Note to all you people out there who got to this fanfiction because of my previous fanfiction for Gintama- this is the short one/two/threeshot I promised to write once in a while... Although I am doing this in my free time, I hope this would get to a moderately long length. Thank you!

Review, Favorite, Follow, whatever, just read!

*The sand monster is a fictional monster that goes around and touches people's eyes while they're asleep and that's the childhood reason why you wake up with crusty eyes.

The sun glared down at the beach as if in rage. The sea sparkled so much it hurt. The palm tree swayed. The sky was blue and there wasn't a cloud in sight.

Four figures were face-down in the sand.

The first one to get up was a white-haired man wearing only blue boxers printed with strawberries. He dusted sand off his face and spat out his dango stick out of his mouth. He shook his hair. Sand dusted his partner, who shifted.

The partner got up next. He took out the squashed, sand-covered cigarette from his mouth and tucked it into his pocket. He, too, brushed off his face and reached inside his pocket to pull out... An empty mayonnaise bottle. Blocks of sand toppled of his black hair. He shook the young man next to him.

"Oi, Sougo, get up." The young man got up slowly and pulled off his red sleeping mask, sand falling off of it in chunks. He shook his head. The sand fell off his hair to reveal... More sandy-brown hair. As he placed his hand down next to him, he touched the bare leg of a girl.

That young girl with red hair sleepily groped around until she grabbed the hand of the guy touching her leg through her thigh-showing dress and tossed him over her shoulder. She sat up and blinked wearily, shaking her head like a dog until more of her red hair showed. She rubbed her eyes.

"Oi, Gin-san, this is weird. We all wake up with sand in our eyes but not this much sand. Do you think the sand monster* has a grudge against me?"

Gintoki ignored her and instead looked around. "How did we get here? Why are we stuck on a damn island again? Is there going to be another old lady trying to make everyone old again? Where's the turtle and his scouter?"

Hijikata stood up and waved to Okita, who was fifty meters away and creating a red puddle around a rock. "I don't know how you guys got here, but all I remember is..."

Kagura came to attention. "Gintoki finally got a paycheck and it was summer so we decided to go on a cruise, while Shinpachi and Boss Lady went to visit someone, I forgot who."

Gintoki stood up and brushed off his sleeve. "There was a big storm... And we were all out deck, quarreling because we met you two on the same cruise..."

Hijikata searched his pockets for anything useful. He looked at Gintoki through his bangs. "And then there was a big wave..."

"Fuck."

"Yeah."

"What are we supposed to eat? I can't live without sugar and parfaits!"

"Gin-san, I see coconuts on top of the tree! They should be sweet!"

Kagura got up and kicked a nearby tree. Two coconuts dropped down like stones, each smashing into a head. Gintoki and Hijikata felt blood spurt out of their noses. They each reached up and grabbed their respective coconuts. Behind them, Kagura launched half a dozen at Okita.

Hijikata dug out his katana from the sand and sliced his coconut in half. He handed one half to Gintoki and they sipped the juice simultaneously.

And spat it out simultaneously. "Gah, sour!" Hijikata wiped his mouth.

Gintoki looked down at his coconut half. "This isn't natural coconuts. Islands near Edo don't have coconuts. It was probably synthesized to this temperament and planted here."

He took a look at where Kagura was ran about with a giant palm leaf over her head, picking up seashells and chucking rocks at Okita. "What would I do for a cup of sugar?"

Hijikata smirked. "Says you. I would do anything for a bottle of mayonnaise or a packet of dry cigarettes. Mine are all soggy. The nicotine was ruined the moment after I got these wet. They're salty, too. Damn."

Kagura was running around with a leaf in her mouth, sucking on it for a minute, and then spitting it out when it got bitter. "Blegh. I wish I had a packet of sukonbu. These leaves are too... Tastes too much like dirt."

Okita stood up from the sand fortress he had been building (to hold off all the rocks Kagura was throwing) and motioned to a hole he had made in the sand fortress' side.

He was too far away for them to hear what he was saying, but they got his meaning.

Gintoki put a hand over his eyes. "I think your subordinate would also do pretty much anything for a bazooka right now."

"Or a bomb, maybe two."

"No, see that motion he's making? I think he wants a condom."

"What the hell did you deduct from that motion? What I see is, unlike your perverted mindset and your perverted deduction, is that the motion definitely means he needs a pair of bras."

Kagura appeared behind them and slammed their heads together. "... I, of course, unlike all you perverted old men, know what Okita is motioning. See his feet? He's tapping the Morse code for..."

She let go of Gintoki and Hijikata's collars, letting them fall. "Oi, Sadist, don't worry, I think you can use the dry brown leaves nearby for toilet paper! Constipation isn't good for a pretty face, boy!"

The look on Okita's face as he turned to the heavens and for the first time asked God a question was one of resignation.

Why the fuck am I stuck on this island with all these goddamn idiots?!

A shadow passed over his head. He turned around, where the three 'goddamn idiots' were running towards him, his meaning finally understood, and what he was pointing at finally understood (not his dick, not his man-boobs, the darkening sky, goddammit.)

Thick clouds billowed overhead. Black streaks and white lightning spread across the previously cloudless, pure blue sky. The wind picked up with fervor. Thunder echoed. The rain began to pummel the earth.

Kagura was running towards him, pointing to behind him, shouting something.

"Watch out, Sadist!"

After that, Okita remembered only seven things.

Turning around, sand fortress swept away by the ferocious waves.

Kagura five feet away now, hand reaching out to pull him back away from the tempest behind him, their rivalry forgotten.

Hijikata and Gintoki in the backround, waving frantically from a cave.

Kagura grabbing his hand and pulling as hard as she could.

Rain making his hand slick, her hand sliding from his, Kagura turning around in horror, the clumsy brat.

The waves swallowing him from behind him, black waves all around him, lightning flashing all around.

... A blinding white flash...

And...

And the...

And the determined face of Kagura as she jumped into death with him.