"Rumple, what are you doing?" The words come from behind him and he can't help but smile. His bride of but a few days. He still can't quite believe it. He remembers being married before, remembers the awkwardness and the worries. There are still worries. There will always be worries, about who he is, what he's done, who will show up next to try to harm him or those he loves, but it's different this time. Belle is his true love.

He's always been a private man, yet still he wants the world to know.

He twists his wrist and the papers in front of him disappear off the table.

Belle steps up behind him and wraps her arms around his shoulders, briefly pressing her lips to his temple. It's an intimacy he doesn't think he'll ever get used to. And he doesn't want to. He wants every moment fresh, new, just as it is now.

"My lovely Belle." He turns around and takes her hands in his. "Shall I make us breakfast?"

She laughs lightly and squeezes his hands. "You're spoiling me, Rumple."

"That's the plan." He stands, but Belle puts her hand on his arm.

"So what were you doing anyway?"

He tries not to look too terribly guilty. "Nothing, love." She raises one eyebrow. "Well, nothing of any great importance."

Belle just shakes her head. He knows she'll figure him out eventually. She has an amazing ability to see right through him. It was, really, one of the things he loved most about her. She simply didn't allow him to get away with anything. She'd find out about this sooner or later.

Moe French walks into his floral shop. It's early yet, his eyes are still a little bleary, but he needs to get set up for the day. The coffee pot at home has broken. Rumplestiltskin has, amazingly, offered to bring him a new one, some sort of strange peace offer he suspects. But he hasn't yet and as much as he doesn't like to think on it, he suspects he won't see his daughter or the sorcerer for some time.

So when he walks into the shop, intending to make his coffee there and get to pruning the roses that so desperately need it, he's still not quite awake.

But he can't miss the sign.

He's sure that he didn't put it there. He had agreed to give his daughter away as she once gave herself away to the demon-turned-man, but he hadn't been happy about it. He wasn't sure he ever would be. So he knows he wouldn't have put up the large sign that congratulates the couple.

He can imagine only one person would have put it there and he shakes his head. If he wants to keep the shop and not have his rent raised, he probably ought to keep it up there.

Now he's just going to have to explain to everyone who comes in that yes, his daughter did actually marry the bastard.

"Doc, doc calm down." Charming is trying desperately to get the dwarf to speak in coherent sentences but he's too upset, pulling at his hair and fiddling with his glasses, words flying out of his mouth in an order that doesn't really make sense. Something about his car. Again. It seems that his car has been a target for everything from vandals to wicked witches to whatever this latest fiasco involves.

"Just come see it," Doc finally manages to get out and Charming follows him from the diner with a shrug. He's not officially the sheriff. He supposes now that Emma is back it's her job. But he's still the prince or king or whatever he is back in their land, and so still someone they all tend to look up to. As such, this probably is his job.

Charming steps out of Granny's and follows the smaller man as he rushes along the street to where he had left his vehicle the night before. "Slow down, Doc," Charming says as he comes up behind him. But then he's forced to stop. And just stare. He doesn't really know what else to do.

"My Miata," Doc whines and it's become almost a refrain for the dwarf.

"I…uh…take it you didn't do this?" By this he meant cover the entire car from bumper to bumper in stickers. The stickers were of all sizes, all colors, as if some sticker fairy had simply tired of carrying them all and stuck them in the most haphazard of ways to the dwarf's car.

"Did you read them?"

Charming steps closer, reads one sticker, the next, a third. They're all the same. Every single one of them. He groans. "Apparently Rumplestiltskin got married." He's not sure if he should feel happy for the man or if he should feel annoyed that something he apparently did in secret has suddenly become a public spectacle.

And he has no doubt about that. This is just the start of it.

"I'll take care of it, Doc." He strides off, but rather smartly, for once in his life, decides that the best place for him to be right at that moment was back at Granny's. The last thing he wants to do is disturb the happy couple at Rumplestiltskin's house. He knows what that will get him. Either he'll see an eyeful of something he never ever wants to see or he'll end up trapped some place until the man lets him out…or both.

Charming's not always the smartest guy on the block, but sometimes the solution is obvious.

Ruby strides up to the couple sitting in the back booth of the diner. They're young, happy, look like they're maybe a bit in love. It's nice to have that, she imagines. But she also notices they look someone disconcerted, turning the menu over and flipping through it with wide eyes.

"Ready to order?" she asks brightly, pen in hand, pad of paper ready.

"Hardly," the young woman says, brandishing the menu. Ruby cocks her head to the side. "There's no food on this menu." The young man with her gives Ruby a scowl as she reaches out and takes the menu from her.

She opens it. Sitting right there on the first page in large letters are the words Congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Gold! Nothing more, nothing less. She turns the page and then another. Each page says the same thing. "Wow," Ruby finally mutters. "She actually married the bastard." As she turns the next page, she sees the letters shift and reform. I heard that. Ruby drops the menu with a slight squeal.

She kicks it under the table. She wants nothing to do with Rumplestiltskin's magic menu. Rushing back, she grabs another menu, flips it open. Ask Mr. Gold about his wife. She tosses it aside and picks up another one with a scowl. Have you met Belle Gold, my wife? "Ugh!" She picks up the one on the bottom of the pile. Nice try, Miss Lucas.

She shoves them all off the counter and goes back to the couple, fake grin plastered on her face. It's going to be one hell of a long day.

Belle is curled up on the sofa in Rumplestiltskin's, no their, living room, cup of tea in hand. She hasn't missed Good Morning Storybrooke morning since they all got back into town and as her new husband is currently making them some sort of breakfast ("need to keep our strength up," said with such a lascivious grin that Belle almost dragged him back upstairs), it seems like a good way to start their morning.

She only half pays attention to most of it. It's the same stuff they've heard over and over again. Now that Zelena and her monkeys are gone, the town really has gone back to the boring, sleepy little place it always was. They announce the birth and naming of the new prince. Neal. That one still stings a little bit and she suspects it always will. The tribute is sweet but the name will be a constant reminder of what they have lost. She's thankful that Rumplestiltskin is in the other room, ignorant of what was just spoken on the television.

The show is about twenty minutes in when the screen blanks out for a moment, goes fuzzy, and is replaced…by her husband. She gasps when he appears on the screen.

"Hello Storybrooke. I would apologize for breaking into your airwaves in such a way, but…" Here he shrugs his shoulders, an elegant motion beneath the perfectly-tailored suit. "I'm not actually sorry for this. There are simply some things that need to be done." His face pulls into a rather sardonic smile.

"Rumplestiltskin, what is this?" Belle calls out to him.

He ducks his head in and glances at the screen. "Ah yes…that. Just keep watching sweetheart." And then he disappears back into the kitchen.

Belle has to bite back the word coward. She knows he's up to something, but she also knows that word cuts to the quick and so even if meant humorously, she won't say it. Not to him. Not yet. Maybe someday when he is more secure, though she wonders if his anxiety will ever allow him to relax enough to have such jokes between them. He has a sarcastic sense of humor, a sense of humor with bite, but she has to tread carefully with him sometimes lest he take her comments the wrong way.

"Belle and I have had a long history of being interrupted by you all for various issues." Here he holds up one hand. "Yes I know, they were all important." Another grin. "But I want to inform you that last night Belle and I got married. That is correct. She did actually marry me. No, it was not part of a deal."

Belle cannot stop the small giggle that escapes her and Rumplestiltskin ducks his head back around the corner. She meets his eyes and can see the bit of evil glee in them. "They don't know how we met, do they?"

He shakes his head. "And they'll never find out if I have anything to say about it."

"Oh come now, I'm sure 'won my wife in a deal' would make a fascinating story to tell people." She likes the way his eyes light up when she says the word "wife." He's happy. Or at least as happy as he can be. She knows there will always be a black cloud hanging over them. The loss of Baelfire still weighs heavily on them both.

"If I recall correctly, I did not win you in a deal. You agreed to it."

Belle holds out a hand and he steps closer, lifts her hand and presses a damp kiss to the palm. "Indeed I did." He leaves her with a small bow, returning to the breakfast that she is starting to smell cooking.

"So for the next several days, Belle and I will be busy." Here he leans forward a bit, one eyebrow raised. "Very busy. If we are disturbed for any reason, you can expect to be imprisoned in a tower...on a mountain…somewhere in the vicinity of Malaysia. That is all." There is a small pause. "Good day."

The screen cuts out and Belle is left watching Goldie, the host of the show, scramble when she realizes she's back on the air.

"Rumple?" Belle calls out and he shuffles back in. "Malaysia?" She has to fight back her laughter.

"Yes. Small country. Near Thailand. As far away from Maine as I can imagine." There's a bit of snark hidden somewhere in the words and Belle just shakes her head. "Breakfast, sweetheart?"

"I thought you'd never ask. I'm famished." He leads her to the table and pulls out her chair. There's a veritable feast laid out in front of her and she raises and eyebrow as she looks up at her new husband.

"I told you I thought we might need to keep our strength up."

She gives a short bark of laughter. "Indeed." And they set to eating. Belle opts to not question him about how exactly he managed to take over the airwaves for his little announcement. Some things are better left unsaid at this point.

Ruby cringes as the little announcement comes on again. It's slightly different every time but the meaning is clear. Rumplestiltskin and Belle are busy. As in busy busy. And he will deal with no interruptions.

It's the fourth time that morning that Rumplestiltskin has appeared on the screen in the middle of a show. "Ugh! I can't even watch my soap without his smug little face appearing." She picks up the remote to turn the television off. Better silence than that.

The television blinks out for a moment before turning itself back on, Rumplestiltskin's face back on the screen. "I don't think so, Miss Lucas." And there's that smugness again.

"Are you kidding me?" She tosses the remote down and walks out on his little show of magic. She doesn't know how he does these things. She doesn't want to know. But she thinks that sometime she will have to have a conversation about her boyfriend…no…husband…with Belle.

Clark sneezes as he rings up a customer's latest purchase. The bane of his existence. Why he had to be cursed with a never ending need to sneeze he doesn't know. Grumpy just gets to be, well, grumpy. Sleepy can never stay awake. But he has to be the unlucky one with the allergy problems, the constantly running nose, the sneezes. The customer finishes paying and exits and it's peace at last.

Not that his pharmacy is a bustling place, but he enjoys the peaceful moments when no one is in the store. He can clean the counter, restock things, make sure everything is neat and orderly. He likes neat and orderly. It makes him feel good about his life. He really has little else. His brothers. His store. A few nights of fun each week at the Rabbit Hole playing pool. It's all the dwarf really lives for.

"What the hell is this?" He hears Grumpy's voice coming from somewhere over near the card rack.

"I didn't think you were the card type, Grumpy," he calls out to his brother dwarf, fighting back another sneeze.

"I'm not. But have you seen these?" He sounds annoyed.

"I stocked them yesterday," he points out. He's not the card type either. Who exactly would a dwarf give a card to anyway? But still he keeps them for those who are.

Grumpy strides up to the counter and tosses several cards down on the counter. "So what are these? Some kind of joke?"

Clark picks one up and glances down at it. "Congratulations? I don't see the problem."

"Just open it."

Clark does as he asks. Special congratulations to Rumplestiltskin and Belle on your marriage. May you have many years of uninterrupted happiness. The word uninterrupted is underlined, a not so subtle hint about the couple's history. "What the hell is this?"

"That's what I am asking."

Clark picks up the other cards and shuffles through them. They're all variations on the same theme. He walks over to the rack to find that every single card has been replaced. "These weren't the cards I put in there."

"No duh," Grumpy responds with. Magic. They both know how the cards were replaced. And by whom. "I can't believe she married that bastard." He shakes his head. He still remembers Belle, so long ago in their land, telling him to go after the one he loved. She spoke so eloquently about love that it was obvious she loved someone and that someone had broken her heart. He never could have imagined that the person she was in love with was the Dark One. He had found that one out when they woke up in Storybrooke and saw the petite librarian arm in arm with Rumplestiltskin.

There were stranger things in life but he wasn't sure he could name one offhand.

"We need to do something about this," Clark says. He needs to put his foot down. The sorcerer may hold sway all over town, but not in his store. This was his world and he wanted to keep it sorcerer-free, though he does have some rather uncomfortable memories of the man buying duct tape and rope that he would like to forget about entirely.

Grumpy grabs his arm. "Don't do anything stupid Sneezy. He's dangerous."

Clark nods. He knows this. Everyone knows this. "Then…"

"Come on. Lock this place up. We need to go find the others."

They head out to Granny's together, knowing that's the most likely place to find someone who can shed some light on this little problem.

Regina has been hearing the rumors around town. Cars covered in bumper stickers, signs placed in people's front yards. She hasn't had her own yard desecrated. Not yet. But she's heard that King George's old place is simply covered in signs announcing the marriage of that crazy imp and his little bookworm.

This is the first thing that's really gotten her out of her house since Emma returned with Robin's wife. She's not the type to hole up, not really. She's the type to get angry, to get revenge, and she can't say that hasn't been on her mind. But as mayor, or at least mayor in name, she feels like she needs to do something to address the havoc Rumplestiltskin appears to be wreaking all over town. Everywhere she goes, she sees signs of Rumplestiltskin's presence. It simply stinks of his magic. She knows the little bookworm wouldn't be the type to do it, though she does wonder if there's not a screw or two loose in the woman's head. Falling for the Dark One. And worse, falling for the Dark One back in their world when he clearly had a screw or a hundred loose? There has to be something not quite right there.

She strides into Granny's, head held high. She won't let these people get her down. And besides, she has more to worry about right now than her love life. She'll worry about that later.

Emma is at her almost as soon as she walks in the door. "What the hell is going on, Regina?"

She gives the savior a scathing look. "How would I know? It's pretty apparent I was not involved in all of this."

"Alright alright!" Charming shouts, waving his hands to get everyone's attention. When they finally quiet down, he speaks again. "It seems we have a little bit of a problem."

"You could say that again," Doc mutters. "Have you seen my Miata?"

"I have," Charming says grimly.

"Or my house," another person chimes in with. "It's painted across it in bright blue letters."

"My lawn is covered in signs."

Another scoffs. "My house is plastered giant stickers."

"Pardon me," comes yet another voice. Hook…dressed in...

"What the hell are you wearing?" Regina asks.

Hook holds up his arms, glances down at the rather shapeless and yet brightly colored outfit, holds up one foot with a large red shoe on it. "My outfit was replaced with…"

Emma's face is somewhat red. "He's a clown, dammit."

"A bloody clown," Hook echoes with. "Apparently the Dark One has other ways of getting revenge." He mutters the last.

After a moment of awkward silence, Clark chimes in. "All the cards in my store are…"

"All the tapes in my store," the owner of Storybrooke Video shouts over him. "Every damned last one of them. Do you think anyone wants to rent those?"

Regina shudders. "I don't even want to know what's on them," she mutters.

"That stupid announcement," Ruby mutters. Everyone turns to stare at her. "What? I was curious."

Nervous laughter erupts for just a moment before everyone starts to talk all at once. The commercial, the interruptions to their television program, the alterations to street signs. It seems nothing has gone untouched in this town.

Except Archie's place. In a sea of insanity, it seems his house is the only one with not one sticker, not one sign, nothing. When asked by Charming, Archie mumbles something about officiating the wedding and apparently that left him immune to all of it. And then he disappears.

"Alright. Guys, we obviously have a problem…" Charming tries to calm the rest of the group down. No one pays him any attention, too intent on airing their grievances, complaining about the disruptions to their lives, and considering storming the pink house on the edge of town to get Rumplestiltskin to stop. Which is exactly what Charming needs to prevent. He knows it won't end well and he knows it won't end well for them. Rumplestiltskin could banish them all to the mines with a wave of his hand if he wanted. There was no sense antagonizing him.

Grumpy saves the day.

Well, sort of.

He barrels through the door of Granny's, shoving several people out of the way. It's easy for the stout dwarf to do so and most try to get out of his way or get run over in the process. It's Grumpy, though. Everyone forgives him.

He pushes his way through the crowd toward Charming. "Terrible news!"

They've heard those words before and it stops everyone from talking. They all turn to Grumpy with wide eyes. They can only imagine what horrible thing Rumplestiltskin has done while they've all gathered at Granny's.

"Tell us," Charming says and the words are as tense as any they've ever heard from him.

Grumpy shuffles one foot. "Ok so there's no terrible news." He looks around at the rest of the group whose looks of concern have changed to ones of annoyance. "What? It got your attention, didn't it?"

"What's going on?" Charming asks.

"There's a billboard. At the edge of town. Thing's huge."

Regina sighs. It seems this is not going to end. At least not today. "Let's go," she says to Charming. Without thinking he falls into step behind her. Emma joins them, as does a rather sullen, though brightly dressed Hook.

The ride out to the outskirts of town doesn't take them long. Emma and Regina pile into the front of Charming's truck. Hook sits in the back like an angry teenager forced to go on a road trip with his dorky parents. He knows, and knows well, that Emma does not find him attractive in the ridiculous get up. But every single thing he tried to put on turned into it. His leather coat. His red vest. Even the shirt Emma snuck out of Charming's place to give him. It seems that he is stuck in the bloody ridiculous clown outfit until they confront the monstrosity known as Rumplestiltskin. There's nothing like waking up with your lady-love to find out you have to get dressed in shoes that are several sizes too big and pants that make you look like your Aunt Helga.

Regina is the first out of the truck, followed by Emma and Charming. Hook follows more slowly, clearly hesitant to go anywhere near where his former enemy might be.

The sign is indeed massive. Grumpy did not exaggerate. It's several stories tall, higher even than the trees that surround it. It can probably be seen for miles around, which she supposes was the point. It's a simple sign really. White background, black block letters. It screams at the reader in all capital letters. DID I MENTION THAT BELLE IS MY WIFE?

"Seriously?" Emma asks, staring upward.

"Seriously," comes the unexpected response. Leaning against the sign, arms crossed over his chest, dressed as impeccably as always, though his hair is sticking out a little funny, is Rumplestiltslin.

Regina steps forward, approaches him. She's the only one who dares, used to the Dark One and his outlandish ways. "This is getting ridiculous."

"I think not." And the grin on his face is rather smug.

"I suppose congrats are in order," Hook says, waving a hand at him from somewhere behind Emma.

"They are indeed." He bows slightly. "Thank you."

"Do you think…"

"No."

"You can't just leave me dressed like this!" His voice is a bit whiney and Emma turns back to him with that look in her eyes. He crosses his arms over his chest and glares at the Dark One.

Charming puts a hand on Regina's shoulder as he approaches. "Gold," Charming starts with. "Congratulations on your nuptials."

"Thank you." Another bow before he returns to leaning against the sign, grin back on his face.

"But do you think you could tone the announcements down just a bit?"

"Does everyone know?"

"I'm pretty sure that everyone in the entire state of Maine knows," Charming responds with, pointing upward at the sign.

"Ah yes. It's a beautiful sign, isn't it?"

"Do you think you could remove it?"

"No."

Smug bastard. "How about a deal?" Emma suggests.

They can see Rumplestiltskin visibly perk up. "Now you're talking." His eyes are intent, falling on each of them in turn. He steps closer to Charming. "You will not disturb us for any reason, no matter how imminent the danger is, for…say…the next week." Charming nods. "And just to be clear. By you I mean all of you. No one is to disturb us."

"Deal," Charming says but Rumplestiltskin holds up one hand.

"I'm not done, my dear prince." He turns to Hook. "You will never ever touch Belle, cause any harm to Belle, or even think about causing harm to Belle. You will not speak to her unless she speaks to you first. If I so much as see a leer in her general direction, I will turn you into a piece of cow dung."

"Understood," Hook mumbles. "But just one thing…"

"Yes, dearie?" The grin has gone from smug to downright evil.

"The outfit, mate. Do you really expect me to go around town wearing this?" Hook raises one eyebrow at his former, perhaps current, enemy.

"I'll leave that one up to Miss Swan…"

"Oh just change it back, Gold," Emma says, obviously exasperated at current events.

"Fine," Rumplestiltskin says with a slight pout, waving his hand in a small movement. They can all see Hook breathe a sigh of relief when he finds himself clothed as he usually is. "You really are no fun at all, Miss Swan."

"Be that as it may…" Emma begins, but is cut off by Charming.

"Now for your side of the deal."

"Of course."

"You will clear the town of all your announcements, stop invading the airwaves, remove all signs and reset everything back to how it was when we woke up this morning."

Rumplestiltskin gave him an assessing look and then…finally…blinked. "Done."

"Just like that?" Emma asks.

"Just like that," Rumplestiltskin responds with. "If you ever want to learn…"

"I have been teaching her, thank you very much." Regina hasn't done much, really, but she's starting to get Emma to harness her powers.

Rumplestiltskin gives her a slight bow. "So we are in agreement then?"

Charming clears his throat and points upward.

"Ah yes," Rumplestiltskin responds with. "Can't I at least keep the sign?"

"No."

"Fine then." The words are said on a slight pout, but the sign disappears a moment later. He cocks his head to the side slightly. "Now, if you'll excuse me. It seems that I must answer the call of my dagger."

"Is that a euphemism?" Emma asks, eyes narrowed.

"We do not need to hear about this," Regina mutters.

"Alas, no." He waves his hand again and Belle appears. She's staring down at the Dark One's dagger, a confused furrow between her brows.

Belle looks up and gives a slight squeak. "I thought this was supposed to summon you to me, not the other way around."

He reaches out a hand and draws her in close to him. "Does it really matter which way it goes, sweetheart?"

She leans up and whispers in his ear. "Well, I thought we might…'

"Ah yes, of course." He looks back at the rest of them, devilish grin in place. "It appears my new wife is quite insatiable." A moment later both disappear from the clearing.

"I did not need to hear that," Emma mutters.

"Neither did I," Regina responds with, a slight shudder going through her.

"None of us did," Charming agrees.

"Rum?" Hook offers them his flask.

In unison, the rest of them respond with a rather emphatic "No!"