

"You can get it if you like," He said easily and disappeared into the room.

"Hey! What if it's Ludwig? My head hurts to much to listen to a lecture from –"

Knock, knock, knock

"Oh, bloody hell," I muttered and got up from the couch.

I walked to the door and didn't bother to look through the peephole. Then I opened it, and found –

"Arthur!" Feliciano yelled and jumped into my arms.

"Hey! Feliciano? What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, and as he followed me into the room, I closed the door and continued. "And by the way, would you mind telling why you decided to wed Francis and I last night – er, this morning?"

"Oh, Arthur! It's terrible! Lovi's being held by security!" Feliciano complained and looked up at me teary-eyed.

"Yes, I know," I sighed.

"Cosa? You know? Have you seen him?"

"No, but I just found some voicemails Alfred left me. Have you gone and visited him?" I asked and led Feliciano to the couch.

"Si, I did! But I think he needs a lawyer or something! They won't believe anything he says," Feli cried and sat down on the couch.

"Have you talked to Ludwig?" I asked, and sat down next to him.

"I – well," Feliciano looked away a bit guiltily. "Lovino told me not to tell him. He thought Ludwig would just give the money he won back to the casino."

"Yes, well he probably would, wouldn't he?" I breathed heavily and wished I had a cup of tea right now. "Listen, this is probably a bad time to ask this, but you wouldn't perhaps know what happened to Gilbert or Antonio, would you?"

"No, I wouldn't," Feli lowered his eyes. Then something occurred to him and he said, "Actually, I remember seeing Gilbert talking to Matthew and Ivan at the poker table. But I never saw Antonio…scusa."

"It's fine," I replied and rested my elbow on the armrest. "We'll round up those idiots at some point."

"Oh wow, Arthur! That's such a pretty ring!" Feliciano exclaimed and I looked back at him a bit frustrated.

"You don't remember it from earlier?" I replied and dropped my left hand down to look at the horrid ring again.

"Vee~ I can't remember anything after Matthew winning the poker tournament!" Feliciano laughed lightly, then paused and added. "Oh, but at that point, Gilbert and Ivan were gone. I wonder where they went."

I dropped my head in my hand and groaned.

"So, just to so we have a headcount. Romano's with casino security, Gilbert's missing and probably dead –"

"Dead?!"

"Most likely," I replied quickly, and continued. "And Antonio is nowhere to be found. For all we know he's behind held in jail for attempte –"

"ANTONIO'S IN JAIL!" Francis burst from the bathroom door – thankfully fully dressed – and ran towards us with his phone still pressed to his ear.

"COSA?" Feliciano shouted back, and I saw fresh tears glisten over his eyes. "No, Lovino's going to be so upset!"

"So I'm guessing he's an accused murderer…again," I replied calmly, too shocked by everything to even know which emotion to emote anymore.

"Um," Francis paused and listened the voice echoing through the phone. "Antonio says he doesn't remember how he got there."

"Surprise, surprise," I said bitterly.

"He also says that the guards keep telling him things in French so he doesn't know what they're saying."

"And…" I waved my hand for him to continue.

"He doesn't know why he's there," Francis finished with a sigh.

"There it is," I dropped my hand to the couch. "Well that's lovely. So let's recount: we have Romano being held by security, Antonio behind held in prison, and Gilbert is still missing and most likely floating in a river somewhere in several severed parts."

"ARTHUR!"

"NOO! I liked Gilbert!"

"Oh, calm down. I'm probably wrong. I doubt Antonio is that thorough of a murderer anyway," I shrugged my shoulders. "If we're being practical, Antonio most likely just chopped off his head and then fainted. Of course, then there's the body to contend with. I wonder whatever happened to that?"

"It's still out there somewhere!" Francis yelled back and covered the phone with his hand.

"Well, I'm not doubting that. I'm just wondering where."

"I – Um, Tonie? Oui, I'm still here. Listen – just be strong for a little longer. Arthur and I will try to visit you as soon as possible, okay?" Francis said soothingly into the phone, then hung up and glared at me.

"Tonie did not kill Gilbert," Francis stated simply.

"Why so sure?" I asked and noticed Feliciano was basically crying at this point. "Damn it, Feliciano are you okay?"

"W-what if Gilbert really is gone? And the casino takes Lovino to jail a-and he and Antonio end up being stuck there?"

Francis rushed to Feliciano's side and grasped his hands.

"Don't worry mon cher. Gilbert's out there somewhere. Probably very hungover and confused," Francis said seriously. "And as for Romano and Antonio…Well, at least they'll be in jail together."

Feliciano looked happy for a second, but by the time Francis had finished talking he had begun to tear up again.

"No! They're too weak to be in jail!" Feliciano yelled, and Francis looked to me.

"What?" I asked blankly.

"What are we going to do?" Francis asked seriously.

I stared at him and then at Feliciano, and I sighed.

"I guess we'll start with Romano."

/~/

13:00, May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

"Look, I don't know what you heard, but I didn't do anything. I won that money fair and square, you got that?"

"I know."

"So you can tell those French bastards over there to fuck off and give me my money back! Because damn it, it's mine! I'm telling you I need it!"

"I know. Listen Romano –"

"And I swear to Madonna that if I don't get my money back all of Monaco is getting a ass-kicking from my mafia! And you know what ruthless killers they are? I'm telling you they would take this place down without a –"

"Romano!"

I stopped ranting and looked at Monaco. She looked at me over her glasses, and I sat back down in the chair.

She breathed deeply and smiled.

"Look, I'm going to help you get out of here," She said smoothly and fixed the bow in her hair.

"Really?" I asked and tried to decide whether I could trust her or not.

"Yes."

"So, you don't think I was counting cards?"

"Well, not exactly," Monaco flashed her blue eyes. "But I don't mind so much. I just want one thing from you and I'll let you go."

"Um," I said and looked at her blankly.

"I just want to play cards with you."

"You want to play cards with me?"

"Yes. You see, I'm not allowed in my casino, but I really love to gamble. So if you beat me in cards, I'll let you go."

"O-kay," I replied hesitantly. I've heard that Monaco was a bit of a shark when it came to cards, but I'm pretty good at counting (usually), so maybe I can win anyway.

"Ah, but we're playing poker. Not blackjack," She winked and brought out a clean deck of cards.

One of the guards walked through the door and laid down a poker set. Then he started passing out chips of different colors to each of us.

"Are we using real money?" I asked and glared at the guard.

"Of course. It wouldn't be poker without real money," She said simply and shuffled the cards. "I say we split the prize money you earned fifty fifty, and gamble with that. After you win round against me I'll let you go and you can keep whatever you earned. How does that sound?"

"Hey! You don't get half of my money! It's mine damn it!" I yelled and slammed my fists on the table and knocked some of the chips over.

The guard looked like he was about to charge me, but Monaco said something in French and he stayed back.

"Technically, the money is still mine, Romano. And you did cheat to win it, so I could easily take it all away," She eyed me slyly and waved the guard away. Then she started dealing the cards. "But I admire a good card player, so I'll let you get by this time. And who knows, maybe you'll still walk out with half."

I glared at her smug smile and frowned.

"Fine," I muttered and slid my cards over.

"Alright then. Good luck," She said and picked up her cards.

Come on, Romano. Do this for Antonio. God knows he needs this money more than anyone. And I've already gone this far. I have to win something for him.

I'm not going to let him starve forever, damn it!

May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

Arthur's iPhone:

Outgoing Call to Bloody Alfred (13:25):

Ring

"Hello?"

"Oh Alfred, thank God."

"Artiie! Hey man, how ya doin'? I heard about the wedding by the way. I'm sorry I couldn't make it man, I was just too tired."

"You knew about it too? Damn it, I don't care about that. Look we're in a bit of trouble?"

"We?"

"Well, Francis, Feliciano and I. Look – you wouldn't happen to know anything about Gilbert, would you?"

"Uh, like if I saw him or somethin'?"

"Yes, yes. Do you remember seeing him at all last night?"

"Um, hold on. Lemme think for a minute, Artie. So let's see. First, I remember drinking with you."

"Yes, I know. I remember that."

"Well, hold on. Just let me retrace my steps here. Okay, so after that you said you were going to, and I quote, 'teach that damn frog a piece of my mind," and you wandered off to the casino."

"…Fuck."

"Yeah, well then I went down to the casino too, 'cuz I was bored and whatever. I ended up finding Romano, who was killing it at blackjack! Did you get my messages?"

"Yes, I did. We're actually on our way to try and get him out. Assuming of course, they haven't already deported him back to Italy for being a brat."

"Oh, he's still there? Huh, I thought he would've broken out by now."

"Apparently not. Do you remember anything at all about Gilbert? Francis is starting to get anxious."

"Starting to? Mon dieu, I'm an absolute mess! How would you feel if one of your best friends killed the other by mistake?"

"Damn it, weren't the one telling me just a half hour ago that there's no possible way that Antonio could've killed Gilbert?"

"I was trying to be optimistic! But hanging around you is like eating a meal with no wine! It's depressing and realistic!"

"…Right. So did you see him Alfred?"

"Uuuuhhhh…Okay, after Romano I visited Matthew for a bit. Ivan was teaching him something about how to play cards I think…Um, okay. I think I remember Matthew saying something about how Gilbert was looking for Antonio and Francis. That's all I know. I went back to watching Romano after that."

"…"

"Does that help?"

"…I'm not sure. So I'm guessing if I ask you if you ever saw Antonio after those voicemails, you'd say no then?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"That's fine. We'll figure it out somehow. Hopefully I won't have to solve another murder mystery."

"A MYSTERY?"

"Yes – of course! What do you think I've been complaining about for five minutes?"

"OH I WANT TO HELP! I can solve mysteries Artie! Let me join in! I'll find Gilbert's body and everything!"

"Well that's very helpful of you Alfred. But if you really want to help, perhaps you can start with asking the others when they last saw him and Antonio. Maybe you can start with Matthew."

"Awesome dude! I'm totally on that! I'm gonna be like Sherlock freakin' Holmes!"

"Alright, yes you just keep – hold on. I'm Britain, don't you think it makes more sense for me to be Sherlock Holmes?!"

"Nah, come on Artie. We both know I'm the hero!"

"You're Watson, that's what you are."

"I am not!"

"Yes, you are. Now go on and follow your orders and report back when you've found something."

"Hey this isn't over Artie! When I find Gilbert you're gonna be so –"

End Phone Call (13:32)

/~/

May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

Alfred's iPhone:

Outgoing Call to Mattie (13:35):

Ring

"…Um, hel –"

"Mattie! Hey man! What's up?"

"Oh, Alfred. Nothing much, I was just taking a na –"

"Listen man, I'm doing something serious, and I need your help."

"O-kay. Do you think maybe you can stop interrupt –"

"I'm solving a murder mystery dude! It's totally freakin' awesome! I'm Sherlock Holmes!"

"A murder mystery? But who do you think w –"

"Okay, so my first question for you: when was the last time you saw Antonio?"

"Oh, well it was at the wedding."

"You remember?"

"Of course I remember. I was playing poker so I couldn't be drunk. I think I was the only one though."

"Alright then, what was he doing?"

"Well, after Feliciano finished the ceremony, he and Gilbert were pretty much bawling. I tried to cheer Gil up, but he just kept crying and saying 'he's gone! My best friend is gone forever!' Then Antonio would say, 'I'm right here amigo! I promise I won't ever leave you!'"

"Huh."

"Yeah, well I tried to convince Gilbert to go to bed, but he said he wanted to stay by Antonio's side. And then he kept chanting, 'Bad Touch Duo! Bad Touch Duo!'"

"That's so sad."

"At some point Feliciano came over and he seemed…fairly out of it. So he pulled Antonio up and said he wanted to tell him a funny story. After he left, Gilbert was even more of a mess, so I tried to carry him back to my room, but he was too heavy. Then Ivan offered to help, and Gilbert got scared and ran away."

"Okay…So, the last time you saw Antonio was with Feliciano. And the last time you saw Gilbert he was running…do you know which direction it was?"

"I don't know. I suppose it was towards the hotel restaurant, maybe? I assumed that at some point Antonio found him and dragged him back to his room."

"Haha, well Antonio might have found him, but I don't know if that's a good thing."

"Huh? What do you mea – wait. You're not saying Gilbert was murdered, are you?!"

"Nothing's for certain yet, sir! Just keep calm and I'll solve this mystery yet! Cheers."

"Alfred, stop talking in a terrible English accent! This is serious! You can't be telling me that Antonio might've killed him! There's no way he would do that!"

"People are capable of anything, especially murder."

"Is that a reference?!"

"Kind of. I think I remember Arthur saying something like that once. Anyway, I gotta go check out the clues you gave me! If you think of anything else, just text me! TTYL!"

End Phone Call (13:45)

To: Artie

Me (SENT 13:46): Hey dude! I just got some totally cool clues! Matthew said the last time he saw Antonio was at the wedding. Apparently Feli pulled him aside and wanted 2 tell him a funny story. And then Matthew said that Gilbert ran away 2 the hotel restaurant after Ivan scared him

Artie (SENT 13:47): A funny story?
Artie (SENT 13:47): Oh bloody hell I think I know what it was.
Artie (SENT 13:48): Thank you, Watson. Your work has been invaluable.

Me (SENT 13:48): Not at all Watson. It was elementary ;)

Artie (SENT 13:49): You bloody imbecile.

/~/

14:04, May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

"Well Romano, I have thoroughly enjoyed our game."

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered and started picking up my chips.

"Oh, you don't need to do that. I'll just tell one of my men to give you your money now. How much was it? Thirty thousand?"

"Twenty-five," I said, and glared at her.

"Yes, that's right," Monaco smiled and said something in French to one of the guards next to her. He left her side and opened the door. "You can go. I hope to see you soon, Romano."

"Whatever," I spat and flushed angrily when she just giggled.

Damn it! Why won't she take me seriously?

"I'll see you later Romano. Enjoy your money," Monaco fixed her glasses and gave me a small smile.

I didn't say anything and stormed out the door.

In the next room there were more employee types and they started handing me my things. They shoved my leather jacket in my hands, then my phone, and then as I was pushed out the door a lady handed me an envelope and said, "Merci."

And before I knew it I was back in the lobby of the casino.

"Well that was fucking weird," I mumbled to myself, and started putting my jacket on.

I fixed the collar and put my phone in my pocket. Then I opened up the envelope and looked inside. I saw the little stack of hundred Euros and frowned.

I may not have gotten to keep the full hundred thousand, but I still got something damn it!

"Lovi!"

I turned around to see who was calling me, and was immediately pushed back into the wall by Feliciano's charging body.

"Damn it! Feli? Get the hell off of me!" I yelled and tried to unwrap his arms from around me.

"Lovi! We were so worried about you! How did you manage to escape?" Feli asked and looked at me teary-eyed.

"What do you mean escape? They let me go!" I shouted back at him, and he hugged me again. "Hey – hey! What's with the hugging? I'm fine, damn it!"

"Oh, Lovi! We were so worried you were going to end up in jail with Antonio! I'm happy you're okay," Feliciano cried into my shoulder and I rolled me eyes.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine – wait," I paused and pushed Feliciano off of me with more force. "Did you say in jail with Antonio?" I stared seriously at Feliciano's face and saw his eyes widen.

"Well, um, you see this morning Francis got a call from Antonio saying –"

"Romano!" Feli and I both turned right and saw Francis just as he ran into me and swooped me into his arms. "Oh, sweet Romano! You have no idea how happy I am to see you! I was worried they were going to send you to jail!"

"Why the fuck would they send me to jail? It's not as if I fucking did anything!" I exclaimed as I tried to wiggle out of Francis's grasp.

"Vee~ Lovi, what's in the envelope?" Feliciano asked as he grabbed it from my fingers.

"Damn it, that's mine!" I shouted and finally nudged free from Francis's arms.

"Oh, wow! Look at how much money is here! Did you win this all yourself?" Feliciano looked at me curiously.

"Of course I did. I actually won four times that amount, but they fucking wouldn't let me keep it all," I complained and snatched the envelope from Feli's hands. Then I stared at Francis and saw his ring. "Oh yeah, how was the wedding bastardo?"

Francis blinked in confusion and then glanced at his hand.

"Oh, that! Oui, well I don't actually remember it," He laughed awkwardly and I rolled my eyes. Then he stopped and asked, "Wait a moment, how do you know about the wedding?"

"Idiota, I was there when the bastard proposed to you. After I finally got rid of Alfred for a half hour, you and England decided to drop by and then he started declaring his unending love for you and all that shit, and then he asked you to marry him," I said blandly, and almost laughed at Francis's stunned expression. I looked at Francis's ring again, and added, "But you were the one who pulled out the rings, which for some weird ass reason you had in your pocket, and basically carried him out of the casino."

Francis stared at me, and it looked like he was torn between laughing, crying, or running away in embarrassment. Watching his smug French face heat up was fun for a while – it's about time it happened to someone else – but then I remember what Feliciano said about Antonio and I decided to speak up again.

"Okay, bastard, you can settle things with your husband later. What the fuck happened to Antonio?" I asked, and Francis snapped to attention.

"Oh, apparently yesterday Antonio sort of – well he seemed to return to his passionate conquistador self – and then he chased Gilbert around, and Romano, he's in jail!" Francis yelled and waved his hands around.

"Si, he killed Gilbert!" Feliciano added and I just stared at him.

"He did what?!" I shouted back, feeling my cheeks heat with anger.

There's no way that idiot was that stupid.

"Hush Feliciano. We don't know that for sure. I mean we haven't found a body yet, so who's to say Gilbert isn't still out there well and living?" Francis said with a nervous smile.

"Because Arthur keeps saying so! And because it's all my fault!" Feli cried and ran into my shoulder.

"Hey-hey! Stop it, this is leather! And why the fuck is this your fault?" I shouted back at him and Feli reluctantly pulled back.

"W-well you see, I might have accidentally told Antonio about the whole Gilbert thing at the wedding," Feli muttered a bit ashamed and looked away.

"And you think Antonio killed him?! This is the same guy who walked into the casino with our damn cat in a backpack!" I yelled and waved my fist towards Feli and Francis. Then I stopped and thought. "Wait a minute. Where the fuck did our cat go?"

Feli gave me a helpless stare and Francis shrugged his shoulders.

"Damn it, someone must have seen the cat at some point. Was it at your wedding or whatever?"

"Oh, maybe. Let me see," Francis said and fumbled through his pockets for his phone. He pulled it out and started sliding his thumb across the screen. "Um, it looks like it was still with Antonio at the wedding."

I groaned and leaned back against the wall.

"Antonio lost our damn cat, didn't he?" I said tiredly and closed my eyes. It's not as if I give a shit about the thing, but when he gets out of jail I know he's going to cry for days, maybe even weeks. Fuck.

"Romano, I feel as if you're not grasping the severity of Gilbert's situation. He could be at the bottom of a well for all we know!"

"Where the fuck would Antonio find a well around here?!"

"Merde, that's not the point!" Francis yelled back with less composure than usual. He sighed and said, "Look, we've run out of time. Arthur's taking a sacrifice on all of our parts and doing what needs to be done at this point."

"What's that?" I asked and narrowed my eyes.

Feliciano looked at Francis nervously, and Francis covered his face with his hand dramatically.

"What the fuck is he doing?"

/~/

May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

Arthur's iPhone:

Outgoing Call to Ludwig (14:20):

Ring

"Arthur, where the hell are you? We were forced to postpone the meeting because you and the other dum komfs decided to play hooky for the day."

"Ludwig…I apologize."

"…I, er, we…sort of got carried away yesterday and…"

"What?! Just spit it out! We're ruining everyone's schedule! Especially mine."

"It's a bloody mess Ludwig. It's just a damn bloody mess. I don't even know where to begin."

"Well try somewhere, I don't have time to talk all day."

"I – well for one, Antonio's in jail."

"He's in jail?! What the hell did you guys get up to last night?"

"That's not the worst of it. Gilbert's missing."

"Gilbert's missing? How could he possibly be missing? I remember seeing him at the casino last night. Does that mean Russia's missing too?"

"I don't know about that. I never ran into him. But Ludwig, a lot happened after you left the casino."

"Like what?"

"Well, Romano's being held by security."

"For what?!"

"Um, I think it's for counting cards. But it could also be for a number of inappropriate things he said at security; I'm not entirely certain. But Ludwig…I haven't told you the worst part."

"What is it? And where's Francis anyway?"

"That's just it. He's with me and…"

"And…? And what verdammt?!"

"And – oh god I can't believe I'm even saying this – but…we're…married."

"…You're married?"

"Yes."

"…"

"…"

"What the hell happened last night?!"

"Oh God. So many things. We just – we really fucked up Ludwig. And we don't know what to do."

"…Well…now that you've told me, maybe there's something I can do. Just hold on while I try and contact –"

"Oh, would you hold on? Alfred's calling me."

"Hold on? Verdammt, Arthur. I'm trying to solve your problem here!"

"Yes, yes, I understand. Just hold on."

"Hey, I –"

Incoming Call from Bloody Alfred (14:27):

Ring

"Hello?"

"Hey man! Er – hey Watson! It's me Sherlock just telling you how I'm doing with my investigation!"

"Oh please, Alfred. Just drop it. We don't need to keep having this argument."

"I know what you're talking about, because I'm Sherlock freakin' Holmes, but I'm going to ignore that because I want to."

"Oh, Alfred."

"Anyway, Mattie and I are down here at the restaurant, but we haven't found any blood or severed body parts yet."

"We're not going to Alfred! I'm telling you, Gilbert is just fine!"

"Haha, then why are your hands shaking!"

"Alfred, God help me, try to be a bit sensitive to Matthew. He just lost his boyfriend in a freak accident."

"Yeah, you're right. He's probably in shock."

"I am not in shock! I'm trying to tell you that there's – what's that?"

"Huh?"

"That, Alfred. What's that? Is that a –"

"What? What's going on Alfred?"

"Holy shit dude I think you're right! That's a –"

End Phone Call (14:29)

Outgoing Call to Bloody Alfred (14:30):

Ring

"Oh, hey dude! Sorry about that, I accidentally pressed the end button and hung up on ya, haha!"

"Right, very funny. Now what the bloody hell did you find?"

"Oh yeah! We found this cat! I think it's Antonio and Romano's."

"Really? Where was it?"

"Oh it was just chilling in the kitchen, eating some cheese. Mattie's petting it now."

"Well, that's…great. I'm guessing you didn't find any evidence of Gilbert then."

"Uh, well not exactly, but –

"Alfred, do you see that?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Alfred, I swear to God that if you hang up on this phone call I'm going to curse your house with as many demons and ghosts as I can find."

"I think it's –"

End Phone Call (14:32)

Outgoing Call to Bloody Alfred (14:32):

Ring

Beep

Outgoing Call to Bloody Alfred (14:34):

Ring

Beep

Incoming Call from Bloody Alfred (14:36):

Rin –

"ALFRED WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT CLIFFHANGER FO –"

"Who's Sherlock freakin' Holmes?"

"Damn it, stop saying his name like that! It's insulting, and American."

"I'm just sayin', I'm Sherlock freakin' Holmes."

"Don't tell me you found him?"

"I sure did! I'm totally the her –"

"Alfred, technically I'm the one who found him."

"Yeah, yeah Watson. You definitely helped out."

"Ugh, just tell me where he is."

"No problemo! So Watson here caught sight of Ivan's sorta cream-colored scarf stickin' out of this steel-box-thing. And then me – with my super-human strength – unlocked the box-thing and we found Gilbert and Ivan inside."

"…Huh?"

"Ivan said he was trying to hide Gilbert from Antonio so he brought him into this giant freezer thing in the kitchen, but then when they went inside it locked behind him and they've been stuck there for hours. Man, it's really funny 'cuz Gilbert's lips are all purple!"

"It's not funny, Alfred! He almost froze to death!"

"It's kinda funny. Especially since Ivan wasn't even wearing his coat and he was just fine. You'd think Gilbert would be plenty warm wearin' that giant thing."

"…So you're saying Gilbert's fine?"

"Yep! And we also got the cat, so that gives us an extra hundred points!"

"…Gilbert's alive?"

"Yeah, duh, that's what I've been telling you."

"Oh thank God. Thank you, Alfred. Thank you so much."

"Haha, anytime dude! It's been a lot of fun actually! I wonder if we can organize another mystery murder sometime."

"We'll see. For now, I have to help get Antonio out of jail."

"Okey-doke, good luck with that! TTYL Artie!"

End Phone Call (14:40)

/~/

15:45, May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

Ay, I'm going to die here, aren't I?

"Pourquoi est-il sur le sol?"

I don't even bother looking at the guard now. I know they're just planning how to execute me. And I deserve it. I can't believe I killed one of my best friends. Lovino will never look at me the same way. I'm just the same ruthless pirate I was all of those years ago.

"Est-il d'accord?"

I wonder how much time I have left? An hour, a day, a week? Will Lovino come and visit me before I die? Do I even want him to?

"Vous, quelqu'un est là pour vous voir."

What's he saying now? They just keep looking at me and pointing. Maybe they just want to see a cold-blooded murderer in the flesh.

"Ayayayaya! What have I done?" I shouted at the cell-gate and the guards jumped back.

I sighed sadly, and stayed limp on the floor. I watched one of the guards go away, as the other one just kept trying to babble to me in French.

Eventually that other guy returned and brought with him a sort-of regular dressed person.

"You, um," He glanced down at his clipboard. "Mr. Carriedo. You've been bailed out. The guards will give you your things and escort you to the entrance."

I stared at him wide-eyed, and the other guards started unlocking the gate.

Slowly, I stood up and looked at the little translator guy. Then I ran up and hugged him.

"Really? Oh that's so great! I thought you guys were going to kill me! I can't believe you're letting me go!"

The little guy started yelling in French, and then the guards pulled me out of his arms and dragged me towards the door.

"Gracias, mi amigo! I'll never forget this kindness!"

One person handed me my vest, and my necklace, and then my…backpack. My backpack? Why was I wearing my backpack?

Oh, no! Don't tell me.

"Um, señor," The mustached guy raised an eyebrow at me. "Was there perhaps a little gatito in here?"

I smiled slightly, but he didn't seem to understand what I said, so I was pushed out of that little room by the guard.

I took my time putting on my vest, and then my necklace, and when I looked back at my backpack I felt my eyes sting slightly. I couldn't have lost Isabella, could I?

"Tonie!"

I turned slightly to the left, and was slammed into a wall by Francis's slender body.

"Francis?" I asked, and he pulled back to stare at me teary-eyed. "What are you doing here? Are you the one who bailed me out?"

"Oh Tonie! I'm so sorry I ever doubted you!" Francis cried and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "I should've known that you weren't capable of killing Gilbert."

"Qué?" I asked a bit confused. Then I replay what Francis said, and I reply, "A-are you saying I didn't kill him?"

"No, you didn't mon cher! You were fantastic! You managed to completely ruin the restaurant bathroom, including four stall doors and five sinks, but you never got to Gilbert with you axe!" Francis grabbed me by the shoulders and flashed a triumphant smile.

"Oh, mio dios! That's maravilloso! So I never got into any trouble then?" I asked with a hopeful grin.

Francis's smile faltered slightly, and he let out a nervous laugh.

"Uh, well I wouldn't say you got into no trouble. Like I said, you did pretty much destroy the restaurant bathroom."

"Oh," I said blankly and waited for Francis to tell me what that meant.

"So…all of that cost was part of your bail," He replied slowly and fixed his hair.

"Ay, really?" I groaned and covered my face with my hand. "My boss is going to kill me. How much was it?"

"Well, it was about twenty-five thousand Euros, give or take. But your boss wasn't the one who paid the bail."

I dropped my hand and looked at Francis.

"He didn't? Who would though?" I asked and Francis smiled at me slyly.

"You fucking bastard!"

My head whipped around at the familiar accent, and I smile automatically when I see Lovi's flushed and angry face charging at me.

"Lovi! How are you, mi amor? I haven't seen you in so long!" I spread my arms out and was ready to hug him.

Lovi didn't rush into my arms though, and instead did something he hadn't done in a very long time. He headbutted me.

"Ayayaya!" I groaned and bent over to hold my stomach. "Lovi what was that for?"

"What was that for? What was that for? Damn it, you're so fucking inconsiderate, you know that?" Lovi yelled, and I tried to stand up to look at him. I met his eyes, and then I noticed that he was actually crying.

"Lovi, are you okay?" I asked and tried to take a step closer to him.

Lovi immediately stepped back and shouted, "I am not fucking okay? Do you have any idea what my past twenty-four hours has been like? I spent hours and hours playing blackjack and fucking counting cards! I won a hundred thousand fucking Euros! A hundred thousand! You've never even seen that much money!"

"Well, I think maybe when I was a pirate I might have seen gold worth that much, but –"

"Don't interrupt!" Lovi snapped, and I closed my mouth. "I won all of that money so that you could get on your boss's good side for once, and maybe stop living like a fucking farmer. But then I got gagged and dragged away to security, and then lost seventy-five thousand Euros of my money to that damn card shark, Monaco."

Lovi clenched his fists and a few more tears ran down his cheeks.

"But I still had twenty-five thousand Euros I could've given you! If you hadn't decided to go batshit and tear down a fucking bathroom! Damn it, Antonio! Why the fuck do I even bother?" Lovi stomped his foot and took off in the other direction.

"Wait – so Lovi, paid my bail?" I asked to Francis, and he nodded his head slowly. "But he wanted to give the money to me…as a present?"

Francis nodded again with a happy smile and said, "Go to him mon cher. He's waiting for you."

I didn't waste anymore time in the lobby before I bolted out the door after him. I looked right and left for any sign of him, and caught his adorable little curl bouncing over the small bridge.

"Lovino!" I called as I started running again, and smiled when I saw Lovino turn around at my voice. He started taking off again though, so I changed my jog to a sprint and chased him over the bridge.

Even though I'm not a very good runner anymore, I'm lucky that Lovi was never a good runner, so after we both got off the bridge, I was only a few meters away from him at this point.

"Lovi! Lovi, por favor! I just want to talk! Come on!" I called out, but Lovi kept trying to speed down the street and past the startled people.

Soon after though, he must have gotten tired, because he was finally within arm's reach, and I quickly snagged him by his jacket sleeve and swung him around into my chest.

"Wh-what the fuck you bastard! This is leather!" Lovi yelled as he tried to struggle free from my arms.

"Lo siento, Lovi. But I had to stop you somehow," I smiled but Lovi grumbled in Italian and looked away. "Look, I – I'm sorry I wasted your money. I didn't mean to go to jail. I don't even remember much of what happened last night actually."

I laughed nervously, and Lovi pursed his lips.

"Lovi," I began again and clasped my hands over his. "It really means a lot that you tried so hard to give me that money. You even cheated at cards for me, which is pretty cool!"

Lovi blushed and glared at me with shining gold eyes.

"But Lovi, you don't need to worry so much about me," I said simply and tried to pull him a bit closer. "I'm used to being poor, so I don't really mind it anymore."

"Damn it, how can you say that! You get fucking colds all the time, and your wounds take forever to heal, and-and we can't even see each other as much as we want to because your boss is like your fucking mom or something!" Lovi exclaimed, and I saw fresh tears bubble at the corner of his eyes.

"Oh, Lovi," I grinned knowingly and brushed some of the hair away from his face. "As long as I have you, I'll always be okay. And even though my boss may be a little bit scary, we'll figure out ways to see each other. We have so far, haven't we?"

Lovi didn't reply and looked down.

"You know Lovi," I said mischievously and leaned in closer. "I think you're getting a bit soft."

"Soft? I am not fucking soft!"

"Hm, I'm not so sure. You've sure tried to help me a lot in the past few weeks."

"That's not fair, damn it! You were kidnapped!" Lovi yelled, and reddened more when I laughed lightly.

"And you rushed to save me," I smiled, and pressed my lips to his.

Lovi may have denied it, but I think he is getting soft. Usually when I kiss him he doesn't respond too much – probably because he's too embarrassed – but this time I noticed he gently wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed back a little more passionately.

He's so cute!

/~/

10:30, May 2, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

"Well, it's been quite a trip, hasn't it?"

"Oui, I would say so."

"…Um, would you like this back," I muttered awkwardly and slid the ring off of my finger and gave it Francis.

I didn't look at him, but I felt his warm hands gently take it from my fingers.

"You wore it this whole time, didn't you?" He asked, and my face reddened involuntarily.

"Well, it was the proper thing to do. And in any case, I might've lost it otherwise," I managed, and kept looking anywhere but at him.

"I see," He said quietly, and I felt my chest tighten.

"Damn it, you're not upset, are you?" I asked, and hesitantly turned to my right.

Francis was staring at the rings, an unusual melancholy expression haunting his radiant face.

I sighed, and gritted my teeth. Come on now Arthur. Stop being a coward.

"Look, Francis," I began, and closed my eyes. "When I asked you to…marry me last night, I meant it."

Francis looked at me and asked, "You remember?"

"Yes, well, the memories are gradually coming back it seems," I clasped my hands together. "But, um, you must agree that the way it happened…wasn't really appropriate. Right?"

Francis laughed and I felt myself breathe a sigh of relief.

"Well, I can agree with that Angleterre. I didn't imagine my dream wedding happening when I was too drunk to remember it."

"And I certainly didn't imagine it would be Feliciano ministering it," I added with a small smile.

Then it was quiet again, and I wondered if I should be the one to speak again.

"But you understand that this divorce is nothing against you, right?" I asked and gripped my hands tighter.

Francis didn't say anything, and I bit my lip in frustration. He wants me to say it, damn him.

"It's just – what I'm trying to say is…maybe one day we can think about it. Though in all honesty, I'm not sure how our bosses would feel about it," I closed my eyes and continued. "But I'd be willing to try because I…because…bloody hell it's because I love you, you damn frog!"

I bent over and rested my elbows on my knees.

"Oh, Arthur," I heard Francis begin slowly, and I braced myself for his response.

Then he jumped on top of me and pushed my head back onto the bench.

"I knew you had a romantic bone somewhere in your body! You were just trying to hide it from me!" Francis chuckled and kissed my cheek.

"Alright, let's not go that far and call me a bloody romantic," I replied and looked at Francis's happy, indigo eyes. "Damn it, fine! Just this one time though!"

And I stretched up to plant a short kiss on Francis's lips.

I felt him smile into the kiss, as he reached around to run his hands through my hair. And just as I was starting to feel a bit more bold someone walked through the door.

"Alright, I explained the situation to the lawyer and he's ready to – What the hell are you guys doing?" Ludwig asked and I immediately pushed Francis off of me and onto the floor.

"We're getting bloody divorced, that's what we're doing!" I announced and slid off of the bench towards Ludwig.

"Even if we're not legally wed, mon cher, our love will persevere 'til the end of time!" Francis said and posed dramatically on the floor.

I groaned despite my growing smile and replied, "Yes, yes, I love you too. Now get up you bloody git so we can get divorced."

/~/

Woo! Done!

A big thank you to the reviewers/favoriter/followers I've gained so far! You've really encouraged me to keep writing this fic :D Even when it gets pretty exhausting at times haha.

We still have a few more things to get through, so it's not over yet! And from now on, it'll get back to the Spamano side, I promise.

Ah, and real quick. I'm sorry if I depict Ludwig as a bit of a one-dimensional hardhead in this fic. I know he's a bit OOC, but you gotta understand that everyone in this fic is so out of control (especially in this chapter), he kind of has to be the anchor that keeps this thing grounded.

With that said, thank you so much for reading! Please review! :D And I'll see you again with part five!