I Hurt Too Chapter 2: The First Days of Spring, an once upon a time fanfic

So. I decided to continue because I am a people-pleaser and all of your comments were so encouraging and sweet :) Still not exactly sure where I am going with this but I have some ideas. Stay tuned!

"The First Days Of Spring" by Noah and the Whale

It's the first day of spring

And my life is starting over again

Well the trees grow, the river flows

And its water will wash away my sin

For I do believe that everyone

has one chance to fuck up their lives

Like a cut down tree, I will rise again

I'll be bigger, and stronger than ever before

If I'm still here hoping, that one day you may come back

There's a hope in every new seed

And every flower that grows on the Earth

And though I love you, and you know that

Well I no longer know what that's worth

And I'll come back to you, in a year or so

And rebuild ready to become

Oh the person, you believed in

Or the person that you used to love

If I'm still here hoping, that one day you may come back

"Keep Your Head Up" by Ben Howard

I spent my time watchin' the spaces that have grown between us.

And I cut my mind on second best or the scars that come with the greeness.

And I gave my eyes to the boredom, still the seabed wouldn't let me in,

And I tried my best to embrace the darkness in which I swim.

I'm walkin' back down this mountain

With the strength of a turnin' tide

Oh the wind's so soft on my skin,

The sun so hard upon my side.

Oh lookin' out at this happiness,

I search for between the sheets.

Oh feelin' blind and realize,

All I was searchin' for was me.

Ooh all I was searchin' for was me.

Keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

No, no, no, no.

Keep your mind set, keep your hair long.

Oh my my darlin' keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

No no no no, keep your mind set in your ways, keep your heart strong.

May you find happiness there,

May all your hopes all turn out right.

Ooh may you find happiness there,

May you find warmth in the middle of the night.

Yeah, keep your head up, keep your heart strong.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Keep your mind set, keep you hair long.

Oh my my darlin', keep your head up, keep you heart strong.

No no no no, keep your mind set in your ways,

Keep your heart strong.

'Cause I'll always remember you the same.

Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change.

"We all get a second chance, Regina. You just have to open your eyes to see it."

The First Days of Spring

Regina willed herself from the dark corners of slumber and opened her eyes. She felt as if she was surfacing from the depths of some place of unimaginable grief. Grief. Her old friend. And yet...

There it was. That lingering sense of comfort, sending her heart into a series of tiny flutters. Snow.

The kindness Snow had shown stunned her. Sure, she knew her to be a woman of compassion. And sure, they'd grown closer over the last year. They'd been through so much together. But still she was surprised. And grateful. So this was what having a friend felt like.

She was warm. She hadn't yet noticed the frost on her window or that it was lightly snowing outside. Laying in bed, she kicked the sheets off from around her legs and laid there. She sighed.

But she didn't get up. She wasn't ready to face...whatever this was. Not yet.

For some strange reason she felt as if she was starting over. As if everything had changed, not just her relationship with Robin, and not just her relationship with Snow. She had changed.

She stared at the ceiling as her thoughts drifted. She couldn't go back to being the person she had once been, The Evil Queen. She hadn't been The Evil Queen for a long time now anyway. Not really. And she didn't want to be.

She never wanted to be queen in the first place. Evil or not.

Of course, in many ways that would be the easiest option. To embrace the darkness again that always seemed to follow her. To build the walls up around her heart so high and mighty that no shred of mercy or compassion or love could ever needle their way in. And the citizens of Storybrooke were probably even expecting this. Something stirred within her as she pictured them all huddled in their houses, gripping each other with fear, imagining The Evil Queen concocting another curse to be enacted at any moment and damn them all. At this thought she felt shame, but mostly overwhelming sadness and regret. She was tired of being seen that way. But what could she do? Well, she thought with a start, there is something I could do. These people (though she knew them to be irritable and difficult) deserved a rightful monarch. And besides, they never loved her anyway. This fact didn't hurt her anymore. It was just the truth.

Yes, they were probably expecting The Evil Queen to curse them all over again, inflicting her grief and misery upon them all. But she had no intention of doing that. She didn't even pause to consider it. But what would she do? Where did she go from here? How exactly does one recover after their soul mate's dead wife travels through time and returns to him very much alive?

She'd been here before (in a manner of speaking). Her life turned upside down. On the verge, having a choice to make. Tenderly, in the way you might touch a bruise to see if it still hurt, she recalled the first time she had lost love. What it did to her. What it made her. Evil. The word intruded upon her thoughts unwanted. And even though Rumple had engineered her into becoming the monster he needed, she also felt responsible. How could she not? She had made the choice of her own volition to embrace the darkness inside her.

And yes, it still hurt. That bruise was beyond healing. Now it was just a part of her.

She wondered why she didn't feel more broken. Maybe because her heart had already been broken long ago and she'd just learned to live with it. Or maybe because she knew her heart to be the most resilient. And maybe, in a way, being broken and being resilient and strong were the same thing.

A soft tapping at the door roused her from her thoughts.

"Mom?"

She sat up and was suddenly filled with such a desperate need to see her son's face that she could hardly bear it.

"Henry?" Her voice was raspy from sleep. "Henry, come in."

The door swung open. The first thing she noticed was that he'd been crying. He didn't look like he'd slept well either. His eyes were red and puffy. He looked more miserable than she did. Alarmed, Regina got up immediately and went to him, wrapping him in her arms. For a while they just stood like that, holding each other. Henry eventually met her eyes, still holding her close.

"I'm sorry," he finally said.

Now she was very alarmed.

"Henry, what are you talking about? Sorry for what?" she asked, motherly concern evident on her face.

He took a deep breath as if steeling himself and looked away.

"I'm sorry that this is happening to you. You don't deserve it. You deserve to be happy, Mom. And...I'm sorry that I left you all alone and forgot about you. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Henry. You didn't leave me. None of that was your fault. It was mine. I paid the price. For everything. But now I have you back. And that makes me very happy. You make me very happy, Henry."

He gave her another sad smile and she returned it and planted a kiss on his forehead. Looking into his eyes she wondered how she could have ever believed that happiness was impossible.

"Henry." She had suddenly grown very serious. She took his hand and led him to sit on the edge of the bed with her. His eyes were questioning. "When I thought I had lost you forever I tried to put myself under a sleeping curse," she confessed.

His eyes grew wide.

"I hadn't intended on telling you, but I am telling you now so that you will always know how much I love you. Please never doubt that I do."

He reached for her and hugged her again.

"I don't doubt it, Mom. And I love you too."

After some time passed, they broke apart. Regina gave a shaky laugh and touched her son's cheek, a teary smile on her face.

"Can I ask you something?"

Regina nodded.

"What stopped you? You said you tried but..." He trailed off. There was no blame in his question, just curiosity.

"Robin," she finally answered in a small voice. "He was there."

She tried to compose herself, feeling hot tears welling up behind her eyes at the memory. Henry grasped her hand, willing her to continue.

"I told him I could never be happy again without you and he...he told me...he told me that I would get a second chance; that I just had to open my eyes to see it."

The words were painful and as if to add insult to injury they brought back another memory equally as painful.

"What do you see in me?"

"Hopefully the same thing you see in me. A second chance."

And she had believed it, too. She had really believed that she could start over with him. That she could be happy and that she had finally found love again, just as Daniel's last words had begged her to.

Henry was silent, considering her story. But Regina could see that something was still troubling her son.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Emma said that you told her that she better hope she didn't bring anything else back," he blurted out.

She looked down at her lap.

"Yes. I did."

She forced the words out as neutrally as possible, trying to hide from Henry the effect Emma's name had on her. It filled her with rage. She had no intention of going back to being the Evil Queen again, but these circumstances were enough to anger anyone, evil or not. Even the good guys get angry. She was entitled to her anger. Regina wasn't ready to forgive Emma. Not even close. In all honesty, she was more hurt than angry, and that was even worse. But, she thought bitterly, at least I didn't incinerate her on the spot. That's an improvement.

His next question made her want to cry and scream and laugh all at once.

"You're not going back to being The Evil Queen, are you?"

Her head snapped up and their eyes met. So that's what was worrying him so much.

"Henry-"

"Because Robin was right, Mom. You do have a second chance. This is your second chance. To show everyone that you've changed. You used light magic and you defeated Zelena. You are good. You can be a hero. You are a hero, Mom!"

All at once she realized that he was right. This was her chance to make things right. To prove to everyone once and for all that she had changed. It wasn't the second chance she expected or wanted, but it was the one she had now. Maybe this whole mess was just a blessing in disguise. It would be hard, she knew, to resist the darkness. Especially when everyone expected her to succumb to it again and especially under these circumstances of heartbreak and pain. And she had already failed several times before. But she wanted it this time more than ever. She wanted to be good.

"I want to redeem myself."

She remembered speaking those words to Henry once and wondering if she really meant them. Now, without a doubt, she meant them with her whole soul.

Robin wasn't her second chance. She still loved him, still hoped that he would come back to her somehow. But if he didn't, she could still be happy. She had her second chance. She had her choices to make, just like before. But this time would be different. She would choose light over darkness, happiness over anger, hope over fear, good over evil. She would be her own second chance.

She searched Henry's eyes and saw concern and fear. For the first time she understood what it must be like for him, being the son of The Evil Queen. Loving someone who everyone else assumed was evil and who everyone else feared. Wanting to protect someone who everyone else wanted dead and fearing what they might do to her. He had never betrayed her. He loved her despite all her flaws and all her horrific deeds. And Robin had loved her too. It was possible. She could be loved, and she could love in return. She could have her happy ending. She finally fully believed it. It wasn't too late for her. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and pushed back tears.

And even though she was still broken, Regina knew that whatever the outcome, she would be stronger than ever before.

"You're not going back to being The Evil Queen, are you?" His question hung in the air and in the back of her mind for a long time. She memorized every syllable, the lilt of his voice, how such a big question could be asked with such a small, quiet voice. How much more meaningful it was coming from him and how it cut her to the core. She could see him waiting for an answer.

"No, Henry. The Evil Queen is not coming back," she reassured him softly. There was certainty and determination in her eyes and he knew it to be true. And then she said the words he never once doubted were in her somewhere. The words that he had always hoped to hear her say.

"The Evil Queen is dead."